Topic : Pregnancy Loss

i'm not sure if anyone from the old board is going to be on again, but i hope so. i would be very sad if i didn't have anyone to talk to.  if anyone reads this please reply so i know someone else is here. thanks. jenna

I am here. I dotn remember talking to you but i was on the old board. I was always in the infertility room......Whats going on? If you need to talk, i am here. Im living in Turkey now so there is a big time difference. I dont know where you are but i am 10 hours ahead of CAlifornia. Thats where i used to live....I hope everything works out for you.....

 

Mrs. Ryan

 

hey, i didn't see you on the old board either. i was only on for the last little while. i lost my baby on may 16 of this year. it wasn't a planned pregnancy, and it wasn't even my choice to have sex in the first place. i was raped and ended up pregnant. i was 14 weeks into the pregnancy and had a miscarriage. i am really struggling with losing my baby. i have always wanted kids, but i was planning on waiting til i was married. at the present i don't even have a boyfriend, and i am going to college. having a baby would have really made things difficult, but i had accepted the fact that it was going to happen. then i had a miscarriage. you would think i would be happy cuz i didn't want a baby, but it hurts more than anything. i have struggled with depression for the past five years of my life, and this has really made it hard to want to even fight anymore. i am really just not sure what to do about this. oh, just so you know, i'm not sure what sex the baby was, but i gave the name Lael to my baby. it means belonging to God so i thought it fitting. anyway, thanks for letting me know that someone else is here. hope to hear from you again. jenna

Hi jenna I'm new to this board but I can relate to you. I lost mine a year ago july 16th. It's kind of different for me because number one I do already have kids, and number two, mine were embryos that were for invitro. I already have twin girls that are three years old from our first invitro and I never expected to lose these because the first one resulted in twins. I had three embryos but none of them made it. I also have dealt with depression, too. Its harder for people to understand when you already have kids. Also my family isnt supportive of me having kids anyway and they are like well its for the best, you are always depressed, yada, yada, yada. I feel like nobody understands. I named mine, too, I just had a few names I liked. One was named after my cousin Logan who died of a drug overdose a few months ago, middle name Phoenix-rising up from the ashes. The other two I wanted to name Jasmine Hope and Savannah Faith. I just couldnt beleive that I lost all three. I was on the way to the doctors about an hour away and they called on my cell phone to tell me dont bother coming in they didnt make it. I didnt even know what to do. I ended up stopping and getting a bit drunk by the side of the road and a couple of hours later going home. Its been so hard ever since. Those were my last chance and now we dont have money to do it again so no more babies.

hey, i like the names you chose. thank you for replying. i thought i was the only one in here. i guess the other person isn't going to come back. anyway, it is different circumstances, but grief is grief. and my situation is a lot different cuz i didn't want a baby. well, when i found out about it i didn't. when i lost her, i had come to terms with the fact i was going to be a mom. so, i was kinda looking forward to meeting the little baby inside of me. i hadn't heard the heartbeat yet cuz i hadn't gone to the doctor. actually the first time i went was the day i found out i had lost the baby. that was the weirdest mix of emotions. excitement to finally have this baby made real, and apprehension cuz in the back of my mind i was still hoping it wasn't real. then when i found out i was pregnant for sure but i had lost it. that really screwed me up. at first it was like "whew" relief cuz i didn't have to completely stop my life to raise this baby. then came the "mom" emotions. i was devestated. i had a life growing inside of me and it had died. i hadn't been able to do my job as a mom and protect the life i had created. it was horrible to feel relief and utter horror at the same time. it doesn't even make sense. anyway, i will stop now. thank you again for responding and understanding as much as you know how. i will pray that you get another chance and another baby. you deserve it. jenna

hi! I wondered if you'd see that I replied to you. It must've been sad for you to find out its real but it didnt make it. I so wonder why would a higher power start a life just to end it so soon? I felt so guilty about mine, too, because I can relate to how you felt like you didnt really want the baby. I felt that way too, since I had the twins, and I felt later like my not really wanting another baby at first was what made the other ones not make it, like because I had bad vibes or something. Cause after I was getting more into it I wanted another one, and then I lost my chance and I blamed myself. I was assuming you're pretty young, so maybe you can have one later on. At least you're not jumping in and trying to get pregnant again to make up for the lost one. I hope you do realize that its better to have a stable situation when you have kids. The hardest thing for me is its the only time I have really been happy, being in the whole anticipation of baby mode. Then when you have a new baby, well, I havent had a super good life, and I guess it was the only time I felt special, when I was pregnant and when I had a new baby. Strangers hold the door for you when you're pregnant, and strangers ogle the new baby too. I just wanted to be special somehow. I get the feeling I need therapy!

ya, i do feel guilty that i didn't want the baby, and that somehow i made myself lose it. maybe that is how it worked for me. i don't know. anyway, you are right i am young. i am only 19 and in college right now, so not the ideal time for a baby. but it was there and i had decided to keep her. and feeling special is one thing that i don't have a problem with. the only thing is, it's usually not meant in a good way when people say i'm special. sometimes they're teasing, sometimes they're not. oh well, can't please them all. i should go. it's about 2:30 where i am and i'm tired. ttyl, jenna

i guess it's a good thing that there isn't anyone else on here cuz that means that people aren't losing babies. or else it means they haven't found this yet. well i'm not sure if i am suffering with post-partum since i lost the baby, but my depression definatly changed. having suffered from depression for the past five years i have come to know what it is like. since i lost the baby it has changed. i was just wondering if anyone else out there has had similar feelings since they lost they're baby. well, let me know. i feel really lost. jenna

 I am from the old board to. I haven't been on in a long time so to see the new board is a little bit confusing but I am getting the hang of it. I lost two boys. Thomas would have been 7 years old on the 22nd of July and Kyle would have been 6 years old on the 24th of June. They are my little angels. And I miss them dearly. I'll be around. I have to get ready for work now so I'll be here tomorrow.

Why do women miscarry? Why don't we have answers to our miscarrages?  

I lost my first baby at 19 weeks. I gave birth to a little boy, Christian, after a 2 week stay in the hospital. That was almost 2 years ago and it still hurts so much and am constantly thinking about it. the second one was at 6 weeks and I just think why? Last year my sister had 2 miscarriages too. It seems so unfair. I'm so scared to fall pregnant because what if it happens again? Yet I long for a baby of our own. I love kids. I work as a nanny for two boys 3yrs and 20mths, they are beautiful and I love my job but I just want to be a mother. Jessica.