Topic : Pregnancy Loss

hi cassie. I am sorry for your loss. What people are saying to you is cold. Losing a baby at any age is traumatic and they should be there for you not telling you its a good thing. It is never a good thing to lose a baby. And at least you were being mature about the pregnancy instead of some teens who are immature and whine. I think Dr. Phil should do one on pregnancy loss but most people don't want to hear about it and just tell us to get over it. But keep your head held high and just try to ignore them. You need support and we are all here for you.

 

sincerely,

tanya

On February 12, 2008, my youngest child's 1st birthday, my husband and I found out that the baby I was carrying had died at 6 weeks.  I was 10 weeks along.  I had no idea there was anything wrong.  I went in for an ultra sound just because and they couldn't find a heartbeat.  It was awful.  The radiologist was horrible.  He said "I'm sorry.  You're going to lose it" and walked out.  He didn't say how long it would take or anything.  I walked around for over a week with a dead baby inside of me.  It was just the worst feeling I've ever had.  I felt like a tomb.  I couldn't look at myself in the mirror because I felt so disgusting.  I ended up having a D&C because my body just wouldn't let it go.

 

The worst part of the whole thing is the way that people responded.  My own parents suggested that I might be grateful because a few more months between our youngest and another baby wouldn't be such a bad thing.  Unbelievable!  This was their grandchild and they don't even care.  I had a baby and it DIED!  I don't understand how people can think that it doesn't matter just because it wasn't kicking of breathing.  It was still MY BABY and I wanted it!

 

It's been about 3 weeks and people don't understand why I'm not over it yet.  I don't know how you get over loosing a child.  I keep trying to picture him/her in my mind.  I just feel so empty and alone.  I still cry all the time.  I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up but then I think about my other kids and I just can't bear to leave them.

 

How do you move on from a loss that leave you so empty and alone?  A loss that rips your heart out and changes who you are?  I don't know!!

I had gone into preterm labor at 20 wks when I had gone into the hospital.  It was at that moment when I found out that I have a incompetent cervix.  Docotors from everywhich way were constantly in and out of my room.drawing blood, doing vitals etc.  Then they told me they would do a amniocentesis to see if I had an infection in/ around the baby.  That test came back good.   So then they told me I was gonna have a vaginal cercloge put in so that my bag of water would stay in my cervix.  When I had gotten to the hospital my bag of water was already in my vagina and I was dialated at about 4cm.  A day after my surgery they let me go home on strict bedrest.  The day after I had gotten home my water broke and started irritating my skin where the cercloge was put in.  At that moment I started gushing out blood.  So I went back into the hospital where they were testing me for infections every hour on the hour.  They also did an ultra sound and told me I didnt really have fluid around the baby.   A few days later they had to take the cercloge out, because I was at higher risk of infection.  About a week later, they let me go home on bedrest once again.  Then 4 days after being home I went into labor.  When I got to the hospital this time I was dialated at 6 cm.  About an hour later my beautiful baby girl was here.  But she never took a breath.  The doctors came into my room when she was already half out.  Then when they told me she wasnt taking a breath the doctor threw her at me to hold her and kept forcing me to have an autopsy done.  Which I didnt think was necessary because I pretty much knew what was the cause of this.  My baby was born on February 1, 2008.  Now I am dealing with the emotional trauma of all this.  It is very hard to cope with especially when I try to be around other children.  I am also finding it hard to carry on with my life.  Any advice?

I am so sorry for your loss.  My daughter lost her son on April 1st.  She was 18 weeks into her pregnancy and had cramping throughout her entire pregnancy.  I was appalled at how she was treated in the E.R.  The doctor came into her room to give us the results of the ultrasound and he said "There is no fetal movement and no heart beat.  Sorry."  His demeanor was as if he just told someone they had a splinter.  As a mother it is so hard for me to watch my daughter and son-in-law go through this pain and not be able to fix it.  I keep telling her that time will ease the pain and I'm trying really hard to believe that myself.  I know that your precious daughter and my precious grandson would want us to continue on with our lives.  I believe that they will watch over us and will give us the strength to continue on.  You are in my prayers.

Hi...I was 3 months pregent and 2 days when I had a miscarriage......I understood what happend......I know that this was for the best.......I wanted beth so much.............don't get me wrong..I was very happy and still am....I know beth is in heaven...her being happy is the only thing that matters to me..if I'm a true mother thats all that matters..is beth's happienes. When she is happy I'm still happy.......I'm not reigouisl or anything and I'm not gonna say that your not gonna go to heaven if you don't think or belivev what I belivev. Since the lord is in me and is in everyone...the proof is that we are here if the lord wasn't in us we couldn't exist he gives life to all things. Since the lord is in me That means beth is in me...so there is no loss because she is still here with me just in a different way and if I ever have any other children she will be in them as well she is in all children..she is in evrybody in the world because the lord is in evreyone in the world.  so I will still be able to pick her up i my arms and tuck her in and show her how to pat a cat and hold her until the end of time....and see her grow up..because she will be in the other children ...god willing ...if I have other children..there is no loss..the baby is still here with me and is still her with evryone one of you if you had a miscarraige or an abortion....the baby will always love you no matter whtat...lighthouse

hi its me again sorry I meant to say I was very happy when I was pregent but I'm still happy even though I had a miscarriage because I know beth is still with me.......just to clarify

 This my first time being on the Dr. Phil message board. I saw the "Pregnancy lost" topic and knew I had to tell my about my loss.
 About 3 1/2 years ago, I had an ectopic pregnancy. The baby would be turning 4 years old somewhere between this month and next month. Every time this year, it gets to a lot more than any other times of the year. Well Sep. 2004 I did not know I was pregnant. My cycle is never on time so when I was late, it was nothing knew. I even sometimes skip a month. I went to go wash some dishes and get dinner started and all of a sudden I got a really bad "gas pain". I figured it would go away or I would just the bathroom later and that would be it. I sat down and had my oldest son wash a few dishes and start dinner. I started to feel really hot and a little light headed. I went upstairs and laid on my bed in front of the air conditioner. I started to feel better so I went downstairs and ate dinner when it was done.  After the kids were in bed asleep, I started to feel really dizzy again. I had to use the bathroom but I knew if I was to get up, I would faint. I was hoping my husband would come home from work soon.
 The second he did, I told him to help to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to faint. As he was helping me, I fainted. Apparently I almost had a seizure also. Well my husband "woke" me up and very slowly crawled up the stairs and used the bathroom that is in my bedroom. I think I fainted again but I am not sure. I explained to my husband what I was feeling. We thought that maybe I was just to hot because I am sensitive to heat. I was feeling worse but we didn't have insurance and couldn't afford any hospitals so unless I really felt bad, we decided to wait to go to the hospital.
 As it got later in the night, I couldn't sleep, I felt full but not from food and it was hard to move without being in a little pain. My husband got the kids to school. By early afternoon, I could barley move and was in a lot of pain. I told my husband that I was scared and needed to go to the hospital. He had his dad go pick up his mom so she could stay with eh kids when they got home from school. When she got here, he called 911 so the paramedics or firefighters could help him get me in the car since he couldn't do it on his own. They got here, did their stuff and while they were taking my blood pressure while I was standing up, I fainted again. They told my husband that I needed to go into the ambulance because I almost had a grandma seizure. They carried me down in a kitchen chair.
 I get to the hospital, they ask me questions and went ahead and did a pregnancy test (with my consent). They came back told me the news, I was 3 weeks pregnant but I lost it due to an ectopic pregnancy. I was in shock. I didn't know how to feel about everything. Through all the years my husband and I have have been together, I never got pregnant. I was shocked and "happy" that I was pregnant but very upset that I lost it. I got both news at the same time. I couldn't deal with anything because I was in pain when I moved.
 They did some test to see where the baby had been and took me into surgery. I was so scared.  When I stayed over night in the hospital, they had to put me on the same floor as the new Born's because they didn't have room in the other places. Through out the night, I would hear babies crying. It was so hard and I was still in pain from surgery. My parents flew in from CA and helped me out until I could move around on my own which was until the end of that week. I was so busy visiting with my parents and trying to get physically better, that I didn't slow down to think what I went through. I had either 2 1/2 or 3 bags of donated blood pumped into my body. That is how much I lost when the tube broke. If I didn't go into the hospital when I did, I would have died.
 My parents left and I was "alone" and able to think about what just happened. That is when I lost it. I feel so sorry for my 2 kids because I went crazy that night and they were my target without meaning to. I yelled at them for every little thing expecting them to understand what I just went through. Every time a baby commercial came on, I would start crying hysterically and yell why, realizing that I almost died, I was pregnant for the first time and then lost it. I never in my life lost it the way I did that night. It took me a long time to be able to even be around a baby without crying. My husband has been very supportive and still is.  Most of the time I am OK but there are times like around May and June when I get very upset and go into grieving mode again. My husband and I will be married for 11 years in Aug., that was the only time I got pregnant and I wonder if I ever will. A part of me wouldn't mind if I don't have a kid of my own. I have raised my 2 step sons and I really don't want to go through the screaming and crying of a baby, lack of sleep, back talk etc of a kid, going through the bad parts of pregnancy especially since I have asthma and allergies and everything else. At the same time, I would love to have one of my own and experience the good things about it all that I never got have with my step kids. I really do miss the one I lost. Apparently I had an ectopic pregnancy because I had a cyst blocking the way of the cells so they couldn't move down to where they had to be to form a baby. This is really long but I need to talk about it. I am at the stage of having the need to talk about it to people other than my family. I guess I won't mind to have a kid when it comes down to it because I tend to get a little disappointed when I am not pregnant. If it's meant to be, it will happen.
                                 Teresa

Hi, I lost my baby at eight weeks. I recall holding it in my hand when I passed it. It was the worst feeling ever, I knew that I wasn't ready to be a mom yet, but at the same time I wanted it soo bad. It's been a year now, I go to therapy to help with the grieving process. I thought that because it had been nine months that it was not normal to still be grieving. I found out through my counseling that i will deal with the grieving in my own way untill I have another child. I am ok now but I have my moments when i have the shadow baby movements. Sometimes ill be sitting watching TV, driving, talking to friends, etc. and ill feel a kick or a pressure like there is still a baby there. I am wandering if anyone out there knows what im talking about and how you deal with it.

 

     I, too, know the feeling of losing a pregnancy.  We just lost our daughter on April 8, 2008.  I was 27 and 1/2 weeks along and developed a bad cold.  I coughed so hard I pulled a muscle in my side and the next day was rushed to the hospital with severe pain.  When they did an ultrasound, they found that I had ruptured a blood vessel on that muscle and was bleeding internally.   Later that night, my kidneys had shut down and we lost my baby's heartbeat.  It was so difficult to go through losing her.  I was so drugged up for my own problems that I couldn't even mourn her properly at first.  I was numb.  We had had 2 early miscarriages in the year before I got pregnant with her.  Now we await word from the doctor's as to whether or not I can have another one or not.  They say what happened to me is a one in a million chance and nobody can explain it.

I know what you mean when you say everyone else doesn't understand.  I've also encountered people who think I should've "gotten over it by now".  That's something we'll never get over, we just have to find a way to get through it and keep going. 

I've had people tell me I should feel thankful I have my oldest daughter, like I'm any less grateful for having her.  I've had them tell me God has his reasons (I respond with his reasons s*ck).  I've had them tell me then it wasn't meant to be and my response to that is if it wasn't meant to be, then why was I pregnant in the first place?  Sometimes people think they're helping with what they say, but they just hurt more.  I know. 

My heart goes out to each and every one of you who has experienced this loss, no matter how old you are, how long you were pregnant or how your loss happened.  The fact of the matter is we got pregnant and we lost our babies.

I wish Dr. Phil would do a show on this.  I know people don't want to hear about it, but we need to get it out there.  We need to get it out so people will know what to say when and if it happens to someone they know.  We need to get it out there so the people at the National Stillbirth Society can help our states pass a law to give parents the proper documentation when something like this happens.  I have no papers saying my daughter was born dead or alive, nor do I have a death certificate saying she died.  She may have been still born, but she was still born.  She could have survived at that gestational age.