Topic : 07/19 Mind Your Business

If my mother tried to report me to the government, I can promise you that my boundary line would be SO DARNED thick, I would live all the way across the other side of the WORLD! 

On the other hand, the mother of the teenagers is a good mother. I have people look at me funny when I say that parents need to ask their teen's dates QUESTIONS and GUIDE them in the dating process. Oftentimes, I think we would ask MORE QUESTIONS about an employee we would hire for our business than we ask about their dates and friends that they hang out with. 

It is MY business when I am investing 18 years into my kids to KNOW who they are associating with and it is MY business to ask questions to any of their prospective dates and friends. They could lie but, I also know enough about body language to better guide me in discerning whether they are telling me the truth or not. How many parents really ask dates "What is your parent's relationship or marriage like? What would you do differently? What is your favorite radio station? T.V show? Do you smoke? Do drugs? Have you ever? Looked at porno? How often?? 

Trust me, if someone were to be hired onto the Homeland Security, we would ask the same thing if not more? Why would I settle to ask for less when it involves someone I invested all my time and love in, they are taking first place in the family. 

both myself and my ex husband are going thru something similar with his mother .. she has always meddled, snooped and had an opinion on everything we do... especially when it comes to our daughter ... she has even tried to have the phone company come in and install a second line in my house cos she couldn't reach me on my house phone recently -- this then lead the the usual threats of taking us to court for grandparents rights and calling us unfit parents... so i totally understand what the daughter is going thru with her mother.... 

Well, Dr. Phil said to write, so here I'm writing...  

In the case of Christie and Shannon; what I'd like to know is whether or not Shannon EVER gave Christie a reason not to trust him.  You see, people just don't go about this snooping business without having had a valid reason to do so; i.e., was he ever unfaithful to her in the past?  Is he openly flirtatious with other women, etc.?  For Dr. Phil to decree that Christie has an "anxiety disorder" without having even addressed this pertinent question is, in my opinion, WRONGO!  I've been in this very position in the past, because of infidelity I had to endure in my own marriage years ago, and I completely empathize with Christie.  Instead of threatening to leave her because she's cramping his "privacy" ~~ remember Dr. Phil's words, "if you have nothing to hide, you hide NOTHING" ~~ Shannon should put forth his BEST EFFORT to reassure Christie that he IS faithful, that he DOES love her and that he would NEVER deliberately set out to do anything that would hurt or compromise his relationship with her...SIMPLE!   It's so ironic that we have no difficulty betrothing these "promises" to each other at the altar, yet  hard to hold up to these very standards throughout the marriage.  

OXO
Lucy  

. . . . that I have such a wonderful mother.  I never had any trouble forging a relationship with her as an adult - she has a life of her own, and doesn't need to live mine.  I get to do that, and the respect she shows me encourages me to share part of my life with her.  We talk on the phone at least once a week, and get together for special time that's reserved for the two of us (not just family holidays).  She still worries about me, and if I'm leaving her house late at night she does like me to call and let her know I got home safely, but she doesn't intrude into my life.  She had the wisdom to realize that while she will always be my mom, an important part of parenting is letting the kid take the reins once they've become an adult and letting them make their own mistakes.    

I'm about 16 years old, and I just want to tell you that my mom and I have the best relationship! I'm sure she's nosey. She questions me with the normal parental questions like, "where are you going to be at what time?" "Who's going to be there?" "Any drinking or drugs going to be there?" And I LOVE how she cares enough to ask me these questions. A lot of teenagers in my high school don't even have to ask their parents to do anything! Come on, parents get a grip! I'm sure my mom looks, but she doesn't snoop. I just want to give you people on here a teenagers prostpective! I'm a very strong christian, and I have no father (he walked out on my mom), but there is nobody in this world that I don't trust more than my mom. She knows everything, I come home, and I talk to her about my day. Even if she has a million things to do, she still listens. She is at every one of my games, school events, and church activities to cheer/support me. Now that's what teenagers need these days, attention! Don't get my wrong, she doesn't know everything, and she knows that, but that's the trust her and I have built over these few years. BUT she knows, if she asks me a questions, she's going to get a truthful answer no doubt.   

Look, it's not that we don't like you guys asking us simple questions, but don't be overly nosey, or think it's funny. Ask questions for a reason, not to just ask them because you have to play the parent role.  

     I completely understand what Christie is going through.  My now husband had cheated on me with another woman (older woman) for 4 months while we were dating.  And it absolutely crushed me and left me with the "NEED" to constantly snoop.  As I snooped I kept hearing Dr. Phil in my head saying "People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing."  I found that every single thing christie listed were things that I did...going through phone bills, credit card statements, bank statements, wallets, pockets, the car, calling places to see if he's there, etc.  I felt like I was never going to trust him again and snooping was something I "HAD TO DO". And when Dr. Phil explained to Christie how the snooping is like a drug fix, and there's that temporary high she gets from not finding something I sat here and cried because that made so much sense to me.  That truly is why I did what I did.  After 2 years of snooping and not finding anything to worry me, I have to say that I have cut back alot, but there are still plenty of things that I do check all the time.  I  wonder if I will ever be able to completely stop.  I know my husband hates it, but at the same time I think, "well you put me in this position".  

     The only thing I have a hard time seeing eye-to-eye with Dr. Phil on is when he seemed to act like Christe would be fine if her husband did have an affair and left her.  And maybe over time, A LONG TIME, she would be fine...but from experience I know that it is one of the most difficult things I've ever had to get over in my life.  I can say that now 2 years later I am fine and my husband and I have really moved forward, but I will never be the same trusting person I was before because of that experience.  

     So, I just want to say thank you Christie and thank you Dr. Phil for showing me that I am not the only person out there with this problem, and that I can get help for it.  Dr. Phil, if you have any other suggestions for me, I would REALLY love to hear them!!  Thank you again!!  

-Melissa