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Topic : 07/19 Mind Your Business

Number of Replies: 273
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, May 05, 2006, 07:03:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/11/06) They go through your wallet, they trace your phone calls, they even get in their car to follow your every move. They’re meddlesome, nosy people who love to snoop! Dr. Phil’s guests are fed up with loved ones who can't seem to stay out of their business. Carla, 31, says she's tired of her mother, Pamela, tracking her every move, day and night. Pamela says having a house right behind her daughter makes keeping an eye on her easy. She even cut down Carla's hedges so she could see better! Does this backyard buttinsky know best, or does she need to stay on her side of the fence? Then, Christie is so obsessed with snooping on her husband, Shannon, that she reads his e-mails, checks his phone messages and even smells his clothes just to make sure he's not cheating on her. Shannon says he has no privacy and is contemplating leaving his wife. What's behind Christie's constant snooping and interrogations? Plus, a mom who says as long as her children live under her roof, she has the right to eavesdrop on their phone calls, read their diaries, and even search through their clothes while they're sleeping! Is she crossing the line? Share your thoughts here.

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May 8, 2006, 6:30 am CDT

My father is a monster

All four of us - daughters - married controlling manipulative husbands. The result:  four disastrous marriages that ended in divorces. The underlying reason:  legacy from our parents' modeling.

 After 15 years of marriage, one of my sisters started suffering from major depression with psychotic episodes, the result of being in an emotional, psychological, verbal abusive marriage during all those years.  After finally going through a very difficult divorce,  and trying to get herself together, she moved "back home".  She is not rich, so my parents lent her an old car, so she could get around.  She also  found herself a job, low-paying, but still, a step forward.

My father is not empathetic towards her at all.  He bosses her around all the time, and tells her what to do and what not to do.  You  would think  he would encourage her and support her, but no.  He is critical the whole time.  She reacts by being passive-aggressive, which is not a very mature reaction, but understandable under the circumstances.  He could be happy his daughter is close to home.  But all he sees are her shortcomings.

Anyways, he did not agree with the job she got herself.  So, he took away the car they lent her.  She has no way of getting to her place of employment, so she lost her job.  My father is justifying himself, which I find just monstrous.
 
May 9, 2006, 2:21 pm CDT

Trust

Talk about stalking... well I think parents do have the right to check on their own children when they are older and have a house and family. It's just the trust part that comes with it... is it too much? or is is too little? If there is too much trust and keeping an eye on someone, looking through their dairies, looking through the window when they are in the shower, the list goes on and on and on... if there is too much of this, the parent has to back up and think what they are doing. You can only trust someone so much. So much so, it could be very annoying. 

 
May 9, 2006, 11:54 pm CDT

05/11 Mind Your Business

Quote From: tripleh

Talk about stalking... well I think parents do have the right to check on their own children when they are older and have a house and family. It's just the trust part that comes with it... is it too much? or is is too little? If there is too much trust and keeping an eye on someone, looking through their dairies, looking through the window when they are in the shower, the list goes on and on and on... if there is too much of this, the parent has to back up and think what they are doing. You can only trust someone so much. So much so, it could be very annoying. 

"well I think parents do have the right to check on their own children when they are older and have a house and family"

You do? Really? So, I'm 27, I've been married for almost 7 years, I have my own home, have a 2 year old kid of my own, pay my own bills, mind my own business...you thinky my mother and father have a right to check on me?

 
May 10, 2006, 1:03 am CDT

Parents and Trust

It is funny that I just saw the write up on this episode.  My kids and I had a lively discussion today on this very topic.  It began around the idea of internet safety and my ability to watch their posts, moniter e-mail and control im.  It morphed into a "what if" session.  To date, I have had no reason to distrust my kids.  We talk often and have open discussions about drugs/sex/cheating/bullying etc.  I have always, however, warned my kids that if I have reason to believe they are unsafe or doing something that might hurt them, I would search their rooms.  They sent up a howl of  "no fair" to my "reminder" of our family policy.  We had a great debate on the rights of children etc.  The bottom line on this issue for me is that while my kids are minors, I am responsible for them.  More importantly, I would crawl through broken glass to keep them safe.  If I thought they were in a dangerous situation there is nothing I would do not to help them.  As to when they are adults ... I believe you have to have faith that you raised them right and give them space. 
 
May 10, 2006, 2:42 pm CDT

Correction:

Quote From: purplepain

"well I think parents do have the right to check on their own children when they are older and have a house and family"

You do? Really? So, I'm 27, I've been married for almost 7 years, I have my own home, have a 2 year old kid of my own, pay my own bills, mind my own business...you thinky my mother and father have a right to check on me?

I meant to type "think" not "thinky"
 
May 10, 2006, 2:59 pm CDT

05/11 Mind Your Business

Quote From: rexmomebb

It is funny that I just saw the write up on this episode.  My kids and I had a lively discussion today on this very topic.  It began around the idea of internet safety and my ability to watch their posts, moniter e-mail and control im.  It morphed into a "what if" session.  To date, I have had no reason to distrust my kids.  We talk often and have open discussions about drugs/sex/cheating/bullying etc.  I have always, however, warned my kids that if I have reason to believe they are unsafe or doing something that might hurt them, I would search their rooms.  They sent up a howl of  "no fair" to my "reminder" of our family policy.  We had a great debate on the rights of children etc.  The bottom line on this issue for me is that while my kids are minors, I am responsible for them.  More importantly, I would crawl through broken glass to keep them safe.  If I thought they were in a dangerous situation there is nothing I would do not to help them.  As to when they are adults ... I believe you have to have faith that you raised them right and give them space. 
Thank you for saying that! Yes you do have to have faith that you have raised them right. My parents refuse to do that and it frustrates me everyday. It causes me a certain amount of stress daily.

Parents need to let go and stop trying to "raise" their adult children.

My MIL is a beautiful example of how to be a mother to adult children. She treats me with respect and love but she still maintains her place as a mother. She offers advice when asked for it and sees me and my husband an adults who have a life of our own and she is THANKFUL that she gets to be a part of our lives.
 
May 10, 2006, 4:49 pm CDT

Simply Cut these People Off

This is such a non-issue. If people bother me whether family or not? I simply don't associate with them anymore. I don't have time to babysit other peoples emotions. There's enough drama in life. No sense in creating more. If you don't have the guts to cut off your mother or your neighbor then you are slave to others. Case closed.
 
May 10, 2006, 5:40 pm CDT

05/11 Mind Your Business

Quote From: dadathome

This is such a non-issue. If people bother me whether family or not? I simply don't associate with them anymore. I don't have time to babysit other peoples emotions. There's enough drama in life. No sense in creating more. If you don't have the guts to cut off your mother or your neighbor then you are slave to others. Case closed.
That's the best attitude to have. Just cause you are related to someone it doesn't obligate you to put up with their bull. (Unless they are your minor children, then you signed up for a potential 18 years of bull...LOL)
 
May 10, 2006, 8:00 pm CDT

This Is An Issue That I Can Relate To.

My aunt is pretty nosy when it comes to my life.  She sat down beside me at the dining room table one day and asked me "so when are you going to move out?"?  I said "as soon as I get the money."  She told me "I know a way you can get money!"   

After that I got really angry and I said to my mom: "now you the reason why I don't want to deal with her."  In fact I was so angry that I'm afraid that I'm going to say something to her that's not very nice.  I mean I love my aunt but I don't like the way she treats me sometimes.  She thinks that just because she got rid of her kids it means that my mother and grandparents are anxious to get rid of me.  

I don't know? I just don't want to leave home yet and I don't think I ever will be ready to leave home yet.  

 
May 10, 2006, 8:33 pm CDT

05/11 Mind Your Business

Quote From: mrsexe

My aunt is pretty nosy when it comes to my life.  She sat down beside me at the dining room table one day and asked me "so when are you going to move out?"?  I said "as soon as I get the money."  She told me "I know a way you can get money!"   

After that I got really angry and I said to my mom: "now you the reason why I don't want to deal with her."  In fact I was so angry that I'm afraid that I'm going to say something to her that's not very nice.  I mean I love my aunt but I don't like the way she treats me sometimes.  She thinks that just because she got rid of her kids it means that my mother and grandparents are anxious to get rid of me.  

I don't know? I just don't want to leave home yet and I don't think I ever will be ready to leave home yet.  

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

That makes me sad to hear you say that you don't think you will ever be ready to leave home? Can i ask why you feel that way?

No matter the situation you aunt definately should mind her own business.  This is between you and your parents.


 
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