Topic : 05/12 Toxic Relationships

Summer is NOT a child, she's 29 years old. She claims to be an adult, but her actions were clearly immature. Summer needs to grow up and own up to her own behavior and stop blaming others for her actions. 

I totally agree that she needs counseling, but her behavior is her own. Summer is the one that chose to drink and Summer is the one who decided to do drugs. Nobody poured alcohol in Summer's  mouth or made Summer do the drugs.  

Saying that it is the parents fault is not placing the blame where it belongs.  

I watched your show from the treadmill at the gym and I was shocked you did not nail Ms. Summer where she needed it.This girl was OBVIOUSLY on drugs on the program. She could barely keep her eyes open, nearly rolled her head around like the exorcist. I feel for her parents, what a poor excuse for a daughter. This family really needs to get tough with her, which I think they have by taking away THEIR car. I have seen this manipulation alot, it is very typical of addicts. Sad, Sad, Sad.  

May God be with that poor child of hers as she messes up yet another life!  

This is my very first post, so I hope I did this right. Just had to vent!  

I need an opinion.  I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years.  We have been living together a little over a year of that.  I have had immense trouble from his x-wife and also the relationship with his 10 year old daughter.  It’s been a very emotional relationship as far as being accepted into his side of the family.  His x-wife didn’t want the divorce and for years they had a traumatic marriage.  He ran around, cheated and for the life of me I don’t know why she stayed with him.  I knew him before his divorce, he would always tell me he was getting divorced trying to get me to go out with him and I would respond, you get a divorce and maybe we’ll go out.  He eventually moved out and got the divorce and we started dating.  I told him from the onset that I would never tolerate his treatment towards me as his relationship was with her.  In the beginning we did everything we could not to be around anywhere that she would be and considerate of her feelings.  Once we moved in together and she had actually dated others, we were invited to a party at his parent’s friend’s house whom she is friends with their daughter.  She was therefore, invited too.  It was his weekend to have their daughter and we had her with us at the party and had decided we would just stay a little while because of the situation and then leave.  His x-wife was drinking and glaring at me the whole time.  I walked into the house to use the restroom and as I opened the door to come out she was there before I even got the door open on top of me hitting me in the head and ribs with her fists until finally someone pulled her off of me.  I was lodged between the toilet and bathtub from the fall and all I could do was put my arms over my face to protect myself.  She done this with her daughter there, I was shocked.  Because of the circumstance being at his parent’s friend’s house and due to the fact that she’s friend with their daughter nobody would call the police.  Therefore, we immediately left and went to the local Sheriff’s department and I pressed assult charges and then went to the hospital where I had golf ball sized lumps on my head and cracked ribs.  We ended up going to court and my boyfriend’s sister-in-law appeared that day as well along with his x-wife to support her which caused more hard feelings of course.  Once this happened everything, including my relationship with my boyfriend’s daughter became very complicated and has been very painful in many ways over the last year.    

When I first met his daughter she was accepting of me and liked me.  I got along fine with her and it seemed to be pretty easy going after all the worry about it.  Once this all took place, his daughter was caught up in the middle and basically her mother turned her against me.  She knows full well that we do not like each other and because of that evening we can’t be in the same place.  The x-wife is still on probation and has a restraining order on her to protect me.  She has pushed it several times appearing where we are and calling our house hanging up, it’s been endless.  

The problem now is I cannot deal with anything that involves the x-wife or the child.  It has made our relationship so difficult that I am afraid in the end it’s going to destroy us.  I don’t’ know how we have made it together enduring everything but somehow we have.  One day, my boyfriend had to work on Saturday so he tells her she can stay with me until he’s home and she gets hysterical and says that if she does, her Mom will ground her and she will be in trouble.  We tried to explain that it wouldn’t be her that got into trouble, if her Mom was going to be mad at anyone it would be us.  Also, we tried to explain that when she is at our house, for his weekend visitations, it’s his decision to make.  This is where the trouble really began.  The problem is anytime he has to work on the weekend, he has to call her Mother and take her home early in the morning or the evening before, or he’ll call all around looking for a sitter.  Because her Mother says she can’t be with me or go anywhere with me, he goes along with this not to complicate things but the only thing it’s doing is hurting me more and more and making me feel despise towards this child because it’s causing us so much trouble.  I rarely talk to her unless I have to, and I keep my distance because frankly I have been hurt more times than I can possibly mention on here over this whole situation.  Last weekend, he had to work and we had her and so he called his sister to come and get her at 10 on Friday night and then picked up back up on Saturday rather than her just stay at the house.  If I were a bad person, if it was not a good environment then I would understand.  I have raised two wonderful children whom are 19 and 21.  My daughter just finished her freshman year in college.  I would never have lost my control so bad with my kids around to assult someone.  She has done so much damage to this child mentally that I fear it will scar her for the rest of her life and to be honest the child is getting to be just like her Mother.  She even called our house one time and insisted to her father that he break up with me because she didn’t like me and that her Mother broke up with her boyfriend because she didn’t like him.  Her mother told a huge lie to her, it was the man that broke it off with her because he didn’t feel she was someone he would like to take home and meet his kids.  The child will do anything that she knows will cause conflict between her father and I.  He is blinded by this whole ordeal and thinks I need to just get over it and that I shouldn’t let any of this bother me.  His justification for not putting his foot down while she’s at our house and just saying look you’ll stay here until I get home is that I wouldn’t have allowed my x-husbands girlfriend to watch my kids while they were little.  I said if they were living together in a serious relationship I would have no choice.  It’s a lost cause and I do try to just harden myself to it and it’s why I have to block the child out as well because I am tired of being made to feel that I am not worthy enough for this child to stay with me.  Although, I am good enough to go shopping for her, cook her dinner, buy her Christmas, birthday gifts, my paycheck goes into this too as well as what he pays in child support.  He does not correct this child, anything she wants, he agrees even if he knows that I don’t agree with it.  I do not try to be her parent, or I do not set her rules as well as I don’t say anything about discipline I don’t feel it’s my place.  I let him do that or not do that it’s not my concern.  He pushes her on me, trying to force me to have a relationship with her, saying you don’t love my daughter when we get into fights over it and he doesn’t even try to understand my feelings.  I see her as her Mother and frankly just a downright spoiled brat.  I know some of this isn’t her fault and I know she’s suffered too, but I just cannot set myself up for anymore hurt by any of them.  I have a huge wall built up.  My problem is, I don’t know how to keep it from affecting our relationship.  I can’t even talk to him about his kid, he’s so blinded and it’s quite sickening the way he goes on about her that I don’t’ want to hear anything about her.  He even has said well your daughter can babysit her and that’s another problem he’ll throw up to me that I think my daughter is perfect and I say I know she isn’t perfect, but she’s mine and I love her and she’s a pretty good kid.  I know she has faults just like they all do.  

I’m sure someone else has had this type of circumstance with their boyfriend’s kid(s) or stepchildren and how do you handle the x-wife and him going along with her rules because he can’t stand up to her and the bad feelings towards the kid(s).  I feel so immature over it and I keep thinking is it me, my fault why can’t I get over it but I just can’t.  I’m actually going to be going to counseling at the end of the month to get a professional opinion.  I feel very vindictive and angry with the whole situation and it is hurting our relationship.  I’ve seriously considered leaving him to get away from it all.  I’d love to hear from anyone that may have some advice. Good or bad thank you.