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Topic : Should We Get Pregnant?

Number of Replies: 184
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:56:08 pm
Author : dataimport
It is a question most marriages face - when is it right to add a family member? Share your answers with us!

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March 29, 2006, 2:22 pm CST

hey jai149

Quote From: jai149

I cant believe how similar our stories are!  My sister in law still hasn't had the baby - she is now a week over due and they are planning on inducing her on Monday.   

I understand how you mean its an "addiction"  I feel the same.  Its all I think about.  I have even gone so far as to plan out "if I get pregnant on this date, the baby will be due on this date"  My hubby says the same thing about money.  I think we do OK.  I mean were not swimming in it, but we have a roof over our heads which will be ours in about 22 years!, we have food on the table and the kids NEVER go with out.  Their bedrooms look like a fisher price testing facility!  I love my kids with all my heart and I just cant see how another child could possibly be a bad thing.     

I tried to bribe my husband too, with the promise of sex 3 times a week and he could go to cricket every weekend with out me bitching about the cost / time away from the family.  

I cant explain why I want another child so badly, all I know is that is something that makes my heart ache - and it wont go away.  He just doesn't get it.  the only advice I could give you is keep telling him how important it is to you, thats what I'm doing, and hopefully one day he'll get it,    

well girlfriend, my brother had their son at 7:42am this morning.  He is absolutely adorable!  I am so happy and yet so jealous.  I just keep thinking that if I hadnt lost the baby, I would be having a child too in 8 weeks.  It makes my heart hurt that its them and not me, and then I feel selfish for feeling that way, so either way Im stuck feeling bad.  And now in about 2-3 weeks my sister in law will be having her baby, so its like a double-whammy!  I am starting cosmetology school Tuesday, I really hope that helps get my mind off of my "wannabe pregnancy", but I know it wont, b/c when you feel the way I feel- and I know you do- its something nothing can help.  And I know exactly what you mean about promising sex - and with me instead of "cricket", its fishing. I've tried it all, and lately he has been get frustrated with it.  So I'll leave it in God's hands for now, and maybe once I'm done w/ school, he'll change his mind.  Thanks for the advice.  I'm glad to know that there is someone else who feels so much like I do. 

 
March 30, 2006, 3:22 pm CST

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: sickasex06

well girlfriend, my brother had their son at 7:42am this morning.  He is absolutely adorable!  I am so happy and yet so jealous.  I just keep thinking that if I hadnt lost the baby, I would be having a child too in 8 weeks.  It makes my heart hurt that its them and not me, and then I feel selfish for feeling that way, so either way Im stuck feeling bad.  And now in about 2-3 weeks my sister in law will be having her baby, so its like a double-whammy!  I am starting cosmetology school Tuesday, I really hope that helps get my mind off of my "wannabe pregnancy", but I know it wont, b/c when you feel the way I feel- and I know you do- its something nothing can help.  And I know exactly what you mean about promising sex - and with me instead of "cricket", its fishing. I've tried it all, and lately he has been get frustrated with it.  So I'll leave it in God's hands for now, and maybe once I'm done w/ school, he'll change his mind.  Thanks for the advice.  I'm glad to know that there is someone else who feels so much like I do. 

My SIL still hasn't had the baby, they are going to induce her on Monday.  My MIL is freaking out over it.  Saying stuff like, She cant go through that she will be crushed if her body wont do what its meant to do.  She wont be giving birth naturally like God intended.  I was induced with our son for being ten days over due and had to have forceps ,an episiotmy and then that tore so I ended up hemorrhaging and having a ridiculous amount of stitches!!!! But I got through it so can my SIL.  I don't think it matters how you have the baby, as long as you end up with your baby in the end.  I was so angry with her insensitive comments.   

  

How is your nephew going?  But more importantly, how are you coping with it all.  I know what you mean, our baby would have been 3 months old today.   

  

the last two nights I have dreamed about a positive pregnancy test!  I am taking it as an omen.  Although I have been having some problems with abnormal bleeding lately so I hope every things OK.  I took a pregnancy test last week just in case but it came back negative.   

  

Hey, Good Luck with School on Tuesday!  I'm sure it will go well.   

Talk to you soon. 

 
April 1, 2006, 5:18 pm CST

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: jai149

My SIL still hasn't had the baby, they are going to induce her on Monday.  My MIL is freaking out over it.  Saying stuff like, She cant go through that she will be crushed if her body wont do what its meant to do.  She wont be giving birth naturally like God intended.  I was induced with our son for being ten days over due and had to have forceps ,an episiotmy and then that tore so I ended up hemorrhaging and having a ridiculous amount of stitches!!!! But I got through it so can my SIL.  I don't think it matters how you have the baby, as long as you end up with your baby in the end.  I was so angry with her insensitive comments.   

  

How is your nephew going?  But more importantly, how are you coping with it all.  I know what you mean, our baby would have been 3 months old today.   

  

the last two nights I have dreamed about a positive pregnancy test!  I am taking it as an omen.  Although I have been having some problems with abnormal bleeding lately so I hope every things OK.  I took a pregnancy test last week just in case but it came back negative.   

  

Hey, Good Luck with School on Tuesday!  I'm sure it will go well.   

Talk to you soon. 

well, here's a news update: Im not going to school anymore.  We thought we had everything together w/ childcare but the cost is just more than we can afford, more than anyone can afford.  For two kids, the daycares charge anywhere from 180-195, a week!  Thats nutz.  So we agreed that I should continue to be a stay at home mom, which I think is a great idea!!! 

  

It really makes it harder now, b/c I'll be focusing on another child more than I was before.  Yesterday, my husband snapped on me and said hes tired of hearing about having another child everyday and always seeing me depressed and upset. But what he doesnt seem to understand is that I wouldnt feel that way if we were trying for another child.   

  

I mean dont get me wrong, I am so happy to have the two healthy children I have, but whats wrong w/ having more.  There are so many people who cant have children, we should feel so blessed and fortunate that we can. And truthfully, I think the reason my husband wants to wait is not b/c of money, its b/c his mother will have something to say, along w/ his ritzy sister.  I never let someone's opinion of things change the way "I" feel.  He wont say it but I know thats why.  The last time we were pregnant, his mother and sister both made the comment:  "is this what you wanted?" and then had the nerve to say after we lost it, "we should be careful so it doesnt happen again right now"  . What the hell kinda bullshit is that.  This is our life, not theirs.  We support this family, not them.  But he's a Mommas boy to the max.  

  

Well its in Gods hands, so if it will be, it will. 

  

Take care and good luck to you too!!!! 

 
April 2, 2006, 3:48 pm CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: sickasex06

well, here's a news update: Im not going to school anymore.  We thought we had everything together w/ childcare but the cost is just more than we can afford, more than anyone can afford.  For two kids, the daycares charge anywhere from 180-195, a week!  Thats nutz.  So we agreed that I should continue to be a stay at home mom, which I think is a great idea!!! 

  

It really makes it harder now, b/c I'll be focusing on another child more than I was before.  Yesterday, my husband snapped on me and said hes tired of hearing about having another child everyday and always seeing me depressed and upset. But what he doesnt seem to understand is that I wouldnt feel that way if we were trying for another child.   

  

I mean dont get me wrong, I am so happy to have the two healthy children I have, but whats wrong w/ having more.  There are so many people who cant have children, we should feel so blessed and fortunate that we can. And truthfully, I think the reason my husband wants to wait is not b/c of money, its b/c his mother will have something to say, along w/ his ritzy sister.  I never let someone's opinion of things change the way "I" feel.  He wont say it but I know thats why.  The last time we were pregnant, his mother and sister both made the comment:  "is this what you wanted?" and then had the nerve to say after we lost it, "we should be careful so it doesnt happen again right now"  . What the hell kinda bullshit is that.  This is our life, not theirs.  We support this family, not them.  But he's a Mommas boy to the max.  

  

Well its in Gods hands, so if it will be, it will. 

  

Take care and good luck to you too!!!! 

Hey I am really sorry to hear about your schooling, but it is great that you get to stay home withyour kids.  Childcare is a killer, thats why I am a stay at home mum.  We just cant afford it.   

  

Well my SIL had the baby - a baby boy - yesterday.  We are going to go and see them later in the week.   

  

My husband sounds so similar to yours.  No backbone when it comes to their mothers.  I got told the same thing on the weekend "Its not your turn to be pregnant"  What sort of comment is that?  And who gave this person the right to tell me when I should or shouldnt be having a baby - yes it was my MIL that said it!!  Trying to control everything as usual.   

  

Well I have to run - My kids are playing up a treat today!  I have a felling it is going to be a VERY, VERY long day! 

 
April 12, 2006, 11:58 am CDT

Almost 39 and never had a baby

I had been married and am now divorced... with no children.  At my age, I should have teenagers by now, or at least school aged kids.  I SO want a child.  It was part of the reason I ended my marriage, but there were many reasons for that.  I am thinking about trying on my own to get pregnant.  I have a doctor already (from when I tried while married) and the only thing left to do is get retested and choose a donor.  On a teacher's salary, am I nuts or what?  I really prefer to raise a child with a husband.  Too bad I don't have a man in my life now.  I feel like I can't wait or it'll be too late.   What's a woman to do ? 
 
April 12, 2006, 2:44 pm CDT

you go girl....

Quote From: banjo53

I had been married and am now divorced... with no children.  At my age, I should have teenagers by now, or at least school aged kids.  I SO want a child.  It was part of the reason I ended my marriage, but there were many reasons for that.  I am thinking about trying on my own to get pregnant.  I have a doctor already (from when I tried while married) and the only thing left to do is get retested and choose a donor.  On a teacher's salary, am I nuts or what?  I really prefer to raise a child with a husband.  Too bad I don't have a man in my life now.  I feel like I can't wait or it'll be too late.   What's a woman to do ? 

Hi there, I am  sorry that your marraige did not work out... I feel if  you still want to have a child, you should go for it... I am also 39 i recently got married 3 months ago and my husband and i would like to have a child.. my fear is is i may not be able to have kids, because of my age.. But  i am trusting in the lord and i know it will be his perfect timeing... And also for you to.. 

Let  me know what happens??? Maybe we could chat some time... 

  

God bless 

Anne 

 
April 13, 2006, 12:54 am CDT

Really?

I realize that this is a common phrase to use now, (kind of like when people say that they are waiting on line instead of in line), but this is a major pet peeve of mine.  I hope someone can tell me how are "WE" pregnant?  I mean you can say we are going to have a baby, but I'm sorry there is no WE to being pregnant.  I know men nowadays (some) want to be more involved with a pregnancy and that is great, but still we are not pregnant.  We all know if men had to carry a baby for 9 months that the population would cease to grow!
 
April 13, 2006, 8:18 am CDT

wanting to get pregnant

Quote From: jai149

I cant believe how similar our stories are!  My sister in law still hasn't had the baby - she is now a week over due and they are planning on inducing her on Monday.   

I understand how you mean its an "addiction"  I feel the same.  Its all I think about.  I have even gone so far as to plan out "if I get pregnant on this date, the baby will be due on this date"  My hubby says the same thing about money.  I think we do OK.  I mean were not swimming in it, but we have a roof over our heads which will be ours in about 22 years!, we have food on the table and the kids NEVER go with out.  Their bedrooms look like a fisher price testing facility!  I love my kids with all my heart and I just cant see how another child could possibly be a bad thing.     

I tried to bribe my husband too, with the promise of sex 3 times a week and he could go to cricket every weekend with out me bitching about the cost / time away from the family.  

I cant explain why I want another child so badly, all I know is that is something that makes my heart ache - and it wont go away.  He just doesn't get it.  the only advice I could give you is keep telling him how important it is to you, thats what I'm doing, and hopefully one day he'll get it,    

I completely understand what you are going through!!!!!  I am 23 with 4 children and want to have another baby!!! I was 17 when my son was born and am no longer with his father.  My husband and I have 3 children together and he is in the process of adopting my oldest child.  My husband is 11 years older then me and dosen't want to have anymore children.  I really want another baby but he says NO WAY! I sometimes feel like well maybe if I have one more I will be done having children...then sometimes I feel like maybe I will never feel done like I just need to have another child.  I don't know its confusing. I love staying home with my children and don't see why it would be a bad thing to have more.
 
April 13, 2006, 2:15 pm CDT

WE can't get pregnant...but I can

"We" are pregnant is such a pet peeve of mine.  Women can get pregnant, men cannot.  Couples can have a baby, but only the female can get pregnant.  It's indisputable biology and Dr. Phil should know better!  Geez, can't women have something all their own?  This "we" thing seems like a ploy for men to get in on something that only a woman can experience.

Anyway!  When to have a baby is such a personal choice, but there are so many things a woman should know, but usually isn't told until after the baby is born.  Raising children is hard work, but the day they are born.  Babies are wonderful, and I have two beautiful boys that I wouldn't trade for anything, but even at 35 I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  Unless you can afford a nanny or a baby nurse, you will be tired a lot, you won't have a solid night's sleep for months, and even small tasks like going to the grocery store will became major ordeals.  You have to plan everything you do with the children in mind, but luckily once you have a routine it does get easier.  My boys are 18 months and 3 years, and it's still hard work every day.  I have quite a bit of help too, but at the end of the day I'm exhausted.

When to decide to have a baby is more about when you are emotionally ready and what kind of support you have, more than money.  The money will work itself out, but if you don't have adequate support from family and friends it can be a scary proposition.  I cannot imagine doing this as a single parent like my mother did. 

Just my two cents. :)
 
April 13, 2006, 7:58 pm CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: phoenie

Hi there! Im 21 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years now.  I am currently a student and my boyfirend works.  We have been sexually active for 3 years now, and I want to know if u think we are ready for a baby.  I really want one now and have been trying to get pregnant even though my boyfriend doesnt know this.Please. . . . . . . I really need some advice. 

  

Phoenie from South Africa 

Are you REALLY willing to bring a child into this world to be resented by it's father ?  Why would you start your lives together with a lie ?

Having a child is a MUTUAL decision, or at least it should be.  If you are scared of him leaving you, guess what a child won't keep him there, and you know what else, if he dosen't WANT a child right now, bonding may NOT take place, and not only the child suffers, but so will you when he looks at you with contempt for trapping him into a situation he DID NOT WANT at the moment.  Twenty One, your biological clock is far from sounding alarms yet, you are a student, get out in the world, get a carreer first.

No I don't belive if you want a baby, just have one, it should be with the mutual consent of BOTH parties concerned, after all it is a LIFETIME commitment for BOTH parents, its not ALL about us ladies.

 
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