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Topic : Should We Get Pregnant?

Number of Replies: 184
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:56:08 pm
Author : dataimport
It is a question most marriages face - when is it right to add a family member? Share your answers with us!

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April 14, 2006, 5:51 am CDT

Thanks for the support

Quote From: annexena

Hi there, I am  sorry that your marraige did not work out... I feel if  you still want to have a child, you should go for it... I am also 39 i recently got married 3 months ago and my husband and i would like to have a child.. my fear is is i may not be able to have kids, because of my age.. But  i am trusting in the lord and i know it will be his perfect timeing... And also for you to.. 

Let  me know what happens??? Maybe we could chat some time... 

  

God bless 

Anne 

I know what you mean.  I turn 39 next month and don't know what my doctor is going to tell me.  I have to still go through testing according to the email I got back from the office.  I'm so scared that the tests will reveal that I have to go to extreme lengths to get pregnant.   At least I live in a state where the law makes it easier for me to have my insurance cover a large majority of the costs.  I just get scared about going through the entire pregnancy alone.  I also wonder about being able to handle motherhood alone.  It's scary to think about it.  But having people who want to be supportive around me is a help.  Thanks Anne!   Lorraine
 
April 21, 2006, 11:29 am CDT

My mother is driving me nuts

 Lately, my mother's biological clock seems to have restarted, on the Grandmother setting!
Whenever I have a male friend over, she asks if we had sex once he leaves.  I have an online relationship (I don't plan on marrying this guy out of the blue, we should get to know each other's real deal first) but she completely disregards it since he can't impregnate me.   To her, all my male friends are stud bulls and not people.

I feel like a prize cow or something.

I am completely disgusted with the idea of having children. I don't want any, at all, ever.  I'm on Depo-Provera and risking osteoporosis to make SURE I don't get pregnant (and don't forget the abstinence!--I also have condoms in case something happens when I visit my man--)

Her arguments include me being the last of my family name and that it would make her so happy to be a grandma.

My reply is that she should be content with having my dog as a fuzzy granddaugther.

Anybody can help me stop my mom pressuring me to have children I don't want?

I'm 23 and still living at home if it helps. I have a job and spend the bulk of my money on gas, groceries and part of the electricity bill, so you know I'm not a lazy-girl stuck to the couch.


 
April 21, 2006, 12:58 pm CDT

I want to have a baby

Hi,

  

 

 

  

 

I'm 30 years old and I have a 7 years old kid from my first marriage. My second (current) husband lost his first kid, but everything is fine with his second - he has a 7 years old daughter.

  

 

 

  

 

I want to have another kid, I'm young and healthy and I think it's a good time to get pregnant. But my husband does not want to have any more kids. He says that our kids are grown up, therefore it's time for us to live - to travel, to do crazy things... A baby would put some constrains on our life therefore it is out of question.

  

 

 

  

 

What should I do? How can I convince my husband that a baby is good and it's time? In a couple of years it would be just too late to have a baby!!!

  

 

  

 
April 23, 2006, 9:31 am CDT

you're NOT too old if u wait

Quote From: olgasc

Hi,

  

 

 

  

 

I'm 30 years old and I have a 7 years old kid from my first marriage. My second (current) husband lost his first kid, but everything is fine with his second - he has a 7 years old daughter.

  

 

 

  

 

I want to have another kid, I'm young and healthy and I think it's a good time to get pregnant. But my husband does not want to have any more kids. He says that our kids are grown up, therefore it's time for us to live - to travel, to do crazy things... A baby would put some constrains on our life therefore it is out of question.

  

 

 

  

 

What should I do? How can I convince my husband that a baby is good and it's time? In a couple of years it would be just too late to have a baby!!!

  

 

  

You hear Dr. Phil say it all the time (life is negotiable). This doesn't sound like one of his famous "deal breakers" to me.  Try talking to your husband about either traveling now then having another one, or vice versa. Negotiate with him.  Find out if he objects to having a child totally first.  With all the technology that's around these days, there's no way I would say that at 30 you're too old.  I personally, am going that route too.  The magic number they say is 40.  That's when your chances of pregnancy dramatically drop.  Being almost 39 and divorced myself, I have no other alternative unless God drops a man who wants a baby as badly as I do in my lap before my appointment with my fertility doctor.  I'm in a state where the law says insurance companies HAVE to pay for some of infertility costs.  It's called the Family Planning Act here.   See what your insurance will cover in your state.  Then, go travel and let your man get it out of his system.   

 
April 26, 2006, 4:00 pm CDT

help me

my ex sister in law seperated with my brother 2 months ago and now is 6 weeks pregrant with anothers guys baby who has 2 kids from a different situation i hate what she has done to my brother and i don't know if i still want to be friends with her.  They both are with different people right now but i feel like they were seperating to deal with the problems?  How would you do if you were me?  Please help me? another problem i have is with credit card debt i don't know to work one that how would you handle that? 
 
May 1, 2006, 10:50 pm CDT

How is it going....

Quote From: banjo53

I know what you mean.  I turn 39 next month and don't know what my doctor is going to tell me.  I have to still go through testing according to the email I got back from the office.  I'm so scared that the tests will reveal that I have to go to extreme lengths to get pregnant.   At least I live in a state where the law makes it easier for me to have my insurance cover a large majority of the costs.  I just get scared about going through the entire pregnancy alone.  I also wonder about being able to handle motherhood alone.  It's scary to think about it.  But having people who want to be supportive around me is a help.  Thanks Anne!   Lorraine

Hi Lorraine,  

   

How are you doing? Are you still trying to get pregnant?? My husband and I are working on it..  I am going to give it 6 months, and i if I cant get pregnant i will get some test done. I will keep you in prayer that all goes well..  

   

God bless  

 Anne  

 
May 6, 2006, 12:13 am CDT

a funny thing happened on the way to kareoke...

Quote From: annexena

Hi Lorraine,  

   

How are you doing? Are you still trying to get pregnant?? My husband and I are working on it..  I am going to give it 6 months, and i if I cant get pregnant i will get some test done. I will keep you in prayer that all goes well..  

   

God bless  

 Anne  

Well, here's the update.  I had an appt. on the 4th and found out I have to have another HSG test.  Ouch that's gonna hurt!!  Blood was drawn and further tests have to be done.  Now, for the best news...  you know how we all have that list in our heads of what we are looking for in a partner?  Well, funny thing... I met someone who fits everything (and yes I do mean everything) on my list.  Furthermore, he says I meet all of his list.  He had decided to just pray and let things go whatever way God wanted them to go.  Then he meets me.  So, after careful thought, I explained about my pending dr. appt. and here's the funny thing.  He not only supports the idea, he went with me.  Met the dr. and everything.  Things are moving at a fast pace, but at my age I don't have the luxury of time.  But when there's so many things that just fall into place, how do you just ignore it?  We're planning to stay together and give leave things in God's hands.  He has the ultimate say in babies, but we will work with the dr. and see what the tests say.  Minimum, I'll have to have an IUI procedure.  Sperm testing still has to be completed on my honey first.  Wow, it's amazing how things have gone.  I just have to leave things in God's hands too.  If nothing seems to go our way, we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.  Blessings to you and thanks for listening to me ramble.  Now if I could the stupid grin off my face...  

 
May 11, 2006, 10:52 am CDT

I don't want any more kids

My fiance and I have known each other for years as friends and we got engaged in January. I've always known he wanted children, but I don't and I had my tubes tied years ago after my son was born (baby #2). We had talked about having another baby, but I've been very clear that I am reluctant to the idea. We agreed we would abide by what the doctor said. Well the doctor results have come back and I've been told that whereas its might be possible for me to successfully have a baby, with the surgery and failure rate and all that, its not a good idea for my age and health. In fact, my trusted doctor is asking me to consider a hysterectomy.  

  

My concern is this... I don't want to have any more children and I'm relieved the doctor doesn't feel its in my best interests physically. My fiance has seemingly accepted this decision. Howver, I am concerened that in giving up his dream of fatherhood, he will later come to resent me in spite of the fact that he knew going in this was a strong possibility. I have actually considered breaking things off with him because I know how important having children has always been to him. He tells me that he understood all this and is fully aware that he won't have children with me. Am I justifiably worried about his later resentment of me regarding this, or am I stressing myself out over nothing? 

 
May 29, 2006, 4:57 am CDT

Having a child..

After reading several posts I've decided that some-not all, but some- view having a baby with no higher regard than adopting a pet. Many of you are in relationships that, however stable you may try to pass them off as, aren't. If you can't talk to your partner, if your partner is not willing to commit to marriage, if you are not financially stable- don't try to have a baby. I had 2 daughters very young. I was not financially stable and my first daughter was born into a horrible, horrible relationship. I didn't try to get pregnant, it just happened. I could not imagine WANTING to bring a child into that. If you view getting pregnant as a quick fix to your problems, if you have the "white picket fence" line of thinking that a baby will be born and you and your partner will live in harmonious bliss for the rest of eternity raising your perfect child together, if you think "it can't be as hard as everyone says" I hate to tell you- you're wrong. Its harder than everyone says. It puts MORE strain on a relationship. I love my children- they are the best things that ever happened to me, but a part of loving your children is being able to take the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Just remember, they aren't so cute at 3 in the morning when you haven't slept in 2 days and they're screaming their little heads off into your ear while you pace back and forth crying because other girls your age have nothing more to worry about than who's house the party's at this weekend.
 
May 29, 2006, 6:03 am CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: rjfrench

After reading several posts I've decided that some-not all, but some- view having a baby with no higher regard than adopting a pet. Many of you are in relationships that, however stable you may try to pass them off as, aren't. If you can't talk to your partner, if your partner is not willing to commit to marriage, if you are not financially stable- don't try to have a baby. I had 2 daughters very young. I was not financially stable and my first daughter was born into a horrible, horrible relationship. I didn't try to get pregnant, it just happened. I could not imagine WANTING to bring a child into that. If you view getting pregnant as a quick fix to your problems, if you have the "white picket fence" line of thinking that a baby will be born and you and your partner will live in harmonious bliss for the rest of eternity raising your perfect child together, if you think "it can't be as hard as everyone says" I hate to tell you- you're wrong. Its harder than everyone says. It puts MORE strain on a relationship. I love my children- they are the best things that ever happened to me, but a part of loving your children is being able to take the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Just remember, they aren't so cute at 3 in the morning when you haven't slept in 2 days and they're screaming their little heads off into your ear while you pace back and forth crying because other girls your age have nothing more to worry about than who's house the party's at this weekend.
Not to say that your experience is for me to look down upon, but you sound kind of bitter.  Maybe you weren't ready or didn't want to have a child at that time of your life.  Really, it's not for you to say to others whether they are ready for children or not.  It is between that couple.  For me, my boyfriend never thought he would meet someone who at this stage of life would still want to have children, and the same for me.  I have fallen head over heels for him and he for me. We actually don't have problems and know for a fact that we have always wanted to be parents.  I understand and so does he that children are a ton of work.  It's why we discussed things like our parenting philosophies now before it happens.  What we believe, want, and hope for our children needs to be discussed ahead of time to make sure we are on the same page. We actually wrote it all down.  We did the same for our marriage.  We will be going through premarital counseling shortly.  It's something that couples should do to lessen problems down the road.  (Not that anyone can be prepared for every scenario.)  I know that parenting is the hardest job that he and I will ever do.  We, at age 39 and 44, are prepared for it.  We know the financial obligations.  I find it disheartening that you would post the comments you made here.  You should be careful about ruining people's dreams with your words.  But take heart everyone who reads here... I am not deterred and none of you should be either!!!  Lorraine
 
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