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Topic : Should We Get Pregnant?

Number of Replies: 184
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:56:08 pm
Author : dataimport
It is a question most marriages face - when is it right to add a family member? Share your answers with us!

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June 7, 2006, 2:21 pm CDT

am i too young?

hello i am 16 years old and for a while ive been thinkin about having a child im not in any kind of relationship and i need to know what people think about this.. my mom had my older brother at 17 and my cousin just had a child recently and he's 21. i always feel that there is something missing in me because i dont have a child. i understand that i am young and i know that i would have to give up alot for this but i feel i am ready for it. i also think that i want something to be proud of in my life because i havent had the easiest life so far.my parents are both alcoholics and i am currently rasing my brohter who is 12. i love children and always have.please give me advice thanx.!
 
June 7, 2006, 2:49 pm CDT

thanks

Quote From: rjfrench

I understand what you mean. All you can really do as this childs aunt, however, is provide a safe haven. Nothing you say to your sister in law or your brother or anyone else can change what's already been done and if they want to work this out, they're better for it. Suggest counseling, but you can't make them get any... 

After this child is born, just do your best to always let him/her know that no matter what, they have an aunt that loves them. Don't get into details about their birth or the confusing mess surrounding it. Just smile and try to be the one person in their life they know they can turn to.  

  

Good Luck! 

Jennifer 

my brother and ezx-sister and law and done now he has a girlfriend and she a boy friend but i am worried when he moves in with her how is it going to effect my neice is she ghoing to think he is the daddy she is 11/2.  Her unborn baby won't be anything to me.  I love my neice she is the best and i love being involved in her life.  How do i treated the other one.  My mom babysite her granddaughter  now and how about the other one who is nor her grandchild how treat that one.  But i see where you are coming from and show her she can always come to me thank you for responding to my quote.  You are the best!!!!
 
June 7, 2006, 11:20 pm CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: cas_ara

hello i am 16 years old and for a while ive been thinkin about having a child im not in any kind of relationship and i need to know what people think about this.. my mom had my older brother at 17 and my cousin just had a child recently and he's 21. i always feel that there is something missing in me because i dont have a child. i understand that i am young and i know that i would have to give up alot for this but i feel i am ready for it. i also think that i want something to be proud of in my life because i havent had the easiest life so far.my parents are both alcoholics and i am currently rasing my brohter who is 12. i love children and always have.please give me advice thanx.!

I understand all too well how you are felling and what you are going through right now, I have been there myself.  Both my parents are drug addicts and I raised my younger sister.  Growing up in this situation is tough.  I am one of the lucky ones though. I moved out of home at 14 , about a year later I met my now husband and we started living together.  I went back for my little sister, who we put through high school.  I am now 25 and my sister is now 19 and going to university to be a lawyer.  My husband and I have been married for 6 years (lived together for 9 years) and we have two beautiful children 2 and 3, and are expecting our 3rd in December.  I have had alot of growing up to do, and I had to do it quickly.  Only threw experiance have I come to realise that children dont fill that emptiness that you are feeling, and trust me I know that feeling well.  Only you can fill the void.  I few of my friends are single mums and they do it pretty tough, emotionally and financially.  Its not easy raising children on your own.  You really need to think here, how will you support a baby?  Where will you live, you know how hard it is growing up in a house with your parents - do you want to put another child threw that?, Without education what sort of a job will you have?  I didnt finish school and already I am worried about what I will do when my kids go off to school - I dont want to work in a bar the rest of my life.  If you need something to be proud of - BE PROUD OF YOU!  You are raising your brother and trust me one day he will thank you deeply for it, Finish your education, live your life, get a job and save some money for a house - build a life that your proud to have created then think about having kids.  Dont repeat the cycle that your parents have made.  I do my best every day to make sure that my kids dont grow up in the type of home I did, and I am sure you want the same for your children.  I check these message boards pretty much every day , if you every need to talk - just post. 

 
June 8, 2006, 6:43 am CDT

give it time

Quote From: cas_ara

hello i am 16 years old and for a while ive been thinkin about having a child im not in any kind of relationship and i need to know what people think about this.. my mom had my older brother at 17 and my cousin just had a child recently and he's 21. i always feel that there is something missing in me because i dont have a child. i understand that i am young and i know that i would have to give up alot for this but i feel i am ready for it. i also think that i want something to be proud of in my life because i havent had the easiest life so far.my parents are both alcoholics and i am currently rasing my brohter who is 12. i love children and always have.please give me advice thanx.!
You're too young. However mature you are, you still have several years ahead of you. The way it sounds is you might be wanting to fill the void left by your parents with the love a newborn will bring. I suggest getting into some counseling, getting an education, and experiencing the world for a while before you get pregnant.
 
June 8, 2006, 10:48 am CDT

when are you ready for #2?

Hi I am a 32 yr old mother. I am in fact married, we only have one child together a 1 1/2 yr old daughter. My husband however, has a child from a previous relationship, who we never see. Anyhow, me and husband got together 6yrs ago, and after two yrs of dating got married. We talked seriously about life, children, the future etc. Back then, we agreed to have a handful of children. 

 

After having the one baby, I'm not sure if I wanna have anymore children. It's such a tough job being a mom. Having to wait on someone hand and foot, waking up in the middle of the night, pampers, bottles, crying. AGH! I always thought I wanted children and lots of em. I'm great with kids if their not mine. The one's you can give back are the best, I know I'm sounding very selfish and I know I am. I love my daughter to death, she's great, she's at a good age NOW where she's getting more independent, taking care of herself, and I'm feeling so relieved and much happier. BUT my husband wants to have another one right away, he wanted to start when she was 1 for god sakes! I'm just not ready for that yet. He keeps bringing up the subject lately, over and over and over.  I told him yesterday we would start the beginning of July but I know I'm not ready, I can feel it! He's still set on a handful of children and having them close in age, and what if I don't want anymore after the second? This morning while lying in bed, I brought up if he would leave me if i didn't want have more than two kids, and he didn't say anything!? So what now, my marriage is done because he wants more kids and I don't? I sure don't wanna be a single mother with 2 kids. I just don't know what I should do!? I myself think I'm compromising on my part by having one more child but just not right away. How can I tell him I'm not ready to start in a few weeks? Can someone help me palease!!! and try and answer all my questions, thank you! 

 

Happy with one! 

 
June 8, 2006, 1:26 pm CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: jai149

I understand all too well how you are felling and what you are going through right now, I have been there myself.  Both my parents are drug addicts and I raised my younger sister.  Growing up in this situation is tough.  I am one of the lucky ones though. I moved out of home at 14 , about a year later I met my now husband and we started living together.  I went back for my little sister, who we put through high school.  I am now 25 and my sister is now 19 and going to university to be a lawyer.  My husband and I have been married for 6 years (lived together for 9 years) and we have two beautiful children 2 and 3, and are expecting our 3rd in December.  I have had alot of growing up to do, and I had to do it quickly.  Only threw experiance have I come to realise that children dont fill that emptiness that you are feeling, and trust me I know that feeling well.  Only you can fill the void.  I few of my friends are single mums and they do it pretty tough, emotionally and financially.  Its not easy raising children on your own.  You really need to think here, how will you support a baby?  Where will you live, you know how hard it is growing up in a house with your parents - do you want to put another child threw that?, Without education what sort of a job will you have?  I didnt finish school and already I am worried about what I will do when my kids go off to school - I dont want to work in a bar the rest of my life.  If you need something to be proud of - BE PROUD OF YOU!  You are raising your brother and trust me one day he will thank you deeply for it, Finish your education, live your life, get a job and save some money for a house - build a life that your proud to have created then think about having kids.  Dont repeat the cycle that your parents have made.  I do my best every day to make sure that my kids dont grow up in the type of home I did, and I am sure you want the same for your children.  I check these message boards pretty much every day , if you every need to talk - just post. 

yeah i guess i know what you are talking about and i appreciate it. no i do not want my children to be in this sort of home and i think i will finish my shcool and get a good job. i really dont know how else to fill this void in my life and i guess this isnt the right way to do it.
 
June 8, 2006, 1:30 pm CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: fight_on

You are not married - so don't get pregnant.  Duh.  You would be stupid to get pregnant now.

one doesnt have to be married to have a child and no that is not stupid. children are a gift from god and if he decides you to have a child not married then thats fate. some of the best mothers were single mothers 

 
June 8, 2006, 1:33 pm CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: rjfrench

You're too young. However mature you are, you still have several years ahead of you. The way it sounds is you might be wanting to fill the void left by your parents with the love a newborn will bring. I suggest getting into some counseling, getting an education, and experiencing the world for a while before you get pregnant.
i believe you are right and yes i think i should wait a while also but i know if the chance comes ill take it and i dont want to be the one to come to my parents and say im pregnant
 
June 8, 2006, 1:40 pm CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: stickzzzzz

Hi I am a 32 yr old mother. I am in fact married, we only have one child together a 1 1/2 yr old daughter. My husband however, has a child from a previous relationship, who we never see. Anyhow, me and husband got together 6yrs ago, and after two yrs of dating got married. We talked seriously about life, children, the future etc. Back then, we agreed to have a handful of children. 

 

After having the one baby, I'm not sure if I wanna have anymore children. It's such a tough job being a mom. Having to wait on someone hand and foot, waking up in the middle of the night, pampers, bottles, crying. AGH! I always thought I wanted children and lots of em. I'm great with kids if their not mine. The one's you can give back are the best, I know I'm sounding very selfish and I know I am. I love my daughter to death, she's great, she's at a good age NOW where she's getting more independent, taking care of herself, and I'm feeling so relieved and much happier. BUT my husband wants to have another one right away, he wanted to start when she was 1 for god sakes! I'm just not ready for that yet. He keeps bringing up the subject lately, over and over and over.  I told him yesterday we would start the beginning of July but I know I'm not ready, I can feel it! He's still set on a handful of children and having them close in age, and what if I don't want anymore after the second? This morning while lying in bed, I brought up if he would leave me if i didn't want have more than two kids, and he didn't say anything!? So what now, my marriage is done because he wants more kids and I don't? I sure don't wanna be a single mother with 2 kids. I just don't know what I should do!? I myself think I'm compromising on my part by having one more child but just not right away. How can I tell him I'm not ready to start in a few weeks? Can someone help me palease!!! and try and answer all my questions, thank you! 

 

Happy with one! 

you should try and compramise obviously your husband does want more children and you are selfish but think about it arent children worth it in the end what if you have just one more child and then you could settle down. im sure when your old youd want grand children and your children are going to take care of you. just think about it that way. you only had to go threw the diaper and wakin up thing for two or 3 years right
 
June 8, 2006, 5:14 pm CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: stickzzzzz

Hi I am a 32 yr old mother. I am in fact married, we only have one child together a 1 1/2 yr old daughter. My husband however, has a child from a previous relationship, who we never see. Anyhow, me and husband got together 6yrs ago, and after two yrs of dating got married. We talked seriously about life, children, the future etc. Back then, we agreed to have a handful of children. 

 

After having the one baby, I'm not sure if I wanna have anymore children. It's such a tough job being a mom. Having to wait on someone hand and foot, waking up in the middle of the night, pampers, bottles, crying. AGH! I always thought I wanted children and lots of em. I'm great with kids if their not mine. The one's you can give back are the best, I know I'm sounding very selfish and I know I am. I love my daughter to death, she's great, she's at a good age NOW where she's getting more independent, taking care of herself, and I'm feeling so relieved and much happier. BUT my husband wants to have another one right away, he wanted to start when she was 1 for god sakes! I'm just not ready for that yet. He keeps bringing up the subject lately, over and over and over.  I told him yesterday we would start the beginning of July but I know I'm not ready, I can feel it! He's still set on a handful of children and having them close in age, and what if I don't want anymore after the second? This morning while lying in bed, I brought up if he would leave me if i didn't want have more than two kids, and he didn't say anything!? So what now, my marriage is done because he wants more kids and I don't? I sure don't wanna be a single mother with 2 kids. I just don't know what I should do!? I myself think I'm compromising on my part by having one more child but just not right away. How can I tell him I'm not ready to start in a few weeks? Can someone help me palease!!! and try and answer all my questions, thank you! 

 

Happy with one! 

You are right, being a mum is a tough job!  I understand how you feel about this.  I am a 25 year old stay at home mum to two beautiful children - a son who is three and a daughter who is two.  In fact there are only 13 months between them.  I am also expecting number 3 in December.  When my husband and I got married (6 years ago) we talked about kids etc.  I wanted 5 and he wanted 2.  So we compromised with 3.  All I can say is that having children closer together is not only a great advantage for them, but also for you.  My kids are best of friends, its such a pleasure watching them interact with each other all day.  My daughter actually speaks on a three year old level which I credit partilly to being with her brother all day.  As for me - I am a huge believer in "I'm tired now, I cant get much more tired"  I am happy to have these few years of nappies, bottles, broken sleep.  It doesnt last forever and one thing I've learnt is that is goes really quickly.  There not babies for long.  Another added bonus is that when the kids are all grown up and fly the nest you are still young enough to have a life again yourself.  If you really feel like you are just not ready (when are we ever really ready though hey!) talk to your husband.  Explain to him how you feel.  He obviously feels really strongly about it but if you explain your side he might just understand.  Good luck with all.  

 
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