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Topic : Should We Get Pregnant?

Number of Replies: 184
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:56:08 pm
Author : dataimport
It is a question most marriages face - when is it right to add a family member? Share your answers with us!

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November 17, 2005, 2:08 am CST

Should we get pregnant?

Hi there! I`m 21 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years now.  I am currently a student and my boyfirend works.  We have been sexually active for 3 years now, and I want to know if u think we are ready for a baby.  I really want one now and have been trying to get pregnant even though my boyfriend doesn`t know this.Please. . . . . . . I really need some advice. 

  

Phoenie from South Africa 

 
November 17, 2005, 3:51 pm CST

What If?

Hi I am also new to this site...and am typing this to find out if anyone can help me find a result. Or give me any advice for that matter. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and well @ first we did want a child but now were both not to sure and very confused about the matter that is. Not that it's a bad thing to conceive or get pregnant but to follow the steps and then raise the child. Since we did have a bumpy past and now are future looks brighter together I would think he would want a child with me. Now I'm not to sure...I guess we need to discuss alot more things and figure out what would go on and happen if we were to get pregnant or if it would happen and not be planned. Not saying that we would get rid of it but we would love it to peices forever. I want a child with this man don't get me wrong but now I think he doesn't want to be with me forever because he says to me that we should wait...but what is waiting? Does it mean forever with him or forever not having a child with him? Please help me get some answers and figure out how to get him to want foreverness with me and a family...only if I knew he would for sure promise stay with me forever. But there's always that doubt in the back of my mind. I love him so much I don't ever want to lose him to another person or lose him period. 

  

Thanks for reading my worries! 

  

  

 
November 18, 2005, 3:54 am CST

HI MRSMAE...

Quote From: mrsmae

Hi I am also new to this site...and am typing this to find out if anyone can help me find a result. Or give me any advice for that matter. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and well @ first we did want a child but now were both not to sure and very confused about the matter that is. Not that it's a bad thing to conceive or get pregnant but to follow the steps and then raise the child. Since we did have a bumpy past and now are future looks brighter together I would think he would want a child with me. Now I'm not to sure...I guess we need to discuss alot more things and figure out what would go on and happen if we were to get pregnant or if it would happen and not be planned. Not saying that we would get rid of it but we would love it to peices forever. I want a child with this man don't get me wrong but now I think he doesn't want to be with me forever because he says to me that we should wait...but what is waiting? Does it mean forever with him or forever not having a child with him? Please help me get some answers and figure out how to get him to want foreverness with me and a family...only if I knew he would for sure promise stay with me forever. But there's always that doubt in the back of my mind. I love him so much I don't ever want to lose him to another person or lose him period. 

  

Thanks for reading my worries! 

  

  

Hope I got your profile name right, anyway you would like to know if you and your boyfriend should have a child right now, well can I be honest with you and say that if there are any doubts what so ever in your's or his mind then you are not ready yet to have a child. 

 

You both need to be 100% no make that 110% sure that you both want to have a child together. It's got to mean everything to you both to have a child, as it's one big thing that will happen between you both and it's not something to say one day yes we want to have a baby and the next maybe not, if you know what I'm saying here!! 

 

Having a child is huge, from the moment you find out you are pregnant till the day that child leaves home as an adult, that child is yours to look after and love. So you can't take having a child lightly at all. Please think things long and hard and talk with your boyfriend more about this. I hope this has helped in some way. 

 

TAKE CARE, LOVE KELLY. 

 
November 19, 2005, 10:02 am CST

what if!

Hello again, 

  

Just wanted to make things very clear about my situation on having a child. Don't get me wrong my b/f and I would stay together and love all and everything about our child(ren). I was just saying that even though nobodys perfect @ anything, my b/f and I would have no doubts in having a child but for now I'm saying it would be better to start a family with a home. not an apartment. But my b/f and I want a child but, then again it would be nice to wait until another year...I'm not to sure on what would be the best thing...guess I'm just going to have to wait and if it happens, it happens!  

  

  

 
November 20, 2005, 12:34 am CST

how far apart should i have another

   I'm 20, i have a one year old son. I was thinking about having another i want them to be close in age. While my husband thinks that its too soon. See my son was born 7 weeks early i almost lost him.. The doctors told me that if i do have another one it might come early to. That scares me because i almost lost my son. i have has one miscarriage since he was born but it was in my tubes there was nothing that i could do to help it.  I just want one more then I'm done i have 8 brothers and sisters 9 including me. I don't want a big family. Where me and my husband disagree is that he only wants one and no more i told him it was my choice not his. Which is wrong to say i know . But how soon is too soon? What should i do just live with the one i have and never have another baby.  I realized the other day when my son asked me mom baby please as he was touching my tummy.. I think that my son would enjoy having a brother or sister to play with.. HOW do i change my husbands mind on having another baby? Anyone have any advice for me let me know please 

 
November 20, 2005, 6:42 pm CST

reply

Reply to a message from another member.  I posted a message to vent my feelings on this topic. Everything that I have dicussed I have discussed it with my husband sometimes it is helpful to get a someone elses opinion from the outside. I know what a blessing my children are. I have 4 children one is in the PDD spectrum I also have one global mental delays global sensory delays and he also has a language disabilty and he is asymetrical on one side of his body I run in and out of the city to bring them to doctors appointments which is a hour away from my house. Then I have to juggle two other children and my husband is a chef and he is never home to help me I have Three IEPS to juggle for school to make sure my children are getting the services needed for them to suceed. I know more than anyone how much deciation it takes and what a blessing children are I have been very blessed with the four that I have and I love them to death.  I was just looking for someone else's opinion if it sounds crazy to go through proceedures when already have 4 to have the 5th.
 
November 21, 2005, 12:11 pm CST

another baby?

Quote From: ashes2005

   I'm 20, i have a one year old son. I was thinking about having another i want them to be close in age. While my husband thinks that its too soon. See my son was born 7 weeks early i almost lost him.. The doctors told me that if i do have another one it might come early to. That scares me because i almost lost my son. i have has one miscarriage since he was born but it was in my tubes there was nothing that i could do to help it.  I just want one more then I'm done i have 8 brothers and sisters 9 including me. I don't want a big family. Where me and my husband disagree is that he only wants one and no more i told him it was my choice not his. Which is wrong to say i know . But how soon is too soon? What should i do just live with the one i have and never have another baby.  I realized the other day when my son asked me mom baby please as he was touching my tummy.. I think that my son would enjoy having a brother or sister to play with.. HOW do i change my husbands mind on having another baby? Anyone have any advice for me let me know please 

well I think that you should make the decision together.I know the feeling to want a baby and the husband not to into it.my best advice so there's no resentment towards him towards you or the baby,wait till daddy is ready too...
 
November 21, 2005, 12:13 pm CST

get married first...

Quote From: mrsmae

Hello again, 

  

Just wanted to make things very clear about my situation on having a child. Don't get me wrong my b/f and I would stay together and love all and everything about our child(ren). I was just saying that even though nobodys perfect @ anything, my b/f and I would have no doubts in having a child but for now I'm saying it would be better to start a family with a home. not an apartment. But my b/f and I want a child but, then again it would be nice to wait until another year...I'm not to sure on what would be the best thing...guess I'm just going to have to wait and if it happens, it happens!  

  

  

How about getting married first?? Then worry about all the rest after that,then think about having a baby.....
 
November 21, 2005, 12:22 pm CST

should you??

Quote From: ceders2

Hope I got your profile name right, anyway you would like to know if you and your boyfriend should have a child right now, well can I be honest with you and say that if there are any doubts what so ever in your's or his mind then you are not ready yet to have a child. 

 

You both need to be 100% no make that 110% sure that you both want to have a child together. It's got to mean everything to you both to have a child, as it's one big thing that will happen between you both and it's not something to say one day yes we want to have a baby and the next maybe not, if you know what I'm saying here!! 

 

Having a child is huge, from the moment you find out you are pregnant till the day that child leaves home as an adult, that child is yours to look after and love. So you can't take having a child lightly at all. Please think things long and hard and talk with your boyfriend more about this. I hope this has helped in some way. 

 

TAKE CARE, LOVE KELLY. 

I argree with kelly but also might I add,if you guys thought of getting married??If not then don't even think about kids,you two need to commit as a couple before committing to a child together.And even if you get married,wait a long time a few years to get to know one another better.....hellO!!!!
 
November 21, 2005, 1:57 pm CST

My opinion (since you asked)

Quote From: joymomma

Should I get pregnant? That is a good question. I had three kids before my present marriage, my husband had two, so we have five kids from previous marriages. We had invitro four years ago and that resulted in twin girls. So, we have seven kids, although only the last three are home. Seven kids sounds like a lot, I know, and we do have the twins together, but... my husband so wants to try for a boy. Are we crazy? I'm pretty sure most people would think so! I just so love a new baby, and being pregnant I feel so special. I dont want to think I'll never do it again. We already have six grandkids! Also I'm 43 now and my husband is 51. OK, just posting this and actually typing this out, I can see we must be crazy! I lost my cousin a few months ago to a drug overdose and his name was Logan, which was going to be our sons name if we ever had one. His death felt like our never-to-be born sons death. It is so hard to say we will never even try for a son, we will just never have any more. When my daughter got pregnant at 18 and had her baby, I held my first grandchild in my arms, and although I adore her, she is not mine. Do I have something wrong with me? Our older kids are 31, 29, 20,18, and 15.  Our grandkids are 9,8,7,4, 3, and 10months. I love all the chaos and craziness and business of a big family. Maybe I need to find fulfillment elsewhere?

I'm not going to judge you, I will just give you my opinion based on my own life experience and then you can make your own hopefully better informed decision.  You already have seven children who need your attention, love, and affection.  Babies are delightful because they don't have many emotional demands.  But your children do, and they will resent you later if you try to fulfill your identity with constant childbearing.  Particularly if to fulfill the need to have a baby that is biologically yours of a certain gender (there is no guarantee you would conceive a boy this time either) you subject yourself to the expense and physical stress of a pregnancy at your age to bring forth a child when so many are already here, both in and outside of your current family, who need love and attention.  Your daughters will wonder why they are not enough to fulfill you. 

  

You are still young, but not in terms of reproducion; we know pregnancies with mothers of your age are much more likely to end is miscarriage or produce children with significant problems then ones in women in their twenties or early thirties.  Not to mention, men over 35 are more likely to have defective sperm and the pregnancies they produce are more likely to end in miscarriage regardless of maternal age (I just read this in American Baby magazine) so your husband is not an ideal character either.   Why would your husband want to subject you to another pregnancy if he knew that your health and safety could be affected?  

  

 I think you are trying to use the excitement and attention of being pregnant and caring for a new baby as a way to feel special when the real way to feel special will be to love and nurture the children you have now.  Even if you do manage to produce a child through costly procedures that will be taxing on your emotional and physical health, the time period in which you can continue to do that is limited and you will eventually have to confront your issues.  I don't think you'll feel fulfilled if twenty-five years from now ALL your children are with you at the therapist demanding to know why your obsession with constant fertility and how it made YOU feel took precedence over their very real needs and concerns.  Hopefully that won't happen and you can one day say to your kids, some girl who went by the goofy pseudonym "justice" warned me not to have any more babies! 

  

However, that being said I really am not trying to condemn you, just warn you.  Hey, we all like attention, being the beautiful expectant lady, and all the excitement and joy that comes with the presence of new life.  I think your feelings are normal, but at your age and with your current committments, you have to devote your energy to the children you now have.  In other parts of the world, your feelings would be encouraged as normal and your children would not be neglected because extended family members could help with ensuring they had proper attention.  But also in other parts of the world, you would not have the means to keep trying to push your body beyond what it is meant to do.  Give your body a rest and try to do something good for other people (and remember, charity begins at home) with the life God gave you.  If you have all the money and spare time for a kid, take in a foster kid, or, as another reader suggested, adopt (they thought you might be "too old" which is silly; at 43 you certainly aren't.) 

 
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