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Topic : Should We Get Pregnant?

Number of Replies: 184
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:56:08 pm
Author : dataimport
It is a question most marriages face - when is it right to add a family member? Share your answers with us!

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December 28, 2007, 4:26 pm CST

What can I recomend

My daughter wants to have another baby but the doctor told her flat out if she does then it will end her life. She almost died on the first baby due to and enlarged heart caused by the pregnancy. Her and her boyfriend want to have another baby so Chance does not grow up an only child. What other options can I give her. I did recomend adoption and my wife (age 40+) said she would carry the baby if the doctors tell her that she can. Any suggestions?
 
January 22, 2008, 4:19 pm CST

Go For It...

Quote From: joymomma

Should I get pregnant? That is a good question. I had three kids before my present marriage, my husband had two, so we have five kids from previous marriages. We had invitro four years ago and that resulted in twin girls. So, we have seven kids, although only the last three are home. Seven kids sounds like a lot, I know, and we do have the twins together, but... my husband so wants to try for a boy. Are we crazy? I'm pretty sure most people would think so! I just so love a new baby, and being pregnant I feel so special. I dont want to think I'll never do it again. We already have six grandkids! Also I'm 43 now and my husband is 51. OK, just posting this and actually typing this out, I can see we must be crazy! I lost my cousin a few months ago to a drug overdose and his name was Logan, which was going to be our sons name if we ever had one. His death felt like our never-to-be born sons death. It is so hard to say we will never even try for a son, we will just never have any more. When my daughter got pregnant at 18 and had her baby, I held my first grandchild in my arms, and although I adore her, she is not mine. Do I have something wrong with me? Our older kids are 31, 29, 20,18, and 15.  Our grandkids are 9,8,7,4, 3, and 10months. I love all the chaos and craziness and business of a big family. Maybe I need to find fulfillment elsewhere?
 Forget about what everyone else thinks. This is your life and you're the one who has to live it. Can you provide for another child physically, emotionally and financially?  Can you still handle the late night feedings, crying, soiled diapers and all those wonderful things? Are you ok with being the older mother when your child enters preschool or you take him/her to the park? Do you really want another child? Only you can decide what's best for you, but I say go for it. At 43, time is definitely not on your side when it comes to fertility so if you're going to act, the sooner the better.
 
February 11, 2008, 9:49 pm CST

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: saber57

My daughter wants to have another baby but the doctor told her flat out if she does then it will end her life. She almost died on the first baby due to and enlarged heart caused by the pregnancy. Her and her boyfriend want to have another baby so Chance does not grow up an only child. What other options can I give her. I did recomend adoption and my wife (age 40+) said she would carry the baby if the doctors tell her that she can. Any suggestions?
lol..her boyfriend....uhhggg...i guess marriage is too much a commitment......not havin kids
 
February 11, 2008, 9:52 pm CST

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: shelton302

lol..her boyfriend....uhhggg...i guess marriage is too much a commitment......not havin kids
oh i forgot to add....um no another baby...try getting married first..one foot in front of the other...lol
 
March 5, 2008, 2:54 pm CST

My husband wants kids NOW

My commonlaw husband and I have been together for 5 years now. He told me as soon as we got together that he wanted kids as soon as possible, but he would wait till the right time in our relationship. I think that I want kids someday, but I don't feel emotionally ready for it right now. I'm 25 and my husband is 27. I think that we're both still young and there is no hurry to have kids, but about a year ago, he became adamant that we needed to start trying to get pregnant. He told me that he didn't see the point in having a relationship if we aren't going to have kids. I went along with it and stopped taking birth control, but have been constantly worried that I'm going to get pregnant and I don't feel I'm ready. I want to tell him that I'm going back on birth control until I feel I'm ready, but I fear that he would leave me if I told him this. I'm feeling bullied into having kids. I think our relationship is healthy other than this constant burden. I'm starting to think that I don't want to continue this relationship if he is going to keep pressuring me. I know that compromise is important for a relationship to work, but this is one thing that I don't think I can compromise on. Any advice?
 
March 13, 2008, 9:21 pm CDT

Should We Get Pregnant?

Quote From: duckey82

My commonlaw husband and I have been together for 5 years now. He told me as soon as we got together that he wanted kids as soon as possible, but he would wait till the right time in our relationship. I think that I want kids someday, but I don't feel emotionally ready for it right now. I'm 25 and my husband is 27. I think that we're both still young and there is no hurry to have kids, but about a year ago, he became adamant that we needed to start trying to get pregnant. He told me that he didn't see the point in having a relationship if we aren't going to have kids. I went along with it and stopped taking birth control, but have been constantly worried that I'm going to get pregnant and I don't feel I'm ready. I want to tell him that I'm going back on birth control until I feel I'm ready, but I fear that he would leave me if I told him this. I'm feeling bullied into having kids. I think our relationship is healthy other than this constant burden. I'm starting to think that I don't want to continue this relationship if he is going to keep pressuring me. I know that compromise is important for a relationship to work, but this is one thing that I don't think I can compromise on. Any advice?
 Talk to your husband and tell him that you are going back on the pill, and that you are feeling bullied into having kids. If he does not understand this then mabe you should rethink your relatinship. As for you sit down and decied what you want in life, and make sure why you know why you do not what kids. Do not act out of fear. 
 
March 22, 2008, 5:18 pm CDT

Why Am I So Confused????

So, my husband and I went through a really tough time about 2 years ago and almost divorced.  We decided to work on some things and slowly got our relationship back on track.  My husband lost his job last summer and that event caused us to get much closer and to realize how much we mean to eachother.  He is now employed and we got through the four months he was not working well.  I felt so connected to him during those four months and we truely bonded.  About  4-5 months ago, we were talking about kids and decided it was time for us to have a family.  I went to my ob/gyn for a check-up and to ask some questions.  Then we started trying.  In January and February, we weren't very successful as he was away a lot on business and I usually ovulated during those times (go figure).  Anyway, this month, we finally were in the same state when I ovulated.  But, I'm now having serious second thoughts about kids.  I sat down today and was really pondering us having kids and I realized that we are not ready and it scared me (cause it may be too late) and it made me very sad.  Let me explain...

 

My husband and I have separate banking accounts.  We do have a joint checking account now but we don't really use it.  My husband says he wants to put our money together but every time I bring it up, he is too busy, or says yeah, yeah we will.  But, we never get around to doing it.  I like my bank, he likes his....getting the picture??  I recently suggested that we go to a completely different bank than either of ours and get a joint checking and saving account and close ALL of our other accounts.  He has abunch of accounts and has a lot more money than me.  He is the breadwinner but, I am not a "gold digger" and am not after his money.  (I was the one with the money when we met actually - LOL)  I just want us to have our money together and if we are starting a family, why shouldn't we?  I am very nervous because my husband has always been very secretive about his finances and recently showed me all of his accounts.  I was shocked to see how much he had in his savings account.  I'm not sure why he won't put our money together.  We have been married almost 4 years and have been together a total of 11 years.  This is a huge issue for me and he seems to down play it no matter what I say to him.  This scares me as children cost money and I want to be sure we can afford one.  I believe we can, but want to be 100% sure. 

 

Plus, he recently started to lock his cell phone whenever I am left alone with it.  This is very concerning to me.  I asked him about it and he says it's because he has nude pictures of me on his cell phone so he locks it all the time to make sure no one can see the pictures on the phone.  WE LIVE TOGETHER ALONE.  That story makes noooooo sense.  I suggested that he erase all the pictures of me but he said no.  I then told him that it makes no sense that he would lock his phone when I'm alone with it if the picutres are of me.  He said because he knows I will go through the phone and invade his privacy.  Let me explain, I picked up his phone one day to get one of his friends phone numbers to do a surprise for him and noticed the phone was locked.  Then I checked it a few days later and saw that he was still locking it.  He rarely did this before.  That was when I confronted him and he wanted to know why I was going through his stuff.  I have come home early from work since then and he is in the shower and the phone is not locked - only when I am around!  Strange huh???  Yeah, I thought so too!!!!  Recently I have been going crazy trying to get peeps into his cell phone to see what he is hiding.  He has forgotten to lock it a few times but I never found anything at all on it.  AM I GOING CRAZY HERE?????  I am so open, honest and my life is an open book that his secretive ways really scare me sometimes.

 

As I'm writing this little blog, I go back and re-read what I wrote. I feel like I am so crazy for even considering a family with this guy.  Am I really nuts???  I feel so naive when I'm a pretty grounded person.  So, I'm writing to get some feedback and advice.  Am I going crazy???  Is the whole baby thing just freaking me out???  Am I looking for things to not deal with having a family????  I truely do want a family and am ready to be a mom but I don't want to have kids because I'm ready and our relationship is not.  I don't want to be selfish as the child will be the one to suffer!  I hope someone out there can help level me out.  I feel like I'm going crazy...

 

 
August 30, 2008, 9:54 am CDT

i have no idea.....

well i have a five month old, and i was pregnant with him at 16, had him at 17 and now i am almost 18 a few more weeks to go. I am married, we have a nice apartment, we have money and i have time. I would like to have another baby and be done having kids. I would like the pregnancy to be a planned and healthy one. I would like to start exercising before we get pregnant and eat healthy. Am i crazy for wanting another one? I know iam young, but i wont wait one to five years to have another... i started young and should i finish young? My husband and i are both done with school, i'll be starting college in about a year max, we are always happy and are best friends....... he is an amazing father. So i really need your advice!!! please
 
September 18, 2008, 5:19 pm CDT

Are you ready?

 

I think it's solely up to you and your husband (signifagnt other). If you are ready to completly give up your sleep and your time to care for a little baby, go for it. I am 21 years old and i have a 3month old baby boy named Gavin. He's my world and i love the fack that i have him to care for, even though i miss my sanity, sleep, relaxation, dinner dates, basically a social life (outside of other parents). But then i think of all the rewards and blessings he brings. i love cuddling with him, kissing him. If you are ready to quit your job or take a maternity leave to working 24 hours a day 7 days a week i think your ready. but thats a decision that you need to make. make a list of all the pros and cons about having a baby. If you can provide love & patience you can do it being a parent is all about trial and error!

 

good luck on your decision!!

 

-Julie

 
September 26, 2008, 7:30 pm CDT

What I am Thinking

Quote From: lilmama69581

well i have a five month old, and i was pregnant with him at 16, had him at 17 and now i am almost 18 a few more weeks to go. I am married, we have a nice apartment, we have money and i have time. I would like to have another baby and be done having kids. I would like the pregnancy to be a planned and healthy one. I would like to start exercising before we get pregnant and eat healthy. Am i crazy for wanting another one? I know iam young, but i wont wait one to five years to have another... i started young and should i finish young? My husband and i are both done with school, i'll be starting college in about a year max, we are always happy and are best friends....... he is an amazing father. So i really need your advice!!! please
It really shouldn't matter what age you and your husband are if you both are ready. You have a child and place to live and a good income. But you mite want to wait until child is at least one. I say this because being so close in age sometimes make children feel as they have to fight for attention .  Not  saying that is how it will be but it is something to think about. Also if you are goin to college if you are going to attend classes and not take ones on the internet, being a mom, a wife, goin to school and getting pregnant that could be just a little to much. I don't see why if you really didn't want to wait in gettin pregnant then take a class or two online so that you and your family can adjust. You don't want to over do it.  I say this i married my boyfriend from highschool I was 15 and he 17. But what it comes down to is what you and your husband want. But u are carring the baby not saying that he doesn't understand but it just can be  a lot, so just don't over do it.  Hope I helped and just didn't add things to think about.
 
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