Topic : 08/31 Son-in-Law vs. Mother-in-Law

This is a great thing to say...because not all MIL's are terrors.

My MIL is one of the kindest and most wonderful women I have ever gotten to know. My relationship with her stands alone with out my husband. I would want her to be in my life no matter what.

I certainly hope I can be a good MIL someday when my daughter gets married. My MIL is a wonderful example of how a parent of adults should act. I am taking many examples from her for the rest of my life on mothering.

Thank you for this post.

I also have a mother who is very manipulative and toxic.  How old are your children?  I have two girls ages 5 & 7.  I am almost afraid to keep them away from her because I don't want them to resent me and go running to her some day-when she will only tell them what an awful person I was for keeping them from her-and how she is only the victim in all of it.  What do you think?

Well said! Amen!

 I've watched Dr. Phil faithfully for years and usually think he's right on the money.  However, this show today prompted me to register and post for the first time on this message board. 

Regardless of whether or not the peanut butter incident was warranted by a doctor's orders, if the parents told her not to give their child peanut butter, she should not under any circumstances have given the baby peanut butter!  Nevermind leaving her outside on a deck alone. 

Not reporting the rape is unforgivable.  Continuing to have any contact with this family member is both unforgivable and disgusting.  And when Annaka said that she continues to have a relationship with this man via Christmas cards and phone conversations, all the mother-in-law did was try to change things around to make Annaka look stupid by saying "Well, I'm sorry he has my address."  She knows good and well that that's not the point.  Any normal human being would at least cut off all contact with this person and put them out of their lives.....but any normal person would have them arrested as well.

I didn't see the husband as controlling.  He looked to me like a person who finally convinced his wife that she was worthy of the respect her mother has never given her.  He seems to have given her the "oomph" she needed to speak up in her own defense. 

The bottom line is that this woman obviously has zero respect for her daughter and her son-in-law.  How dare anyone demand to be in a delivery room?!  How dare she position herself in between an argument/disagreement/conversation between a husband and wife?!  She seems to genuinely want a relationship with her granddaughter, but going on past actions, I wouldn't leave her alone with my kids either because she seems determined to defy their instructions to the point of putting her granddaughter's safety in jeopardy. 

I simply cannot belive Dr. Phil did not call out this mother-in-law on her behavior.  She seems to be a very passive-aggressive, manipulative woman who will ultimately end up causing more problems in her daughter's marriage. 

Grandparents do not have rights! They may have privileges, if the parents want them to. If a grandparent can spew venow to her son about his wife, she is a malicious person who should not be allowed to do the same to her grandchildren. My MIL could not separate the two and we made sure she didn't have easy access to our children...that's right...OUR children. We made the decision to keep her out together and now we breathe easy knowing she is out of lives for good!

   

I haven't seen or spoken to my in-laws in over a year, and it is a blessing.   Distance seems to be the only thing that is allowing my husband and myself to heal withour being dragged down by their negative and controlling ways!  MIL is a constant "pot-stirrer."  

   

Enough was ENOUGH!!!  

   

I know why 2 of their 4 children moved 4 states away, and I know why my husband has the same flight responce.  Three hours is not far enough away for us, and we are willing to give up our lives here, and move even further away to escape this crap.  They are sick, and will die before they own anything that they have said and done.  It is sad and a waste of time.  

   

They get what they get.  Their judgements and lies have pushed us away.  Evil letters, and lies have pushed us over the edge. When the little pieces made a large picture as Dr P said, we stood up for ourselves, and their rage was INSTANT.  They have held onto and drug up and twisted instances from the past that are 12 years old, just so they don't have to talk about the present.  They are jealous of their own children, and turn them against each other just to have something to talk about.  Talking about the real issues with them is like them ignoring the 2 ton elephant that they have tried to hide under the rug.  "What elephant, I don't see any elephant!  You are just making that up."  

   

They want to know why we don't have children, and believe that it is a sin.  My husband and I cannot even fathom having children knowing how they would try to contol everything.  They cannot accept that we are happy with our jobs, our faith and our lives in general as it stands now.  Life does not have to be ruled by the church that they attend (my husbands psychologist considers a cult.)  

   

   

Controling freaks!  

   

They need to get a life!  They are no longer welcome in ours.  

Men aren't capable of having their feelings hurt??? I can empathize with this. It might not have been a HUGE of a deal but when people are sleep deprived and stressed to the max (ever had a baby? Doesn't get much more stressful then that) they are over emotional and get hurt easily.

This was his first baby and maybe he just wanted to know everything about it.

Frankly when my husband and I have issues, fights, misunderstandings or hurt feelings we DO discuss it. It's much better then letting it cloud more important things.

 Dr. Phil,
   I just watched the segment where the daughter turned to her mother and told her about the support she had hoped to receive from her.  I was in similar situation with my mother's brother, whom she loved dearly, and although the actual rape didn't take place the fondling did.  I was too afraid to tell my mother because I felt that she would blame me.  I had no where to turn.  I found out later that he had raped two of my cousins.  His own brother's daughters.
My mother has since passed and I never did tell her.  It's just something I lived with and only recently told me sisters about it.  It's a sad thing when daughters can't go to their mothers for support in fear that they will be fault somehow.  I am almost 53 years old and I was 15 when this happened.  There is so much more I could say about this uncle but that's another show.

   

At some point in this show, Dr. Phil talked about the son-in-law not being able to understand how the mother could miss her grandchild.  Dr. Phil said it was a guy thing.   

   

Dr. Phil, rape is a similar issue.  Yes some men are raped but it is far more a crime affecting a woman.  The mother has absolutely failed her daughter on this issue and she should have been confronted more strongly about it.  That mother ALLOWED someone to blame her 15-year old daughter for the rape.  How wrong that is and the mother just glosses it over.   

   

The mother, in my opinion, has lost all her right to see her grandchild.  If the mother were the "perpetrator" she wouldn't be allowed anywhere near that child.  So that she has put herself in a position that she is supporting that perpetrator - and is he still doing this crime to others? - makes her an unfit grandmother.   

   

If I were Anneka I would never feel safe allowing my mother around my child.  What if some other perpetrator - rapist - hurt the child?  Would the mother stand as idly by as she is now?   

   

I am so sad for Anneka.  I am so angry at the mother for her weakness.  I pray for the safety of the young child.   

THANK YOU!!!!