Topic : 08/31 Son-in-Law vs. Mother-in-Law

Mother in law and grandparent bashing seems to be a favorite passtime in here.  What about rude, disrespectful, arrogant, abusive, know-it-all adult children who only want to use you????!!!  You better believe I put up a wall..a BIG one!  I don't get to see my grandchildren.  This is the "price" I have to pay for freedom and peace in my life.  My son demands that I cater to his wife, running errands for her because she does not want to take the children out, and doing any hard, heavy work that she is "too good" to do.  All this and more, while they were living rent free in my home that I provided for them.  However, when I once asked him to take a look at my printer for me, his response was that I should buy a new one.  When I became physically ill, after losing my husband and my mother in close succession, I was called a liar about being ill, and told I was only "making excuses" to get out of helping them  with babysitting and other chores.  I never, ever interferred in their lives and I was accused of "not caring".  I never lived with them and never imposed in any way.  I would never try to break them up, because they both so thoroughly deserve each other.   

I am SO tired of seeing mothers and grandparents portrayed as needy, clingy, oh-so-dependent old monsters who just HAVE to live vicariously through a couple of  assinine little twits! 

Mother in law and grandparent bashing seems to be a favorite passtime in here.  What about rude, disrespectful, arrogant, abusive, know-it-all adult children who only want to use you????!!!  You better believe I put up a wall..a BIG one!  I don't get to see my grandchildren.  This is the "price" I have to pay for freedom and peace in my life.  My son demands that I cater to his wife, running errands for her because she does not want to take the children out, and doing any hard, heavy work that she is "too good" to do.  All this and more, while they were living rent free in my home that I provided for them.  However, when I once asked him to take a look at my printer for me, his response was that I should buy a new one.  When I became physically ill, after losing my husband and my mother in close succession, I was called a liar about being ill, and told I was only "making excuses" to get out of helping them  with babysitting and other chores.  I never, ever interferred in their lives and I was accused of "not caring".  I never lived with them and never imposed in any way.  I would never try to break them up, because they both so thoroughly deserve each other.   

I am SO tired of seeing mothers and grandparents portrayed as needy, clingy, oh-so-dependent old monsters who just HAVE to live vicariously through a couple of  assinine little twits! 

Mother in law and grandparent bashing seems to be a favorite passtime in here.  What about rude, disrespectful, arrogant, abusive, know-it-all adult children who only want to use you????!!!  You better believe I put up a wall..a BIG one!  I don't get to see my grandchildren.  This is the "price" I have to pay for freedom and peace in my life.  My son demands that I cater to his wife, running errands for her because she does not want to take the children out, and doing any hard, heavy work that she is "too good" to do.  All this and more, while they were living rent free in my home that I provided for them.  However, when I once asked him to take a look at my printer for me, his response was that I should buy a new one.  When I became physically ill, after losing my husband and my mother in close succession, I was called a liar about being ill, and told I was only "making excuses" to get out of helping them  with babysitting and other chores.  I never, ever interferred in their lives and I was accused of "not caring".  I never lived with them and never imposed in any way.  I would never try to break them up, because they both so thoroughly deserve each other.   

I am SO tired of seeing mothers and grandparents portrayed as needy, clingy, oh-so-dependent old monsters who just HAVE to live vicariously through a couple of  assinine little twits! 

Dr. Phil,  

  The reason women don't go on and on about molestation or rape because that means it is more attention drawn on themselves.  People focus on her instead of the person that did it.  Everything becomes about her.  Her mother should have given her a voice but didn't.  That was wrong.  Not justifying the victims feelings makes it more frustrating.  But you telling Anaca (not sure of the spelling) that she will regret it if her mother dies and Anaca never tried to resolve the relationship is WRONG , so wrong.   Who cares.  That is just another guilt trip.  I am really frustrated right now and maybe not making sense.  Anyways, you are making this Anaca's problem.  Another reason for
Anaca to feel she did something wrong. Why should she have to have a relationship with her mother.  She probably has no real feelings for her except guilt knowing you are supposed to love your mother and I bet deep in her heart the only reason she even attempts to communicate with her mother is because that is how a mother-daughter relationship is supposed to be.  It becomes another something you do for other people instead of something you do for yourself.  Well Anaca, stand by your man and just worry about your own life.  Maybe let your mother see her but with a few rules.  NO unwanted visitors allowed or the relationship with the granddaughter will end immediately.  Do a drop off and pick up without getting emotionally involved with your mother.  You don't need to have a relationship with your mother in order for her to have one with her granddaughter.  And she will most likely be better with her granddaughter than she was with you.  My parents treat my daughter better than they ever treated me otherwise they would not see her at all.  Now this is turning into a story about me and that is not what I want.  The bottom line is that Anaca does not need to have a relationship with her mother in order for her mother to have one with Anaca's daughter.  Anaca can just live her life and her mom can just mind her own business and just enjoy and be grateful of the opportunities that Anaca and her husband allow her to have.  Make conversations with your mother short and to the point.  I will drop my daughter off at this time and I will pick her up at this time.  Stand inside the door, say goodbye, go inside the door (and only just inside the door) to pick her up.  Say hello and goodbye without your daughter sensing tension.  Only focus on your daughter.  That is all you need to do.  It will stop your mother from threatening to sue for visitation or whatever she is doing ( I only caught the second half of the show) and it will give you and your husband an evening out to dinner and a show.  Don't get personal with your mother or tell her anything personal.  Then you can't and shouldn't feel guilty about the way the relationship is.  It doesn't have to be more than that for you Anaca, to feel good.  

Lots of bullying going on here, on both sides. 

Why are you hostile? 

How can anyone make peace with this attitude? 

Period?! Wow. Here come to know it all parents. 

Remember, your children are watching you, friend. There is such a thing as sitting down with your kids and explaining that situations happen in families. All this breastbeating is sickening to me--and usually it comes from men who are in love with their "roles" as the big, bad daddies. Actually, it hardly ever works. 

Kids deserve to see their grandmas and grandpas once in a while. Can't you budge off your high horse? 

By the way, many states disagree with your assessment about grandparent's rights to see their grandchildren. Sorry about that.