Message Boards

Topic : 08/31 Son-in-Law vs. Mother-in-Law

Number of Replies: 690
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:01:56 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/15/06) They’re bound by marriage but at war with each other. Anneka and her husband, Michael, are no longer on speaking terms with Anneka’s mother, Marcia. They say Marcia hates Michael and wants him out of the picture. Marcia says Michael condescends to her, questions her parenting and is brainwashing her daughter. Is it right that Anneka and Michael refuse to let Marcia see her grandchild? Will the couple agree to give Marcia access? Plus, Anneka has a dark secret from her past. Could a terrifying incident be the cause of their current conflict? Will this family agree to find a middle ground for the sake of the baby? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More August 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 13, 2006, 1:13 am CDT

Don't bother reconciling

The show hasn't been on yet, but I've read a million stories like theirs on the Mother In Law Stories message board. They should just cut off the mother in law and just forget about her forever. Moving away would be nice too. So what if she's related. They don't owe her anything. They have nothing to gain from a relationship with her. The problem people have is they put up with way too much crap from their parents. You should just think of your parents as just people and discard them as easily as anyone else who treats you badly. Bad parents take advantage of your kindness and your guilt to hurt you more. Also the idea that parents are sacred is a lot of self-serving bullshit that parents created for their own benefit.  

  

  

 
May 13, 2006, 2:45 am CDT

mother in law

I have found by personal experience that the most hurtful thing that adult children can do is to keep the grandchildren away from their grandparents.  I have four grandchildren and two of them I have no connection with as their mother kept them away from me for so long.  Two of the grandchildren I see every second weekend and I had to fight for that.  I do not have a good relatioship with their mother, and haven't for three years.  What a waste of life.
 
May 13, 2006, 2:46 am CDT

A bit harsh ....

Quote From: bcrusher

The show hasn't been on yet, but I've read a million stories like theirs on the Mother In Law Stories message board. They should just cut off the mother in law and just forget about her forever. Moving away would be nice too. So what if she's related. They don't owe her anything. They have nothing to gain from a relationship with her. The problem people have is they put up with way too much crap from their parents. You should just think of your parents as just people and discard them as easily as anyone else who treats you badly. Bad parents take advantage of your kindness and your guilt to hurt you more. Also the idea that parents are sacred is a lot of self-serving bullshit that parents created for their own benefit.  

  

  

I agree that there are too many mother-in-law horror stories, and it gets so it's just sensationalism.   I think everyone deserves a chance - and another chance - and another chance ... families are torn asunder by all kinds of things from gossip to control issues to abusive behaviours.  But, if there is any possibility of some measure of peace between people who are either related by blood or entwined in relationship - then every possibility for reconciliation should be explored.  

   

When a parent is out of control, adult children need to maintain their self-control - if they know how.  

   

Toxic parents exist; everyone has seen the sad results of their sick way of dealing with their families, but not all mothers and fathers should be tarred with the same brush.  

   

Parents are not "just people"; they are the people who gave life.  I've never known perfect parents, but 99.9% of the parents I do know would willingly lay down their lives for their children.    

   

 
May 13, 2006, 5:55 am CDT

05/15 Son-in-Law vs. Mother-in-Law

Quote From: grammarock

I have found by personal experience that the most hurtful thing that adult children can do is to keep the grandchildren away from their grandparents.  I have four grandchildren and two of them I have no connection with as their mother kept them away from me for so long.  Two of the grandchildren I see every second weekend and I had to fight for that.  I do not have a good relatioship with their mother, and haven't for three years.  What a waste of life.
 Why does she keep the children away?  Could you have been a part of the problem? Now, in some cases there are innocent grandparents who this happens to, but in a lot of them, from what I have seen, the grandparent is to blame as well.

I told my husband that if his family could not show me at least basic respect, that they will not see the kids. I do not care if they love me or even like me, but as their mother, I deserve to be treated at least cordially. So far, so good. No one has really been disrespectful in a way that I could not handle, in about 3 yrs.

I do not care who flames me. NO ONE,  even GPs, have "rights" to another person's child.  Grandparenting is a privilege. I am all for GPs. I had wonderful GPs. But, my GP did not treat my parents disrespectfully, either.

I am not saying this is your case. But if you could elaborate further, we could understand better.
 
May 13, 2006, 6:41 am CDT

Poison People

I was in the husband's shoes, with my mother-in-law (A REAL POISON PERSON) 

  

My mother-in-law hated me and treated me with great disgust.  She always intervenied on behalf of her "drug-addicted son" who would beat me and threaten my life.  When I had enough of her interfering and decided to leave, my "mother-in-law" took my daughter from me and left me to "make peace" with her son.  This included nightly rapes and beatings.   

  

Since my husband's brother was a NY police officer and we lived in his precinct (sp), whenever I called 911 for help, the brother would come out, and he would side with his brother. 

  

I called my father in the middle of night for help and my dad said "Put on an Oscar winning performance until you get your daughter back and then call me and a plane ticket will be waiting."  I did as he said for two weeks and the day my daughter was returned to me, I left with her and one suitcase.  That was 20 years ago. 

  

I have no use for "in-laws" and I have no problem telling them to ----- off.  If they don't get the hint, they get a restraining order.  I decided a long time ago not to be the vicitm to someone elses' poison.  Poison people can take a walk. 

 
May 13, 2006, 7:00 am CDT

There are always two sides a story

 The situation is bad and has to be delt with. The ultimate goal should be to find a happy situation for all parties. The younger couple needs to let the mother-in-law know how her "behaviour" is affecting them and give her a chance to explain her behaviour. If by chance she would be unwilling, let her know the option is to isolate her from her daughter and grand-children.
Just give her a chance she might just be a normal "mother" that wants to help her daughter and doesn't realize the daughter now is a mother herself. She might need some help on how to offer help without offending.
 
May 13, 2006, 7:26 am CDT

Strength and bravery

Quote From: jamibean

I was in the husband's shoes, with my mother-in-law (A REAL POISON PERSON) 

  

My mother-in-law hated me and treated me with great disgust.  She always intervenied on behalf of her "drug-addicted son" who would beat me and threaten my life.  When I had enough of her interfering and decided to leave, my "mother-in-law" took my daughter from me and left me to "make peace" with her son.  This included nightly rapes and beatings.   

  

Since my husband's brother was a NY police officer and we lived in his precinct (sp), whenever I called 911 for help, the brother would come out, and he would side with his brother. 

  

I called my father in the middle of night for help and my dad said "Put on an Oscar winning performance until you get your daughter back and then call me and a plane ticket will be waiting."  I did as he said for two weeks and the day my daughter was returned to me, I left with her and one suitcase.  That was 20 years ago. 

  

I have no use for "in-laws" and I have no problem telling them to ----- off.  If they don't get the hint, they get a restraining order.  I decided a long time ago not to be the vicitm to someone elses' poison.  Poison people can take a walk. 

What a brave and strong woman you are!  I am a single mom who got left behind when I was pregnant with my son. His family does nothing for us and he doesn't either.My son and I are on our own and I am proud of how strong I have been through all of it.  

  

 You and I are showing our children that when you get beaten down you don't have to fall apart.  You pick yourself up and go on. 

  

I salute you and every single mom out there, like us  who go it alone every day.  We can survive just fine without a toxic mother in law or any other loser out there who tries to derail us along the journey of raising our children. 

  

Dr. Phil should do a show about us!  

  

Congratulations to you!  

 
May 13, 2006, 7:52 am CDT

In response to

Quote From: kyrosemom

 Why does she keep the children away?  Could you have been a part of the problem? Now, in some cases there are innocent grandparents who this happens to, but in a lot of them, from what I have seen, the grandparent is to blame as well.

I told my husband that if his family could not show me at least basic respect, that they will not see the kids. I do not care if they love me or even like me, but as their mother, I deserve to be treated at least cordially. So far, so good. No one has really been disrespectful in a way that I could not handle, in about 3 yrs.

I do not care who flames me. NO ONE,  even GPs, have "rights" to another person's child.  Grandparenting is a privilege. I am all for GPs. I had wonderful GPs. But, my GP did not treat my parents disrespectfully, either.

I am not saying this is your case. But if you could elaborate further, we could understand better.

I agree that it's hurtful to use children as a "prize" for behavior, however, IF the behavior of the MIL is DAMAGING to the children, and I said "IF"..........then there is a time when the children need to be pulled back for their own emotional well-being.  

  

I have a MIL that would love to make my life very difficult, however, I let my husband handle her and I get on with my life.  I have had to put her in her place several times after she's made ridiculous suggestions to my husband to go visit an old girlfriend on vacation.....and she's left me alone ever since.  

    

She treated my 11-yr old daughter horribly after first meeting her (this is our second marriage - his first wife died a few years ago) and I've decided for my daughter's sake, and also with my husband in 100% agreement, to keep them seperate from each other.    

  

Children are innocent and never ask to get caught in the middle.  If the relationship is damaging to the children, I say do whatever it takes to protect them, even if someone else's feelings have to be compromised.  

  

My daughter does continue a relationship within the family with someone I don't agree with, and I allow it.......I ONLY allow it as long as it doesn't become my daughter's problem.  As long as the boundries are respected as far as their relationship with my daughter I will allow the relationship between them to continue.  If they cross the boundries, I'll make my decision as the parent to protect my child at the cost of any of the adults' feelings.  

  

Concerned Parent in Colorado 

  

 
May 13, 2006, 7:59 am CDT

Bite the bullet and smile

There are NEVER two sides to this story.Being a mother-in-law, like being a parent is both a blessing and a responsibility. A  mother-in-law should never insert herself between her child and her  child's spouse! The children's relationship must always come first (unless of course there is abuse). Marital relationships should not be interfered with by in-laws. When children are involved.... keep your 'eye on the prize'. That prize is being WELCOME at your child's house and being allowed to be asn important part of your grandchild's life. A mother-in-law should not have an 'ego' to protect or any agenda other than to lend support to her child and mate.
 
May 13, 2006, 8:02 am CDT

Grandchildren

I have seen this happen so many times in families.  If there are children involved they should be left out of it all together.  Despite the differences that happen between the people involved the children should never have to choose between any of them.  Separations between parents do happen, you should try and get a common ground for the children and this also includes the Grandparents.  Negative comments always come out about the other person but this should be keep out of hearing range of the children.  This is a tough world to get along in. 

  

In my family this happens because of reglious beliefs.  There is still a riff between my brother his wife and my mother.  Their children are grown and married and still have a negitive emotion towards their Grandmother.  They know where she is when they want something. 

 
First Page | Previous Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last