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Topic : 09/05 The Divorce Experiment

Number of Replies: 533
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Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:03:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/16/06) Are you married to a man who doesn't know how good he has it? You do the cooking, the cleaning, take care of the kids, and he still takes you for granted? After seven years, Amy finds herself in a marriage where she is expected to wait on her husband hand and foot, and never voice her opinion. Her husband, Greg, is a self-proclaimed male chauvinist pig, and says his wife's job is to take care of the family without questioning his role as "king" of the house. Amy says if Greg doesn't learn to treat her like his equal and not his servant, she's going to divorce him. Dr. Phil sends in a Relationship Rescue team of strong women to teach Greg a lesson! While Amy is sent off on a special trip to build her self-esteem, Greg gets three new "wives" who give him a dose of his own medicine as they put him through all that he demands of his wife on a daily basis. Will he finally see Amy as his equal and become a better spouse in the process? Talk about the show here.

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May 16, 2006, 3:19 pm PDT

Yes

Quote From: pinkiegal

I am much like you BIFBOBIF my husband works 12-14 hours a day so i can stay home with my kids, and i also feel it is my duty to do the things i do. But i also think you should be appreciated and respected for what you do. I got very lucky when i met my husband i met a great guy. He always puts me at the top of his list, me and our kids are the number one thing in his life. As is he in mine. We have been married almost 9yrs and have been together for almost 13yrs total, and he tells me everyday that he loves me more each day. A lot of my friends and family make fun of me for what i do for him, example: i like to make him a plate of dinner and make it so all he has to do is eat it and they think he is like a kid, i just like to do things for him he does so much for me.........this man needs a good look at a his attitude and the way he treats his wife but i would like to see amy get the attitude she needs to put up with him, make him feel what you feel. I use to let people do and say what they wanted about me but when i had my first child i learned that my opinion counts and that i have a right to be heard whether it good or bad at that time, so my daughter can see she does not have to put up with this from anyone.............

It's not a bad thing to do most of the work.  This is why I wanted to do the show.  People will do anything for you if they know that you are on their side and that you love and respect them.  You can love someone to do anything for you, but when you treat them with disrespect, they shut down and start to hate you.  There is something I always say in my family: 

  

"People are like mirrors, they reflect what they see".  

  

Rebecca-- 

  

If you are kind and respectful usually people are the same. 

If you are mean and disrespectful to others, expect the same. 

 
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May 16, 2006, 3:22 pm PDT

what about the kids?

I caught a side note that her daughter was removed from the home? I think that she needs to get away to be a good rolemodel for her children. That is sad that you cannot have your children around because of how a releationship and communication is going.
 
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May 16, 2006, 3:27 pm PDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: donna2236

Dr. Phil is often wrong and in the way he handled this display of a marriage in trouble...I think he was dead wrong.  And in this case he is about 95% wrong.   I'd caution anyone against robotically repeating what Dr. Phil says as gospel.  (Sorry Dr. Phil and staff...but you wouldn't want me to not be my "genuine self" would ya?)     

  

The irony of today's show is that it was purported to show a woman how to stick up for herself against a husband who doesn't respect what she does....and yet all it did was reinforce her position as a victim.  And where was the compassion for this man?  I'll say it again...if he was a woman displaying this kind of emotionally abusive behavior we'd be looking in every nook and cranny for the "underlying psychic wound she suffered that now causes her to act out".  But when it's a man who may actually be in some pain...who may actually need some help and not a manipulative bit of theatre at his expense...all bets are off.   

he was a woman displaying this kind of emotionally abusive behavior we'd be looking in every nook and cranny for the "underlying psychic wound she suffered that now causes her to act out".  But when it's a man who may actually be in some pain...who may actually need some help and not a manipulative bit of theatre at his expense...all bets are off.    

  

Actually, I got that Dr. Phil tried to get Greg to open up about issues from his past, and Greg just shut down and wouldn't go there. I know that Dr. Phil does a tremendous amount of research before each show. I think he knew way more about this, but didn't want to bring out painful stuff without Greg's consent....that's why he offered private counseling rather than potentially embarrassing the man on TV. 

 
 

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May 16, 2006, 3:28 pm PDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: donna2236

Dr. Phil is often wrong and in the way he handled this display of a marriage in trouble...I think he was dead wrong.  And in this case he is about 95% wrong.   I'd caution anyone against robotically repeating what Dr. Phil says as gospel.  (Sorry Dr. Phil and staff...but you wouldn't want me to not be my "genuine self" would ya?)     

  

The irony of today's show is that it was purported to show a woman how to stick up for herself against a husband who doesn't respect what she does....and yet all it did was reinforce her position as a victim.  And where was the compassion for this man?  I'll say it again...if he was a woman displaying this kind of emotionally abusive behavior we'd be looking in every nook and cranny for the "underlying psychic wound she suffered that now causes her to act out".  But when it's a man who may actually be in some pain...who may actually need some help and not a manipulative bit of theatre at his expense...all bets are off.   

I never "robotically repeat" what Dr Phil says. I disagree with him A LOT.

I was making a specific response to you about something you said specifically. This has NOTHING to do with who does what, Dr Phil is completely correct about that. This is about his disrespect to her ...not who irons and cooks and who earns money.

That was my point...I guess you missed it.

And Dr Phil DID try to get inside why this man does this, several times and he was shut down. So obviously deeper therapy is needed and it is what he asked for...and guess what Donna...that is what he got.

 
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May 16, 2006, 3:31 pm PDT

Fluffyfat's Comment

Quote From: fluffyfat

I'd like to ask Amy what her pay-off is.  I'd also like to know what she thinks would happen to Greg if he still didn't have a handle on his job after eight years.  

  

My house is twice the size of Amy's, yet it's spotless.  I have dinner ready to be served when my husband walks in, even though his schedule varies from day to day.  The laundry's caught up, I work out six days a week, and I still have time to watch Dr. Phil and yack on the internet.  What's the problem, Amy? 

It is interesting that you need to feel superior to a woman who is clearly beaten down and demeaned by pointing out your larger (and you say cleaner) house, your workout routine, your laundry management, etc. As you were comparing yourself to Amy on these points, did it make you feel better about yourself? You never mention what behavior of Greg's you are defending. Is it his judgmental and demeaning comments toward his wife or his comment that men are superior to all women? Perhaps you are defending his statement that he could perform all stay-at-home mom work in half the time as all other women. Hard to believe in this day and age you would agree with any of that. As a feminist, I would urge you to think about this: It was these types of men, historically, who kept women from voting, owning land, and getting an education. It is these types of men today who are empowered to discriminate in corporate and political arenas toward women and minorities. These behaviors don't help anyone but the people who hold them. Housework and workouts are merely tasks. They do not speak to a person's character or worth. Greg's belief system about women being inferior can and should be changed. A clean house does not equal a loving and supportive marriage, nor does it make you better than Amy. Compassion and understanding in life go a lot further than housework and priding oneself on being a "traditional wife."
 
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May 16, 2006, 3:32 pm PDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: shmigelz

If this is about role reversal, then why isnt she WORKING a REAL JOB like he does everyday? What is she doing going off to some lala land. Mean while hes at home doing her housework. I hope they make sure he gets to do 100% of her daily activities, like the afternoon naps, not having to get rdy for work, lounge around in joggers all day, phone your friends when you want too and do the house work when you feel good and ready... 

  

If hes doing the housework she should be working at a real job like he does all day everyday.  

  

Why do people feel so sorry for the damn house moms??? It aint that hard... GET REAL!  

BECAUSE IT WASN'T"T ABOUT THE HOUSEWORK!!!! 

  

Greg got a dose of being TREATED and TALKED to the way he treats his wife ....the housework was just the setting. 

  

Amy needed to learn that only she has the power to demand the respect she wants....It wasn't like she was sent to a luxury resort....for heaven's sake, the woman was walking on fire! 

 
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May 16, 2006, 3:38 pm PDT

Why bother??

That is the question I would pose to her....This man will not change...men such as this just DON'T...He sure could use some help tho!!  She too needs some therapy with self esteem; she chose this man and has put up with this for 7 long years!!!  I hope she cuts her losses and moves on; she owes it to her daughter if not to herself...She is a beautiful woman and I wish her only the very best...Erika
 
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May 16, 2006, 3:38 pm PDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

I was married to a man like this and I also dated (and WAS engaged) to a man like this. My ex-fiance was very critical of the way I made pasta but he didn't tell me what he wanted or how to cook it. He would just do like this guy did and throw it in the trash without even tasting it and said it was crap. I got so mad at him I told him he will cook his own dinner from now on. And I stuck with that! But that still didn't save our relationship. I still wound up kicking his sorry butt to the curb but that was due to his unrelenting alcoholism (another "deal breaker" as Dr Phil would say).

My ex-husband was more critical of the way that I did housework especially the laundry. I had to fold the towels just like his mom did. Hmm... now that I think about it, my ex-fiance was picky about laundry too. Everything had to look new and starched... even if his T-shirts were older than I am!. :(

Dr Phil said so many things today that sounds just like my NEW boyfriend that I met on a Dr Phil board! Dr Phil told the woman on the show that we teach other people how to treat us and this woman will finally be truly empowered when she doesn't let anyone dictate how she lives her life or how she feels anymore. That is SO true. I never thought I would ever be in an empowering relationship but now that I'm in one, I want to do all I can to make it work and no matter what happens, I will never EVER go back to being a doormat ever, ever again!

I, like Dr Phil, worry that this marriage will not last if he doesn't make some major changes... but marriage is a 2 way street and she really needs to stand up to him if he regresses to tyranny again. She needs and deserves the respect that she does not have yet in this relationship.

It's not my personality to be like those 3 "temporary" wives... but I sure do admire people like that. They are SO inspiring.  :)
 
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May 16, 2006, 3:40 pm PDT

Did this help?

I'm Rebecca the loud mouth on the show.  I just want people to know that I would never yell at my husband like this because he is a loving, kind and supportive man, but I had a blast yelling at Greg.  Greg needed to feel how his wife feels.  I think that we showed Greg how it feels to be treated like a nobody and if he truly loves his wife, he will watch this show back and get the help he needs.  If he doesn't get help, I hope Amy does the right thing for her children.   

 
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May 16, 2006, 3:41 pm PDT

Did you watch the entire show?

Quote From: donna2236

Dr. Phil is often wrong and in the way he handled this display of a marriage in trouble...I think he was dead wrong.  And in this case he is about 95% wrong.   I'd caution anyone against robotically repeating what Dr. Phil says as gospel.  (Sorry Dr. Phil and staff...but you wouldn't want me to not be my "genuine self" would ya?)     

  

The irony of today's show is that it was purported to show a woman how to stick up for herself against a husband who doesn't respect what she does....and yet all it did was reinforce her position as a victim.  And where was the compassion for this man?  I'll say it again...if he was a woman displaying this kind of emotionally abusive behavior we'd be looking in every nook and cranny for the "underlying psychic wound she suffered that now causes her to act out".  But when it's a man who may actually be in some pain...who may actually need some help and not a manipulative bit of theatre at his expense...all bets are off.   

Dr.Phil did in fact ask Greg what was going on for him to act the way he does. Dr.Phil was also offered some compassion when Greg decided to again act like a cocky, self-centered jerk. 

  

Dr.Phil also did in fact offer him some therapy on his dime. 

  

I've also watched shows where DrPhil has asked women the same question. 

 
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