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Topic : 09/05 The Divorce Experiment

Number of Replies: 531
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Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:03:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/16/06) Are you married to a man who doesn't know how good he has it? You do the cooking, the cleaning, take care of the kids, and he still takes you for granted? After seven years, Amy finds herself in a marriage where she is expected to wait on her husband hand and foot, and never voice her opinion. Her husband, Greg, is a self-proclaimed male chauvinist pig, and says his wife's job is to take care of the family without questioning his role as "king" of the house. Amy says if Greg doesn't learn to treat her like his equal and not his servant, she's going to divorce him. Dr. Phil sends in a Relationship Rescue team of strong women to teach Greg a lesson! While Amy is sent off on a special trip to build her self-esteem, Greg gets three new "wives" who give him a dose of his own medicine as they put him through all that he demands of his wife on a daily basis. Will he finally see Amy as his equal and become a better spouse in the process? Talk about the show here.

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May 13, 2006, 10:40 am CDT

Why would you put up with it

I understand that it is easy for someone to say that they would never find themselves in a situation like this woman when you have never been in this situation before. One can never fully understand what it is like unless you have walked a mile in her shoes. Once in an abusive relationship it is hard to get out, no matter what all the experts tell you to do. There comes a point however where you have to take care of number 1 and if that means yourself and or your children then you have to do it. What are these children learning from their father? She needs to run as fast and as far as she can get from this man, no matter what Dr. Phil suggests. Once an abuser, always an abuser. This man should have been put in jail instead of giving him 3 strong woman to try and change his ways.
 
May 13, 2006, 11:07 am CDT

Want to be treated like a king?

This husband has forgotten that the mate of a king is his QUEEN. To be treated like a king - to deserve to be treated like a king - treat your wife like the queen she is and deserves to be. Marriage is a two-way street, all about give and take. We should all do unto others as we would have others do unto us. Most of us learned that little truth in kindergarten or Sunday school.
 
May 13, 2006, 11:50 am CDT

Wolf in sheeps clothing

I was married to this type of man for 25 years.  Saddly, I thought I was doing my children a favor by staying with their dad until they were older.  The minute the youngest left home, I packed and left. The funny thing was, he could not believe I was leaving.  He did not understand what the problem was, even though I had attempted to discuss our situation for 25 years. That has been 15 years ago and I could not be happier being alone. I guess I am tainted a little, no a lot, about marriage. My life if very full with grandchildren and friends and my garden.  

  

He has remarried and I understand from a friend that she is very unhappy and in the same situation I was.  I am sorry for her and hope she gets out sooner than I did. This guy can be very charming but then turns into a different person after the I dos. 

 
May 13, 2006, 12:27 pm CDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: primebeast

Amen to this!  I'm in the opposite situation.  I'm a husband who works at home and takes care of my 3 year old son whilst working.  (My wife works outside the home.)  When she gets home in the evening, I end up walking on eggshells.  She's had a rough day...no one understands her...her boss yells at her...etc.  I try to listen and then she starts in on me "Why can't you schedule your clients better?  Why do I have to do everything around here?  etc."  Then, when our son wants to get some attention, she ends up yelling at him.  If we're lucky, she'll settle down before bedtime.  In the morning, it's like nothing happened and the cycle starts again.   

  

I own a lot of this because I knew better than to marry her and I gave into her pressure.  I knew that she was an angry person but I didn't know exactly how angry.  I've been trying my absolute best to make a bad decision right...or, at least liveable.   

  

I'm a fitness trainer and my clients come to the studio in our house.  I work from 6 am until 8 pm at night.  I deal with my early morning clients before the rest of the familiy gets up.  Then, three days a week, I take my son to pre-school.  (My wife takes him two days a week.)  When my son gets out of pre-school around noon, I have scheduled my time so that I can be with him  So, I pick him up five days a week, deal with housework, grocery shopping, fixing dinner, etc. Then I take on my evening clients after my wife gets home.  Weekends, my wife is out selling her skin care products, taking skating lessons, etc. 

  

Thank goodness for weekends....although I'd like some time for myself, just the fact that she is out of the house is like a vacation for me.  (Besides, if I complained that she was out of the house so much, I'd never hear the end of it.)   

Your wife doesn't realize how good she must have it if you do all of that while she works outside the home.  I was a stay at home mom for 12 years and then just started working part time from home on my computer so I could be here when my kids come home from school and when they are out of school.  My husband works 10-12 hours a day and does not realize or apprciate anything that  I do.  I cook almost everynight and keep the house clean everyday, even though I work 6 hours a day.  I pick up the kids from school and the only thing he recently did was start taking our oldest child to school in the mornings since they are on 2 different campuses.  He even gripes about that sometimes too.  He is not a ogre or physically abusive but he can be verbally abusive sometimes.  He makes fun at me about my weight, I weigh about 60 pounds more than I did when we got married 16 years ago.  But I in turn make fun of him too about his belly.  He's not overweight but has developed a stomach on him.  I have an excuse at least, I gave birth to 2 kids within 4 years of each other.  Your wife needs to wake up and realize how good she has it.  I would love for my husband to do things.  Anything would be better than nothing. 
 
May 13, 2006, 12:34 pm CDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

This man sounds like my husband to a certain extent.  I do EVERYTHING from cleaning, cooking, picking up the kids from school and working parttime 6 hours a day.  I also take care of our 2 dogs and my son's hamster.  I try to get my kids to help around the house and sometimes they do.  But what kind of role model is he when he does nothing but go to his job and then come home.  He has never vacuumed, washed clothes, washed dishes, clean the bathrooms or anything in our 16 years of marriage.  For 12 years I was a stay at home mom and did everything and now I still do everything even though I work too.  He does not appreciate or realize everything that I do.  Whenever I gripe to him about it, it's like talking to the wall.  He just does not realize and I am at my wits end to try to make him see what all I do.  I sometimes think that if I left he would realize but I honestly don't think he would care.  He would probably just hire someone to come clean the house. 
 
May 13, 2006, 12:39 pm CDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: shiralee68

In the movie "Kramer vs. Kramer" the two parents were in a scene where they were arguing over their daughter and each had hold of one of her hands and you could see that they'd pull her apart physically, but she began to scream and in the end got a lawyer and divorced her parents........ a precious little girl. So obviously no one is focused on their children, only on what they view in their own mirrors.
In Kramer vs. Kramer there was a little boy not a girl that they fought over custody for.  You must be talking about that other movie with Drew Barrymore when she was little.  I can't think of the name of it but she ended up divorcing her parents. 
 
May 13, 2006, 1:09 pm CDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: spritchett

In Kramer vs. Kramer there was a little boy not a girl that they fought over custody for.  You must be talking about that other movie with Drew Barrymore when she was little.  I can't think of the name of it but she ended up divorcing her parents. 
IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES
 
May 13, 2006, 1:11 pm CDT

Wish I could have seen this episode...:/

This entire situation sounds exactly like the 17 years I spent with my ex-husband only he didn't play the "king", he just didn't do a darn thing around the house.  Also, he was so busy trying to make our 3 boys (2 years apart each) his friends instead of his sons that I was always, always the Bad Person.  I had to take care of the house and the kids because he was an only child and had a father who was the "king of the castle".  His mother worked as a waitress for more than 30 years, getting up at 3:00am to be at work for the breakfast rush, and all his father did was sit on his very large backside watching TV when he was at home.  He made her bring him EVERYTHING...not once did he even get up to get his own glass of water.  This is what my ex grew up with so he thought that was the way things were.  I set him straight REAL quick that I was not going to be his maid but I still had to be the "bad guy" with the kids.  Thank goodness I finally came to my senses after 17 years and left him for the THIRD time!  This time I stayed gone, though.  However, he really didn't notice any difference because even though he had the 3 boys living with him, his mother had finally divorced his father and had also come to live with us!!!  Therefore, not a darn thing changed...she had meals on the table every night and made sure the boys had their homework done.  She cleaned house almost everyday.  He lived a great life until 2 months after the divorce was final, his drug habit finally killed him.  He died 10 days before Christmas.  I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.   

   

I have now been married almost 10 years to the most wonderful man you can imagine.  We love each other dearly and cannot even imagine being apart.  I guess things work out the way they're supposed to after all.   

 
May 13, 2006, 2:48 pm CDT

This is so depressing...

Being a man seeking for a wife to be mine for life, i find his actions and other like him ripple through, the ladies I have met.  It breaks my heart to hear all the tragic storied told to me time and time again on how they have been used and abused.     

The fact he did what he did is bad enough but the phycological torment he does is unthinkable.  

   

Well I wish this lady the very best. While I dont promote a divorce, I will say if she does, I hope she knows there still is some very nice and loving men that would treat her like a lady/ equil partner.  

   

   

 
May 13, 2006, 3:09 pm CDT

Your partly right about that.

Quote From: a_muse

Amy is sent off on a special trip to build her self-esteem

And all this time I thought self-esteem came from having a backbone and doing things that you'd be proud of!

My personal opinon is one self esteem comes from her loveing partner. (provided she had one in the firstplace)  Being one that has gone thru a marrage that distroyed my self esteem, I can say that if she had been more up lifting and suportive I wouldnt be looking for some one like my self (happy and full of llive and love to share.  Suport from the partner will do wonders for a marrage and the more he gives to her self eteem the better the marrage gets.  

I say this because my parents have been married for 45yrs now and I still see that newlywood wedding blitz in ther atattude.  There is no low self esteem that I can see in thier marrage.   A example I hope to make happen finding my soulmate...  

  

She is out there I just have to open the right door!  

Hvae a GREAT day  

Terry  

 
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