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Topic : 09/05 The Divorce Experiment

Number of Replies: 531
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Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:03:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/16/06) Are you married to a man who doesn't know how good he has it? You do the cooking, the cleaning, take care of the kids, and he still takes you for granted? After seven years, Amy finds herself in a marriage where she is expected to wait on her husband hand and foot, and never voice her opinion. Her husband, Greg, is a self-proclaimed male chauvinist pig, and says his wife's job is to take care of the family without questioning his role as "king" of the house. Amy says if Greg doesn't learn to treat her like his equal and not his servant, she's going to divorce him. Dr. Phil sends in a Relationship Rescue team of strong women to teach Greg a lesson! While Amy is sent off on a special trip to build her self-esteem, Greg gets three new "wives" who give him a dose of his own medicine as they put him through all that he demands of his wife on a daily basis. Will he finally see Amy as his equal and become a better spouse in the process? Talk about the show here.

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May 13, 2006, 3:09 pm CDT

It all starts without you even knowing it.

After 38 years of marriage my husband left me. Why? Because I stopped being his slave, house keeper, cook, accountant, sounding board,and the one that had to take care of him when sick(cancer) and every other little pain or cold. Also had to tell him daily how great he was and how nice he looked. Got to the point that when he got home I almost had to disappear along with our pets, and every thing had to be perfect around him. The last 5 years he acted single, going and coming as he pleased. Our sex life was over because of a problem he had, OR I thought he had, but I was just so happy he was living after the cancer I told him that part didn't matter and we could still have a loving and caring marriage. Well, how stupid was I? I just misunderstood him when he told me we could no longer have sex. We meant WE, not HE. For over a year now I have been trying to Divorce this person, still being faithful while he has an OLDER girlfriend that he now does so much with. He even knows how to  wash his clothes and cooks and even shops for the food. He does have a maid so that is taken care of. The sex, well he got that taken care of also and with the pills, I'm sure they are doing just fine. I wish I could get him back in some way, like having the three women from the Divorce Experiment, but I think he will get his is the end, or may be the near future. I was a good wife, mother, and I am pretty darn attractive I'm finding out, again, after years of him making me feel like nothing. So he can have his old hag and she can take over where I left off. I will always love the person I married, but it is time to realize that over many years that person died and this sad stranger took his place.
 
May 13, 2006, 5:39 pm CDT

the little man of the house

Hey little man of the house, until you pick up a dishrag, a vacuum cleaner nozzle, make the bed you sleep in, cook a meal once in awhile, you do not know what work is, what it is like to be a real man...  

                     

 
May 13, 2006, 6:40 pm CDT

THE DIVORCE EXPERIMENT

Quote From: dgtipton

I've been there myself but for me it took 31 years to get out. My fault for ever putting myself through it for so long but we have three sons that I would have and still would do anything for. So my feelings and my wants and needs were put on hold until they were grown up and left home, once the last son left home so did I. What a horrible life living this way. I worked full time, did all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, everything the kids needed. He worked and helped pay the bills, that was his job to hear him tell it. The wife's job (in his mind) way to cook, clean, raise the kids, be a wife and run the house and of course work a public job, while he did what he wanted to do. Yes, they do change once they say I do!
I can relate to you. This sounds like my life except that I am still in the marriage. I'm pretty miserable. Somedays I think what is the point? Why do I put up with so much pain? I think if I left my husband I would be much happier. Why do I stay? I'm not sure. Maybe I am not courageous enough. I don't know how I have come this far and been this unhappy. I've been married 28 Years and have 3 grown children. I know my husband is unhappy too.It is like we are stuck in some kind of rut that we can't seem to get out of. Maybe I just need to take that first step.
 
May 13, 2006, 6:53 pm CDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: elizabeth9

When you are dating, you are a queen.  When you marry, he becomes King.  MY experience has been  that I divorced over religious reasons.  He thought he was God, and I didn't!  That husband needs a swift kick in the ass.  Jackie
I assume you are being cute..right? LOL...that is funny, religious reasons...LOL

That is why I think dating is the most ridiculous practice on earth. People want to impress each other and it takes waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy too long to get real. 

My little brother dated one girl for 2 years, the two of them acted like different people around each other....all nicey nice and fake sweet....2 YEARS OF FAKE!!! All to break up and move on to the next fake relationship....
 
May 13, 2006, 7:46 pm CDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: twininwy

What I think happens (or at least it did for me) is that these men are nothing like what they become when you get married.  My  Ex-Husband was wonderful when we were dating.  He was prince charming, and we talked about EVERYTHING!  But after I said "I do!"  the rules changed.  So after 5 horrible years I divorced him.  We will have to watch and see if that is the case here.
i agree with you.  i was told that the women change when the "i do" comes out.  i have been with my spouse for 12 yrs and i am still with him and love him more than anything in the world, but i truly believe that when they say "i do" it becomes something of what they expect or desire.  i think it is the whole son leaving the mothers nest or something.   They need to be taken care of.  I am sorry to hear that yours didn't last any longer than 5 years but I am very set in my ways that I will get what I want out of this marriage and it will soon be my turn in this.   I have to in a happy sense in this that I am getting what i want and need finally and it has taken a long time to get there.   So if anyone else is reading all of this that might agree that the men are sweet talkers in the beginning and then the demanders in the end well they are and it sometimes does get better.   Hang in there! Or do even better and get the upper hand in the beginning before the "i do" comes about.   Good Luck!   
 
May 13, 2006, 8:16 pm CDT

The Divorce Experiement

My only comment on this situation is that if you act like a doormat people are going to wipe their feet on you.  This man is not going to give up his doormat easily I don't think, and his wife has trained him to think he can do whatever he likes.  If Dr Phil cannot come up with some kind of help for these two people it will end in divorce as she will eventually have had too much of him.
 
May 13, 2006, 9:05 pm CDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: honeyeight

This entire situation sounds exactly like the 17 years I spent with my ex-husband only he didn't play the "king", he just didn't do a darn thing around the house.  Also, he was so busy trying to make our 3 boys (2 years apart each) his friends instead of his sons that I was always, always the Bad Person.  I had to take care of the house and the kids because he was an only child and had a father who was the "king of the castle".  His mother worked as a waitress for more than 30 years, getting up at 3:00am to be at work for the breakfast rush, and all his father did was sit on his very large backside watching TV when he was at home.  He made her bring him EVERYTHING...not once did he even get up to get his own glass of water.  This is what my ex grew up with so he thought that was the way things were.  I set him straight REAL quick that I was not going to be his maid but I still had to be the "bad guy" with the kids.  Thank goodness I finally came to my senses after 17 years and left him for the THIRD time!  This time I stayed gone, though.  However, he really didn't notice any difference because even though he had the 3 boys living with him, his mother had finally divorced his father and had also come to live with us!!!  Therefore, not a darn thing changed...she had meals on the table every night and made sure the boys had their homework done.  She cleaned house almost everyday.  He lived a great life until 2 months after the divorce was final, his drug habit finally killed him.  He died 10 days before Christmas.  I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.   

   

I have now been married almost 10 years to the most wonderful man you can imagine.  We love each other dearly and cannot even imagine being apart.  I guess things work out the way they're supposed to after all.   

I use to live that life for 12 years I was a house wife.  I would clean the house make the meals make sure that the children were taken care of and make sure that his needs were met.  While he sat on the couch and watched t.v.  But it always seemed that I still could not do everything right.  About 2 years ago I had finally figured out that I was no longer in love with him and that I did not want to live my life like this anymore and have my children live there lives like that.  The yelling and the screaming really scared my children.  It took me 2 years to file for a divorece, but one major reason was I did not have a job to help support my children.  Well I finally started working and I knew that soon I would be stable enough to leave.  I was going to file right after my 2 older childrens birthday.  Because I knew that I had that much time to save up and be able to move on.  Until one day that he hurt me emotionally so bad that I decided it did not matter when I filed as long as my children and I were happy so with in a couple of weeks I filed for a divorce.  Today my ex-husband has not changed he has stayed the same on trying to put me down.  But now I know that I do not have to take it anymore.  I have moved on with my life and now I have found a wonderful man that loves me and my children for who we are.  I feel safe around him and he makes me feel wonderful about myself.  I have been told by my friends and my family that they have seen a change in me since I left my ex-husband and I tell them that I followed what my heart told me to do and not my mind.  I had received a piece of candy one day and on the wrapper of that it said listen to your heart and not what your mind is telling you.  I still have that peice of wrapper to this day and I swear by that saying.  It also has alot to do with the man that I am with now and if it were not for him I probably would have not totaly found the real person inside of me. 

Divorce is not for everyone, but if you have tried working things out and nothing is changing between the both of you.  Then you really need to start listening to what your heart is telling you and not what your mind wants to tell you.  So just remember if you really are not sure what you want to do with your life listen to what your heart is telling you, that will always guide you in the right direction. 

 
May 13, 2006, 10:25 pm CDT

Hope I'll learn something!

It seems there must be a lot of these same men out there. I've been married 21 years and have done everything to save our marriage. I just cannot believe any more that a man can love someone and watch his wife work herself into the ground while he does nothing. My husband is only responsible for the bills and doesn't even do that half the time. He will not take care of the cars, yard, house, etc..... He does help with the kids some. I am now disabled and have finally decided I have to leave him. I truly believe the stress that has been put on my body has made me this sick. He refuses to watch the Dr. Phil show. So, I say to all of you women out there-- I am sure I have waited too long. My health is now involved. The sad thing is - I knew years ago my husband would never change. I just was a superwoman and was tired of asking for help and the fighting. I am paying the price. Financially, I am in trouble without being able to work. I only want to recover to be able to work. Get out when you can! Be stronger than me. I'm just starting the process of divorce and have no family here. I can't wait to see the show
 
May 13, 2006, 11:25 pm CDT

Teach them early!

I am one of the lucky ones.  My fiancee has lived by himself for a quite a while before he met me, so he had to do things for himself.  I do do a lot of the house work, but that's because he works and I don't.  He still does things around the house and is only too happy to do anything I ask of him.  I have said from the get go that I am not a maid and he does not expect me to be.  we are equal in this relationship and respect each other as people.  As Dr. Phil says time and time again, you teach someone how to treat you.  So teach them before you get down the aisle or you will end up a show on the Dr. Phil Show!!
 
May 13, 2006, 11:34 pm CDT

Marriage is a partnership

I'm surprised such chauvenistic attitudes still exist in the 21st century!  When my husband and I were married, I checked out the marriage service our priest intended to use.  I wanted to make sure the word "obey" was not in it.  I believed back then and still do that marriage is a partnership, and I was not prepared to stand at the altar and make a vow I couldn't agree with.   

"Obey " didn't appear in the service, so I happily made my vows and we have now been happily married for 37 years.  During that time we've both worked inside and outside the home, sharing the care of our children.  We are now happily enjoying our retirement and love being grandparents.   

   

   

 
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