Topic : 09/05 The Divorce Experiment

I just wanted some of your guys advice.  I have been married for 18 years, have three beautiful girls, 17, 7, and 4.  I have lived with physical and mental abuse off and on for the last 18 years.  I have currently moved out and I seem fine about it especially if he leaves me alone.  Well we all know that will never happen.  Im not saying it's all his fault but his reactions are the cause of my reactions.  The girls are happy to be out too. they are tired of their mom getting hurt.   

He has made all these promises like the ones he made three times before.  Him saying I love you, lets go to counciling, I promise to treat you like a queen, etc....  Most of me really doesn't want to be there.  Like I told him, when I kiss him, nothing is there, when I hug him nothing is there.  I don't know if its just covered by anger or I really do not feel anything.   Of he doesn't want to listen to anything I have to say.  He just says stop this craziness and come home and love me.  

I guess a small part of me is afraid of what he will do if I actually cut the string.  I don't want any harm to come to me or the girls. Also I have been with him for so long that maybe I don't know how to leave him. 

Im just at a loss on what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks 

Kimberly P. 

I just wanted some of your guys advice.  I have been married for 18 years, have three beautiful girls, 17, 7, and 4.  I have lived with physical and mental abuse off and on for the last 18 years.  I have currently moved out and I seem fine about it especially if he leaves me alone.  Well we all know that will never happen.  Im not saying it's all his fault but his reactions are the cause of my reactions.  The girls are happy to be out too. they are tired of their mom getting hurt.   

He has made all these promises like the ones he made three times before.  Him saying I love you, lets go to counciling, I promise to treat you like a queen, etc....  Most of me really doesn't want to be there.  Like I told him, when I kiss him, nothing is there, when I hug him nothing is there.  I don't know if its just covered by anger or I really do not feel anything.   Of he doesn't want to listen to anything I have to say.  He just says stop this craziness and come home and love me.  

I guess a small part of me is afraid of what he will do if I actually cut the string.  I don't want any harm to come to me or the girls. Also I have been with him for so long that maybe I don't know how to leave him. 

Im just at a loss on what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks 

Kimberly P. 

I just wanted some of your guys advice.  I have been married for 18 years, have three beautiful girls, 17, 7, and 4.  I have lived with physical and mental abuse off and on for the last 18 years.  I have currently moved out and I seem fine about it especially if he leaves me alone.  Well we all know that will never happen.  Im not saying it's all his fault but his reactions are the cause of my reactions.  The girls are happy to be out too. they are tired of their mom getting hurt.   

He has made all these promises like the ones he made three times before.  Him saying I love you, lets go to counciling, I promise to treat you like a queen, etc....  Most of me really doesn't want to be there.  Like I told him, when I kiss him, nothing is there, when I hug him nothing is there.  I don't know if its just covered by anger or I really do not feel anything.   Of he doesn't want to listen to anything I have to say.  He just says stop this craziness and come home and love me.  

I guess a small part of me is afraid of what he will do if I actually cut the string.  I don't want any harm to come to me or the girls. Also I have been with him for so long that maybe I don't know how to leave him. 

Im just at a loss on what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks 

Kimberly P. 

 Wow, I really never thought of it that way, but you are right.  So how do you stop that behavior and get out of that kind of relationship? 

Thanks 

Klynne38 

Leave him.  Easy for me to say---I am in the same type of spot and feel too much guilt to go---my husband was not physically abusive, but very manipulative and has threatend---basically since I met him---to kill himself if I left.  In so many ways he has been a good husband/father---as far as I recall, there never was a "spark" there, and I tried to tell him that from the start----part of me wanted to believe it would work out, another part rationalized that all couples end up at this point---neither of us had good examples for marriage.  I think we would make great friends, but I am no longer sure what will happen if I do leave---he has always sworn he would never hurt me or the kids (3), (16 years together) but he also swore he would kill himself and all kinds of other crap----our counselor basically thought he would stalk me if we did separate and so far, she seems to be right.  

Best wishes....  

Catherine  

camoorejd@yahoo.com  

I can't believe these responses! 

Bipolar is not a death sentence....it is a genetic biochemcial imbalance----get him to a good psychiatrist---particularly one that is willing to use combinations of medications or novel approaches.  Also, within the last year or two, several new and better bipolar meds have come out.    Don't just have him see a family or general doctor----and if he is seeing a psychiatrist who is not willing to experiement, dump him and move on---there is hope out there. 

This is very interesting.  I agree with this.  I also think some people grow up to be conditioned when they grow up in an abusive home.