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Topic : 09/05 The Divorce Experiment

Number of Replies: 531
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Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:03:49 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/16/06) Are you married to a man who doesn't know how good he has it? You do the cooking, the cleaning, take care of the kids, and he still takes you for granted? After seven years, Amy finds herself in a marriage where she is expected to wait on her husband hand and foot, and never voice her opinion. Her husband, Greg, is a self-proclaimed male chauvinist pig, and says his wife's job is to take care of the family without questioning his role as "king" of the house. Amy says if Greg doesn't learn to treat her like his equal and not his servant, she's going to divorce him. Dr. Phil sends in a Relationship Rescue team of strong women to teach Greg a lesson! While Amy is sent off on a special trip to build her self-esteem, Greg gets three new "wives" who give him a dose of his own medicine as they put him through all that he demands of his wife on a daily basis. Will he finally see Amy as his equal and become a better spouse in the process? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 14, 2006, 12:42 am CDT

People do change with life

My marriage was fine, until we had a child - then I found that I lost a husband and gained two children (one of them was too old to manage and did not care to listen)
I had a JOB to do, and that was to care for our baby and serve him.  No questions.
Every attempt to discuss ended in arguement and his point that:
 'it is in the Bible.  I am to "serve" him.'
Can't read that before marriage - or rewrite that book.
 
May 14, 2006, 1:50 am CDT

This divorce show

The entire premis of this show bothers me and bothers me a  lot.  I'll try to explain why.

The Dr Phil show already has a serious problem with anti-male sexism: Misandry is the technical term. Ramping up a serious problem by cherry picking topics is a danger to all viewers. It distorts and twists the already twisted gender based views of a good many people. Look at the posts here, before the show even airs there is significant misandry.

There are men like this. No one disputes that! All of society is quite aware of these men. There are women who are every bit as bad. Few know about them and many (maybe most) support a woman's right to be a bigot as long as her contempt is aimed soley at men.

In our society, a woman's right to behave as badly as she wants reigns supreme, (as long as the bad behavior is aimed only at men). That is a problem and a problem which is getting worse rapidly. This show, rather than helping a women, will hurt innocent men. BET ON IT! Bet everything you own and everything you ever will own on these concepts hurting children and innocent men.

It's a real pity you women cannot hear what so many men are saying in private conversations. To a great many men, you are uncaring, rude, arogant, narscists. THAT I'S A PROBLEM! That is a bigger problem than the one on the show. That is a problem which needs to be addressed and one which should never be made worse.

You do not want men feeling bad about women. Such feelings are bad for the man, bad for all children and bad for you too.

Therein lies my complaint and my problem.

I'm aware as can be that most of you disagree or do not see the problem. Again, that is in and of itself a problem. A problem which exists and cannot be worked on festers and gets worse. Our society has a serious contempt for men problem every bit as much as the Dr Phil Show does.  Every effort should be taken not to make a severe problem worse.
 
May 14, 2006, 4:36 am CDT

Youth makes mistakes!

I too had married a man, who was King of the house.Every thing evloved around him. I saw a copy of Psychyology Today in the doctors office and it changed my life forever. I started to become "empowered" long before it became the fashion. I divorced that man and raised my two children alone.  

Fast forward...my son marries a woman who doesn't like to cook, go for groceries, is moody and spiteful. She spends most of her time shopping! What does she do all day, my son asked me? I don't know, she's always OUT! My son works long hours make excellent money, so his wife doesn't have to work..there is nothing his family wants for. They have a beautiful home,he just had an inground pool put in for the family,his wife has a cleaning sevice come in and clean their 3,000 sq.ft. house. they have a gardner too.  

This is the kicker...she calls my son before he leaves work and tells him to pick things up at the store or to bring home Chinese food as she doesn't have food in the house. Not even milk for the childern!  

When he tries to talk to her about having food in the house, she gets nasty , starts raising her voice. He can't stand to hear her yelling , so, he backs off. Because he came from a divorced home he doesn't want to leave but he's getting tired of her abuse, he told me. Mom, she wants for nothing, she does nothing to show me respect or affection. What am I to do?  

I have kept out of their marriage but this MAN is a good person and doesn't deserve to be treated the way his wife treats him.  

My DIL is very difficult to talk to and I really feel very sad for my son living like this. I wish I could write a letter to Dr. Phil and ask him ....what can be done in a situation where the wife is abusive??????  

 
May 14, 2006, 5:59 am CDT

empty inside

Quote From: helenhg

My only comment on this situation is that if you act like a doormat people are going to wipe their feet on you.  This man is not going to give up his doormat easily I don't think, and his wife has trained him to think he can do whatever he likes.  If Dr Phil cannot come up with some kind of help for these two people it will end in divorce as she will eventually have had too much of him.
 What happens so often is that while you are working so hard and your spouse helps out also(besides working too).  We want him to feel that he is appreciated.  So we tell him how wonderful he is and how lucky we are to have him.  Then, while we are building his ego, he begins to think that he is better and above our intellect.  So he branches out and everyone thinks that he is such a great guy.   But, we don't tell what kind of person he has become to you. 
     What a jerk he has become.  Putting you down in front of others.  Flurting with others.  And suddenly you feel empty inside.  
 
May 14, 2006, 6:30 am CDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: tsolemate

My personal opinon is one self esteem comes from her loveing partner. (provided she had one in the firstplace)  Being one that has gone thru a marrage that distroyed my self esteem, I can say that if she had been more up lifting and suportive I wouldnt be looking for some one like my self (happy and full of llive and love to share.  Suport from the partner will do wonders for a marrage and the more he gives to her self eteem the better the marrage gets.  

I say this because my parents have been married for 45yrs now and I still see that newlywood wedding blitz in ther atattude.  There is no low self esteem that I can see in thier marrage.   A example I hope to make happen finding my soulmate...  

  

She is out there I just have to open the right door!  

Hvae a GREAT day  

Terry  

Guff about "soul mates" is one of those fairy tales that gets us into trouble. It's wishful thinking. If "self-esteem" comes from something outside of us and beyond our own accountability, we are indeed doomed. I'm not buying that at all. It requires work and a certain amount of sacrifice and delayed gratification to earn one's own respect, not a magical prince/princess behind some mystical door, just waiting to rescue us from the normal hardships of life and from ourselves.

Obviously marriage needs give and take and supportive partners, but it also needs two people who are healthy to begin with. It doesn't matter how much one person gives if the other is not in a position to receive. If the "low self-esteem" partner is not doing anything for her/himself, nothing anyone else does will change anything. It also requires a large dose of humor! It seems to me that a lot of people are taking themselves way too seriously.

 
May 14, 2006, 6:49 am CDT

Relationship Rescue Team Intervention About Time

  

Dear Amy, 

 

Your husband who grew up without any respect for women because his parents didn't rear him up properly.  Your husband has obviously had his way far too long as it took you 7 seven years to implement an action plan or make you realise that you needed to threat to divorce him if he doesn't treat you like his equal.   

 

HOW SERIOUS ARE YOU ABOUT THIS DIVORCE STRATEGY OF YOURS? 

 

I'M GLAD THAT DR.  PHIL HAS GRANTED YOU A SPECIAL TRIP TO BUILD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AFTER SEVEN YEARS OF SLAVERY AND OPPRESSION WITHOUT APPRECIATION. 

 

YOUR GREG NEEDS MORE THAN 3 STRONG WOMEN TO TEACH HIM A LESSON.  I THINK HE NEEDS TO GO TO A REHABILITATION CENTRE OR BOOTCAMP FOR MEN WHO THINK THEY ARE SELF-PROCLAIMED MALE CHAUVINIST TO GET THEIR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT AND REAL ABOUT WHAT TRUE EQUAL PARTNERSHIP IN A MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT. 

 

IF GREG THINKS HE'S THE KING OF THE HOUSE, HE BETTER THINK AGAIN. 

 

WITHOUT YOUR PRESENCE AND YOUR FULL CONTRIBUTION TO YOUR MARRIAGE'S TASKS, HIS STATUS AS KING WOULD BE NOTHING MORE THAN, A MAN IN HIS CASTLE WITHOUT A QUEEN TO ELEVATE HIS HIGHNESS AS WELL AS FOR YOUR DIPLOMATIC RELATIONSHIPS AND LAW IN ORDER IN KEEPING THE KINGDOM IN SUCH MAGNIFICENT ORDER HIS KINGDOM AND HIS STATUS AS "KING" WOULD SEIZE TO EXIST. 

 

 

GREG, YOU SHOULD GET OFF YOUR HIGHNESS BEFORE, YOU, SEIZE TO EXIST FROM ALL THAT GLORY WITHOUT "MEANINGFUL WORK" OR "KINGDOMS TO CONQUER", BECAUSE YOUR QUEEN IS LIKELY TO ABANDON, YOUR, KINGDOM, DUE TO YOUR IDLENESS AND YOUR FAILER TO BE A REAL KING. 

 

REMEMBER A KING ON A THRONE WHO HAS NO WISE COUNSEL OR ADVISERS TO DO THE DELEGATION AND KEEP THE KINGDOM(Household) IN AN ORDERLY FASHION, WILL SOON FIND HIS KINGDOM IN RUINS OR DISINTEGRATION.  HIS HIGHNESS, MAY ALSO FIND THAT HIS ONCE SHINY THRONE HAS LOST ITS SPARKLE OR OPULENCE DUE TO ABANDONMENT BY HIS QUEEN AND ALL THE NOBLES. 

 

Marriage is like your Kingdom, Greg, you have to nurture it and work at together with your Queen, if, you want your status as King to known all around the world. 

 

I wish you both well with your KINGDOM. 

 

 

May your Kingdom prosper and give emancipation and equality to all women, especially, the Queen. 

 

 

PEACE OUT. 

 

 

YOUR 

 

Wise Counsel 

ET 

  

 

 

 
May 14, 2006, 6:51 am CDT

the divorce experiment

Quote From: primebeast

Amen to this!  I'm in the opposite situation.  I'm a husband who works at home and takes care of my 3 year old son whilst working.  (My wife works outside the home.)  When she gets home in the evening, I end up walking on eggshells.  She's had a rough day...no one understands her...her boss yells at her...etc.  I try to listen and then she starts in on me "Why can't you schedule your clients better?  Why do I have to do everything around here?  etc."  Then, when our son wants to get some attention, she ends up yelling at him.  If we're lucky, she'll settle down before bedtime.  In the morning, it's like nothing happened and the cycle starts again.   

  

I own a lot of this because I knew better than to marry her and I gave into her pressure.  I knew that she was an angry person but I didn't know exactly how angry.  I've been trying my absolute best to make a bad decision right...or, at least liveable.   

  

I'm a fitness trainer and my clients come to the studio in our house.  I work from 6 am until 8 pm at night.  I deal with my early morning clients before the rest of the familiy gets up.  Then, three days a week, I take my son to pre-school.  (My wife takes him two days a week.)  When my son gets out of pre-school around noon, I have scheduled my time so that I can be with him  So, I pick him up five days a week, deal with housework, grocery shopping, fixing dinner, etc. Then I take on my evening clients after my wife gets home.  Weekends, my wife is out selling her skin care products, taking skating lessons, etc. 

  

Thank goodness for weekends....although I'd like some time for myself, just the fact that she is out of the house is like a vacation for me.  (Besides, if I complained that she was out of the house so much, I'd never hear the end of it.)   

wow, I can relate to you.......I have done this same thing......with "3" failed  

marriages.....but No Children.  Not having children makes it easier to "split"  

but marrying someone you know is and angry person  Just goes to show you...  

things don't change until the person wants to change......if ever.  good luck     

 
May 14, 2006, 7:45 am CDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: cparker

i agree with you.  i was told that the women change when the "i do" comes out.  i have been with my spouse for 12 yrs and i am still with him and love him more than anything in the world, but i truly believe that when they say "i do" it becomes something of what they expect or desire.  i think it is the whole son leaving the mothers nest or something.   They need to be taken care of.  I am sorry to hear that yours didn't last any longer than 5 years but I am very set in my ways that I will get what I want out of this marriage and it will soon be my turn in this.   I have to in a happy sense in this that I am getting what i want and need finally and it has taken a long time to get there.   So if anyone else is reading all of this that might agree that the men are sweet talkers in the beginning and then the demanders in the end well they are and it sometimes does get better.   Hang in there! Or do even better and get the upper hand in the beginning before the "i do" comes about.   Good Luck!   
Good for you for doing what it takes to make it work!  My first marriage did only last 5 years, but what I expected out of marriage, and what he did were so different that there was no changing him, or me for that matter.  This was a long time ago for me, and I am now married to a wonderful man, we have 2 children and I have been married to him for almost 20 years!   So marriage can be great!  Sure we have had our share of ups and downs but it has been worth it!  So yes you are right, it does get better!
 
May 14, 2006, 7:59 am CDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

You know, Dr. Phil has been doing a lot of shows lately about these kinds of men.  It's a good thing too.
 
May 14, 2006, 8:00 am CDT

I've been there

I went through a similar situation for 12 years.  I hated for him to walk through the door because I knew I had dome something wrong.  He made me feel like I was useless and that he could do my job so much better than I could.  I now know that he was wrong.  It has been over 2 years since he left and it has been wonderful.  It is hard financially from time to time, but I get through.  It is a happier home for me and my 2 children.  Wives should not have to hear unkind remarks from a man who is supposed to love them, they need the self-esteem to know that there is a good life waiting out there.
 
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