Topic : 09/05 The Divorce Experiment

Self-esteem does not come from a partner, loving or otherwise. Self-esteem can only come from inside oneself.  When one is with a partner who is verbally and/or emotionally abusive that can certainly be destructive to a person's self-esteem, but if the victim had good self-esteem to begin with she (or he) wouldn't have put up with an abusive partner after it became clear the partner was abusive.   

If you love and respect yourself you won't allow anyone else to disrespect or mistreat that special, valuable, wonderful person you know yourself to be. If you believe you are "less than", not good enough or for some other reason deserve rotten treatment, you'll accept it until you reach a breaking point. (Dr. Phil always says that you teach people how to treat you. That is part of what I'm talking about here.) These beliefs about the self can be so ingrained that someone who has them may not even realize how strong or destructive they are.  Perhaps a parent or other authority figure planted the seed for them in early childhood.  

There are usually early warning signs that a potential mate is unsupportive or abusive.  Often, people expect that the person will change and improve with time and marriage. What time and marriage do is bring out the quirks, warts, and whatever dysfunctional upbringing people have and opens the door to unrestrained abuse from those who are abusive.  

I believe that poor self-esteem PRECEDES an abusive relationship, and is at the core of why victims become victims.  The abusive spouse simply pries open the crack and makes it a chasm. The crack had to be there to start with.    

I can tell you that no man will ever get away with being verbally/emotionally abusive toward me again.  After much self-analysis, I could finally see how I didn't respect and love myself and in turn didn't require men to respect and love me.  Marriage or no marriage, I guarantee you that I will walk away from any man who doesn't treat me as an equal, valuable, wonderful, true partner, or who doesn't recognize and appreciate the unique and wonderful woman that I truly am.  

-Hannah R.   

I guess I'm lucky. We had a lot of these problems straighted out a long time ago. When we first moved in together, my husband tried the same thing. We left of work at the same time because I had to take him to his job. Then after I got off from work, I couldn't head straight home. I had to pick him up. When we got home, I had to fix supper, then clean up the dishes afterward. He had off during the week plus Sunday, I had off on Saturday and Sunday. He usually did laundry on Sunday over my parents' house and I cleaned the apartment on Saturday.   

That was fine with me until he began to like football. Then he wanted to spend every Sunday with his best friend to watch the game. He wanted me to get up on Saturday morning with him because he had to work. Then take the car and go over my mother's and do laundry. I told him I clean the apartment on Saturday, he told me that I could clean on Sunday while he was watching football over his friend's house. Then I found found out that he didn't do anything on the Wednesdays when he had off except play video games. I was ******.   

So I went on strike! I didn't cook, clean or do laundry. And when I got laid off from my job. I didn't do any thing then either. When he got home from work, he had to cook dinner and clean up the dishes. He got  the message real quick. Now we work together. We have a rule, if you see something needs to be done. DO IT!! I also have a pillow that says, "Please press button for maid service. If no one responds, do it yourself."  

Since now I'm a stay at home mom, I take care of the kids, laundry, cooking and most of the cleaning, but my husband still does all the vaccuming and takes care of the car. I think that's a nice division of labor.  

I can't wait to see if this guy gets it with the 3 new wives special!!! 

As  for what I have to say .....well....there is NO WAY I would have accepted any of this NON what so ever ....not a moment of it ....I really don't get it I don't ....Why would you have to analyze your couple ??? In a situation like this ???...There's no two ways about this situation ....Get the hell out ...The guy is a NUT CASE.....On top of everything at the point where the relationship is ...from the previews I've seen today ....There's really no turning back......after everything shes been trough with the NUT CASE ...There can't be LOVE impassible.....But then again ...Life is weird at times ...I'll see what happens tomorrow on the show .....!!!