Topic : 09/05 The Divorce Experiment

Did you watch the show? This was not about a division of labor. It was about a controlling, nasty, condesending, demanding man who apparently is NOTHING like your wife. This was NOT a woman's point of view show. It was a  show about a specific couple and their specific problems. One could have reversed the players and the show would have been the same.  

By the way, congrats on being a stay-at-home father. I wouldn't trade my role as such (stay-at-home mother) for the world; teaching was great, but there are 1000 people who could replace me. However, there is nobody that can replace me as my children's mother! You really are a fortunate man. You will have memories that your wife won't and your chlidren will grow up appreciating you more than you could possibly know.  

Dating is a must. The problem is not that people act "fake" during dating. The problem is that the red flags are there but couples CHOOSE to ignore them. Many women feel they must have a man in their lives to be happy. Many man want an arm hang. My husband was "near perfect" while we dated and we had some trying times that exposed his true self. That true self was pretty darn good. We have been married for 16+ years and have two beautiful children whom we raise as a team.  

My sister, on the other hand, always dated losers and everyone tried to tell her they were losers. However, she CHOSE not overlook their flaws and only concentrate on their nice words (they were always charmers). She eventually married boyfriend #3 (the other 2 dumped her) and they have been UNHAPPILY married for 14 years. All the stuff she was told about him before (and chose to ignore) is what upsets her about him today. Go figure! 

There is no alternative to dating. We've all seen how these spur-of-the-moment Las Vegas weddings usually turn out. Is that what you want? I don't think so. 

By the way, I almost didn't respond to your post due to the ridiculing symbol you chose to put with your screen name. I'm curious; why do you feel the need to mock a very important Christian symbol? As a devout Catholic,I believe in Evolution, but even as a former Atheist I didn't feel the need to alter a religious symbol for my own benefit....very sad and aggressive.  

We SHOULD all do unto others, but most of us throw that philosophy out long before marriage!  

If all Christians made the choice to follow the teachings of Jesus, this world would be beautiful place. As Dr. Phil always says, "We teach people how to treat us." Once we demand respect (and earn it, too), we'll get what we want and need out of life, providing it's fair what we are asking for.  

The wife simply wanted love, support and respect, which is not to much to ask for from a partner in marriage.  

My king and queen marriage has lasted 16+ years and we have mutual respect for eachother. It's so nice waking up beside my best friend day after day. And when we have a rough patch, we TALK. We don't fight and we always remember why we married eachother in the first place...we both loved and liked eachother and made vows before God to stay together until death do us part. Too bad more people wouldn't take marriage more seriously. There wouldn't be so many damaged kids out there if we all "did unto others as we would have others do unto us!"  

Men should help their wives out.  My husband would come home and help me finish what I couldn't get to. Marriages is a partnership give and take. Your the one who is immature.  Why is that you think a stay at home mom has to work 24 hours a day and a man only has to work 8?   

I agree it's not that he is wrong or she is right. If they discussed the roles that each would have in their marriage then there wouldn't be a problem. I know plenty of marriages like this where the man does the outside chores and the woman the inside. Here we have another woman who has been influenced by feminist. Did you see them all trying to empower ( indoctrinate is more like it ) her at  the retreat? I could just imagine what these feminist were saying off the air. Were gonna fix you so, you won't need him anymore. You don't need him. He is a pig. Your the boss, not him. The problem here is she does these duties around the house not because of her love and devotion to him. But, out of fear of his tounge. The tounge lashing she will get from him if she doesn't do it. So, both are wrong. Another feminist in disguise that wants it both ways. We will see how happy she is as a single mother all by herself out there. Not only will she have to clean house and cook for herself. She will have to maintain the repairs on the house, mow the lawn. Keep the vehicle maintenanced. And a whole host of other things that she took for granted that her husband did without a second thought. Car mechanics will take advantage of her ignorance. So will home repairmen. I think the husband should be nice to her and that she should do her house work willingly and out of love. And then if she does not do this. Then he will know that this was just a ploy to get him to do more housework. And to take her place as Queen like the Black woman who demeened him and the drill seargent white woman with lungs like bellows yelling at him. They humiliated him and they enjoyed it. We need to get back to our God ordained roles in the family and quit messing around with these experiments. 

After seeing the synopsis and reading the dissertation's worth of posts, it seems that, although we think we've progressed in our treatment of women since about a century ago, very little has changed. The reasons are legion, and most are well covered in the other posts. The one that has, at best, been tangentially addressed, is conservative religion. The conservatives in (at least) the three Western faiths seem to have the common bond of  "women need to be kept in their place". One of the earlier posters alluded to the passage in Ephesians, quoting the second half of the passage that starts out, "Wives, be submissive to your husbands, as the Church submits to Christ..." Unfortunately, this passage has been so misquoted and misapplied by the cultural right that it's sickening. I know of what I speak (more's the pity); this passage, in its entirety, was read at my 1st wedding ceremony. However, my X decided very early on that only the 1st half (that applied to me) was what mattered. I was supposed to support him, regardless, as well as maintain the household, while he puttered trying to disguise his professional student aspirations. SOME men, however, are much more enlightened...  

Amy, watch the behavior (both yours and his) very carefully over the next few months, after the "Dr. Phil Show" lights have faded. Don't let yourself get sucked in to the familiar pattern, and don't let him walk all over you. Good luck to both of you in counseling.