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Topic : 09/05 The Divorce Experiment

Number of Replies: 533

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Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:03:49 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 05/16/06) Are you married to a man who doesn't know how good he has it? You do the cooking, the cleaning, take care of the kids, and he still takes you for granted? After seven years, Amy finds herself in a marriage where she is expected to wait on her husband hand and foot, and never voice her opinion. Her husband, Greg, is a self-proclaimed male chauvinist pig, and says his wife's job is to take care of the family without questioning his role as "king" of the house. Amy says if Greg doesn't learn to treat her like his equal and not his servant, she's going to divorce him. Dr. Phil sends in a Relationship Rescue team of strong women to teach Greg a lesson! While Amy is sent off on a special trip to build her self-esteem, Greg gets three new "wives" who give him a dose of his own medicine as they put him through all that he demands of his wife on a daily basis. Will he finally see Amy as his equal and become a better spouse in the process? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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tracy54656

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Happy

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May 16, 2006, 9:10 am PDT

A day in the life..

I have been married for quite some time as well and with my husband and myself its always been 50/50..Now that im a stay at home mom of 2 under the age of 5..I do all the childcare,cooking,cleaning,laundry and waiting on them (all 3 the kids and hubby) hand and foot and make their lives very comfortable.There are days i totally feel that im being just a maid service and that im not respected for all that i do..But then i know my hubby works on a daily basis outside the home. So i dont ask him to help and if i do its completely rare and usually only if im sick..

Now for those who think being a stay at home parent is an easy task and especially with two children who arent in school fulltime id say take a walk in ur partners shoes for the day and youll soon realize just what they give in a day..Their work days *never* end when it comes to the house and the kids.I know i maybe get 5 hrs a night sleep and thats on a good nite by time im done cleaning and making sure hubbys things are set out for the next days work,lunch made for his day at work,shoes by the door,pack up my preschoolers back pack and put a few loads of laundry away,mop the floors while all are sleeping so i dont have kids under my feet or tracking floor back up..Finish putting away lil toys that were forgotten,etc..So as they say a stay at home parents job never ends..My hubby has experienced that first hand and says i have the most difficult job so he loves to help!

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swchick

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Mellow

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May 16, 2006, 9:11 am PDT

Speak for yourself, foof

Quote From: foofdog

How can you say it has been 'worth it'? You are in serious denial. I have never, ever seen a happy marriage in my whole life. Not one. No, "it" does not get better. One gets bored. Old. Fat. Set in Ways. The spark is long past. The only good marriage I've ever seen is Dr. Phil's and he is blessed with intelligence, patience, Oprah and T.V.-- to see it through and still be in love. All the stupid, lamebrained people are just plain stuck with the idea of a happy marriage. Sitting around "hoping" it would get better. Dang B.S. And in this case where the woman has stayed for seven years, well, that might as well be ME; just add 7 more years and change the names around. I am in hell even as I type this. -N.A.

I think the poster you responded to made the point of saying she didn't sit around hoping dopey Husband would get better.   She moved on, found a solid mate, and has a happy marriage with its shared of ups and downs - and that on the whole, the better has outweiged the worse, and made the marriage a worthwhile journey.

I've only been married 15 years, and who knows what tomorrow holds. And we've had our share of troubles ...but I adore my husband. I could   go on for hours about why. He's wicked funny, smart, or good character, loving, generous of spirit...we are still plenty "sparky" and my desire for him has not dimmed a bit....and he still is chasing after me.

   If he turned to a troll tomorrow, I couldn't be anything but grateful for the privilege of being married to him for as long as I have been. We've been sad. W've had troubles, setbacks, fights. I We may have more...but as hokey as it sounds, there is nobody I'd rather have by my side for what yet may come.

That's my definition of a happy marriage. I wonder what yours is that you think a marriage can only be called happy if everything is always trouble free sunshine. lollipops, hearts and flowers.
There's nothing that makes like happier than a good friend you really respect who pitches in to make things as good as they can be.

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cheeker

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angry

May 16, 2006, 9:13 am PDT

Are you kidding me??

Quote From: lovenlady

After my divorce in 2000 my ex and I did as most do and lived apart. One of my son's who suffers from ADHD was having a hard time with our divorce. Not wanting my children to suffer from us not making right choices, it was agreed that we would live together in the same house with separate rooms, split the bills, share in the responsibility of raising our children. He said he would be a Mr. Mom do the cooking and cleaning!!! Well, the "EX" drives a school bus one hour in the morning and one hour in the afternoon. I work 50 to 60 hours a week. He sits on his butt and plays games on the computer and no longer helps around the house as he agreed. I am divorced, living with a man that I hate, who is very lazy and feel I have gave up my life because of my sons needs......

Why did you feel it was necessary to bring your son's ADHD into a discussion about your marraige? You are actually blaming your son for your decision to move back in with your husband???

Then, to make it look like you're not throwing your son under the bus, you don't blame him but rather his 'ADHD.' If you believe that ADHD makes someone completely incapable of making rational decisions, as you seem to imply, why would you make such a big decision based on his judgement?

The truth is, it was your decision, for whatever reason, to move back in with your husband and you have no one to blame but yourself for re-entering that unhealthy relationship.

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kathleen18

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Touched

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ecstatic

May 16, 2006, 9:14 am PDT

42 Years of Marriage

My husband and I married when we were 20 years old - as far as most people were concerned we were too young, and our marriage wouldn't last. What they didn't know,or realize, was that our love ran very deep. We've had our rocky moments, we've had thoughts of divorce, we have gone through the pain of having a sick child, a grandchild laying in the hospital close to death. We have had to endure the "in-law" problem. But we have had each other and we have talked it out, worked it out. We've talked until the wee hours of the morning when we've had problems, we've held each other tight all night long when our hearts ached for a loved one. Today, we are in our 60's, we feel good about ourselves, our marriage, and our deep abiding love that hasn't died no matter what was going on in our lives. We don't have a his/ hers duty list. We know what needs to be done and we do it. No matter. There were times that I washed the family car, mowed back and front lawn, did the grocery shopping, brought home the bacon; and then the times changed and the work load was more balanced. Life changes, every day is a change. We just try to do the most for each other, because we love each other. And I believe that if you don't have that deep foundation of love, then your marriage just may not last. I couldn't bear to be in a loveless marriage. And I thank God, my husband and myself that neither of us have to find out what that is like.

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kyrosemom

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Cheerful

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May 16, 2006, 9:14 am PDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: idunowhy

Men should help their wives out. My husband would come home and help me finish what I couldn't get to. Marriages is a partnership give and take. Your the one who is immature. Why is that you think a stay at home mom has to work 24 hours a day and a man only has to work 8?

I totally agree. My husband sometimes gets on these jags about how the house should be picture perfect because in his words, all I do is "sit in the house all day". Damn, I WISH I could sit all day! Let's see. I get one child up, ready and off to school on the bus by 7 am, and he has Autism, so some days, I have to dress him and brush his teeth for him because he is refusing. I then get the baby up, feed him, change him, and let him down to play. My oldest, who is homeschooled, gets up, and takes care of his own needs. Unless he has wet the bed, because he still does that every so often. Then, I strip the bed and put the linens in to wash. I make beds, and start laundry. Any dishes left out from the night before are put away, and I take out trash. The dog gets out to go potty and then in to eat. The bird gets fed and watered. Then, I get my own breakfast, dress and get ready for the day. I homeschool anywhere from 4-6 hours, and during that time, on the few breaks I get, I pay bills, deal with doctor offices, and appointments for this or that. By the time 2 pm rolls around, I am pooped. I do my best to make sure the clothes are washed and the messes are kept up, but sometimes there are toys lying around and laundry needing folded.

Oh and yeah, I work part time at least 10-15 hrs a week from home, coding legal documents. But, no, I am a lazy person just because there might be some clutter around at the end of the day, or dinner might not be done just at 6 pm.

I finally told DH that if he does not like it, the door is thataway.

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purplepain

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May 16, 2006, 9:23 am PDT

05/16 The Divorce Experiment

Quote From: flthomcat

Dating is a must. The problem is not that people act "fake" during dating. The problem is that the red flags are there but couples CHOOSE to ignore them. Many women feel they must have a man in their lives to be happy. Many man want an arm hang. My husband was "near perfect" while we dated and we had some trying times that exposed his true self. That true self was pretty darn good. We have been married for 16+ years and have two beautiful children whom we raise as a team.

My sister, on the other hand, always dated losers and everyone tried to tell her they were losers. However, she CHOSE not overlook their flaws and only concentrate on their nice words (they were always charmers). She eventually married boyfriend #3 (the other 2 dumped her) and they have been UNHAPPILY married for 14 years. All the stuff she was told about him before (and chose to ignore) is what upsets her about him today. Go figure!

There is no alternative to dating. We've all seen how these spur-of-the-moment Las Vegas weddings usually turn out. Is that what you want? I don't think so.

By the way, I almost didn't respond to your post due to the ridiculing symbol you chose to put with your screen name. I'm curious; why do you feel the need to mock a very important Christian symbol? As a devout Catholic,I believe in Evolution, but even as a former Atheist I didn't feel the need to alter a religious symbol for my own benefit....very sad and aggressive.

If you want to discuss that outside this thread that is fine, this isn't the place.

That symbol isn't meant to mock at all. Many christians who believe in evolution use that symbol as a way to combine the two beliefs.

It's not used in a mocking way all the time. You choose to take offense to it, that's your problem not mine.

It was NOT aggressive in the least. I believe and know about evolution. This is a common evolution symbol! Want me to change it to a different one? I will...

But I suggest not getting so wound up over nothing.

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formyangel

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Good

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hopeful

May 16, 2006, 9:23 am PDT

people do to you what you allow them to

I truly believe people will do to you what you allow them to. I found myself resenting my husband and being angry. I thought I was treated like a maid, nurse, cook, etc. but I treated him like a king anyways, serving him meals, picking up his plate when he's done, taking care of everything so when he's home all he had to do was sit and watch tv. Then I realized I was just as responsible for the situation, so I now when dinner is ready he has to fix his own plate, rinse it and deposit it in the dishwasher. I ask him for help with the kids and house. At first he was less than willing, but I treated him with respect and was firm about his being responsible also in the home. Now he helps quite a bit, although I still need to remind him.

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corkie

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May 16, 2006, 9:26 am PDT

Don't miss this show!

Hi! My name is Rebecca from Utah and I am one of the women that Dr. Phil recruited who helped with this project. Get ready for a show that will blow your mind.

"Tell all of your friends to watch!"

I can't say anything about the show until after it airs, but I will be on this message board today to answer any questions as soon as it's aired. I will check the message board every 1/2 hour and answer any questions you have for me. I loved working on this show and I'm very happy I was chosen. I'm very happily married and I have 2 children of my own. Can't wait for you to see this Dr. Phil Show!

Rebecca***A.K.A.*** "SpitFire"

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mommaof1

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Sad

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May 16, 2006, 9:41 am PDT

people change after the wedding

Quote From: purplepain

My question is, why did she marry this man in the first place? Did they not discuss their roles in the marriage before hand?

Guess I'll see if that gets answered.

ya know i think maybe she did not know what she was getting into, I'm sure he was not so demanding when they were dating. maybe he was they type who did not show his true colors til after the wedding,.... i could be wrong the show will be on in a few, minutes.... I'm a stay at home mom and missed the morning show, yes i was doing housework, and taking care of my sick child too. my house is not spotless or immaculate but it is no pigs sty either. if my hubby dared to tell me to wait on him hand and foot, he knows his bags or by bags would be standing by the door. There is No Way i would take that from him, if he ever dare said or ordered me to make him dinner or do his laundry i would say McDonald's is open and so is the dry cleaners, i do 90% of the housework because i choose to, and yes he does help sometimes...Sometimes i ask him and he does it, on mothers day he cleaned the entire living room for me. ( what a nice guy huh?) we have our moments and let me tell you this .... there is no man that is gonna order me to cook and clean for him.. I'm sorry this lady has to put up with that pig of man ... i hope he really enjoys being in her shoes for a day... a stay at home mom does not get enough credit she deserves. and yes there are stay at home dads too. just because one brings home the bacon doesn't mean the other has to cook and clean 365 days a year. my hubby will cook on a are occasion , i prefer he doesn't .... lol he burns alot of stuff but he makes an effort, so we do go out once in awhile too. I tell him from time to time it must be nice to punch in your 40 hrs a week and get breaks and come home, my job is 16 hrs a day sometimes, he says he would trade me in heartbeat, he seems to think sometimes its a gravy job being home with kids. i tell him any time baby. he does appreciate what i do, because he tells me. we both watch Dr. Phil when we can and we have both learned to communicate with one another and accept each other's feelings, and to show appreciation toward each other.if you do not feel appreciated then you probably feel worthless.

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swchick

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Mellow

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May 16, 2006, 10:03 am PDT

How to have a good marriage

Quote From: kathleen18

My husband and I married when we were 20 years old - as far as most people were concerned we were too young, and our marriage wouldn't last. What they didn't know,or realize, was that our love ran very deep. We've had our rocky moments, we've had thoughts of divorce, we have gone through the pain of having a sick child, a grandchild laying in the hospital close to death. We have had to endure the "in-law" problem. But we have had each other and we have talked it out, worked it out. We've talked until the wee hours of the morning when we've had problems, we've held each other tight all night long when our hearts ached for a loved one. Today, we are in our 60's, we feel good about ourselves, our marriage, and our deep abiding love that hasn't died no matter what was going on in our lives. We don't have a his/ hers duty list. We know what needs to be done and we do it. No matter. There were times that I washed the family car, mowed back and front lawn, did the grocery shopping, brought home the bacon; and then the times changed and the work load was more balanced. Life changes, every day is a change. We just try to do the most for each other, because we love each other. And I believe that if you don't have that deep foundation of love, then your marriage just may not last. I couldn't bear to be in a loveless marriage. And I thank God, my husband and myself that neither of us have to find out what that is like.

Life changes, every day is a change. We just try to do the most for each other, because we love each other.

Thats really what's its all about. My hat's off to you.

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