Topic : 09/05 The Divorce Experiment

I watched this episode last night (I must have TIVO'd it).  I heard Dr. Phil say that he gets "thousands" of letters about how miserable women are in relationships like this.  Thousands?  Am I just naive?  I didn't know that many people were that miserable.  No, I don't live in a cave; I know the divorce rate is around 50%.  But that also means that about 50% of couples are staying together.   

  

My husband and I have been married for 34 years next month (we were mere children) and have two grown sons.  We have each had exactly one sexual partner in our lifetimes - each other.  No, it isn't always moonight and roses, but for the most part it's a good life, and usually it's a very good life.  Like most people, we've struggled through our share child rearing, career issues, financial isssues, aging parents, empty nest and serious health issues.  Most of our friends are couples who have been married for decades also, and who have struggled through the same or similar issues.  (Yes, we know people who have been married multiple times or bounce in and out of relationships, but for the most part our friends are stable, relatively happily married couples.)  Are we an anomoly?   

  

Wouldn't it be great to see a show profiling what goes right in relationships?  We see so many negative things, and I agree learning about them helps people, but maybe once in a while we should see a more hopeful message about marriage. 

That actually would be interesting.

To see people who have had marriages that are successful, maybe show one couple that has been married 10 years, one that has been married 15-20 and one of those couples that has been together 35+ years...

Have them talk about the ups and downs, what they regret or what they would do better, and what their best advice is.

I think that would be interesting.

Good idea hon!

David, 

  

In regards to your therory, how do you stop that behavior!  How do you walk away from someone that you know you shouldn't be with.  Its been 18 years for me and its 18 years too long.  I know how I feel but I keep getting sucked back into the relationship. 

  

klynne38 

Hi Catherine, 

  

Sorry to hear that you are in the same situation.  Im back at home now but I really do not want to be there.  I have ventured out with someone else, I know that is probably wrong but I just wanted to know if it was just me. If I was broken or if its really the relationship.  I can't tell you why I can't leave him.  I made an appointment to go to counceling, hoping that will help me.  my 17 year old daughter will not come back home.  She is leaving with my neice.  That breaks my heart.  To think what I have done to her by staying in this relationship.  He says that I caused him to hit me, that I do the things that make him mad. I don't know maybe I do. I have been trying to hang onto my self for so long its getting hard.  I am in the process of getting a new position at work with a lot more money maybe that will help.  I just know that I feel nothing when it comes to him and that makes for a very lonely life. 

  

Kimberly 

kpemberton@essilorusa.com 

I loved this show with the husband getting a taste of his own nasty medicine. Cracked me up. I am separated now and waiting on the divorce finalization -- in July. I heard from my soon-to-be-ex-husband that he had to pay close to $400 for a cleaning crew to come in and clean the house because the one Saturday he did it, it took him 6 HOURS! LOL The cleaning crew of 4 women took 4 hours to clean that place - and wow it was clean as I saw it. That's when I gently reminded him of how I was exhausted at night since I worked all day and did a little cleaning each night after work so as not to have a whole Saturday swallowed up with it. I also said to him how that $400 was just for cleaning the house, no food shopping, no dry cleaning drop off & pick up, no pet care, bill paying, child care, and cooking meals. Hmmm, Ka-Ching! I just heard the value of me as wife go up! lol Any way Ioved this episode so much I even talked about it on the podcast I do for the NJ Ghost Hunters Society called "The Deadline". So Dr. Phil if you read these postings, you can tune in to our show online at Podcast Alley or right from our site at http://www.njghs.net and to save you time, scroll into the show to about 37 minutes that's when I talk about you and the show. thanks again!

Amy, I sure would like to hear from you.  Will you please post how you are doing?  If not I understand.  I hope you are doing well. 

***Rebecca*** 

Good luck! 

Amy,  

     thank you for filling me in.  It sounds like Greg has not started to do the work he is supposed to do.  You can only do your part and if he does not do his part soon, you may have to leave him.  I know it is scary to think about starting over, but it is the best thing I ever did.  I moved 3,000 miles away from my ex.  I'm living my dream now and so can you!  I told Greg over and over that I pity my ex, and that if he does not do the work, he will lose you and you will be fine with out him.  He really needs to step up to the plate and be a real a man.  I had a little hope for him, but it's fading.    

     Amy, please keep standing your ground because your little girls need a strong roll model and they need their mommy.   There are so many good men out there who can be more than just a provider and hard worker.  It was a pleasure to meet you, and I hope Dr. Phil does a follow up show on you because people want to know what has happened.   What people don't realize is how strong you can be in this, so keep growing as a woman and become stronger and stronger.  If the time comes were you have to leave, then you will have the strength to do what ever it takes.  Once you get to that point don't look back and you will be fine.  I think about you every day and my heart is with you.  Remember you can only control what you do.  Take care of you first!   Again, thank you for taking the time to write. 

  

***Rebecca***A.K.A. Spitfire 

  

P.S.  Greg, if you are reading this, GET OFF OF YOUR ASS AND BE A REAL MAN!!!!  YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU AND YOU WILL BE A MISERABLE LITTLE MAN FOREVER! 

Amen Rebecca...Greg has the gift of the world most patient woman. Seriously....he's gotten more chances from her than anyone I know would give him.

Purpepain, 

  

I relay have enjoyed your post.  I wish you a good day and much happiness.   

  

***Rebecca***