Topic : 05/17 Brandon Behind Bars

Lem know if i can help 

That was great!  Your post should be required reading for all of us!  

In particular, I agree with the comments about prison.  Yes, he's in drug treatment -- but as they say in NA and AA, recovery is a process, not an event.  And this means he has to continue to treat his addiction after he leaves prison -- with support groups, 12 step programs, etc.  I thought this important aspect was glossed over way too much by everyone on the show.    

The easiest way to explain the addiction model is that it is a disease, but those of us suffering from it are responsible for treating it, just as a chronic diabetic needs to watch sugar and insulin intake.   And the treatment for addiction is complete abstinence from alcohol and drugs.    

I wish them all luck.  I don't think the parents are bad people (although I agree with those who say Mom needs to figure a lot of things out before trying to help others!).  But they are very typical of parents trying to define that fine line between enabling and being there to "support" their kids.   Sure, they've made mistakes but, more importantly, they seem ready to correct them.  It was very positive that they both clearly stated they don't want him living at home when he gets out - this is a big step!  

Anyone who claims the answers to this are black and white doesn't understand the complexity of the problem.  

We have been living the with the same problems as Brandons family.    

Our son has had a problem with drugs for a while now.  He has been in and out of trouble for years.  When he was 18 he gotten into a fight with his ex-girlfriend and ended up in jail for domistic abuse.    

He had been using drugs at the time.  He severed a year and a half and we thought that he was really going to try - then he started hanging out with the wrong people AGAIN and started drinking and into the drugs again.  

While in jail they don't have any classes that really help them with drug use.   They don't help them to learn how to go out and live a normal life or how to get a job.    

What they do learn in jail isn't something that you would want your children to learn -- he learned everything from how to make drugs to how to steal a car.  

He has had a couple of VERY good jobs but the drugs and partying seem to come first.    

We have been there for him and we have even done the total oppacit and he has been homeless.  

We even got him to go to Job Corp. -- that didn't last a month and he had gotten into trouble there also and they kicked him out.  

He is such a hard worker when he is being good.  And he has so many talents - like welding and working with his hands.  

I know how Brandon mom feels -- I dont sleep well because I worry about him -- if the phone rings at strange hours my heart falls and if I don't hear from him I worry.  

I feel that we have lost so many family and friends because of his actions -- they have no idea what it is like to be a parent to a troubled child.  

We have moved to get away from people that judge us and we now live way out away from anyone and my husband drives 120miles one way to work.  

I don't talk with hardly anyone and most people out here don't know much about our family -- I just stick to myself.  (( I seem to be waiting for the big bomb to go off ))  

I feel like I am living in a jail of my own.  

after reading many of the messages I feel even more helpless  --  there just doesn't seem to be any kind of fix for our problems.  

My thought and prays go out to Bandon's family.  

and   thank-you Dr. Phil for showing us that we are not the only family that is living this HELL.  

ToniRae  

Doctor Phil. Brandon need to grow up and act like adult and not as a kid at all. Brandon sure also- 

not move back home because he might start allover again. Doctor Phil you did a good job on-------- 

Brandon today. See you tomorrow Afternoon.  Well I had better close now. Sincerley Your. Russell--

I believe Brandon should do his time in jail. 

He has to learn the consequenses of his actions. 

My 38 yr old son "I believe" is on meth. (again) and I wish he would get arrested so he could jet help hopefully.  

Wow...sometimes it is so hard to just sit and listen to other perspectives on how people in this society view addiction...like it is a choice...we call people who are able to say - "No",and "No thank you, .I've had enough" - "Normies"...well people like me only wish we could understand how Normies do that just like Normies want to know how come we don't just say "No"...trust me I have met alot of people who would like to be able to say no and think about saying no but have no tools to be able to do so. I use to blame my parents...my childhood, ect..ect...and the truth is it is a choice today now that I am clean and now that I have tools....and I believe it is an education that is needed for people...."One is too many and a thousand is never enough" and Yes..when you are in the disease of addiction-you can not be trusted...you can not trust yourself so why should anyone trust you...no question there they shouldn't...and Dr.Phil even said some things about that ...but Brandon like your Dad said and he got this so right, NO ONE but you can change it...no one but you can want it ...well they can but you have to want it....no one can do it but YOU and you can stop if you choose....it is about making that decision...it has nothing to do with choice. You are lucky - yes lucky you have a good family...Me I have and still have a family that uses everything and I had to make a choice to change...It was a "nudge from the judge" and I was Tired...but today I have 10 years clean and sober...the 5 things you have to do....1. Get a Higher power, 2. Attend 12 step meetings, 3. Get a sponsor 4. Work the steps, and 5. Get into service...... in the beginning attend meetings on  a daily basis...this is how many times a day I used at least once a day so do a meeting at least one a day...sometimes 2...Work the Steps-Self discovery..why you are are using...what are you afraid of...living up to family expectations of you? afraid of failure? FEAR..or Feelings....running....who knows why we do what we do...we just do.... I know that when I was  on drugs I was numb and afraid of nothing, I believed I could do anything....i put on the big "S" like superwoman and found out it meant Stupid woman....Brandon and those that have a Brandon or me in their family....There is hope...alot of hope and there are programs out there to help and work....if you work it..... Brandon don't be afraid to be YOU!! You are great just the way you are and you will be able to live your life the way you will feel good about it. I totally know this today...ONE DAY AT A TIME....your life will get better...and yeah it can be exhausting for you families that have someone like me an addict...you want to help....DON'T HELP>>>>Kick us out...let them go and put them in rehab kicking and screaming...do the interventions and pray. Tell them you love them but you can not watch and will not watch them destroy their lives and definitely do not allow them to destroy yours....get a support group...don't Co-sign...I always say...How much do you love them? Enough to kick them out and direct them to help or bury them? So Brandon...I have worked with women locked up for over 6 years and have seen GREAT success and look forward to hearing about yours. God Bless you and your family.  

I just want Brandon'e parents not to give up hope. A few years ago I was in the same situation with my son. He went off to college and I called his dorm room to leave a message for him to call me  and he was in his room when he should have been in class. I thought nothing of it. I started thinking about it and made another call during the time he should have been in class and yet again he answered. I believed the excuses he gave me but looking back now, deep down I knew there was something wrong. I later found out my son was on drugs. He was suspended from college and came back home. I watched him go progressively down hill. I tried everything. He ended up going into detox 3 times. The only problem was, he went in to satisfy his Dad and I. Each time when he got out, he'd go right back to using. I was told by one of the many help lines I called that I had to use tough love. I had to tell my son he couldn't live at home any longer until he straightened his life out. We were no longer going to enable him. It broke my heart. I cried every day and every night. I was terrified whenever the phone rang that it was going to be that dreaded phone call that my son was dead or in jail. It consumed every day of my life for over 3 years. I have 3 other children and I know it took a toll on our entire family. I've never felt so helpless and scared in my life. All I could do is love my son and pray for him. I felt like the worst mother in the world. I felt as though I had abandoned my own son. No matter how many times I was told by counselors and others that I was doing the only thing I could do, I was so devastated. How did it come to this. We had such a close family. (We now have that back again)  Finally one day I received a call from my son saying that he was tired of the life he was leading and had checked himself into detox. I was so happy. I still had my reservations though because of his track record. I then received a call from my son asking me  to attend a counseling session with him. I had no idea until that session how close to death my son was. I had no idea how many and how much drugs he was doing. I was so blind. I am a nurse and I missed it or just didn't want to see it. I am so happy to say, my son finished detox and then moved on to a living facility out of town that teaches them how to start over, get jobs, go to church, counseling, AA, NA and so much more. My son has been clean for over 3 years now. He bought a home of his own. He never went back around his old friends. Now the best; my son is on his way to beginning his pastorship at a church in his town. Last month, he got married. His wife is a second grade teacher. They have a wonderful life together. He is happy, our family is stronger than ever, and I not only have my wonderful son back, I have a new daughter-in-law. Brandon can do all of this too! I know he can. I know the frustration, hurt, confusion, feeling like your losing your mind, the overwhelming urge to help and protect your son. You just need to know that only Brandon can make this happen. All you can do for him now is love him, pray for him but stand your ground. Do not enable him. As hard as that is, that's the best gift you could give to him right now. Your family can make it through this and end up even stronger. Brandon can have a wonderful life and a bright drug free future. Please know that at least one Mom out here is praying for your family and for your son. I hope to see a follow up on Dr. Phil that Brandon has turned this horrible experience into a positive one. I hope he finds his way and becomes the honorable man that I know you have raised. He's not lost for good just confused and has to find his way back to that fork in the road and take the other path. With caring parents like you and a strong family, I have no doubt that will happen. Along the way, don't lose sight of the  other members of your family by getting so consumed with Brandon. Only Brandon can fix Brandon. He will find his way.  It never happens as quickly as we'd like but be patient and have faith. Brandon seems like a very good man who has lost his way. I have no doubt after seeing your love for him and your family dynamics that the Brandon you raised will come back to you. I hope your family is back together safe and healthy soon. You are all  in our thoughts and prayers.