Topic : 05/17 Brandon Behind Bars

A person in Brandon's situation does not need 'negative' reinforcement.  A person in a precipitous situation needs the positive.  Otherwise the addict may just may throw up his/her hands and assume the 'loser' label that has been ascribed to them.   

It's interesting to me that so many very talented people have this disease.  (Robert Downey Jr. for example.)  If it's any consolation to people with addiction problems, you are in the top 5 percentile as perfectionists.  So addiction may be a sideways mis-directed symptom of that trait.   

Dear oobrookeoo, 

Filling the void may be one of the hardest things to do, at lest it was for me.  Mine was drinking.  When I stopped drinking everyday I didn't know myself anymore.  It took six months before I even felt like me again.  All that time spent just sitting and getting drunk made me forget the active, creative self I once was.  I started writting, painting, going camping, etc.  Filling that empty time with activities, I started laughing & smiling more as each day passed.  I know the feeling of still liking to get high too.  I had to love myself more than the drug.  I had to remind myself that if I keep traveling the user road, sooner or later my health would pay the price.  Look in the mirrow, look in your heart and keep telling yourself that you deserve better & pretty soon you'll start to feel better with out using.  It will take time, but you are worth it.  Hang out with people who don't use.  It's been a year now, after 10 of using and I feel free.  Only you can free yourself.  If you change your life style, one day you will hate the drug that cost you  health and money.  Think of all the things you can do with the money you'll save.  Take a trip, buy something special for someone or yourself.  Stay active, join some clubs & if you believe in God, pray daily, if you don't believe in him,  I do and are praying for you.  God bless you in this journey, you can do it.....Sincerely, On The Way UP. 

I have so wondered on many occasions about this wonderful young man, Brandon.  

Brandon captured a special place in my heart from day one.  

So talented, so intelligent, so handsome-- a loving and good spirit.   

I'll be asking the Lord to strengthen your heart continually for this task that you must carry out.  

I'm with you and I believe in your talents and unique gifts.  

The important thing is that you can do this...you CAN do this.  

You have the concern and love of many in this country and around the world...there with you on your journey.  

Take care.   

We care.  

My son life and Brandon's life are somewhat similar. Justin started with drugs (pot) at about 16.  We were blind to it and then became enablers.  He was arrested the 1st time at 17 and we bailed him out, got him a lawyer, he went to rehab and was put on probation for 2 yrs.  He stayed clean a couple months but went back to using and then selling.  At 19 he was arrested again and this time it was a felony drug charge.  Once again fines and probation. It was so hard on the entire family.  I can't believe that we put up with it.  But it was like we knew that he knew what would happen if he was caught.  He was also led to believe that if he was arrested again that nothing would happen because he knew all kinds of people with bigger and worse records than his that were walking free.  He about had things under control after he had a son in 2001, but when he and his son's mother broke up he went downhill.  He had difficulty finding a good job.  When employers find out you are a felon they tend not to hire you.  Flash forward to early 2003 when he met and became involved with the most controlling, abusing witch ever.  She knew he had drugs and money and those were 2 of her favorite things.  She physically, emotionally and mentally abused him for over a year.  The worst year in this family’s life.  She was downright evil and even convinced him, after she stole $5000.00 cash from him, that I was the one who took it.  She introduced him to some real sleeze and got him hooked on heroin.  Before her, he had never done heroin before.  I lost count on how many times she beat the crap out of him and then convinced the cops that he beat her up.  He took out numerous Orders of Protections against her but within a day or 2 she had begged his forgiveness and because of his low self-esteem and insecurities he'd go back.  She kept him away from his son and family but always had her 2 kids there for him to support.   Even after stabbing him in the back and almost killing him, (which she was never charged) he went back to her.  She threatened to kill my husband and me many times.  In Nov. of 2003 they both were arrested on felony drug charges, she was just a guilty as him, but he said she wasn't involved and took all the blame himself.  Jan. of 2004, before going to court on the 03 charges he was once again arrested on felony drug charges.  His lawyer had gotten a deal with the State’s Attorney and 2 days before court (May 2004) he was arrested in a different county after months of investigation for being set up in a drug sting.  He went through withdrawal in the county holding cell and begged the guards for a drink of water.  They told him that he could die and they wouldn’t care.  He called and begged us to bail him out but there was no way.  I am convinced, and told him many times, that if he hadn’t been arrested that he would have either overdosed or she would have killed him. He now believes that, too. The 6 months in County were heart wrenching.  We could visit twice weekly for 20 minutes each time.  Seeing him behind the glass and not being able to touch and hold him were so hard. In Nov 04 he was sentenced to 7 years in prison.  With time served and our state’s laws he would be in for 3 ½ yrs .    He is healthier and looks better than he has in nearly ten years.  He will be 26 in August. I truly believe has he has learned from his mistakes and choices.  He is back in his son’s life and looking forward to a future.  I know it is going to be hard for him when he gets out.  He will have a very hard time finding a job and will be on parole for 3 years.  He HAS to stay away from all the people that he associated with in the past and start his life over.  He has our support but his return to our home upon his release will be conditional, as we CAN NOT go through this again.  So many of his cellmates talk about how as soon as they get out they can’t wait for their next fix and are going right back to the life that got them there in the 1st place.  Justin knows he never wants to go back again.  He is taking advantage of the drug rehab, college courses and Bible study that are available to him.  He is working there and trying to learn a skill.  He prays a lot and has hopes for a future. 

As I watched Dr Phil yesterday I became very emotional 

I too have the same situation. 

I have a long history of addiction in my family. My mom, a widow since 64, lost her life from water on the brain on March 12th, 06. I also married an addicted person and divorced him because I was concerned raising three sons in a dysfunctional home. Litttle did I know that the addiction would soon come again. I have done everything, I mean everything in my power to get my youngest help for his addiction. Like brandon, my son is almost 22 and has made the attempt several times. But he's still not getting it. I had his arrested because he wiped my house out of valuble items. I am physically and mentally exhasted. He now faces Jail or a long treatment facility. The court is not giving him any choice. WELL!!!! he wants to pick Jail. In New York there is no drug treatment in jail. He refuses to go to a T.C.   -That is a strict enviroment and isn't easy, however he would rather go to jail.  I also went to school to become a drug and alcohol counselor. I give advice I can't do myself. It is a mothers instict to protect her child. Its like someone telling you to stop breathing when they say to stop protecting him. It is so very dam hard to let go. I once spoke to a mom that did the tough love thing and her son died two weeks later. So that's my fear. I know everything there is to know about addiction. But I cannot face losing him.   

I love my son  

Long Island Mom 

Well its not my child whose an addict, its my 3 yrs old daughters father who is, his addiction is crack cocaine.  We hadn't known each other long when i became pregnaunt.  I know Dr. Phil would ask why did i go out with him, being he lived at home, no car etc.   any way it has taken me over 3 yrs to discover how bad his addiction is, at least over 10 yrs.  hes 35 yrs of age.  The problem is we are back in court, see i got full physical & legal custody of her and all he got was supervised visitation through a visation center.  Well he too has been in rehab, when he left rehab, he was going through $500 to $700 worth of crack in a 24 to 48 hr period.  He too went to jail, for only a month, in Jan 05 he was released, went to a homeless shelter then to a transitional housing, he claims hes been clean for 18 months, had has showed 3 drug test where he too has past.  The scarries part, is now we are back in litigation, i can only bring up what has happend since he signed the order in nov. 04, i can not bring up anything prior.  since then he has been in jail, homeless shelter, and a transitional housing, so i really have no choice but to allow a 3 year old to have unsupervised visitation with her father.  I too, know how an addict can manupulate & lie and look you in the eye, and do just enough to say hey look at me i am all better now.  She is so precious and is only 3, I can not get out of my head what Dr. Phil said yesterday, about the 85% relapes and everything i read about the 100's of times people relapes, and how i believe this is only the 1st time her father has even tried to recover, how he thinks its a diease, like ppl with cancer and such,  I feel the courts have tied my hands and WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN HE HAS A 3 YR OLD AND NEEDS THAT FIX WHEN HE RELAPES 

Brandon, if you read this please think about your life, you will get out of jail, and if you keep on the path you are on, you too may spawn an unplan child, what is going to happen to that child.  Brandon you even said and i have heard my daughters father say, when you are in the mode all you care about is a fix.  Brandon though this is my only experience, it broke my heart yesterday to see the family is such a whirl wind AGAIN, if you don't get it under control, you do effect more people then just in you family and you don't know who will be the next victim of your selfish diseire to get high 

Please pray, you can ask my 3 yr old who paints the sky and she will say God and u can ask her who puts the trees and birds out and she will say Jesus and u can ask her who loves her and she will say God and Jesus.