Topic : 05/17 Brandon Behind Bars

Hi Dr. Phil,  

           My son has been on drugs & alcohol for the past 10 years. It has been an absolute nightmare for me and for that matter the entire family.  It has effected us in ways that it would be too much to write.  Here is Australia we do not have any Act which allows us to place anyone into a detox unit against a persons will, as we do under the Mental Health Act where we can certify someone as a section 12 (involuntary status) on Psychiatric grounds.  

           Last November, my son was jailed for 6 months due to his drug addiction and for cultivating marajuana. He was also drinking to excess which involved driving a vehicle while drunk.  He was also using speed and many other drugs that did not involve main lining.  Being jailed was the worst thing that happened to us. We were extremely distressed, devistated,embarrassed and the family spent the entire 6 months beating around the bush with total rubbish to avoid other members of the family and friends finding out where my son was.  My son did not want us to visit him in prison as he did not want the family to see him in this situation.   

            After 4 weeks  of him being away from us, I began to sleep better. I new in myself that he was not on drugs or alcohol. ( they had regular urine drug screening) If  anyone did use in prison they would instantly be transported to a maximum security prison.  While he was in jail he attended drug and alcohol counselling.  I came to the realisation that his risk of being in prison was far less than it was when he was out.  Had he continued on that path I have no doubt he would have impulsively killed himself or someone else in his rage and anger. He was unemployable, lost his car licence, had many assaults charges. Could not pay his debts which were thousands and did not pay his rent resulting in huge rental issues. In his rage he would break furniture, smash walls, and electrical goods. He would text me saying  "its all f--  and I dont know what to do". I would be out in the car looking for him at 2/3 am  to try and help and when I eventually found him, he appeared to have no insight, and said there wasnt anything wrong with him.   

         My son was recently released from prison. Initially, he was somewhat angry with the world, however, as time as gone on I am able to engage him more so. We have talked of some past issues which he does not remember.  Even though he portrays a tough exterior, I know that prison was learning curve.  He looks much healthier, and  I feel  the relationship between us and the family is improving. I realise it will take some time for him. However, what he does not realise is that we still remember it all.  I have to say although it early days, he has not used any illicit drugs since release. He had some alcohol with friends to celebrate, however, has not had any since.  I think and I hope and pray this continues.  At some point in  ones life I would have to say "Thank god for Prisons".  We have realised that  we were fighting a loosing battle, and propping a person in some situations is not the answer in solving some issues.  

                                                                                                               Chris        ( Australia) 

I am a wife of a current meth user. I  found out 2 weeks ago he has been using for an entire year. I didn't have a clue it was drugs. It is a new chapter in my life. I was and am not a drug user nor were my children. My life slowly started turning upside down and flipped in the last 2 months.    

My husband is also a non-drinking untreated alcoholic. I knew that when we married last September. I also knew things would be challenging at times. Little did I know how challenging!    

What I now understand is that addiction is an illness. I have read  it is a two fold disease: A physical allergy coupled with an obsession of the mind. It can be arrested but never cured.   

It is easy to be judgmental towards addicts since it seems that almost every life touched by them sees chaos and crisis at some time or another. Would you be mad at someone who has diabetes or cancer? Did a cancer patient chose to have cancer? NO! Does someone chose to have diabetes? NO! It really isn't a choice. Using is a symptom not the problem. If looked at like a disease less people might  take it personal or believe they have some control over the addict or their behavior.   

It might sound easy and I can tell you it's not! I live it daily. If I took my husbands negative behavior personal consistently, I would have committed suicide, started drinking or using drugs myself. It takes as much of a commitment to take care of me as it does for the addict to take care of him or herself.    

I love my husband and hate the disease. He is a kind and loving person with an illness. The things he does are the same things many addicts do. It's part of the illness. I believe that when people understand this the judgment is much less harsh.   

I have a great support system in place, thank God! I have been attending 12 step meetings for over 2 years. Most of my non 12 step friends stay away from us during the crisis times like now. They don't seem to understand either, and are full of advice and judgment towards me. It comes masked as love and caring, although it feels controlling and judgmental to me. You can't know what it's like until you've walked in different shoes.   

Don't take Brandon's life personal. He is doing exactly what drug addicts do. His story isn't really that special. Some addicts don't get well, and it's none of our business how anyone chooses to deal or not to deal with the disease of addiction. I bless him and his family and wish them luck. Try to see the person and not the disease. The addicts are suffering more than we know!   

My husband is signed up for treatment Monday morning. I am keeping faith that our life will get better soon!   

my son also started at around this age,now 37 i watched as his life was not his own pot told him when to go to bed when to get up when to got to work pot told him were to spend his money,pot talked for him the drs will say hey they can get off it fi they want  have you seen or been with someone trying just to get off pot the pain and stomach and dieing inside they do is almost unbearable to watch the puking the daily cramps.no help has to be given to people wh only was on pot  take something you put in your body for over 25 yrs tell me yu can walk with no help there has to be help for theses people theres help if they got a needle in there arms help if they walk in same iam on crack but pot oh you can just walk away from it mentally it takes the toll his son dont want to be around him and he will tell you all my friends parnets do it i just dont want my dad doing it so he has no closness with his only child bc of pot. 

but now looking back,,,,pot destroyed my son......he was only on this....pot distroyed my son 

it took his life,his money,his home,and even closeness with his only child.....get your son off pot and do it the fastest way bf he does go inot someting more.. 

my grandson is offered this every day in high school yet he walks away telling then no and he will tell you i seen what it did to my dad.i dotn want it in my life......... i hope he stays this way 

drs will say pot is not really a drug...........i have had them tell me this 

i ask if this is true and he gets pulled over can you write me a statement saying pot is not really a drug so i can take in front of judge whe he is sentenced  thank god this never happend but he wouldnt give me a answer if it did. 

it happens to a member of your family. 

PS.  Treatment costs much less of your 'tax money' than imprisonment. 

 I have to say I have such mixed feelings about Brandon. It has to be horrible for any person to think that the answer to a problem is drugs.My heart aches that he did not see any other way to handle his frustrations.His parents seemed very much concerned and willing to help in anyway to make things better for the family.  

My son Michael, who is 29, has been on drugs, alcohol, anything he could get his hands on to forget about the world.Has been in rehab,detention center's and jail. I have to tell you that Michael has severe hemophilia,which with the mix of drugs could kill him He knows this but does not stop.He cannot hold a job due to the fact that he develops a bleed in his legs or arms within a few hours of working or cannot get out of bed in the morning due to a bleed.There are not many employers that are willig to put upwith this on a regular basis.He also had a bleed in his brain when he was a year old and has a IQ of a 4th grader and cannot remember orders that are given to him.  

Sounds like I feel sorry for him, well I do, that might be part of the problem.He has me feeling so guilty and sorry for him and plays it very well.Not to mention having a father that never considerd him a man because he was damaged goods.Father has passed away so that will never be resolved.I feel that I have failed as a mother....  

Hopefully ,Brandon can realize the pain the whole family goes through and gets the help he needs. He has a lot  to look forward to in life and no one can change his life but him.I know that you have a lot of people praying for you & your recovering.Your life is worth more then getting high.  

Sorry for any mistakes in the letter,but I will not reread it or I probaly will end up deleting it. 

Good Luck 

I watched the intervention from my living room and felt so much for this family. I am also 22 years old and have grown up in an Australian family whith parents as cops and my father use to come home and tell us stories about Heroine addicts and prison and what it does to you. I can only imagine what this young man is going through and wonder whether he was lacking something at home and turned to the streets and drugs as a way of fulfilling that need.  

My family is going through a very similar situation with my brother...  You can't imagine the impact and heartbreak that someone's addiction has on everyone around you..  I wish my brother was able to get help from someone like Dr. Phil.  Without money (a lot of it) or health insurance your options for help are very limited.  Now looking at up to five years in prison, I pray daily that he will be court ordered to rehabilitation since he's never had it and none of us have enough money for it...  I pray for one more chance for him to get help with his problems (emotional and addiction).  Brandon is lucky to have a family that is still fighting for him, as my family is fighting for my brother.  We totally understand what they are going through and wish them the best in their fight.