Topic : 05/17 Brandon Behind Bars

And I have this to say to your mom, dad and to you:  First, your behavior is "typical".  My Son went to Taylor and Cinco Ranch High and alot of kids in our area are "into" what you are doing - there is so much money floating around in this area it is not funny.  This is no excuse for you to do such things to your parents or your body, or OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.  When DR PHIL said that you could kill someone when you drive, he is right and those people could easily be ME OR MY KIDS as I live in FT BEND COUNTY, and have prob. passed you on the main streets.  YOu need to knock off your bad behavior right now.  The rules for you are NO FRIENDS PERIOD. and  NO MORE DRUGS.  If your parents are smart, they will leave you in jail permenantly, or send you off to a monistery in a foreign country where you can not speak the language, or get out.  

  

This part is for Brandon's Mom - You are such a beautiful lady, and very well off.  You live in a typical Katy home.  I can tell you are prob. a member of one of the big and wealthy churches.  You display "typical" behavior of parents in this area - you are way, way, way to soft spoken with Brandon.  You do not know that other parents in other parts of the country may parent differently than what you are used to or have seen.  I'm from another state - yes there are drug problems in other places too.  I know another young man like Brandon.  His parents just "let him go" - he spent 2 years in Medium Security prison, and his felony caused him to never be able to get a job due to that.  Now he is approaching 40, and finally decided, of HIS OWN ACCORD to stop the drugs and get his life straight.  Why?  Because he was basically banished from the family.  They said, "honey, if you don't care, neighter do we. Figure it out yourself, we are done with your problem."  He spent the next several years figuring his way through evictions, and several low-wage jobs - enough to keep him so busy that drugs was not a part of his financial life or his time-management plan.  I really think it is time for you parents to give that ultimatum to Brandon.  YOu need to tell him he can not live at home any more and that there is NO MORE MONEY coming from you in any way shape and form, not even for Christmas or Birthday, only cheap, worthless stuff that can not be pawned off.  Brandon needs to leave the wealthy comfortable life style and see if he can put food in his own mouth and clothing on his own back.  By providing even a basic life style for him you are inadvertantly helping him kill himself.  You do this because you love him.  But you don't realize that even minimal care on your part is killing him.    

  

I have a son who is 22 now.  His dad has the "tough love" approach.  My son never did anything like brandon, but last summer, when my husband and my son butted heads over housework, his dad told him - "Time for you to fund your own life!" and moved him out.  My son had to stay with a friend for a few nights and get someone else's parent to co-sign an apartment for him.  It was 3 months before he had the gas money to aquire all the stuff out of his room, we did not "do" anything with it, it was there for him when HE could afford to come and get it.  I cried alot, as you are doing on Today's show, thinking, "what on earth will happen to my son?"  I could only console myself by believing that since this is TEXAS it does not get freezing cold here so even under a bridge, my son would prob. not die.  He did'nt.  He amazed us all.  He went out to pound the pavement (when formerly he had a comfortab le room where he played video/computer games all the time and did minimal college homework), and he got himself a very good job at a mortgage company.  He realized that grown-up life is what you make it and if you are hungry a few days, it is because you are not at a job making money.  When I got back from my out of town trip, I did help him box up his stuff but he saved up the gas money to come get his stuff.  I was so worried I thought I should call Dr. Phil as well, but then I thought "No, I have raised him to know that work is good, saving is important and that if you damage yourself you will have to pay the bills.  He did damage his knee with a sport me and his dad disapproved of because we had to pay so much out in surgery for sport injuries already.  He kept on, and had a huge medical bill when he himself had to pay the hospital bill for the surgery (knee).  I know, you probl think we are horrible parents.  But my son is so busy scowering the world to survive he has no time or strength to think of mischief.  He recently got married, is going back to college and maintains a very nice apartment near us.    

  

Your solution?  Let Brandon figure out this problem.  If he WANTS to rot away in jail, let him - it is his choice.  Do not pay for anything any more.  The money you are planning to spend on drug rehab?  Go on a cruise.  If Brandon dies because of his drugs, well he could die from alot of accidents that you never even expected - God will take his life when God wants to and you can not controll that.  Yes I worry every day that any one of my children could get raped, abducted, die, get stolen, murdered, killed in a play accident or try a drug and end up over-dosing.  It is a terrible feeling, but you are not in controll of what Brandon does.  Not any more - he is a grown up.  YOu need to let him have responsibility of his own life.  Are you paying for college?  Why?  He does not deserve a cushy dorm room where the kids do drugs.  What came over your mind to let him go to a campus where such things even "may" go on (we all know colleges are full of drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.)  Brandon does not deserve college - and I personally think HE HIMSELF WANTS TO CONTROLL HIS LIFE INSTEAD OF LETTING MOM AND DAD DO IT.  I know it hurts you to hear that, but back off and let him figure it out.  I personally think he will because he knows what is right, since you taught him to be right when he was young.  Now you have to let him do it all, maybe he needs to get a job at the new HEB going in at Fry/Grand Parkway, and pay for his own rent, college classes and clothes.  No money left for luxuries like food, soda pop, or a movie?  tough - don't let him come home and enjoy life any more - it is time for work.  If Brandon had to truely WORK he would not have time or strength to do other destructive things.  MOM AND DAD you have made Brandon a very CUSHY life and if you continue you will aid him in his destruction.  If you want him to live, stop paying for ANYTHING.  His life depends on it.  I beg you, for your own good and his as well.    

  

Second of all I don't believe one word from Brandon, being sorry.  He is not sorry.  He knows you will come to the rescue, you always have.  He will be truely sorry when his life is straightened out and his bills are paid in full from his own blood, sweat and tears.  Let him figure it out.  Don't even co-sign an apartment for him.  That is a project he should be figuring out instead of the project of where the drugs are.  He is a very smart young man and since you are solving all the "life-path"problems for him he has nothing to figure his way through.  YOu need to give him real-life problems, like how to get a loaf of bread, and how to keep the job by putting in extra hours.  College is the worst thing you can send him to, as there are drugs there.  You will know he is being honest when he pays his own way, and chooses to bypass his problems himself.  I'm so sorry for you - you are parents that are just so, so sweet and good.  You are to good.  Please, be a bit meaner, don't be such good parents.  Don't provide so well, and don't care so much.  He believes that you can do anything, including RESURRECT him - did you hear what I said?  He thinks you can successfully bring him back from the Grave that is how well you have orchestrated his life, and that is a myth - he needs to find out how to fish his way out of his own mess, and until you let him this problem will NOT GO AWAY.  Sorry to tell you that.  He is ADDICTED to you taking over for all his problems.  You ahve to change that thinking in him, because you have to let him know you can not be all and do all - you are not God.  It is a myth you have accidentally perpetuated in him because you are such overly good parents.  You h ave to be meaner.  And I do not mean yelling.  I mean, when he says, give me college, pay my car or insuraance note, pay my surgery, pay my bills for the drug-rehab program, pay my health insurance, you need to say, "sorry kid, you are a grown up making grown up decisions - get your own food, health insurance, job, car, car insurance, shelter, and fun-money!  I personall think that BRANDON HIMSELF NEEDS TO PAY OFF HIS OWN DRUG-REHAB EXPENSES BY WORKING AT A LOW-WAGE JOB PUSHING CARTS OR LIFTING HEAVY OBJECTS AT THE LOCAL HOME DEPOT - HE'D BE TO WORN OUT TO THINK ABOUT WHERE TO GET DRUGS.   When it's mother's day, invite him to come by for some cake and a steak, but other than that he needs to go get a job and work overtime like you yourselves do.  ( I know the dads and alot of the moms in this area work over time in this area;  Brandon's dad works overtime at a very fine job, as we all do that out here, my husband also does)  When Brandon faces the "puzzle of how to live day to day, and pay for things" he won't have time to do anything with drugs.  I'm so sorry for you both, Brandon's Parents, I wish I could call you up, as I live in your near area.  I am also sorry for Brandon - I know that these problems are frighteningly typical, as my kids go to school out here and I hear the drug and sex stories all the time.  My son was under lock and key, and so is my daughter and my other, younger son.  They are busy and they get NO spending money, which makes me look like a total scrooge, but who cares, they have no money to get into trouble with.  My daughter is so able to save money that she saves her christmas money of 50$ for 3 years so she can go to the movies with her friends, she knows we will not be dolling out the money for stuff like that.  And she is very careful.  My goal?  That her friends do not tempt her into trying drugs - she has no money to buy them, and she is not allowed to go anywahere with anyone, now we do not frequent the big mall - you know the one...We do not go there with groups of friends and she does cry about that alot, but I don't care.  She is safe.  Driving? - she is not allowed near a car til 18 and guess what she will be driving out here in the fancy Cinco Ranch area?  A 1992 Toyota Camry, older and not the expensive new cars that all the other kids have.  No way.  Not that kind of trouble for my kids.  I am praying for you!  I feel for your whole family.  I hope you take my note with a good tone of voice.  I am telling you like it is at my house, the private stuff that I would not tell the local church crowd in the Katy area - people are so judgmental if you don't showwer your kids with money and stuff out here or "be cookie-cutter" with behavior, posessions, activites -  it is sickening.  Don't be one of the Jone's - keeping up with them has helped Brandon get into trouble.  Sorry for you, so very sorry.  (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))  

people in this world fail to look at the world through the eyes of an addict. his parents must continue to have faith in him but they shouldn't enable him. this ,coming from a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, i understand his feeling of failure and wanting to rid himself of this demon. it took  removing my self from my environment, rehab, a relapse,  one of the closes people to me going to jail for drugs, then coming face to face to what my life would have been like if i would have continued my drug use.  Brandon can recover but he has to work to stay sober and starting his new life. knowing his limitations will allow him to live life with out a threat to his sobriety. recovery is something you work at everyday and never gets easier but it becomes more valuable as time goes on.

I was glad to have today off from work to see the news about Brandon. He is our son David, but David never made it to 24 yrs. old. He died in Jan. 1996 from an accidental over dose of these drugs. I was rooting for Brandon to make it and turn himself around. Maybe if I ahd written when Brandon was first on the show he would get real with this problem.  Thankgod they busted him or who knows what would have  happened. We went through it all with David but as an adult he said nothing was going to happen, Hello he's gone now. It took me 8 yrs. to come to terms with his death and finally one day I told myself quit beating yourself up,  he did this to the family and himself. So I got sober in 2004 and started the real grieving process without drugs or booze and did I ever sit down and cry. It felt good to be free of this burden David left me. I was so broken I didn't know what to do. Brandon thankgod you have Dr. Phil alot of kids don't get that help. Rehab or jail is all the other kids get so get real decide to live and be a good parent someday like your mom and dad and you'll see and feel the same pain they are feeling right now for you. My husband and I have made it and yours will to. We have David's daughter and another son with 2 children and wife and we are living for ourselves and them and David missed out. How sad is that. The pain a parent feels with the lose of a child is so heart breaking you wonder when that call comes if you'll live till the next day or month or yr. Well 10 yrs. flew by and I'm going to live and when my time is up I hope I get to see David in heaven so I can tell him the heart ache I felt with his passing. You know Dr. Phil it took David 9 months of crying to me in my sleep for him to pass over he was so scared and kept telling me  he was sorry and wanted to come home. That killed me.  But I'm better now and if these kids knew what it does to parents they may think twice before they do it again. I don't know if this will help Brandon or if he even gets to read these messages people post but I hope his parents see the light and don't let Brandon ruin their whole family.  I Thankyou for listening. KAR

 I find myself watching this show and I feel for them.  Brandon seems to be a nice person who really wants help and his parents seem sincere in thier efforts in trying to get him the help he needs. Thank you to Brandon's parents for loving him enough to want to help him even if it means tough love...I understand that watching him hit bottom and be in jail like an animal  is one of the hardest things that they as parents have  to do, but in the long run it is for the best...I admire this set of parents who have the courage to do this.  There aren't many people who would SACRIFICE for thier children in order to literally save his life...I wish that there were many more people in this world that would be willing to do the same... My heart goes out to them and to Brandon as well as all of the people out there that are battling drugs and addictions...I pray that things work out for the best and wish Brandon and his family luck...

Okay . . Well I watched the show today , and i saw Brandon. . Its Sad to see hiim behind bars now. & when he says that he wants to change and get better. i beliieve iit i dont know what it is but i believe it when he says it. hes said it before. people prolly think whats different about this time, i dont now. ?. maybe its because i want to believe him , but i thiink he can do this and i have no dought about it . & i will keep believein in hiim and i dont want to see him give up . i dont want to see him throw his life away, and if he keeps up to waht hes doin i really believe that he can acomplish what he wants. & he will get threw this =] . . Brandon all my luck is with you!. and i wiish you the Best of everythin!.

I have a 22 year old daughter who has been shooting chrystal meth since she was 17 years old.  I have been to hell and back with her. (In fact, we are in the Houston area, and I wouldn't be surprised if my daughter and Brandon know each other.  He looks familiar, but I don't know for sure).   I've begged, pleaded, cried, tried 'tough love' by putting her on the streets for 4 months, everything I could think of.  And no matter what I tried, nothing worked.  My daughter told me that she knew I loved her, she knew I wanted the best for her, and that I would do anything to help her...she also said to me that SHE had to be the one who wanted help.  It didn't matter how much I wanted it for her.  5 years is a long time to wait for a phone call saying your child is dead.  She's been in and out of jail several times, and honestly, each time I hoped they would keep her for at least 6 months to a year, but they never did.  The courts said that her drug problem wasn't bad enough to keep her.  (She didn't have enough "Drug Related" charges to warrant the court order for Rehab).  Almost a year ago I decided that I couldn't help my daughter until she was ready to help herself, so I put this very large weight I've been carrying on my sholders into Gods hands.  PRAISE GOD!!!! THERE IS HOPE.  About 8 months ago, my daughter decided she was ready for a change.  She's working now for the first time since she was 17.  She just bought herself her first 'legal' car with her own money.  She just moved into her own 'first' apartment, and best of all it's been 8 months since she used chrystal meth.  Everyday I pray that God will contiune to give my daughter the will to continue on this new path she's been on.  To all the parents out there, who are at what they think is the end of their rope, believe me there is still hope.  Prayer works. 

I watched this show and remember when my son was on drugs. When he was 13yrs old he started with the drugs. He would break into the cars where we lived just to find something he could sell. My husband was in the service during that time and the problem settled on me to fix.  My son would be gone days at a time and when he did come home he would be high and start fights. I can remember getting calls from my daughter crying at me that Tom and his father were having a fist fight. I never gave up on him. When he would lie and steal from me to get money or steal money from my wallet. I still didn't give up on him. We had to lie to him when we took to the first secured group home for help. They didn't help at all and in fact kept him drugged. When my husband went on his last deployment Tom desighted to scare me and came down the stairs with a baseball bat. I went to him took the bat and told him he had 30 secs. to get out of my face. I sent him to his grandparents home until the second group home had a vacancy. This point here is we got him away from his old friends that helped supply his drugs. Tom was at the group home for 6 months and they would not let him come home until my husband was back, retired from the military and moved to a different neighborhood. I never gave up on him. When he did get home he found new drug friends. He would come home late at night drunk and vomiting all over his bedroom. Tom also had a terrible temper. The last straw was when he was 17 yrs old. He tried to fight with a teacher at school and the security  there had him arrested. When I got the call I told them to keep him until his hearing. he judge gave him the choice of going t ojail or joining the military. He joined the military. That was not good for him because he had friends that got him drugs, would not wake up for his duty and eventually was discharged with a other than honorable discharge. I never gave up on him......  

Through these years I have always stayed behind him and bever giving up. Tom is now a 33yr old father of two with a baby on the way. He has matured and stayed off drugs.  

NEVER GIVE UP ON THEM!!!!!  

  

Here in Florida, most treatment facilities save a few beds for those who aren't ordered into treatment by the courts. They even have beds for those who don't have the money to pay. Call every treatment center you can locate via the internet (etc) for at least 100 miles. If you are still having little luck, call other non-profit agencies and ASK them for help....many times they know places that the general public isn't even aware exists.  

  

Many treatment facilities won't take a "high" addict off the street until he goes to detox first. There are detox places all around (local hospitals, etc). Once detox is completed, some treatment facilities will pick up the addict. Others will require you to.  

  

Drug treatment is costly in both time, energy and money, but obviously it is well worth it for both the addict and the family. God bless you with your son. I will keep you (and him) in my prayers.  

Oh goodness. It breaks my heart just reading those who has lost their children to drugs. Everyone keeps telling me that although my son is in jail at least I can visit him and not visit the graveside.His addiction and being in jail (he has yet to go to trial) has devestated me, my family. It consumes your every waking moment.

I feel for Brandons parents....because I was one of them at one time..My daughter like Brandon was and is a recovering heroine , alcoholic...The thing with addicts they WILL break a family up if you let them.....they know how to play a game for their advantage....My daughter has been clean and sober for 3 1/2 yrs....She still has to take One Day At A Time....She started at age 13 yrs old smoking marjuana...went from that to ...you name it she did it.....She was misdiagnois with HIV in 1992...We thought for 3 yrs she was going to die....thanks to God.....she woke up one morning and said....I will be back in a few mins....she went to Health Dept and got another test done....Five doctors....never once checked her blood again just to make sure she was HIV positive...She sued the five doctors and lost.....The jury said they knew they were wrong but could not figure out which doctor was wrong....DUH......they all were.....I want Brandon to know.....YOU can do this......IT is UP to YOU......As far as his parents......I wish you both the best......It is so hard to see your child this way.....but u cannot contribute to him anymore......You have to have boundaries.....and USE them.....I wish u all the best and will keep u in my prayers.........