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Topic : 08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Number of Replies: 601
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Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:11:46 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/19/06) Amber says her fiancé, Ken, is out of control with his possessiveness, jealousy and rage. He called her 47 times in just one day. He has punched holes in the wall. He even followed her and rear-ended her car just because she wouldn't pick up the phone. Amber says Ken's behavior is getting worse, and she's beginning to fear for herself and their 1-year-old daughter. Amber's mother, Linda, says she has witnessed Ken's frightening behavior and the effect it has had on Amber, and she wants him out of her daughter's life for good. Dr. Phil intervenes. What is behind Ken's anger, and should this couple call it quits instead of walking down the aisle? Share your thoughts here.

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August 23, 2006, 5:02 pm CDT

emotions

i have chills after seeing this show.  i have had 3 marriages.  the last two I was held emotionally hostage, stalked, threatened, etc.  I have been the lady on the show. 

 

I am extremely pleased at how Dr. Phil saw through the terror and the reason for it.  i lived through that terror for several years with two men never even thinking it was about them! 

 

I am now free from all abuse but dealing with looking at my own self esteem.  I received emotional abuse as a child and physical abuse from my mother, so it would make sense that i would find these men. 

 

THANK YOU, DR. PHIL, for opening my eyes to my situations, how i got there and now i am off the merry-go-round. 

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you.  My 3 failed marriages were pre-determined before each one.  I never thought about it but you have opened my eyes.

 

God Bless You,

Susan (divorced again)

 
August 23, 2006, 5:04 pm CDT

HOW IS KEN KNOW?

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW KEN IS DOING AFTER A FEW MONTHS OF THERAPY.  I AM A DEVOTED WATCHER OF DR. PHIL AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY I FIND HIS ADVICE MORE THAN HELPFUL.  HE IS RAW, HONEST, AND WELL VERSED IN HIS FIELD, THEREFORE I TAKE STALK IN WHAT HE SAYS.

I WANT TO KNOW HOW THE YOUNG MAN IS DOING NOW. I WAS SO ANGRY AT HIM WHEN HE FIRST GOT ON THE STAGE, BUT AS TIME WENT ON I COULD SEE HIS PAIN.  I REALIZED HE WAS "DAMAGED GOODS" WHILE HE WAS TRYING TO DEFEND HIMSELF.

 

WHEN DR. PHIL REACH OUT AND SAID KEN WASN'T EVIL; I SAW A SIGN OF RELIEF COME OVER KEN'S FACE.  I WAS IN TEARS WHEN DR. PHIL TOLD HIM HE WANTED TO HELP HIM, IT WAS LIKDE I COULD SEE A LAYER OF THE WALL COMING DOWN THAT KEN HAD BULIT UP.

 

DR. PHIL IS A GODSEND TO MANY PEOPLE. I AM THANKFUL THAT HE AND HIS FAMILY FEEL THE NEED TO REACH OUT TO HELP OTHERS.

 
August 23, 2006, 5:08 pm CDT

Thank you Dr. Phil

This show, and your handling of this obviously serious situation, has really impressed me.  How you read him, continually trying to confront him - trying to push him to anger, not letting him try to hide in those safe places that he'd built over the years...  and telling him and everyone that he was not evil, that he did not create or deserve the childhood that he had, yet at the same time not letting him take shelter in the victim mode -- that even though he didn't choose his childhood, he could now, today, choose to find another way "out of that rat maze."  This show brought tears to my eyes; the pain was so visible to me.  God bless you for addressing this dangerous situation and for so sincerely offering, giving, providing an escape for this young man.  Thank you.
 
August 23, 2006, 5:08 pm CDT

I agree

Quote From: xxgouldxx

She eggs Ken on and actually enjoys his raging. She is not the victim here and what Ken said about "It takes two to tango" is 110% accurate. His fiancee is running the show and being manipulative: "I was 9 months pregnant and contracting.." give me a break. The mother enters the fray with 1/3 of the story. 

 

It's good for Ken to want to move on. She is such a manipulative woman. 

 

Btw according to Phil's numbers he is doing exactly what he needs to be doing. I like the show a lot but sometimes he is slightly off. 

 

If Amber had of been there for him then he would not of had to do them other girls. She is no victim, if anything he is the victim, if someone would not let me see my kids i would act silly too.
 
August 23, 2006, 5:11 pm CDT

I agree 100%

Quote From: cesoriano2000

I always enjoy watching the Dr. Phil show every afternoon, but this time I was so angered I was moved to write.  The show was about a fiance having a bad temper and stalking.

 

I have to ask this one.  Dr. Phil what were you thinking?  I can understand the pain this young man was feeling and his fiance sat there ever so smug, looking like the little innocent victim.  Couldn't you see that she was playing a game with this young man's emotions?  If, in fact, he is working seven days a week and would like to spend time with her and his child, why is she playing the game about whether he can or can't?  Poor guy.  Of course, she has pushed him to the limit from time-to-time and yet he's the bad guy.  Why is she using that poor innocent child as a pawn to hold on to him. 

He admitted to cheating on her.  Got to admit, since she keeps pushing him away on a constant basis, guess he decided to look elsewhere to find someone who will treat him half-way decent.  She knows that he will be back because of the baby and yet again, he is pushed away.  How is all this fair?  She needs to find the "couch" as much as he does.  Yes, I agree that he has issues about how his father raised him, but she needs to quit being such a bitch!

Dr. Phil let Amber pull a smooth one on him just like she does on Ken and everyone else. Ken is the victim here, not Amber. Amber, if you read this well let me tell ya girl I read right through ya! Joni from KY   jlw6710@yahoo.com

 
August 23, 2006, 5:18 pm CDT

Yeah o.k.

Quote From: phillycheese

 Oh give me a break if you really think that Ken or other men in abusive relationships are innocent. They provoke and behave poorly to get a reaction out of women. If, Amber said she didn't want to talk about something, it was most likely at the moment and because of fear that he would get angry and abusive. She was being mature by telling him she wasn't ready to talk at that moment and probably wanted to wait unitl they were both more calm. He however persisted and didnt' respect her space and ended up abusing her because he was acting childish and couldn't wait to talk to her. Loser.
I read right through that momma's baby wanting everyones attention bitch. She won't even let him see his baby. She is no victim. My Ex-husband hit me before and I hate him to this day for it. I feel like she did stupid things to him just to let him know that she was the on that controlled the situation, Joni
 
August 23, 2006, 5:29 pm CDT

Did we all watch the same show?

Did I  not hear Ken say he'd cheated on Amber at least 10 times?

 

Did he not say he'd rammed her car?

 

Did he not admit to calling her over 40 times in one day?

 

And I'm hearing people say they feel sorry for him?  And that Amber is to blame for the way he acts?

 

Amber has no blame for his manipulation.  Amber has no responsibility for his efforts to control her.

 

Ken is practicing abuse.  It's all about power and his sense of entitlement.  Amber's mother is right on when she says she fears for her daughter's safety.  The guy is scary.

 
August 23, 2006, 5:57 pm CDT

08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Quote From: phillycheese

 You obviously have the same problem as Ken and many other men out there.
You are obviously wrong.

I am a woman. I am actually a pretty calm person and I don't condone this man's behavior...I am simply saying my opinion. Amber seems to like paying the damsel in distress. She seems to like being a victim.

Don't jump to conclusions about a person simply because you disagree with them.
 
August 23, 2006, 6:10 pm CDT

Stalker and Abuser!

Hey there, I have been watching the Dr. Phil show a long time.  I have never been moved like I was when this episode aired today... I had to write.  I dearly hope that Amber learned something today about what type of a relationship she is in and that this is not a game that she is playing! She has a little one to think about.  She seemed very amused, not distraught, that Ken has had five affairs that she was aware of in their relationship.  When the truth finally emerging his ugly head when the numbers were actually in the double digits and above. She is playing a dangerous game, staying with Ken and hoping that things will change, when no change has actually occured.  The on-again-off-again relationship  is getting worse, Ken's behavior is escalating and their daughter will also in the end fall victim to this man and his excuses~ her daughter will think that this type of unhealthy behavior is normal between her parents and she will also marry a man that does these things to her. The child is the ultimate victim in these types of relationship "issues".   Amber's age is no excuse, she must like being manipulated, possessed, stalked, and abused.  Ken is a troubled soul with dark shadows of misconception clouding his judgment.  He has affairs on his "fiancee'", but she is not allowed to speak to a man on the internet?  He must sincerely be afraid that she will do the same to him.  "What is good for the goose is great for the gander!!!!!!"........BUT, two wrongs do not make a "Right".  She needs to leave him, run fast, and do not look back! This relationship is very unhealthy in the worst sort of way.  He is disrespecting her in every manner!!! How can the "Good Times" make up for his "Bad Times"???  This relationship is a good example of the Cycle of Abuse that many women go through.  She may not be able to stay with him even if he gets the professional help he needs, because she will also need professional help to adjust to a healthy life-style as his partner.  She is used to his abusive behaviors, as she will then expect the worst and then bring it on herself, to promote the unhealthiness!  She is used to that comfortability.

I hope that we, as an audience, will be made aware of any progress that Ken makes in life, because he will do this to the next woman, the next woman.....and the next woman until finally unfortunetly he physically hurtz someone in his moment of unfounded and uncontrollable rage!  I know that I will think about this episode for weeks and months to come.  He is Damaged Goods and until he gets the help he desperatly needs he will continue to scar every woman that crosses his life's path.

 
August 23, 2006, 6:23 pm CDT

React Silly????

Quote From: jlw6710

If Amber had of been there for him then he would not of had to do them other girls. She is no victim, if anything he is the victim, if someone would not let me see my kids i would act silly too.

Hmmm, not sure u ppl know at what angle a ball actually rolls down a hill, but I should probly inform u that when it hits the bottom it's actually at the bottom and whatever is in it's path will be plowed over!!!!

 

Melissa in ND!

 
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