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Topic : 08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

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Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:11:46 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/19/06) Amber says her fiancé, Ken, is out of control with his possessiveness, jealousy and rage. He called her 47 times in just one day. He has punched holes in the wall. He even followed her and rear-ended her car just because she wouldn't pick up the phone. Amber says Ken's behavior is getting worse, and she's beginning to fear for herself and their 1-year-old daughter. Amber's mother, Linda, says she has witnessed Ken's frightening behavior and the effect it has had on Amber, and she wants him out of her daughter's life for good. Dr. Phil intervenes. What is behind Ken's anger, and should this couple call it quits instead of walking down the aisle? Share your thoughts here.

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August 23, 2006, 6:31 pm CDT

Dr. Phil's ambush

Quote From: jlw6710

If Amber had of been there for him then he would not of had to do them other girls. She is no victim, if anything he is the victim, if someone would not let me see my kids i would act silly too.
There's no doubt that Ken has problems and needs help. We'll just have to see how Amber reacts to his getting treatment. In reality, she's been the one in total control and loves every minute of it. She will not like losing this control. How sinister of her to manipulate this trouble young man, provoking him just as his father did and crying out as if she's the victim. I can think of nothing more cruel than someone taking advantage of another's emotional issues. Not making excuses for Ken...he got major issues...but it was evident by her smugness that she actually was enjoying the drama. May she reap a bitter harvest. Blaming Ken for all this is liking blaming Andrea Yates without taking a hard look at what her husband did to her....and yet, he drives off in the sunset, Corvette and new wife in tow. The truth can be elusive.
 
August 23, 2006, 7:01 pm CDT

08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Quote From: lyninsocal

Did I  not hear Ken say he'd cheated on Amber at least 10 times?

 

Did he not say he'd rammed her car?

 

Did he not admit to calling her over 40 times in one day?

 

And I'm hearing people say they feel sorry for him?  And that Amber is to blame for the way he acts?

 

Amber has no blame for his manipulation.  Amber has no responsibility for his efforts to control her.

 

Ken is practicing abuse.  It's all about power and his sense of entitlement.  Amber's mother is right on when she says she fears for her daughter's safety.  The guy is scary.

yes....the guy is scary....but Amber is scarier. power, manipulation, entitlement, control ??? describes Amber, not Ken....she'd make a great politician...seem's to have learned to "spin" her situation very effectively...she'll be a senator one day.....but when they return, it will be Amber on the not seat, not Ken. Dr. Phil might be setting her up. We'll see. At his point in both their lives, I'd pity anyone married to them. Both need help.  
 
August 23, 2006, 7:28 pm CDT

He only wants his own family

Ken is my great nephew and he has had anger problems for many years, but he is a good man in general.   I am very appreciative of all the help that he is receiving through the Dr. Phil show.   I hope that the public does not judge him only by this show.  It is true he was always expected to be the very best.   That is an impossible thing to ask of any child, but it was of him.   I have met  Amber and she too had her problems growing up.  For the public to judge is for them to remember that if you judge this man then you too can be judged.   I look forward to the show when Ken & Amber return and we can all see the changes that have taken place.

 

The dysfunction of this family goes back to his great- great grandmother on his mothers side of the family and I survivided it with a great many years of therapy.   I again am so grateful that Ken will get that help from Dr. Phil.   Mahalo for your help.

 
August 23, 2006, 7:46 pm CDT

Dr. Phil's Best Work EVER!

I admit that I'm not always a fan of Dr. Phil's tactics with his guests and their situations.

 

However, today's show, with the stalker fiance' was Dr. Phil's best work EVER!!!

He hit the nail on the head with every single comment to Ken.

He probably saved the mother and daughter and possibly the granddaughter's lives.

 

It broke my heart to hear Dr. Phil tell Ken that his childhood (which contributed to this situation) wasn't his

fault. 

 

It was at that moment that I knew, for the first time ever, someone had finally gotten through to Ken. 

As long as Ken follows through with Dr. Phil's plan, there is hope  (the ONLY hope!)  that he will have a good relationship with his daughter sometime in the future.

 

Great job Dr. Phil! 

 
August 23, 2006, 7:48 pm CDT

Got Out

Talk about fitting the profile.  I needed this show.  I left the state, quit my job, and am dealing with the breaking up part now. I’m on week two and it feels like a month already.  I got out before something happened to me is not the right thing to say.  He did plenty to me - I realized I was acting differently around people whether he was there or not.  My behavior had changed in fear of him walking in when I was interacting with other people and making them the target as well.  If anyone tried to break us up or said anything unsupportive, they became Enemy No. 1.  Irrational behavior was abound.  But there was an explosion that rocked my world and I now know what "fear of injury" means.  I didn't feel safe leaving and I didn't feel safe staying. 

 

Since I didn't get hit, a lot of people didn't take me seriously - one being my boss who told him that I quit because of him.  What part of I am looking into a restraining order, I don't want him to come after me, and I may never come back to the state don't you get?

 

DO NOT LET YOURSELF BECOME A VICTIM – if you are in it and are, GET OUT NOW.  I am surrounded by friends and family that have been INCREDIBLE.  I am going to a counselor, called the hotlines, and visited a crisis center.  There is help out there and it only takes a phone call or a click on the web.  Tell someone you trust - you are not going crazy!  When I saw him in every checklist, it helped confirm that I wasn't over reacting as one guy friend told me.  From everything I feared and read It was only going to get worse.  I had already seen it getting worse and worse.

 

My fear was incredible that he would follow me and or blame other people and go after them.  My fear is less now but I am on a roller coaster ride.  But I am keeping myself safe – No, I’m not from Alaska.  I don’t even want to fill in my profile. 

 

For the first time tonight the phone is not ringing and clicking with hang ups.  I didn't think he got that I broke up with him.  (After a really big sigh) I think he finally got it, but I know it is not over.

 

It can happen to you.  He was a great guy with a bit of a temper.  We had only gone out 4 months.

 
August 23, 2006, 8:07 pm CDT

Just to be clear-

Quote From: jlw6710

I read right through that momma's baby wanting everyones attention bitch. She won't even let him see his baby. She is no victim. My Ex-husband hit me before and I hate him to this day for it. I feel like she did stupid things to him just to let him know that she was the on that controlled the situation, Joni

I have never, EVER, regardless of what has happened good or bad, kept our daughter away from Ken. There have been times he didn't get to see her as much as he would have liked but I believed at that time it really wasnt about our daughter, it was about me, and even Ken will admit that now. But just to clear that up with everyone, I have never and will never keep his child away from him unless he diliberately harmed her in some way.

 

What he said about not being able to see the baby he meant in relation to if him and I were in a domestic situation, living together as a family. Neither myself or any member of my family has debrived Ken of visitation of his daughter.

 
August 23, 2006, 8:18 pm CDT

08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Quote From: torrencec

This show, and your handling of this obviously serious situation, has really impressed me.  How you read him, continually trying to confront him - trying to push him to anger, not letting him try to hide in those safe places that he'd built over the years...  and telling him and everyone that he was not evil, that he did not create or deserve the childhood that he had, yet at the same time not letting him take shelter in the victim mode -- that even though he didn't choose his childhood, he could now, today, choose to find another way "out of that rat maze."  This show brought tears to my eyes; the pain was so visible to me.  God bless you for addressing this dangerous situation and for so sincerely offering, giving, providing an escape for this young man.  Thank you.
You are my hero for saying this. These were exactly my sentiments - to the word, actually. Thank you for saying this. And I, too, thank Dr. Phil. I have watched many-a-Dr. Phil shows in my day and this episode was by far, one of my all time favorites. I'd be very, very interested in seeing how things work out for Ken.

Will he ever be able to let all that baggage go? Hopefully, I will be lucky enough to catch the follow-up on this episode (if there is one).


 
August 23, 2006, 8:56 pm CDT

Ken, Amber, and baby recently

 
August 23, 2006, 9:09 pm CDT

WE BELIEVE

Quote From: kitkatcat

I admit that I'm not always a fan of Dr. Phil's tactics with his guests and their situations.

 

However, today's show, with the stalker fiance' was Dr. Phil's best work EVER!!!

He hit the nail on the head with every single comment to Ken.

He probably saved the mother and daughter and possibly the granddaughter's lives.

 

It broke my heart to hear Dr. Phil tell Ken that his childhood (which contributed to this situation) wasn't his

fault. 

 

It was at that moment that I knew, for the first time ever, someone had finally gotten through to Ken. 

As long as Ken follows through with Dr. Phil's plan, there is hope  (the ONLY hope!)  that he will have a good relationship with his daughter sometime in the future.

 

Great job Dr. Phil! 

I BELIEVE WITH DR. PHILL AND ALL OUR PRAYERS KEN WILL BE OKAY. IT ALSO BROKE MY HEART WHEN DR. PHILL TOLD KEN IT WASN'T HIS FAULT. I CRIED RIGHT ALONG WITH KEN.

HE HAS NEEDED SOMEONE TO TELL HIM THIS FOR A LONG TIME.  TO ANY ONE WHO KNOWS

KEN LET HIM KNOW WE ARE PRAYING FOR HIM.  WE BELIEVE HE WILL OVER COME THIS AND

HE WILL BE THE BEST MAN FOR AMBER AND HIS BABY.

 

KEN BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND GOD AND YOU WILL BE ALRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
August 23, 2006, 9:09 pm CDT

Did you see the same show I did?

Quote From: amoose4u

There's no doubt that Ken has problems and needs help. We'll just have to see how Amber reacts to his getting treatment. In reality, she's been the one in total control and loves every minute of it. She will not like losing this control. How sinister of her to manipulate this trouble young man, provoking him just as his father did and crying out as if she's the victim. I can think of nothing more cruel than someone taking advantage of another's emotional issues. Not making excuses for Ken...he got major issues...but it was evident by her smugness that she actually was enjoying the drama. May she reap a bitter harvest. Blaming Ken for all this is liking blaming Andrea Yates without taking a hard look at what her husband did to her....and yet, he drives off in the sunset, Corvette and new wife in tow. The truth can be elusive.

I can not believe what I am reading here, are we seriously defending this guy? Are we seriously condeming this young mother for objecting to being abused? Are we seriously  questioning this girl's God given right to not be harrassed, degraded, threatened, and bullied into submission?  Are we forgetting that there is a baby caught in the middle here, yet another innocent child being raised by a mother trying to protect her sanity, dignity, and quite possibly her very life? Where the hell is Ken's family in all this? Why are they not stopping their son from abusing his child's mother?

I don't care what kind of upbringing this guy had, rear-ending your pregnant girlfriend at a stop light to prove a point is not even close to normal. That girl was not smug, she was scared to death, as was her mother. Thank God for Grand-ma, handling her business, and protecting her daughter and grandchild.

I can not imagine what creates a man like this, and I truly hope he gets the help he needs,  but I'd be damned if I'd let his "issues" take either my daughter or grand-baby down with him.

It's people like you that traditionally blame the woman in these cases that allow them to continue.

Thank God for people like Dr. Phil that shine a light on this kind of  behavior and empowers women to protect themselves and their children. I feel sorry for those of you on whom the message was lost.

 
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