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Topic : 08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Number of Replies: 601
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Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:11:46 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/19/06) Amber says her fiancé, Ken, is out of control with his possessiveness, jealousy and rage. He called her 47 times in just one day. He has punched holes in the wall. He even followed her and rear-ended her car just because she wouldn't pick up the phone. Amber says Ken's behavior is getting worse, and she's beginning to fear for herself and their 1-year-old daughter. Amber's mother, Linda, says she has witnessed Ken's frightening behavior and the effect it has had on Amber, and she wants him out of her daughter's life for good. Dr. Phil intervenes. What is behind Ken's anger, and should this couple call it quits instead of walking down the aisle? Share your thoughts here.

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August 24, 2006, 11:15 am CDT

08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Quote From: ticklebug

All I have to say is CONGRATULATIONS!  I don't know  how some of these people on this message board were raised. They say  you were addicted to drama and using the victim card to gain attention. How can that be when you all are so happy now?  If you were addicted to drama, provoking him, and using the "victim card", why would you be be so happy with Ken's transformation? Amber, I have to say that some of these people who type these zany comments on this site are just plain jealous of you and your ability to realize something was wrong and do something about it. There are too many women out there that feel as if they deserve no less from their men, and they don't feel loved unless there is some form of abuse in their relationship. Women basically marry their fathers who used to do the same things to them and find it normal. They find it ABNORMAL if their man is gentle and kind, and they find it ABNORMAL for any woman going through the same thing you were to speak openly about it.

I find you and Ken to be a lot more strong and courageous to seek help for a better life.

Then there are so many people that get jealous of those who put themselves on national television. These are those same people who weren't nurtured and hugged enough as kids. They were neglected and didn't get enough attention from their own parents. And when they see others on TV voicing any kind of concern, they get jealous of the attention you receive from it. Why? Because these jealous negative nellies were never allowed to speak out when something went wrong and resent those that are able to and try to stop them. What they don't realize is that they  CAN speak up. They just refuse to. But that's not your problem. You are better off than these people and they probably hate it all the more that you and Ken are happy now.

Again, I'm so happy for the 3 of you. Keep on keepin' on!
Pictures are just pictures, they don't mean anything.

I hope they show a true picture of her family.

I am one of those 'zany' people who said she seemed to relish in the drama...I'm not jealous of anything. I have a very happy healthy home. I'm simply stating an opinion, it speaks nothing about my personal life.
 
August 24, 2006, 11:16 am CDT

The original air date on this show was May 19, 06 so lets see......

The original air date on this show was May 19, 06.......so lets see...

 

it was probably taped a few weeks before that date.....but lets take it from the air date....the date the show was aired......

 

June 19th.....

 

July 19th....

 

August 19th....

 

Today's date the 24th of August....................hmm..................................its been a little more than 3 months.......hmmm!

 

Do you honestly think that this young guy has made the real changes in that short a period of time? That he has done the in-depth comprehensive work to undo all that he has for a "core belief system"....that intertwined with his choices?  Comprehensive counseling for this type of "baggage" .......the  mark it leaves on ones life takes TIME....LOTS OF TIME....to undo ..do you think that has been accomplished already?

 

And what happened to the request that Dr. Phil made about Amber and the baby, her mom......that Ken stay away from them.......until the necessary "real changes" have been made in  his life?

 

Its only been a very short time.

 

How is it that they are now spending time together and with the baby?

 

 

Such a short time......so much to do....................how can it be.

 

Or possibly he has been co-operating in counseling therefore, he is given the privilege of seeing his daughter.   Were those pictures taken in an airplane?  

 

 

I'm skeptical that all the necessary work on Ken's part in comprehensive counseling has been done and accomplished.....its only been a very short, short time.

 

 

When exactly during this time were those pictures taken?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
August 24, 2006, 11:27 am CDT

08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Quote From: Pleasance

The original air date on this show was May 19, 06.......so lets see...

 

it was probably taped a few weeks before that date.....but lets take it from the air date....the date the show was aired......

 

June 19th.....

 

July 19th....

 

August 19th....

 

Today's date the 24th of August....................hmm..................................its been a little more than 3 months.......hmmm!

 

Do you honestly think that this young guy has made the real changes in that short a period of time? That he has done the in-depth comprehensive work to undo all that he has for a "core belief system"....that intertwined with his choices?  Comprehensive counseling for this type of "baggage" .......the  mark it leaves on ones life takes TIME....LOTS OF TIME....to undo ..do you think that has been accomplished already?

 

And what happened to the request that Dr. Phil made about Amber and the baby, her mom......that Ken stay away from them.......until the necessary "real changes" have been made in  his life?

 

Its only been a very short time.

 

How is it that they are now spending time together and with the baby?

 

 

Such a short time......so much to do....................how can it be.

 

Or possibly he has been co-operating in counseling therefore, he is given the privilege of seeing his daughter.   Were those pictures taken in an airplane?  

 

 

I'm skeptical that all the necessary work on Ken's part in comprehensive counseling has been done and accomplished.....its only been a very short, short time.

 

 

When exactly during this time were those pictures taken?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These are excellent points.
 
August 24, 2006, 12:39 pm CDT

08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Quote From: purplepenny

Pictures are just pictures, they don't mean anything.

I hope they show a true picture of her family.

I am one of those 'zany' people who said she seemed to relish in the drama...I'm not jealous of anything. I have a very happy healthy home. I'm simply stating an opinion, it speaks nothing about my personal life.
But my point is can't we just let Amber speak for herself. She has. Why is nobody listening?
 
August 24, 2006, 12:46 pm CDT

Stalker Fiance

Quote From: purplepenny

These are excellent points.
I watched this show yesterday.  I am so glad Dr. Phil is going to help him. He needs alot of therapy.  I know, I grew up with an alcoholic father who was very abusive to my Mother.  I could not believe that his fiance was even thinking about marrying him.
 
August 24, 2006, 12:53 pm CDT

Best of luck to all involved

The problem with re-runs is everyone gets riled up again without taking into consideration that different people deal with and change at different paces than others. I'm sure Ken is by no stretch of the imagination rehabilitated- but I honestly believe-and hope- that he is improving. Rather than bash them as a couple or try to point fingers- why not be supportive of them and hope they are able to work out their differences? I don't like to see lives ruined- nobody should- so why are there still so many wishing bad on this family? Counseling is a great thing and abusive situations can be overcome if both people are willing to work at it- it has happened before and will continue to happen as long as true love exists. Let's quit trying to make even MORE drama out of the situation and just hope for the best.

 
August 24, 2006, 1:09 pm CDT

08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Quote From: ticklebug

But my point is can't we just let Amber speak for herself. She has. Why is nobody listening?
I have read every single one of her posts...
 
August 24, 2006, 2:16 pm CDT

this has nothing to do with differences

Quote From: rjfrench

The problem with re-runs is everyone gets riled up again without taking into consideration that different people deal with and change at different paces than others. I'm sure Ken is by no stretch of the imagination rehabilitated- but I honestly believe-and hope- that he is improving. Rather than bash them as a couple or try to point fingers- why not be supportive of them and hope they are able to work out their differences? I don't like to see lives ruined- nobody should- so why are there still so many wishing bad on this family? Counseling is a great thing and abusive situations can be overcome if both people are willing to work at it- it has happened before and will continue to happen as long as true love exists. Let's quit trying to make even MORE drama out of the situation and just hope for the best.

This has nothing to do with differences ---

 

This has to do with a violent abuser.

 

His victims.

 

This is NOT about differences.....not about differences in people .......or about differences in a couple.

 

THIS IS ABOUT VIOLENCE AND ABUSE....STALKING.

 

A continual behavior of Abuse, Violence and Stalking.   Those subjects are not mere differences in a couple.

 

This is not NORMAL....differences occur with normal relationships......WHEN YOU HAVE AN ABUSER.....IT IS NO LONGER NORMAL.....NOT A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP.....NONE OF IT IS A DIFFERENCE.......ITS ABOUT ABUSE.....VIOLENCE IN ABUSE AND STALKING.

 

ABUSIVE SITUATIONS CAN BE OVERCOME ONLY IF THE ABUSER.....THE PERPETRATOR IS WILLING TO WORK HARD, AND I MEAN.....REALLY HARD IN COMPREHENSIVE IN DEPTH COUNSELING....ALONE........THE ABUSER......ALONE IN HIS COUNSELING.  

 

DOMESTIC ABUSE AND VIOLENCE IS NOT A COUPLES PROBLEM......IT IS A PROBLEM OF THE ABUSER HIMSELF.    HE ALONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS CHOICES AND BEHAVIORS.

 

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TRUE LOVE........love is not part of this equation either......people who love you do not abuse or hurt you.

 

THERE IS NO LOVE ANYWHERE THAT CAN OVERCOME ANY OF THIS.

 

The only drama here was caused by the Abuser......the violent one.......the stalker.

 

"HOPE" will NOT change anything either.

 

An abuser owns his problems and only he can fix them.

 

IF HE IS WILLING TO UNDERGO ON GOING COUNSELING AND HELP..........and he does the work and the necessary in-depth reflection that is required of him.

 

 

 

Please try to educate yourself on the matters of Abuse, Domestic Abuse and Violence.

 

 

 

 
August 24, 2006, 3:08 pm CDT

Me, speaking for myself here...

Quote From: ticklebug

But my point is can't we just let Amber speak for herself. She has. Why is nobody listening?

Thank you :) I have posted as "afritts" and "ken_amber" At this point in time I would say more about whats going on but I think it would be best to save it for a follow up anyway. There's no point in arguing with the negetive nillies.

 

I will say, though, some of you folks are quite brazen with the accusations and comments! Haha, I mean, there really isn't even anything to say to some of it, like, "shes dating other men if not sleeping with them" and "shes keeping his kid away from him" and "she posts pictures of herself clubbing," which are complete figments of someones imagination because not a single one of those ever took place!

 

I've slept with ONE man in my entire life. His names Ken I think you've all met him. We have a daughter together. I haven't DATED since before I met Ken.

 

Read one of my previous posts regarding Ken seeing his daughter.

 

And finally, I've never been to a club in my life. I rarely even drink.

 

So grow up people. If drama and attention were really all I was about I'd have a completely different lifestyle.

 

One thing I can say to everyone is that no matter what your opinion is, I do appreciate hearing imput from the show and genuine concern for the situation we were in. I never said Ken has made a total transformation since Feb 28th (the day the show taped), I just said look at him now. There ARE changes being made. He IS on the right track, and a lot of progress has already taken place. We look forward to sharing the details of what Dr. Phil has done for us in a follow up show. Until then, remember what show you're watching when you see people on Dr. Phil. This isn't Jerry Springer. These are real people, with real stories, who REALLY want help. Ken and I couldn't be happier that we are some of those people. Have a great one everyone.

 

 

 

 

 
August 24, 2006, 5:18 pm CDT

No Excuses

  I am tired of people using the excuse of having been abused as a child as a 'reason' to abuse other people as they become adults!!  I survived EVERY kind of abuse there is as a child and I CHOSE to NEVER go around hurting other people!!  I have never learned how to have long lasting, healthy relationships, but I made a choice as a child to try very hard  to avoid hurt anyone!  It really angers me when someone uses having been abused as an excuse to go around abusing people they say they love!  If you love someone and you survived abuse then you know how much being abused hurt, and there is NO EXCUSE TO CONTINUE ABUSING OTHERS!!

   I am also angered when criminals use having been abused as an excuse for committing crimes, including murder!  How does killing someone make up for having been abused by a completly different person so many years ago!! NOT AN EXCUSE and jurys are not very bright when they even slightly consider this in their deliberations!!!!

 
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