Topic : 08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

To read about his possessiveness brought back terrible memories of such a relationship I was involved in.  No one knew the extent of the mental anguish.  It took a toll on me physically, and even though I escaped the relationship years ago, I still shudder when I think about it.  This young woman is in serious danger;  there has already been one act of violence and there will be more.  She needs a restraining order and he should already be in jail for slamming into her car.  The problem is his low self-esteem, and I hope she gets away before he kills her and the child.  This is frightening, and sad.

She's actually questioning walking down the aisle or not?  Get out!  Get out now!  I have not seen the show yet but just from the short "version", get out!   Get out now!  Take all necessary precautions.  Change phone number.  Get restraining order.   MOVE!!! 

DON'T KEEP THIS MAN IN YOUR LIFE!!!! 

Cyndi in Indiana 

WOW! Have these women watched Dr. Phil before appearing on his show? What do they seriously think he is going to say?  If you are in a relationship that is that "explosive" and "dangerous" now why would you still for one be with that person and 2ndly why would you still plan on marrying him? It makes you want to either slap these women in the head and as Dr. Phil always says "What were you thinking?" you want to give Amber a big hug and pray for her. Pray that God gives her guidance and the peace that he will take care of her and her daughter. Get out now before something final happens like your death.

Only yesterday I listened to the description of  Narcissism and was shocked at how prevelant it is in our society.  So much of that information pertains to your fiance.  These are people who only see the world through their extremely narrow focus.  They are NOT happy people and absolutely no one can give them that happiness.  Yes, they can experience instant gratification and pleasure but beyond that they are incapable of understanding the wants and needs of anyone other than themselves.  Run, don't walk away from this mentally ill man.  He will destroy your spirit.  As a woman who knows how debilitating lust can be, limiting your common sense, I encourage you to think about the mental anguish that will be experienced by your child.  You can show the love you need to offer another to that child in lieu of a man/woman relationship for awhile.   Good luck to you Sweetie.  God put you in the hands of Dr. Phil.  You are already blessed. 

                                  Leslie from Seattle 

My ex-husband displayed many of the same characteristics you are describing in your fiance.....please...RUN, DON'T WALK AWAY!!!  GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS YOU CAN NOW!!!  You may not believe it could be as serious as a life or death situation, but it definitely is!  I could tell you things you would not believe about  how I ended up being abused by my ex.....but it ended up being not only me, but my daughter as well!!!  He caught me trying to leave a couple of different times and once put a knife to her throat and told me he would cut off her head...I believed him!  Another time, he put a gun to my head.  He even decided that he didn't want our 2nd child (who was conceived when he raped me when I came home after the c-section birth of our daughter) and poured boiling water over my stomach when I was 8 months pregnant!  I was beaten if I took too long at the grocery store, talked to anyone he didn't approve of, or if he just felt like it.  He started out a "wonderful guy"  and moved us 1300 miles from my family....then the true evil came out.  Please, don't let this continue to escalate into a very tragic situation!!!!  Get out now, while you and your daughter are still alive and safe!!  He needs help and your relationship WILL NOT GET BETTER!!!!!!   I wish I could come and take you away from there myself!!!!  Please, let Dr. Phil help you get away!  Don't become another domestic violence statistic. 

Chris Eytcheson 

I haven't even seen the show but it reminds me of my sister's husband.  She had a part time job at a small local restaurant.  He used to follow her to work and sit outside and watch her.  He took her to dances and if she even looked at another man he would beat her up when they arrived home.  He was a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality and was diagnosed as such later.  One time he was put in the hospital because he tried to kill himself.  My sister slept with a knife under her pillow just in case he escaped.. which he did at one point.  Then one Saturday he went into a rage, pulled the phone out of the wall ( all this in front of their three young children )so she couldn't call for help, stormed out of the house threatening to kill himself.  This time he followed through and drove his car over a cliff.  My nephew todays displays very similar behaviour; luckily no one has married him.  My sister went on to marry another man who verbally abused her.  She eventually separated from him.  Amy should leave this situation and I definitely would not recommend marriage.  The kind of abuse he is inflicting on her should be a deal breaker; it would be with me.  I thank God for the wonderful man in my life and every time I read or hear stories like Amy's, I thank Him again.  

  

I have only been out of this type of relationship since September of 2005. It is still very painful for me and emotionally exhausting. I have a "no contact order" that was established Feb. 2, 2006, and he still calls me or makes contact with me. To this day, I am not sure what is wrong with him, but I have researched everything possible. Here is a list of his behaviors: lies--even when he doesn't have to, lies about places he is, was, or is on business too. He claims to always be seeing someone else or have girls flirting with him, when in fact, there is no one, he would drink and lie about doing it, he would come to my home when I wasn't there and go through my diary, my phone messages, my mail, he constantly followed me to school, to work, to my sons' afterschool activities, he told me I was a no one, would never be more than trailer trash and could at any time look me in the eye and say he loved me or he didn't love me. He blamed me for everything that went wrong in his life and allowed our relationship only when he allowed it. He was very jealous and locked me in bathrooms to interrogate me if any other man looked at me or spoke to me. It wasn't out of the ordinary for him to tell another man that if I smiled at him he would punch them in the face...  

  

How to get out? I still suffer to this day -- the only thing that has helped me is staying away from him, not answering his phone calls and not conversing in anyway possible. Even with all the court hearings, he hasn't went to jail and still threatens to kill me. I feel lost most of the time and scared other parts of the time. I wish you good luck in your relationship and pray that you wil lget away from him as soon as possible. 

  My first marriage was to a man very similar to yours. I dated him all  thru high school.  He was very possessive and because I  had a very controlling mother, the possiveness was not something that I was even aware of until   much later.  I had to use the CB radio (this was long before cell phones) to call him even when I ran to the corner to the store.  I just thought he loved me so much.  We had a dream wedding.  Three weeks after the wedding he beat me up so bad I cleaned blood off the walls.  Any thing that is bad in a relationship will be magnified 1000 fold after the wedding.  Remember they are on their best  behavior .  When you are married you are not someones possession.  You should be able to have friends  of both  men and women.  You should be able to do or think or feel any way you want  with  in the limits of your commitment.  I am telling you this because I am 58 married for 24 years and living with a control freak is not fun.  I  turned around and found another one just like my mother.   If I do find myself  alone again in the future,  I now understand my mistakes and will not ever make them again.  Unfortunately we learn many of the things we need to learn before we get married long after.  Take your time.  If someone loves you they will wait .   Anyone can play a role for a year.  RUN RUN

My ex husband was the same way and he got worse. GET RID OF THIS GUY. Life is going to be much better if hes gone

HI...  

What can I say, but I know what you are facing...can you say, "I made it out alive?"  I can, because I did, but purely by the Grace of God...100%--only because HE has a plan for my life that I didn't know about...  

   

Although my AKC German Shepherd paid the price, giving her life for mine and I lost all of my belongings, my stage clothes and the music in my collection that I used to support myself as a Video Disc Jockey and Entertainer--I escaped with the clothes on my back and returned to a burned out house and my life; what was left of it--devastated--  

   

And to make it worse---this wasn't the first relationship that I had been in that I had experienced this sort of terror...I had been in a relationship before the one I just told you about that was scary and I actually quit dating completely for 2 years because of how freaked out I had become over the stalking---  

   

You ask...why did your fiance burn your house down?    

Well...he drank a lot of whiskey and thought that I was being unfaithful--I totally can't believe that he thought that---he stalked me and had people watching me constantly--wouldn't allow me to have a telephone, see family or dress myself the way I wanted to--he beat me and wouldn't allow me to keep a Bible on my nightstand--he threatened my dog and was insanely jealous of anything or anyone or any thought that didn't revolve around him---  

   

I still have scars that bear the initial of his last name on my hand from one of the three Machetis that he was attempting to kill me with during one of our fights--  

   

There was so much more that I could tell you, but it is too painful to mention any more at this time for me---you are still breathing---get out while you are still in one piece--Trust Dr. Phil to help you---He is probably the only one who can--  

From one who made it out alive---