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Topic : 08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Number of Replies: 601
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:11:46 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/19/06) Amber says her fiancé, Ken, is out of control with his possessiveness, jealousy and rage. He called her 47 times in just one day. He has punched holes in the wall. He even followed her and rear-ended her car just because she wouldn't pick up the phone. Amber says Ken's behavior is getting worse, and she's beginning to fear for herself and their 1-year-old daughter. Amber's mother, Linda, says she has witnessed Ken's frightening behavior and the effect it has had on Amber, and she wants him out of her daughter's life for good. Dr. Phil intervenes. What is behind Ken's anger, and should this couple call it quits instead of walking down the aisle? Share your thoughts here.

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May 13, 2006, 1:10 pm CDT

He needs help!

   

   

This will only get worse if you marry this person.  If this person doesn't get counceling he will only get more possesive.  Be very careful!  Think about your future, if you were to have children.  If he truly loves you he will be willing to get professional help.  You are not a possesion, you are a person!   Remember you cannot change him, he has to change himself.     

 
May 13, 2006, 1:26 pm CDT

You are in DANGER

 I don't know you personally but I am concerned. Please, please, get out now. I cannot imagine Dr. Phil giving you any other advice. Domestic violence ALWAYS ESCALATES and it WILL get worse.  No matter what he says, this is NOT love. This is about power and control. Even if he swears he will change, he won't because he CAN'T. He needs professional help and even then it will be years and years before he might be able to change. Don't become another statistic! Listen to all the other women besides me who have written. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter. 
 
May 13, 2006, 1:28 pm CDT

You Deserve Better then him

I grew up abused by a dad who today wont do anything for me or my brother or Sister without his new wife saysing its ok. what he use to do to me is give me a beating every day two or 3 times every day for 5 years from the time I was 2 yrs old till I was 7 yrs old. if he was asked why he did that, he would say" hey I dont know, thats how dad did it.  he wanted me to potty train at 2 yrs old even though I was constipated. he didnt care to listen or help me, it was Do IT or get the beatings. for me today. I would take how dad was an the example he set as a dad an throw it out an not use it. instead do for any kids I would like to have some day what should have been done for me if they have the same problem or any other problem, be the kind of dad that listens an cares for his kids an helps them when they need it. doing that would  not only be better for me, it would benefit the kids an wife. what I learned going thru abuse is growing up is, that is not how to treat your Family.  

I say Leave any Abuse where it Belongs, with the person who used it against you an others in the past. I didnt deserve what I got an no kids do,   

 
May 13, 2006, 2:00 pm CDT

Don't do it

Amber Please don't stay with him I have seen some battered women and that is exactly where you are heading if you marry him he is trying to control you now once you say I do guarenteed you have just given him permission to beat you think of your daughter if something was to happen to you he would be the caregiver and he isn't going to take care of her PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR DAUGHTERS Call off the engagement and get a protection from abuse order and a restraining order against him
 
May 13, 2006, 2:00 pm CDT

understands

I have a unserstnad of were she is comming from she hasnt left casue she loves him . She belives he can change beliving in people changing is a great thing and i do belive in chance after chance .  But she has to look at she has a child and what is that child going to see and experience . a person like him is not happy with himself and feels as though he is not good enough for her and then theres the control . some people need that and when they dont know every move a person makes it makes then feel as they are losing there mind and they dont know how  to handle that. when a person doesnt like thenmselves and not to much confiednce they cant love someone eles. she has to do this for her her child and him and leave . get out of the sitatuion if you think it is worth saving and worth it get the help. move apart go to indivual councling and councling togther . casue the longer it stays the same the less chance is has to get better as much as you seek help . but she is doing the right thing not to many people even come out with the trith . so i think lady is brave smart and beautiful and wants to be happy and with him . and it is possible withthe right help and guidness
 
May 13, 2006, 2:24 pm CDT

I Agree

Quote From: busymomma3

WOW! Have these women watched Dr. Phil before appearing on his show? What do they seriously think he is going to say?  If you are in a relationship that is that "explosive" and "dangerous" now why would you still for one be with that person and 2ndly why would you still plan on marrying him? It makes you want to either slap these women in the head and as Dr. Phil always says "What were you thinking?" you want to give Amber a big hug and pray for her. Pray that God gives her guidance and the peace that he will take care of her and her daughter. Get out now before something final happens like your death.
I agree, what is Amber thinking??? How low does a woman's self esteem have to be to stay involved with a man like this? How can she possibly question whether she should marry him???
 
May 13, 2006, 2:26 pm CDT

Amber needs to get out

    I am worried about Amber. She needs to put herself and her daughter's safety first. That is not true love. Hopefully Dr.Phil can get through to her,before it 's too late. I was in a nasty marriage for too many year's. And he was always sorry and he loved me and our daughter's. I finally got up the nerve to leave him,and it was the choice I made.
 
May 13, 2006, 2:32 pm CDT

do you want your childs life taken?

My friends husband was a cop and he hated when she talked to any one or did anything with her kids.  He started to beat the kids and she kicked him out.  He came back later called her and the kids out side and shot him self in the face after telling to kids it was their fault. The kids were 5 and 7...  I had another friend who broke up with her boyfriend and they had a 6 month baby.  She had a guy friend over just watching a movie and her ex showed with a gun and was trying to kill her and when the first shot missed he grabed his child  and put a gun to her head.  The guy friend got the gun away after being shot once.  the Ex spend 3 years in jail and still live in the same town with both of them.  You have to get away, if not for you for your child.  There is no stronger love then MOTHERS LOVE!!!!!!!!!   It happens all the time behind closed doors in every town and city.  You have to be powerful and strong.   Take your childs life back in your hands..
 
May 13, 2006, 2:39 pm CDT

get out now!

i married a man several years ago, who treated me and my 3 year old son, like gold before the wedding. on our wedding night he told me that my son was "in his way" and needed to go live with his father. when i told him that he was the one that needed to go, he proceeded to beat me. i had that marriage annulled immediately, had the locks changed and never saw him again.  my point is though, that looking back, i missed the signs. he somehow always knew where i was, what i was doing, started telling me how to dress, where i should go, where i couldn't, who to talk to, who i couldn't talk to, isolate me from my family, all while lavishing me with gifts and romantic days and nights. things will only get worse if you marry him, trust me, i lived through it.
 
May 13, 2006, 3:09 pm CDT

Wrong Question????

The question of what is behind Kens anger is the wrong question and attitude....WHO CARES? 

 There is NO ... ZIP ...NADA...NOTHING.. acceptable reason for this type behaviour.    He should be 

forced to apologize and forced to leave permanently.  Relationships with people who try to hold you 

hostage go nowhere and for people watching the "Dance" ... of back and forth..  I beat you..I love you... etc.... Its like watching a coming Train Wreck.  You know its going to hurt them.  You know it's going to be messy.  You know it will be loud and involve innocents, and you are powerless to stop it from happening.    It is better to be alone than in a relationship with a sicko. 

 
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