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Topic : 08/23 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Number of Replies: 601
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Created on : Friday, May 12, 2006, 10:11:46 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/19/06) Amber says her fiancé, Ken, is out of control with his possessiveness, jealousy and rage. He called her 47 times in just one day. He has punched holes in the wall. He even followed her and rear-ended her car just because she wouldn't pick up the phone. Amber says Ken's behavior is getting worse, and she's beginning to fear for herself and their 1-year-old daughter. Amber's mother, Linda, says she has witnessed Ken's frightening behavior and the effect it has had on Amber, and she wants him out of her daughter's life for good. Dr. Phil intervenes. What is behind Ken's anger, and should this couple call it quits instead of walking down the aisle? Share your thoughts here.

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May 13, 2006, 4:05 pm CDT

Run Fast and Don't Look Back!

I've been there and never, ever want to go through that again!  For people who have NEVER gone through this, you hear, "What would even possess you to stay?  Just get out!"  It's NOT that simple!  After being terrorized and threatened, you get confused and are unsure of your own ability to follow through because, after all, this person has told you time and time again what a loser you are or how you could never make it without them or threaten your life or someone you love, especially when there is a child involved.  (Thank goodness I didn't have any children with him!)  You're always looking for the "right time" to make your move.  Well, thank God I was finally strong enough to stop hiding everything from my family.  They backed me 100%.  I'm especially glad that you have Dr. Phil.  Please don't make a mistake by marrying this man.  Be thankful that you're not married to him; it's one less thing to worry about.  Listen to all these people and run; run for YOUR life and run for YOUR CHILD'S life.  Neither you nor your child should have to live that type of life, it was not God's intention.  You have Dr. Phil...please listen!  A co-worker of mine died because of hiding in a relationship like that. 
 
May 13, 2006, 4:22 pm CDT

GET AWAY WHILE YOU CAN!

Quote From: phyllisphy

   

   

This will only get worse if you marry this person.  If this person doesn't get counceling he will only get more possesive.  Be very careful!  Think about your future, if you were to have children.  If he truly loves you he will be willing to get professional help.  You are not a possesion, you are a person!   Remember you cannot change him, he has to change himself.     

Do NOT walk down that aisle! Do NOT try to help him! Do NOT ever marry him, or anyone remotely similar! If he wants to change, someday, and he's NOT already in jail for spouse-abuse, child-abuse, or murder... let him seek his own help on his own time and with his own money. YOU WILL NEVER PLEASE HIM, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY, DO, OR HARD YOU TRY TO BE WHAT HE SAYS HE WANTS YOU TO BE! Just RUN, girl, RUN as fast as you can, and get Dr. Phil to help you get a restraining order while you still can open your mouth and have teeth...
 
May 13, 2006, 4:57 pm CDT

I am a Survivor!

I am a Survivor of being stalked, physically, sexually and emotionally abused! Please Get OUT NOW!  I had a restraining order, not worth paper they are written on! Move to another state, secretly! "Leopards dont change their spots", he is very sick person and will never give you up until he finds someone else to abuse. You are NOT SAFE! These are just some of the things that have happened to me: ran me and toddler off road, broke into my house many times (no matter where I moved in the city), beat me while I was pregnant and not pg, accused me of running around on him when that is what he was doing, gave me an STD, never kept a job, he didnt mind mooching off his parents (I was embarrassed), held a gun and knife to my throat, raped me, called me every name in the book, beat up my little brother, played tug of war with my child, he was on drugs, ripped out my phone, broke down doors, followed me everywhere I would go, broke into my car, followed me and a friend to a club, he beat up the friend, never paid child support, never changed, he could never understand why I hated him all these years, still tries to come back into my life, when my son was killed he never paid his share of the funeral bill, he made the statement that God took our son to lead him to being a preacher (he was just living off the church' s money), faked back injuries so he could get money from automobile wrecks, he has had 2 more wives, beat them, has had 3 more children, he will not marry this last woman b/c he doesnt want another failed marriage (ha! doesnt want to pay child support if she divorced him), he still does not keep a job,  he was on either welfare or faked injuries on a job to win law suits so he didnt have to work.  

just found out we have a grandson by our deceased son, wants to talk about the child and be back in my life (NO WAY!), he doesnt understand why I wont talk to him about our grandson. I have warned my grandson's mother of his violence and mental illness. I could go on, but Im sure you are tired of reading. I have been married to wonderful, caring, loving man for 25 years and Kenny is still doing what he does best after all of these years, abusing women. His now live-in girlfriend said to me, "Kenny has changed, he has me put the baby down before he hits me."  Scary huh? kb  

 
May 13, 2006, 4:57 pm CDT

Remarkable

I find it remarkable that this couple have some how found the courage to put their relationship (such as it is) up to public scrutiny - and to have Dr. Phil work with them.
 
May 13, 2006, 5:08 pm CDT

05/19 My Fiancé is a Stalker

Quote From: marlo0723

I agree, what is Amber thinking??? How low does a woman's self esteem have to be to stay involved with a man like this? How can she possibly question whether she should marry him???
Pretty damn low...just like mine was. I was raised in a family where dad drank and  beat mom on a regular basis. I was told I was a girl so I couldnt do things as well as my brothers. I was asked why I couldnt be more like my brothers on a constant basis, I was called puddin' head and pumpkin head by my father b/c "she is a girl and she is slow". (graduated with honors with my college degrees, how slow can that be!?!) My mother was jealous of any attention I got from my father or anyone else for that matter. I was called fat and ridiculed at every meal. I was beaten at least once a week and never praised or told that anyone loved me. Ooops, my mom told me once in the 6th grade. NOW ASK, HOW COULD A WOMAN'S SELF-ESTEEM BE SO LOW THAT SHE WOULD STAY WITH A MAN LIKE THAT? DO YOU HAVE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA NOW?
 
May 13, 2006, 5:09 pm CDT

Get out now!!!

You need to  run, not walk, as fast as you can!  If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter, because he will treat her the same way eventually.  The most disturbing thing is that he rammed into your car.  What kind of man does something like that?  This is NOT normal behavior.  Please, take your baby, get an ordre of protection and get as far away as you can before your mother has to bury her daughter and grandchild.
 
May 13, 2006, 5:40 pm CDT

17 yr. old killed by violent fiance....

Well, yesterday on the news they interviewed the mother and sister of a 17 yr. old girl and mother of an infant who was killed by her fiance. 3 weeks earlier he had broken her jaw but she went back to him despite their pleadings. Then he went into a rage and stabbed her 86 times. I wasn't sure I heard that right so I listened to the late news report and yes, that was it. At least after that he dropped the baby off at a relatives house before he fled the state,but they arrested him several days later. If you stick around this guy, you might as well pick out a headstone and a casket. Hate to be blunt, but  that's where it will be heading. I hope they can help on the show and you are very lucky for this intervention.Good luck. You deserve to have a life and be safe and your child also. Don't walk down the aisle -run the hell the other way ..
 
May 13, 2006, 6:08 pm CDT

This is a very Serious Problem

It is obvious that this young couple are in very serious trouble.  Staying with an abuser will not stop the abuse, you can not change his behaviour.  I believe this young woman has a number of things going on inside, terrified, dependant, suffers very low self esteem just to name a few.  I would also suggest that he may have all the same things happening, however she cannot fix these issues in him.  Both of these people need assistance to make big changes in their lives.  I also believe for the sake of the 1 year old child they need to make these changes apart from one another.  To raise a child in such an enviroment is abuse in itself...where is the safety for the child?  How will this child grow up to view relationships, men, women.  Now is the time to invest in future of this child, make it a future that includes positive self image, communication skills, personal knowledge that relationships are partnerships.  Marraige will not stop this abusive behaviour, most likely increase it.  This young man needs to seek counselling to get to the root of why he treats the woman he loves so poorly.  This young woman needs assistance to determine why she is accepting such abusive behaviour and start to make changes to improve her expectations from relationships and for herself.  First and foremost in all of this is the well being of the child....No Child Should Be Exposed To Abuse....even if a child is not present when an incident takes place they are still exposed, they are exposed to the aftermath, the tension, the way the parents interact with one another.  Do not stay with this abusive man, do not marry this abusive man unless he goes and gets help for his abusive behaviour and you get help to ensure you do not fall into the same cycle with him again.  Good luck.
 
May 13, 2006, 6:09 pm CDT

jo anne

Quote From: summersun

I understand the men and women are sick who do the stalking and abusing.  There is also another point of view.  I've been in fear and abusive rape situations with my ex partner.  However, I was just as sick as he was for staying while we went through years of him doing these things.  I had to take responsibility that I had zero self-esteem.   

  

Really, who lets a man pour boiling water on their pregnant stomach in hopes of killing the kid and stays.  With compassion I say this.  FEAR does rule the hurt and weak.  However, admit how sick you were too for staying. 

  

Jo-Anne 

dont u judge her till u were in that situation.......cops dont always help... r u perfect?
 
May 13, 2006, 7:10 pm CDT

Thank You :)

Quote From: marybernic

I find it remarkable that this couple have some how found the courage to put their relationship (such as it is) up to public scrutiny - and to have Dr. Phil work with them.
Yes, it was very hard. I went on the show knowing we were desperately in need of help. I am proud of the outcome.
 
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