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Topic : Dealing with the Added Stress

Number of Replies: 159
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:57:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"Having a new baby really has added stress to my life." Sound familiar? Tell us your story.

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August 19, 2006, 4:07 am CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: lisa86

Being a parent of an 11 month old is tough, and it's even more tough with another baby on the way. I mean don't get me wrong I love my daughter more then anything in the world and I wouldn't change being a parent. But the toughest part is not getting any  help from my fiance (the father of my kids) I tried everything to get him to help me raise her but he just doesn't help, I feel like a single parent almost all the time. It's just so hard, I'm hoping to get some advice from someone. Please help.

I dont know if I can give you any advice but I can sympathise with you.  I have a son who is 3, a daughter who is 2 and I am currently 23 weeks pregnant.  My husband does not lift a finger around the house or help with the day to day care of our children.  Between now and Christmas he has just 2 weekends where he doesnt have a social commitment on.  I asked him if it was possible to slot in the birth of our baby and he had the cheek to say to me if I could make it mid-week it would help him out alot.  It is hard and sometimes i want to scream at him to just get off his butt and help out - but even that doesnt work. 

As to the comment made about "just be happy you have someone"  I'm sorry that you have it tough at the moment but just because they are "there" doesnt mean they are "here".  I couldnt tell you the last time my husband asked me how MY day was.  All I get out of him is were are my clean socks? Or have you ironed my work shirts yet?

 
August 20, 2006, 6:33 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

i can relate to some of the messages on here...im 23 and i have a 2 yr old and a 10month old...and on top of that im married to a military guy...im so stress  out with the two kids i sometimes just want to give them away...my husband is in korea for a yr so thats hard to deal with also...this is my first time to be away from my family i got married shortly after i met my husband then we had hour first some i have only been married for 2 yrs...if anyone has any advice for me i would love to hear from you..i dont get time to myself and thats frustrating cuz everyone wants there time...the kids are up at 7 in the morning dont take naps everyday..in bed by 9 or 10,,,then of course instead of goin to bed i stay up till 1 or 2 in the morning talkin to my husband about whats goin on...i just moved to florida and i have no friends its so hard to start a new place with out family around..i have been near my family my whole life...but if anyone has advice on how to handle the stress of being married to a military guy on top of haveing two lil ones running around i would love to hear it...

         thanks
            stressed mom of two lol
 
August 29, 2006, 12:46 am CDT

single with 4 children

I often wonder how I'm going to make another day???  I have 4 children 3 wks., 2, 6 and 10. The father of my children is in jail on forgery charges, guess I know now how he was able to have so many girlfriends. I'm having financial pblms. w/ daycare being what it is I cant even find the money for the first week to get started.  Im going crazy in this house day after day with all these kids.  I dont feel sorry for myself, after all I got pregnant, and I DEFINATELY dont regret my children,however, I really didnt understand what I was getting myself into.

 

I keep telling myself that "it isnt forever", but that really isnt working anymore. I go to bed each night knowing I've done the best I know how to do for each of them, yet Im still awake w/ guilt. Did I really, and then ----where do I fall in this??? I so desperately need a break. Maybe tomorrow will bring new things.  thanks for listening.  

 
August 30, 2006, 8:52 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: daizeeann

I often wonder how I'm going to make another day???  I have 4 children 3 wks., 2, 6 and 10. The father of my children is in jail on forgery charges, guess I know now how he was able to have so many girlfriends. I'm having financial pblms. w/ daycare being what it is I cant even find the money for the first week to get started.  Im going crazy in this house day after day with all these kids.  I dont feel sorry for myself, after all I got pregnant, and I DEFINATELY dont regret my children,however, I really didnt understand what I was getting myself into.

 

I keep telling myself that "it isnt forever", but that really isnt working anymore. I go to bed each night knowing I've done the best I know how to do for each of them, yet Im still awake w/ guilt. Did I really, and then ----where do I fall in this??? I so desperately need a break. Maybe tomorrow will bring new things.  thanks for listening.  

You would not imagine how much credit you deserve. Not in a million years would I be able to raise 4 children by myself. You are probably sleep deprived having a 3wk old, you have potty training and the pre-teen stage, you are doing AWESOME! I swear, if I were closer I would look after your kids and give you the rest and reasurance that you need right now. It isn't going to be easy; you know that. But you WILL make it through. Keep your head up and look at the bright side. You have 4 little people who love you sooooo much; more than you could imagine. Things happen for a reason. You might not know the reason right now; but things will work out. Take in the positives. Everytime your child says "I love you", everytime you see them smile. Give yourself a chance to enjoy being a mom. It shouldn't be a chore all the time. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. I may not be a mom, but I helped raise 3 kids under the age of 4, and I know it is a challenge :)

 

Amy

 
August 31, 2006, 5:44 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: kayc0316

i can relate to some of the messages on here...im 23 and i have a 2 yr old and a 10month old...and on top of that im married to a military guy...im so stress  out with the two kids i sometimes just want to give them away...my husband is in korea for a yr so thats hard to deal with also...this is my first time to be away from my family i got married shortly after i met my husband then we had hour first some i have only been married for 2 yrs...if anyone has any advice for me i would love to hear from you..i dont get time to myself and thats frustrating cuz everyone wants there time...the kids are up at 7 in the morning dont take naps everyday..in bed by 9 or 10,,,then of course instead of goin to bed i stay up till 1 or 2 in the morning talkin to my husband about whats goin on...i just moved to florida and i have no friends its so hard to start a new place with out family around..i have been near my family my whole life...but if anyone has advice on how to handle the stress of being married to a military guy on top of haveing two lil ones running around i would love to hear it...

         thanks
            stressed mom of two lol
I am not a military wife and I must say that I do admire people like you and your husband, I know personally I don't think I could handle it. I say Kudos to both of you and thanks you both for the sacrifices you make for our country. :)

I can relate though as I am a mom, My husband works alot and though he is a good father and husband, It is basically up to me on making sure that the kids are well taken care of and the taking of them, the homea s wel as hima nd myself can be a challenge, but one that I absolutely love and wouldn't change it for the world. I would suggest that you find some kind of a group for you and your kids to get involved in. MAybe through a church you can find one, the kids can make friends through that outleta s well as your self. I have also made a couple of good friends throught he library, we go to stiory times and int he summer time, tehy have all kinds of free activities.I take my kids to the mall to play in the play area, there is plenty of interaction there. Even if you just go to these places and start a conversation with some one, at least it is interaction with some one else that day.

I wish I could help you with your situation, but all I can do is encourage you to get out there and make some friends and keep busy. I know your little ones are still a bit young but one thing that I like to do is scrapbook. Maybe you can start something like this, even your two year old might be able to do some, I started my daughter when she was two and she loves it. Scrapbooking takes up alot of time, but an hour a night or whatever would be good for you. so it would be something that you can do and make memories at the same time. And it would be something that your husband would enjoy when he gets home. FInd something that you like to do and do it once in while.

Motherhood is a very rewarding job/experience but can be stressful as well so this is why it is imporant to take time for our selves, treat yourself to a nice bubble bath witha  good book while the little ones are sleeping, or pop in a good funny movie  with popcorn and enjoy some peace and quiet, whatever the case, do know that you are not alone for as mom's we can all relate when it comes to raising our kids, though our circumstances might not be the same,w e can certainly be a support system for one another, Hang in there and be kind to yourself the very best way you can.

I check the boards often and if nothing else, I can be your friend and you can come here and vent and share if you want or you can go over to he current events boards and go tot eh "getting to know one anotehr" board, it is a new board that I started and it is just that, getting to know one anotehr and just gabbing. Hope to see you around.  :)
 
September 1, 2006, 3:05 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

thanks alot that means alot to me...i take them to the park every day for about 2 hrs....they play with the lil kids and i have started to make some friends...my husband thinks im crazy goin on here and posting stuff but i told him that it helps me out and i can see if any one relates to me and how other ppl are handleing stuff....its also funny we have tivo and i record dr phil everyday and before he left everyday i would start watching it he would make fun of it then one day he watched it with me and from that day on hes been watchin it with me...its kinda cool...but thanks for everything that u said
 
November 2, 2006, 3:26 pm CST

New baby and a 2 year old

 

Ok I have a 2 yr old girl and a now 5 mth old son. I love my kids but my daughter seems to want to be the baby but be a big girl at the same time. I am still changing diapers, fixing bottles, cleaning house, doing laundry, dishes, cooking dinner and taking care of the family dog. My husband does not bathe the babies, change diapers, or anything. I understand he works a 8 hour job Mon- Saterday but i work a 24 hour job 7 days a week. He has not gotten up once at night for either child. I am getting up for bottles and diapers at night and doing it all day long. What do I do to not stress out? I think I am dealing with depression but afraid to say anything to my doctor. I dont want to seem as if I cant deal with my life. Thanks everyone.

 
November 2, 2006, 6:30 pm CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: lacodagirl

 

Ok I have a 2 yr old girl and a now 5 mth old son. I love my kids but my daughter seems to want to be the baby but be a big girl at the same time. I am still changing diapers, fixing bottles, cleaning house, doing laundry, dishes, cooking dinner and taking care of the family dog. My husband does not bathe the babies, change diapers, or anything. I understand he works a 8 hour job Mon- Saterday but i work a 24 hour job 7 days a week. He has not gotten up once at night for either child. I am getting up for bottles and diapers at night and doing it all day long. What do I do to not stress out? I think I am dealing with depression but afraid to say anything to my doctor. I dont want to seem as if I cant deal with my life. Thanks everyone.

You need to find a way to have some alone time and  the first thing you need to do is communicate thie to your husband and if he isn't listening to you thne you need to come up wiht a plan for your self. Alot of guys just don;t get the fact that parenting is a 24/7 job and if he is coming home and not offerning to give ahand with something, then he is not being a good husbnad and father. Yes, he works a paying job and he deserves some down time as well an din the same way that he deserves some down time, so do you so figure it out.

Some things that I have done is to get the kids in bed and go in a take a nice hot bubble bath, take a book in with you and give you rhusband instructions on what to do if the baby wakes up or whatever, that you will be out in an hour, do not wait for a response, just do it. Also, maybe have the kids already fed, bathed, whatever when hubby gets home, have your daughter's favorite movie in and the little one settled (the best you can any way), have dinner ready for him and tell him that you are going for a walk, to a friends house for an hour or so, ahtever, again, do not give him a chance to respond. I know this mught sound a litle mean but if he isn;t going to relieve you, to give youa breather, then you need to  iniate it.

Maybe encourage him to agree upon  date night for the two of you, once a week, once   month, whatever, it is very imporant to do this, you both need it. If he doesn;t agree with this or he is giving you a hard way to go, then hire a babysitter for an hour or two, take the kids to them if you have to, remember we teach people how to treat us and if you alow your husband to take you for granted, he will continue to do so and of course you have to communicate.

Depression is a normal thing after having babies, especially if you are home taking care of the kids and home 24/7, it is very imporant to take care of yourself and to get a way form the everyday routine, nothing wrong with getting the help you need, you deserve it.

AS far as your two year old wanting to be a baby, that's completely normal when a new baby arrives, try having some alone times with her, allow her to help you with the baby, my oldest was one month shy of turning two when her sister was born, she actually did very well but did go through a little bit of jeolousy phase, I just included her in taking care of her sister and evn to this day, she stil loves being the big sister.

Taking care of a home and litlte ones can be a hard job and one thing that I learned was not to stress over little things, if that means leaving the dishes set in the sink for the day then do it, if it means that you oder a pizza for dinner, then do it, do what needs to be done and don't worry about the rest, it will be there tomorrow and if your husband grumps and complains, remind himt hat you are only one person and there are only 24 hours in a day and if he isn't going to help you, then he has no right to complain. There are nice ways of presenting these issues to our spouses. remember, we women were created to be caregivers, the men were created to be the supporters therefore they are not going to understand, they need to be reminded that we created this family together and we are partners, and fathers need the opportunities to bond with their kids. We really do need to suport one another in our roles as husabnds and wives, mothers and fathers and sometimes we need reminded of those things.


 
November 7, 2006, 1:36 pm CST

I can relate

My husband has his own landscaping business hes off working all the time.

 

I'm a stay at home mom.  I take care of the pets and are 8 month old.  I also keep the house up and do most of the cooking.  I've been doing this since are baby was born it was stressful at first but I just got used to it I geuss.  I'm the type of person that has to stay busy anyway.  Yeah there is times when I bought want to pull all my hair out but it sure is nice when the baby takes a after noon nap I take my down time.  What I'm doing right now :)

 
November 19, 2006, 10:35 am CST

Single mother

I am a single mother of a 9 month old son, Jaden. His father, upon learning I was pregnant, decided he wanted nothing to do with us. He gave me the option to have an abortion or he would leave. I chose to proceed with the pregnancy, and I have not heard from him since. I am running into several conflicts at this point in my life. I work full time, and have Jaden in full time daycare. Money is tight, and this is a constant stretch for me. We have a stable home, and everything we need, so I feel good about that. I am concerned about how to handle things with my son. I know it will be hard for him not having his father in his life. Is there anyone who can offer advice on how to tackle this already difficult situation?
 
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