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Topic : Dealing with the Added Stress

Number of Replies: 159
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:57:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"Having a new baby really has added stress to my life." Sound familiar? Tell us your story.

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April 25, 2007, 6:19 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: deehashman

I am a Mother of an 8 month old son, Gavin. He is a great baby. Always laughing and smiling. He has had his share of sickness, which is awful for any child, let alone a baby. Now he is teething and that is terrible. He has 2 teeth on the bottom and is cutting 2 more on top. Sleep is something I cherish since I do not get much of it. His dad and I are still together but I do not get any help from him. He is 35, I am 22. My days are crazy. I get up at 5:30 shower, get ready, get Gavin ready, take him to the sitter, work 8 or more hours, leave work at 3, pick up Gavin, run any errands that need to be done, go home and decide what to have for dinner, do any dishes that have been dirtied throughout the day, feed Gavin, lay him down for a nap when he needs one, cook dinner, eat if I have time (sometimes my meals are cold), clean up dinner dishes and the kitchen, give Gavin his bath and a bottle before bed time, put him to sleep, clean up his toys, get his stuff ready for the next day, then go to bed (usually its 11:30 before this happens). Oh, I forgot to mention I change diapers and clean up spit up when that happens all while I am doing these other tasks. Gavin's dad is there through all of it and do you think he helps? NO. He usually sleeps all day b/c he works the midnight shift. Every once in a while he cooks dinner. But not too often. He hasn't done the dishes since I was pregnant and on bed rest. He does laundry and takes out the garbage. Thats it. He will play with Gaivn for maybe 15 minutes a day. My little boy adores him for some reason. I don't know how, or why. He does not see him that much so maybe in his little mind he cherishes the time spent with him. I don' t really know why Ryan and I are still together. I think it's because I know what it is like to not have a father around and I do not want that for my son. A part of me still loves Ryan. So does anyone have any advice for me? I have tried to tell Ryan my thoughts but he tells me its his way or no way, and if I don't like it I know where the door is. Great guy, huh. He would throw out his own child. What am i gonna do???
I had the exact same relationship with my husband. When our first child was born I was excited and ready to start this new family and expecting it to be perfect. He was a HUGE disapointment. He didn't do a single thing for me or our son. Now, after our daughter was born, it got even worse. He would watch tv or sleep all day and just watch me run around the house like crazy doing everything. And, then he would ask me what i was making him for lunch!!!! Our daughter was  born with many complications and was in the hospital for a long time. It was very stressful...I guess too much for him because he ended up working out of town. I told him to stay there. He wasn't the one driving her to and from the hospital and visiting her there for days upon days. Going to many doctor's appointments (she has two pediatricians, two speech pathologists-for swallowing and reflux), a surgeon, and an ENT doctor!) and taking care of her every need when she did manage to make it home. How was he stressed?!?!?!?!?!?! He wouldn't even visit her in the NICU! I get that it is hard...but, come on. Anyway, I dont know if this is advice or not...but, I am MUCH happier without him in my life.
 
April 29, 2007, 7:01 am CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

I am sorry for your "single mothering" responsibility.  I too am in your shoes.  My husband and I farm and and ranch and he is gone at 6 a.m. every morning and doesn't return home til late at night.  I feel like our employees know my husband more than I do.  We have a 2 1/2 year old and a 5 week old.    I work full time outside of our home and am a complete clean freak in our home and try to be super mom and super wife at all times. If and when he is home, he will sit in his chair while I run around like a mad woman trying to keep the house clean, kids fed, laundry done, etc., etc.   I have a lot of anger and resentment towards my husband for not ever helping with our children.  I would like to tell you that it will get better, but it won't.   For the sake of our children, we must stay strong.  They may not be the best of dads, but it's still our children's dads and our children adore their fathers.   I will share with you a bit of advice that my mother gave me one day while I was complaining of how my husband just assumes that when he drives off everyday to go to work, that I will take good care of the household and kids.  She gave me the best advice ever when she said, just like you assume all your bills are going to be paid from him working so hard.  That really hit close to home because I know my husband is a great provider and I never have to worry about where our next meal is coming from or if our bills are going to be paid.  Hang in there girl.  You will find an inner peace, I promise.  It took me awhile to accept that I was the foundation in our children's raising.  I pray for your strength and your inner peace.  It will come to you and you will be stronger and braver than you can imagine.
 
May 23, 2007, 2:47 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: loriclaassen

I recently had a baby girl, named Sarah. She was 2 months early and has a number of problems and a number of surgeries in her short little life. She is not allowed to ever lay flat because she has reflux and can aspirate. She has had 4 surgeries in her throat already and has been in and out of the NICU many times. The complications she was born with have, unfortunatly, never before been seen by any medical professional. So, basically, this is just a trial and error process to find out what will work for her. Sarah is in so much pain sometimes that she will scream for hours. The stress is unbearable. I also have a 4 year old son at home and a husband who recently left because of the stress. Also, my grandmother died a week before she was born, and I found out my grandfather has cancer a couple days ago. I am wondering if any one has ideas on how to deal with stress because I am not doing such a good job at the moment. Any advice would be so much appreciated. Thank you!!!!!
I am so sorry about what you are going through. I can't say from experience that I know what you are going through but I certainly can empathize. Is there any family that lives near you? If you do I think a good way for you to relax would be to ask a family member if they could take the children just for couple of hours so that you can get things done around the house that you haven't been able to do. Once you drop them off, go back home and draw you a warm bubble bath, put on some relaxing music and just relax and not think about anything but yourself (afterall you deserve it) After you spend that hour or two by yourself just pampering yourself you will then be ready to pick up the kids and enjoy them because you had a small break from them. Hope I have been of some help.
 
June 18, 2007, 2:42 pm CDT

dilemma - baby's dad mixed signals

Hi,
I am 24 and my precious baby girl is just 3 weeks old.  Her dad and I were together for two years - in immature, rocky relationship.   I broke up with him last fall - found out I was pregnant the next day - and still did not want to be with him.   Lived with my parents all during pregnancy - extremely nauseous for first four months.   The dad and I reconciled and became a couple again while I was pregnant.   He lives 2.5 hours away  but visited often and went to childbirth classes with me.  Suddenly, he said he would be supportive of the baby, but did not want to be in relationship with me.  Was very hard for me, since I had thought we were getting married.  Two weeks before baby's birth, I caught him texting and phoning a girl in London (we live in Florida USA).  He did not understand why I was upset, and told me he never wanted to see me again and did not want to see the baby.   I called him when I went into labor.  He was there and very supportive during labor and delivery, stayed with me in hospital for 2 days - all the time texting this other girl.  Two weeks ago, I met another guy who really likes me and i am attracted to him too.  We've been seeing each other some.   Baby's dad found about about him and, predictably, now wants me back.   I am torn.  On one hand, just a month ago I really wanted to be with him.  And I know would be better for baby if we are together.  On other hand,  I really like this new guy.  And I don't trust the baby's dad anymore, and he does not trust me.  Don't know if I should stop seeing the new guy and focus on forgiveness and trust issues with the baby's dad.  Or if I should admit that we never have had a strong mature relationship and stay separate rather than exposing the baby to our drama and anger.

Ideas???

Thanks!
Gingerlily

 
 
 
July 9, 2007, 8:45 pm CDT

i hear ya

Quote From: youngmom22

of three children at the age of 21 but having your friends come over depends on your friends i guess ifi they have no children they probably wont want to hang out around a baby at least none of mine really did after a while i was on my own with no social life nobody to talk ot but my fiancee no family (my family is really crazy) so now i am here on these boards trying to talk to people and maybe find some cyber friends to chat with it gets so lonely with no adult conversation or outings.
i hear exactly what u are goin thru. I am 22 years old and i have a 19 month old son and one due in August. My social life completely collapsed as soon as ai had my son. It was like because i couldnt any longer go and do the thinkgs they wanted to do . my firends decided i wasnt good enough... and after baby was born i literally saw them once in the hospital and then it was like they vanished.. POOF! Gone into thin air. It is very hard not having family to support you when this happens and i just wanted you to know that i totally know what you are going thru. My son still doesnt sleep thru the night and i have another baby coming. I am really scared about how hard that is going to be but I am sure I'll get thru it somehow. Just try to be strong and it will get easier!
 
July 20, 2007, 7:07 am CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: gingerlily

Hi,
I am 24 and my precious baby girl is just 3 weeks old.  Her dad and I were together for two years - in immature, rocky relationship.   I broke up with him last fall - found out I was pregnant the next day - and still did not want to be with him.   Lived with my parents all during pregnancy - extremely nauseous for first four months.   The dad and I reconciled and became a couple again while I was pregnant.   He lives 2.5 hours away  but visited often and went to childbirth classes with me.  Suddenly, he said he would be supportive of the baby, but did not want to be in relationship with me.  Was very hard for me, since I had thought we were getting married.  Two weeks before baby's birth, I caught him texting and phoning a girl in London (we live in Florida USA).  He did not understand why I was upset, and told me he never wanted to see me again and did not want to see the baby.   I called him when I went into labor.  He was there and very supportive during labor and delivery, stayed with me in hospital for 2 days - all the time texting this other girl.  Two weeks ago, I met another guy who really likes me and i am attracted to him too.  We've been seeing each other some.   Baby's dad found about about him and, predictably, now wants me back.   I am torn.  On one hand, just a month ago I really wanted to be with him.  And I know would be better for baby if we are together.  On other hand,  I really like this new guy.  And I don't trust the baby's dad anymore, and he does not trust me.  Don't know if I should stop seeing the new guy and focus on forgiveness and trust issues with the baby's dad.  Or if I should admit that we never have had a strong mature relationship and stay separate rather than exposing the baby to our drama and anger.

Ideas???

Thanks!
Gingerlily

 
 
It sounds like you just admitted it to me.......
 
July 23, 2007, 10:58 am CDT

Life is what we make of it!

I firmly believe that life is what we make of it. Do I get stressed? Yeppers, I sure do, but I also look at the positive of things. I do not think I did this til about 4 months ago.
I have a little 6 month old born with 4 congenital heart defecs and blind. She does not have any eyes. We knew about the heart defects, but had no idea about her eyes.
This time has been hard, but I look at this beautiful little girl, who has such a personality and is so full of life and energy. She has been through one heart operations, had conformers (these are like prosthetics) put into her eye sockets 3 times already, and is due for another surgery in October. I look at her and am in awe. If she can go through all of this and be the happy little cherub she is, then who am I to be snappy and curt and rude and whatever else I could be.
This time in my life is very stressful, but I take it in stride and do what I can when I can. That's the way you have to look at it. No matter what your situation is, you have to just take things as they come, deal with it the best way that you know how and try not to get to stressed because another day will come and things will get better.
I look to God each and every day for the strength I need to get through the day. He does provide. If he was not in my life, I do not know how I would make it. He is my rock, my comfort and my strength.
I just want you to know that anyone can deal with the added stress. Just take it one day at a time, believe in our Lord for he will provide the comfort and strength that you need.
 
September 12, 2007, 7:28 am CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: bansheegirl5

I firmly believe that life is what we make of it. Do I get stressed? Yeppers, I sure do, but I also look at the positive of things. I do not think I did this til about 4 months ago.
I have a little 6 month old born with 4 congenital heart defecs and blind. She does not have any eyes. We knew about the heart defects, but had no idea about her eyes.
This time has been hard, but I look at this beautiful little girl, who has such a personality and is so full of life and energy. She has been through one heart operations, had conformers (these are like prosthetics) put into her eye sockets 3 times already, and is due for another surgery in October. I look at her and am in awe. If she can go through all of this and be the happy little cherub she is, then who am I to be snappy and curt and rude and whatever else I could be.
This time in my life is very stressful, but I take it in stride and do what I can when I can. That's the way you have to look at it. No matter what your situation is, you have to just take things as they come, deal with it the best way that you know how and try not to get to stressed because another day will come and things will get better.
I look to God each and every day for the strength I need to get through the day. He does provide. If he was not in my life, I do not know how I would make it. He is my rock, my comfort and my strength.
I just want you to know that anyone can deal with the added stress. Just take it one day at a time, believe in our Lord for he will provide the comfort and strength that you need.
I won't say I know how you feel because I don't. My daughter was healthy and I thank the good lord every day for that, but I also pray that my wife stays healthy. My wife is allergic to a lot of things and has severe athsma, plus she is a carrier of TB. We have a lot of things to worry about when we have children because she spent a week in the hospital in her thrid month and was in and out of labor and delivery all the time. Now she does have a little cousin who was born with holes in her heart and she has to have a trach so she can breath. I know that my wife's aunt has a hard time with all of this, plus she has three older boys to deal with and looks to God just like you do and trust me God has blessed her. This little girl is improving every day and will one day be able to swallow, something the doctor thought would never happen. We will pray for you and your little one, that you will have the strenght to carry on through this tough time in your life.
 
September 30, 2007, 1:58 am CDT

Stress with a new child

I have a 8 month old. I have been ask a few times is it as scarey as you thought, or as hard as you assumed. Now I'm a female but I was like a man when it came to this issue, scared me half to death even when I found out I was pregnant I wanted to run the other way lol but being the female with the baby in me it wouldn't have helped any. Lucky my husband wanting a child very badly helped me through my fear letting me talk about it daily for 9months even crying alot about how much my life was going to change and I wasn't sure it was going to be for the good. Once my son was placed on my stomach for the first I started to cry, and not from fear but from joy of seeing what me and my husband had made, what had been kicking me, making me sick, making me weak for 9 months, and you know what it was SOOO worth it. My son has caused stress, but really nothing I haven't ever dealt with, we all have stress. But one time my son was about, 1 month old, and he wouldn't take a nap, and i had to make a bunch of calls for medical, so I have a crying baby while on the phone, and they kept putting me on hold, and they had been doing alot of construction was going on in the apt next to me, so it was so loud. I put my son down in his swing, I spent I think 5 minutes hitting my bedroom wall yelling at the construction workers, I really did feel better lol.
 
October 4, 2007, 4:42 pm CDT

Any Advice

  I am a new mother, 26 years old.  I have a eigth month old son who is the joy and a great stressor in my life.  I thought things would get better after he got over the colic, but I would gladly return to it if I could just skip this teething stage.  When he was colic I knew what to expect..no sleep, and HUGE bags under my eyes.  With this teething stage, he's happy and content, the BAM he's fussing and screaming.  I never know what to expect.  Unfortunately during the first seven months of my pregnancy I was violently ill, so I had to drop school, so I am also in the process of getting back in.  ALSO, I am planning a wedding for November 17, thank God it will be over soon, so I am completely stressed to the max.  Sometimes I wonder how can I deal with this, the majority of my family can't help out until after six, but I feel bad cause they have their own stress in their lives, so I constantly say no when they ask to take him.  Now I'm afraid that they will expect the same thing when I start taking classes, it will only be one during the week and one on the weekend (of which my Fiance' can help out with, unless the National Guard takes him out of town again).  I've been looking around at the different daycare's but I really don't want to send him to one until he can talk and tell me what's going on (if , heaven forbid, someone should be abusing him).

  Any advice?

 
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