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Topic : Dealing with the Added Stress

Number of Replies: 159
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:57:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"Having a new baby really has added stress to my life." Sound familiar? Tell us your story.

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January 20, 2006, 4:10 pm CST

No sympathy here

Quote From: jrmint90

I should be able to be Elated right now, I took a pregnancy test two days ago, a it is positive, we were trying, our first son just had his first birthday Thanksgiving weekend, we have stuck to our plan.  But as soon as I told my husband we have both been at each others throats, we don't live the dream life that we both want right now but we have the where-with-all to achieve it someday, in the mean time we are getting help from my family.  At the moment we live with my Parents and sometimes other extended family.  My husband is eating himself up inside because we had to sell our first home before it went into foreclosure - I figure he is not feeling like the man that can provide for his family.  But how do I get him to put that aside and live in the now and the joy that we have another child on the way - I want him to be how he was with the first pregnancy, I can't go through this stressed out and worried about his pride.  I am afraid now that he may resent this pregnancy - obviously when the baby is born he will shower him/her with love, but about now....  does he know that he is also taking away my joy?

  

  If you have no place of your own to live are struggling as much as you are, why would you plan to have another baby in the middle of all this mess?  And then wonder why your hubby isn't jumping for joy!  Why not wait until you have that life you dreamed of, like you said, before you tried for another baby?  USE YOUR HEAD!!  That would have been the intelligent thing to do.  Doesn't your unborn child deserve better?  Maybe you'll THINK next time!(or not)  I see no reason why you should be "elated right now". 

 
January 22, 2006, 1:15 pm CST

Battlen Sleep

My Daughter now is 5 mnths....i tell yea..raising by myself has a lot of added stress...i just started putting her in her crib at night after rocking  her (with no rocking chair) and letting her cry...it breaks my heart to hear her cry like that...but she always wakes up after putting her down...plus she needs to learn to go to sleep on her own....hope im doin the right thing..... 

 
January 22, 2006, 1:31 pm CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: ladybugz01

I'm 18 years old and have recently become a new mom.  I thought the whole becoming a mom was something I would never be able to grasp completely, yet it has come so naturally(and I love it!!!!). Yet I do get jealous of my boyfriend who has more of an active social life than I do (it seems the only time I hear from the outside world is if family calls). I still try to stay in touch with my old friends, but conversations now between us are so difficult seeing as we practically have nothing in common anymore.  I miss my old outgoing adventureous self, yet I love the time I spend with my 3 month old son. Being a stay-at-home mom has really hit me hard though, I hate being cooped up in the house while my boyfriend gets to go out on the weekends.  I don't want my jealousy to ruin our relationship because of the resentment I get towards him when he gets to go out with his friends on the week nights and weekends.  Don't get me wrong I love the time I spend with my son and I wouldn't give it up for anything.  I just want to know if there's a way I can have more of a social life that won't effect the time spent with and bond with my precious boy. Any suggestions???? 

I know how that can be...im 19yrs old and i have a 5 mth old daughter..and yea the social life is basicly gone...and i do as well get kind mad at my boyfriend when he can go out and be with his friends and all and i have to stay home with the baby...and she is his daughter and all...oh he spends time with her and me and all...just get mad i have to stay home with her all the time and don't get a day or even a night to myself with out her...i love her with all my heart..but every mother needs a break every no and then 

  

to help with the social life...if you can't go any where with your friends and all that..have them come too your home and hang out and what not....that way you'll have a lil bit more of a social life and you can still be with your baby... 

 
January 22, 2006, 1:54 pm CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: mommababy

I know how that can be...im 19yrs old and i have a 5 mth old daughter..and yea the social life is basicly gone...and i do as well get kind mad at my boyfriend when he can go out and be with his friends and all and i have to stay home with the baby...and she is his daughter and all...oh he spends time with her and me and all...just get mad i have to stay home with her all the time and don't get a day or even a night to myself with out her...i love her with all my heart..but every mother needs a break every no and then 

  

to help with the social life...if you can't go any where with your friends and all that..have them come too your home and hang out and what not....that way you'll have a lil bit more of a social life and you can still be with your baby... 

Have you ever sat him down and told him how you feel and what you need? BOTH of you are parents and the father of this child needs to realize that. If you haven't already, I would encourage you to have a little family meeting, and do not ask but tell him that you need some time out alone with out the baby, whetehr it is once a week or once a month, what ever and TELL( do not ask) him that he needs to work with you here and figure out a good time where he will be able to stay home with the baby......If this does not work, then on a nioght that he is home with nothing planned, do what needs to be done and then go to the father and say something like this, "The baby is taken care of, all he needs is a bottle (whatever needed) at a such a time, I am going out for a bit, and then go, do not wait for a response. I actually do this and it works,( hubby doesn't have a choice in the matter). whatever he needs to do, make sure it is something easy, don't give him a whole list of things to do, just something that he will be able to do quickly (if possible), then he won't get stressed or anything........Sometimes men just don't get it and some men don't really know what to do with a baby, especiallya very young one at that, so maybe give a little boost there. If this fails, tell him that if he doesn't agree to something then you are going to hire a sitter for a couple of hours and go out, probably best to take the baby to their home, unless it is a relative...I also take my kids out with me at times, my frineds love little ones and have absosslutely no problem helping with them, especially when they were babies, nothing like holding a little one, unless you plan on going to a bar or something like that just go and take the baby with you. Why sit around and wait on this guy and wish you could go out as well, if the guy isn't going to help you then don't sit around and mope and get upset about it, it won't help you any whatsoever. The idea of having others over to your home is a good idea, even life after a baby can be fun and achievable, I guess it depends on how much you really want it.
 
January 22, 2006, 6:44 pm CST

Remember, we teach people how to treat us.......

Quote From: jettav

Have you ever sat him down and told him how you feel and what you need? BOTH of you are parents and the father of this child needs to realize that. If you haven't already, I would encourage you to have a little family meeting, and do not ask but tell him that you need some time out alone with out the baby, whetehr it is once a week or once a month, what ever and TELL( do not ask) him that he needs to work with you here and figure out a good time where he will be able to stay home with the baby......If this does not work, then on a nioght that he is home with nothing planned, do what needs to be done and then go to the father and say something like this, "The baby is taken care of, all he needs is a bottle (whatever needed) at a such a time, I am going out for a bit, and then go, do not wait for a response. I actually do this and it works,( hubby doesn't have a choice in the matter). whatever he needs to do, make sure it is something easy, don't give him a whole list of things to do, just something that he will be able to do quickly (if possible), then he won't get stressed or anything........Sometimes men just don't get it and some men don't really know what to do with a baby, especiallya very young one at that, so maybe give a little boost there. If this fails, tell him that if he doesn't agree to something then you are going to hire a sitter for a couple of hours and go out, probably best to take the baby to their home, unless it is a relative...I also take my kids out with me at times, my frineds love little ones and have absosslutely no problem helping with them, especially when they were babies, nothing like holding a little one, unless you plan on going to a bar or something like that just go and take the baby with you. Why sit around and wait on this guy and wish you could go out as well, if the guy isn't going to help you then don't sit around and mope and get upset about it, it won't help you any whatsoever. The idea of having others over to your home is a good idea, even life after a baby can be fun and achievable, I guess it depends on how much you really want it.
 
January 24, 2006, 6:26 am CST

new baby and 2 yr old

 My daughter has a little girl who will be 3 in March. She just had a new baby 5 weeks ago. The 2 year old is just horrible.  She had what appear to be temper tantrums before the baby came along but now they are uncontrolable.  She ssems to have a mean streak as well.  Will listen to absolutley no one.  After she has my daughter over the edge and in tears , she then acts like an angel.  Almost manipulative.  I have never seen such a defiante little girl.   

My duaghter is taking her to the Dr's this week to talk to him.  Does this sound like a normal 2 year old to you.  I know I never went through this with any of my 3 children. However parenting is very different now than it was then.  I sure would appreciate any words of wisdom. Thanks 

Just the Grammy. 

  

 
January 24, 2006, 6:36 am CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: mlee24

 My daughter has a little girl who will be 3 in March. She just had a new baby 5 weeks ago. The 2 year old is just horrible.  She had what appear to be temper tantrums before the baby came along but now they are uncontrolable.  She ssems to have a mean streak as well.  Will listen to absolutley no one.  After she has my daughter over the edge and in tears , she then acts like an angel.  Almost manipulative.  I have never seen such a defiante little girl.   

My duaghter is taking her to the Dr's this week to talk to him.  Does this sound like a normal 2 year old to you.  I know I never went through this with any of my 3 children. However parenting is very different now than it was then.  I sure would appreciate any words of wisdom. Thanks 

Just the Grammy. 

  

How much alone time does your daughter spend with the 3 year old? and how much does she include her 3 year old in taking care of the baby and givng compliments and praise. I figure she is jeolous of the baby which is very normal but how the parents react is going to be the final denominator here.
 
January 24, 2006, 7:17 am CST

i to am a young mom

Quote From: mommababy

I know how that can be...im 19yrs old and i have a 5 mth old daughter..and yea the social life is basicly gone...and i do as well get kind mad at my boyfriend when he can go out and be with his friends and all and i have to stay home with the baby...and she is his daughter and all...oh he spends time with her and me and all...just get mad i have to stay home with her all the time and don't get a day or even a night to myself with out her...i love her with all my heart..but every mother needs a break every no and then 

  

to help with the social life...if you can't go any where with your friends and all that..have them come too your home and hang out and what not....that way you'll have a lil bit more of a social life and you can still be with your baby... 

of three children at the age of 21 but having your friends come over depends on your friends i guess ifi they have no children they probably wont want to hang out around a baby at least none of mine really did after a while i was on my own with no social life nobody to talk ot but my fiancee no family (my family is really crazy) so now i am here on these boards trying to talk to people and maybe find some cyber friends to chat with it gets so lonely with no adult conversation or outings.
 
January 24, 2006, 10:50 am CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: youngmom22

of three children at the age of 21 but having your friends come over depends on your friends i guess ifi they have no children they probably wont want to hang out around a baby at least none of mine really did after a while i was on my own with no social life nobody to talk ot but my fiancee no family (my family is really crazy) so now i am here on these boards trying to talk to people and maybe find some cyber friends to chat with it gets so lonely with no adult conversation or outings.
have you tried play groups. Have you checked on any programs such as MOPS(mothers of preschoolers-any child not in school yet-usually meet in churches-www.mops.com). There are many programs out there where you can meet mothers and children can meet and play with one another, maybe try doing some research.
 
January 29, 2006, 2:07 pm CST

i know how you feel

Quote From: jettav

How much alone time does your daughter spend with the 3 year old? and how much does she include her 3 year old in taking care of the baby and givng compliments and praise. I figure she is jeolous of the baby which is very normal but how the parents react is going to be the final denominator here.

i iknow how you feel . I have three kids, ages 4, 2 and one..my 2 year old is like that, but it really does help if you get down to her level and spend alone time with her. it is also a good idea to allow her to help with the baby..maybe let her get the diaper and wipes, or even let her help to feel if the baby is bottle fed..that really seemed to help my 2 yaer old when the baby came along.  

 
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