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Topic : Dealing with the Added Stress

Number of Replies: 159
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:57:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"Having a new baby really has added stress to my life." Sound familiar? Tell us your story.

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February 16, 2006, 8:02 pm CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: dadinneed

Thank you for your response.  It is nice to know there are those out there who care.  His mother is the one taking care of him.  She has Cerebal Palsy.  Has use of only her right arm.  She cant do much at all with her left arm.  She isnt confined to a wheelchair, but uses it 95% of the time.  The only way I know of her being able to pick him up is by pulling him up by his arm.  I do have a lawyer and we are working together to try to make sense of all this, but it isn't easy, seeing as how she didn't put my on Jessie's contact list.  I did sign a release to get a copy of his medical records, but have been told I still cant talk to his doctor.   I dont blame you for saying that there would be hell to pay.  For there will be.  My soon to be ex-wife told me that on the 28th of this month he goes back for a CAT scan, and that there was a big possibility of surgery before the 17th of next month, which just so happens to be our final court date for divorce.  Obviously I have very high suspisions of why I am not on the contact list.   Even though she stated in court I had as much right to my sons medical records as she does.  Right now my visitations are kind of limited with living so far away.  But as I said we go for the custody hearing next month.  I am fighting, believe me, I have devoted all of my time, though not much money is available to me, to trying to find out what is going on and why medical steps at this point haven't been taken.  If you would like to contact me then my email is paradise_city052000@yahoo.com  I have my messenger on 24/7.  I am on the computer a lot, spending hours researching this.  Both the pro's and con's of the brace, cast and back surgery.  So feel free to email me any time you want.  I always respond to emails the same day I get them, if not by the next day.  Sincerely, Daniel Wittler
i am very angry with your son's mother! i dont even know her, but i am mad. i dont care if i had to fly to england to get the second oppinion i would be there in a heart beat. i know you wouldnt want to take your son from his mom but i think you need to try to gain full custody. she is not able to take care of him like he needs. she needs to  let him come live with you so he will get the care that a baby needs and deserves. if she loves him then she would be happy to let him. just see if she will let you take him for a couple of months to give her a "break" then take him to the dr. of your choice so you can get the second you both deserve. my daughter had reflux realy bad and her dad and my mother in law both said she would be fine without meds or treatment. they were wrong, i took her to another dr. and he said that it was almost bad enough to do surgury. she was only 4 months old. i didnt listen to thier bs, and you shouldnt listen to his mom's bs either. he is your child too. tell her that you have the right to take him to the dr. to get the 2nd or 52nd oppinion(however many you feel you want) and tell her to kiss my booty cause i have no respect for mommys like that. sorry i am very mad at hearing how she is dening him of such important things. i took my daughter to 4 dr. before i was happy with the results. good luck!!!! i am praying for you!!!
 
February 27, 2006, 3:33 pm CST

I love my son but...

Dont get me wrong I DO NOT regret having my son. I love him to death but since I had him things have been so hard for me and my husband. My husband Paul used to be number one in my life and now things arent that way and paul cant deal with that. My 9 month old Sean is my world. I would do anything for either one of them but all my attention seems to go to Sean and I believe that is a lot of Paul's problem. He didnt get the attention he wanted from me so he went to someone else that would give him the attention he wanted and needed. I dont wanna depribe my husband or my son. How do I split time between the two? It has gotten so bad that my husband has been staying with his dad and seeing this new "friend" more often. I love my son but since I have had him things havent gotten easier like I thought they would.
 
February 27, 2006, 7:12 pm CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: seansmommy

Dont get me wrong I DO NOT regret having my son. I love him to death but since I had him things have been so hard for me and my husband. My husband Paul used to be number one in my life and now things arent that way and paul cant deal with that. My 9 month old Sean is my world. I would do anything for either one of them but all my attention seems to go to Sean and I believe that is a lot of Paul's problem. He didnt get the attention he wanted from me so he went to someone else that would give him the attention he wanted and needed. I dont wanna depribe my husband or my son. How do I split time between the two? It has gotten so bad that my husband has been staying with his dad and seeing this new "friend" more often. I love my son but since I have had him things havent gotten easier like I thought they would.
It takes balance and working together to make a family work. Sounds like your husband can't accept the fact that there is some one else in fold and that is so sad he is missing out on a lot. Do you have date nights? Times when it is just you and your husband? Does he ever help with the baby or is it always up to you to care for him I think him running to another woman is just a cop out not to accept the baby and not to help out he has a serious problem and it sounds like he needs to get some professional help and maybe the same for you. If the both of you want a happy and healthy marriage and family then priority has to be set and you have to be willing to work together on this. It sounds like he isn't happy and running to another woman isn't gonna help, he will do the same thing when he has to atart facing reality again. I think you need to consentrate on you and your child at this point. Do what you can to make things right and to be a good mother to your son, you can't change your husband, you can only change you, don't blame this little one but love and care for him as any good parent would, I feel sad that a father could abandon his family like this, over greed and jeolousy. Enjoy your little one, it is such a wonderful experience being a parent and you shouldn't have to be in this situation, it is wrong and selfish for this guy to do this. Hopefully he will soon realize what he is missing and seek the help that he needs but in the mean time, take care of you and your baby.
 
March 2, 2006, 5:00 pm CST

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my 3 year old is driving me insane. i love her to pieces but i cant take it anymore! i am 6 1/2 months pregnant with my son, me and my hubby are trying to build a new house, i have to have my wisdom teeth cut out in the morning, and i dont feel good right now. needless to say i am very stressed out. today everytime i have told her no or to stop what she was doing she just screams bloody murder. i am not being loud to her so i dont know what her deal is. my head is pounding so hard that when i do raise my voice i feel like puking. why is she like this when i feel my worse. is it just a toddler thing ar have i done something to make her the way she is???  HHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!! 

  

 
March 2, 2006, 6:17 pm CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: jadeycole

my 3 year old is driving me insane. i love her to pieces but i cant take it anymore! i am 6 1/2 months pregnant with my son, me and my hubby are trying to build a new house, i have to have my wisdom teeth cut out in the morning, and i dont feel good right now. needless to say i am very stressed out. today everytime i have told her no or to stop what she was doing she just screams bloody murder. i am not being loud to her so i dont know what her deal is. my head is pounding so hard that when i do raise my voice i feel like puking. why is she like this when i feel my worse. is it just a toddler thing ar have i done something to make her the way she is???  HHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!! 

  

Hi ya , i have a 20 mth old  and a 6 mth old...crazy i know  - and yes, sometimes it feels like I can't take anymore.  My 20mth old is very stubborn and very independant and knows EXACTLY what she wants.  However,  because I get very stressed - as we run our business from home - so I have work AND kids to deal with, I make sure i give her adequate attention.  Sometimes this works wonders and she's happy to play on her own for a little bit, but never long - she constantly wants my attention - and I mean constantly.  And if she doesn't get it - she will play up...  so then gets my negative attention.  However, if I tell her off for something she will then scream and really play up.  I can't and won't tolerate this - so I just pick her up and go put her in her cot,  I then tell her I will come get her when she stops the yelling.  This seems to work very well.  She doesn't do it again...!  It may not exactly be time out - but it's just a way of getting her out of the way and give me time to calm down.  Hope this is helpful. :-) 
 
March 3, 2006, 2:15 am CST

Mom needs help

Hi i have a 5 year old step son CJ.  We don't know what to do anymore and giving up is not the answer.  He can do everything homself like making his bed and clean his room.  He can also make his own bread.  But his very slow in everything he has to do.  We have tride hiddings, sending him to his room, taking everything away etc, nothing helps me and his dad just don't know what to do any more.  And the thing is that it not nice to give your child hiddings all time time.  But we think that the reason for all of this is because his real mom use to drink every day and use drugs every weekend when she was pregnant with him.  Is there any one that can help us please we would appriciate every little help. 

  

From a despress and worried mom. 

 
March 3, 2006, 3:06 pm CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: debsmnz

Hi ya , i have a 20 mth old  and a 6 mth old...crazy i know  - and yes, sometimes it feels like I can't take anymore.  My 20mth old is very stubborn and very independant and knows EXACTLY what she wants.  However,  because I get very stressed - as we run our business from home - so I have work AND kids to deal with, I make sure i give her adequate attention.  Sometimes this works wonders and she's happy to play on her own for a little bit, but never long - she constantly wants my attention - and I mean constantly.  And if she doesn't get it - she will play up...  so then gets my negative attention.  However, if I tell her off for something she will then scream and really play up.  I can't and won't tolerate this - so I just pick her up and go put her in her cot,  I then tell her I will come get her when she stops the yelling.  This seems to work very well.  She doesn't do it again...!  It may not exactly be time out - but it's just a way of getting her out of the way and give me time to calm down.  Hope this is helpful. :-) 
it was helpful but i have tried every thing, she gets all my attention anyways cause right ow she is the only one, her brother wont be here for another 2 1/2 months. i dont know if that deep down inside she knows that this change is going to be big or what, but she has never acted this way until about 5months ago. so basically since i have been pregnant. today was better cause i didnt have to be around her cause i had a wisdom tooth cut out at 11 am and it is now 5 pm. so my mom has been with her all day. she said that she has been wonderful. maybe she jsut likes to get me worked up. who knows but hopefully it will stop before the baby gets here. thanks for responding i will try to take her and put her somewhere away from everything when she starts up, i will try everything that is safe for her and her suroundings to get this problem to stop
 
March 7, 2006, 10:13 am CST

I'm a different/worse person now

I was a great mom when  it was only my daughter (now 3 yrs old).  I was patient, loving, and on top of everything.  Now with two (second is 18 months now), I'm a horrible mom.  Awareness of my problems isn't the issue - it's controlling and fixing them.  My father was a timebomb - was either great and fun or raging....My mom was always patient and understanding but our house was always a mess - dad was pretty much absent.  Now I'm a  control freak, don't want my house a mess.  When things do start to fall apart - i lose it and take it out on my kids - yell at them and sometimes spank them.  I know it's negative - now they yell and hit at each other.  I don't think my expectations for myself are too high (keep a clean house and take care of kids) - but I react like a timebomb just like my father did and I HATED THAT.  I don't want my kids to hate me but history is repeating itself.  I need something to help me get in check .  I need to learn how to be more patient with my kids and not get angry.  I hate the rage I feel.  I know it's wrong but can't stop it.  It seems to only escalate, even though I am aware of it.  Any advice? 
 
March 7, 2006, 11:12 am CST

Anyone else hate being a parent? Anyone else been where I am and has come out the other end still sane?

Is there anyone else out there who always wanted to be a parent and now that they are they are absolutely miserable?

My first son (who will be 3 in June) was born 4 weeks early and was an intense baby right from the start.  There were stretches where I would go 48 hours with only 20 minutes of sleep, total.  He went from an intense baby to a spirited toddler and continues to be so. 
Then our second son came along.  We weren't thrilled because we didn't know how we could possibly parent another baby who could be as intense as our first, while trying to raise a very spirited toddler.  Everyone reassured us that the second baby's personality would be completely different from the first, the first baby was so extreme that the second couldn't possibly be as difficult, etc.

Second baby arrives.  First 2 weeks were a dream.  Then all hell broke loose.  He is now 6 months old and just now starting to sleep a little more than 30 minutes at a time, smiling  more, etc. 
Our spirited toddler has been acting out A LOT trying to get attention because the 6 month old has been taken up all of our time. 

I get about 3 or 4 hours of sleep a day - not in one stretch.  Hubby has taken on 1 (one) night time waking durng the last 6 months. I haven't been nursing since about 4 months so he could take on more, but he says he has such a hard time going back to sleep and I believed that it wouldn't be fair since he is working and going to school.  If I hear one more complaint about how tired he is after 8 hours of full sleep I think I'll scream! I can't nap during the day because the 3 year old is up.  I hae ve taken the kids to the childcare at the healthclub so that I could take an exercise class, but the staff had to hunt me down and tell me how badly my baby was "freaking" out and that I had to remove him.  When I went to get him, I thought to myself "Oh this is nothing.  He is just starting to work up to what I deal with all day long."

I work 20 hours a week from home for my in-laws. I want to quit but my husband seems to think that we really need the money.  If I quit he plans on looking for an additional job - he works 40 hours a week making a more than decent wage as well as he is working on his MBA.  I don't want him to take on more work, I want him home to help me out as much as he can, spend time together, etc. 
I've hired a high school girl to come and help out several days a week for a few hours each day while I go to a coffee shop and work.  Ironically, must adults cannot handle being with my infant for more than 20 or 30 minutes without handing him back to me dripping sweat, disheveled, saying "Something is wrong with him.  Why does he cry so much?"  This high school senior perserveres with my kids.  Although I come home and she too is dripping sweat and frazzled, she doesn't complain and comes back again the next day to do it all over again.  At the coffee shop I end up not really working but messing around on the computer because this is the only time I have to myself.  Therefore, I have a hard time justifying keeping the babysitter around to my husband because I end up staying up until midnight working anyway. 

Before I had kids I wanted so badly to be a mother.  I'm one of those people who is patient beyond patient with children and children are drawn to me.  I had no illusions about parenting being fun, easy, a joy, etc. 100% of the time.  I went into this with my eyes wide open.  Ironically, I used to teach parenting classes, work with families in distress, teaching in preschool classrooms.  I am now one of those families and I am so overwhelmed that I cannot even remember what I taught.  It is one of those cases where I was an expert on something that I really knew nothing about. 

I always wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom but now I truly believe that our children would be better off in childcare.  At least they could spend a few hours a day with a mom that wasn't completely burned out, exhausted and at her wits end.  I feel that I would be a much better parent and would appreciate my children more if I were working full-time.  But, I keep telling myself, this is gonna get easier, this is gonna get better. 

If I would have had a crystal ball 10 years ago and saw what kind of a duo my husband and I would be together as parents, and what I would be like as a parent with the children that fate dealt me, I think I would have made other choices and moved to a remote island far, far away.  But, I cannot turn back the hands of time, so I'm trying my hardest to make the best of a situation that is quite difficult.

I write this half laughing at myself and half crying.  Oh yeah, my midwife insisted that I remain on zoloft throughout my pregnancy and at least until our baby is 9-12 months old (I was put on Zoloft for PPD with our first son).  My health insurance no longer covers Zoloft and when I went to pick up my refill awhile back it was now going to cost $80 a month, which we don't have.  So, I've been switched to Paxil.  I have had to titrate off of Zoloft down to zero, and I just started Paxil today.  Hmmm.....maybe this has something to do with my extreme anger and depression?  I know it does, but how do I get through this until I feel better and my kids get a little easier, if ever?

I know that this is a barrel of random thoughts and frustrations that I have posted.  Gramatically incorrect, misspelled words, unrelated sentences, etc.  I just need to vent and I want to know if there is anyone else out there who so very much wanted to be a good parent and now hates being a parent and if broken-hearted by this this fact.






 
March 7, 2006, 11:27 am CST

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: sahm44

I was a great mom when  it was only my daughter (now 3 yrs old).  I was patient, loving, and on top of everything.  Now with two (second is 18 months now), I'm a horrible mom.  Awareness of my problems isn't the issue - it's controlling and fixing them.  My father was a timebomb - was either great and fun or raging....My mom was always patient and understanding but our house was always a mess - dad was pretty much absent.  Now I'm a  control freak, don't want my house a mess.  When things do start to fall apart - i lose it and take it out on my kids - yell at them and sometimes spank them.  I know it's negative - now they yell and hit at each other.  I don't think my expectations for myself are too high (keep a clean house and take care of kids) - but I react like a timebomb just like my father did and I HATED THAT.  I don't want my kids to hate me but history is repeating itself.  I need something to help me get in check .  I need to learn how to be more patient with my kids and not get angry.  I hate the rage I feel.  I know it's wrong but can't stop it.  It seems to only escalate, even though I am aware of it.  Any advice? 
i wish i had advice for you.  i feel just like you do - "horrible mom", "time bomb",  "feelings of rage".   i, too, am aware of my feelings and what is going on, i just don't know how to stop.  Although my first son was (and is) a challenge and very spirited, I still felt like I was a good mom.  Now, with the second challenging baby I am at my wits end.  I feel like patience is all used up.  I haven't resorted to spanking or hitting yet, even yelling happens very rarely, but I'm sure that with time I'll be right where you are.  I wanted so badly to be a good mom and I am so sad that I have become the mother that I am.  So, if I find any magical techniques that help me work through my rage, anger, sadness, I'll pass them on to you.  Just know that you aren't alone. 
I just got done posting something about being a mom and not really liking it.  Then, I read your post and it made me feel so, hmmmm....., not alone, I guess.  Thanks for your honesty.  I'm sure more parents feel like we do, it just isn't socially acceptable to talk about it. 
 
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