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Topic : Dealing with the Added Stress

Number of Replies: 159
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:57:33 pm
Author : dataimport
"Having a new baby really has added stress to my life." Sound familiar? Tell us your story.

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April 5, 2006, 8:05 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: jai149

I am a stay at home mum of two fantastic, if not full-on, children - 3 years old and 2 years old.  For the past week I have been sick with tonsilitis, broncholitis and the flu!!!!  All I want to do is rest.   

I feel terriable because this morning I yelled at my 3 year old, the first time I have ever yelled.  All he was doing was jumping on the bed.  I am just so tired and feel so sick.  I will never forget the look on his face.  He looked so betrayed.  I feel sick in the stomach thinking that I spoke down to him like that.  I really need a rest.  My husband has been no help at all.  Last night he even went out with his work mates even though he knows he should have been home looking after the kids so I could get some rest.  On top of all this, I think I may be pregnant but am too scared to do a pregnancy test as I had a miscarriage last year.  I am so stressed out,  I just need a break. 

Have you sat down to talk to your husband about this? He needs to hear you say that you need his help, especially during all this.. Is there some one you can call to come give you a hand, at least be there with you and help out some? Maybe be you can pay some one to do this, maybe a teenager in the evening? maybe then your husband will see that you really do need help......All parents make mistakes once in a while, don't beat yourself up over this, apologize and tell him that mommy isn't feeling well and sometimes that makes you say/do things that isn't right and that you asre sorry, give him hugs and see what happens, Kids are smart and very compassionate, he will have a forgiving heart and attitude, I am sure.
 
April 5, 2006, 11:11 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: jettav

Have you sat down to talk to your husband about this? He needs to hear you say that you need his help, especially during all this.. Is there some one you can call to come give you a hand, at least be there with you and help out some? Maybe be you can pay some one to do this, maybe a teenager in the evening? maybe then your husband will see that you really do need help......All parents make mistakes once in a while, don't beat yourself up over this, apologize and tell him that mommy isn't feeling well and sometimes that makes you say/do things that isn't right and that you asre sorry, give him hugs and see what happens, Kids are smart and very compassionate, he will have a forgiving heart and attitude, I am sure.
I have explained to him that at the moment I need to rest.  All he said was "You dont get sick!, Anyway you can handle it, you always do"  And normally I do  I have just had a lot going on lately.  My SIL just had a baby a couple of days ago (she told us she was pregnant not long after I had the miscarriage) , my MIL has been staying with us, we had the kids b'day party (Over 100 people attended) and now I am sick.  It has just all gotten to me.  I sat down and had a talk to my son and said I was sorry and that I wasnt well, he just looked at me and said "that otay mummy, i shouldnt dump (jump) on the bed" and just gave me a big hug.  The three of us have sat down and watched a dvd today and just relaxed and I am feeling better.  I have let the house work go today (VERY unlike me)  And I have decided that I will be brave and do a pregnancy test tomorrow morning.  I am very excited but very scared aswell.  I am leaving it to fate - what will be will be.  But I've still got my fingers crossed .  Thankyou for letting me vent, sometimes its just nice just to let it all out. 
 
April 6, 2006, 1:38 am CDT

Your Irish Twins

Quote From: tanyat117

In October 2004 I had my first baby; a little boy.  I was so happy to be pregnant, I had an easy time of it and taking care of our son came really easy to my husband and I.  3 months later I found myself pregnant again.  I wanted to start trying for number 2 when my son turned one.  I never dreamed I'd have the second one 6 days after my son's first birthday.  Now my son is 17 months and my daughter is 5 months.  I love what I do and I feel so guilty that I feel over whelmed sometimes.  I feel like if I complain about how hard it is, that I convey the message that I don't love my kids somehow.  I feel bad that I want to pull my hair our when my son is having a tantrum or break down in tears when both my children are screaming at the same time, both wanting my attention.  

  

When I envisioned being a stay at home mom, I didn't imagine how lonely it would be, or how isolated I would feel.  I thought I'd make lots of friends at the playground now that I had kids.  But the truth is, instead of feeling comradery, I feel disconnected from the world.  The same old routine day after day has made me feel like I'm stuck in a rut, instead of feeling like I'm contributing to the world. 

  

Because my kids are so young it's hard to try to get out of the house alone.  I have these 2 babies, a double stroller, a diaper bag overflowing with diapers, wipes, snacks, formula, bottles, sippy cups..etc, etc..by the time I try to get somewhere I have enough "survival" stuff to keep us going for a couple of weeks!  I tried to go to the mall alone one day with the kids.  What a disaster!  My daughter cried the whole time, and my son was so whiny from having to sit in the stroller that all I could do was clench my teeth together while I said to him "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?"  Then on top of being stressed out I had to use the bathroom and there were NO handicapped stalls...so I had to pee with door open so that I could keep an eye on my kids in the stroller.   By the time I left, I was sweating profusely, thinking to myself, I can never do this again!  So my days are then isolated to the house, looking at these same walls,  and in between making bottles, changing diapers, feedings, watching The Wiggles 10 times a day, all while trying to enjoy the babies that I have and secretly hoping I get through this part without going crazy! 

  

The bottom line is that I love my children more than I ever thought I could love anyone.  I feel so blessed to have these litle creatures in my life.  And they are so beautiful that my heart melts when I look at them. They are so innocent and precious and we're so lucky to have them.  But why does staying at home and taking care of them feel like an endless rerun of "Groundhog's Day"? 

Hi there!!  I soooo know what you mean!!!  I also have 2 little children - my girl is now 20 mths and my boy is 7 mths. And BOY do I find it hard!!!!   I am constantly busy with them (we run our own business from home too), so if I'm not entertaining my wee ones, or feeding them, or changing them, or consoling them, or putting them to bed, or doing washing, or tidying (which is such a mission!) or cleaning ... then I'm usually doing work for our business.  I don't get ANY time to myself - and that is LITERALLY no time to myself. 

  

The only way I get around not going totally out of my mind, is I have gotten them both into a routine, where they are both fed lunch at 11.30am and then both go to bed at  12.30pm lunchtime. That gives me an hour or if I'm lucky - 2 hours, to catch up on washing, tidying or ... work! haha  Ishould really use it as time for me, but ... alas, there are things that need to get done. 

  

But yeah it is hard. But I just think that... one day... in the not too distant future, it will get easier... :-)  If you ever wanna write me, feel free: deb@graphicfx.co.nz         

It's always nice to meet people on here. I have made some lovely friends via this, and they help keepme sane!!! hahaha 

 
April 6, 2006, 10:37 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: debsmnz

Hi there!!  I soooo know what you mean!!!  I also have 2 little children - my girl is now 20 mths and my boy is 7 mths. And BOY do I find it hard!!!!   I am constantly busy with them (we run our own business from home too), so if I'm not entertaining my wee ones, or feeding them, or changing them, or consoling them, or putting them to bed, or doing washing, or tidying (which is such a mission!) or cleaning ... then I'm usually doing work for our business.  I don't get ANY time to myself - and that is LITERALLY no time to myself. 

  

The only way I get around not going totally out of my mind, is I have gotten them both into a routine, where they are both fed lunch at 11.30am and then both go to bed at  12.30pm lunchtime. That gives me an hour or if I'm lucky - 2 hours, to catch up on washing, tidying or ... work! haha  Ishould really use it as time for me, but ... alas, there are things that need to get done. 

  

But yeah it is hard. But I just think that... one day... in the not too distant future, it will get easier... :-)  If you ever wanna write me, feel free: deb@graphicfx.co.nz         

It's always nice to meet people on here. I have made some lovely friends via this, and they help keepme sane!!! hahaha 

I have a boy who has just turned 3 and a girl who turns 2 in a week.  I must admit there are days where I really struggle to get everything done.  And any mum knows there is SO MUCH to get done in a day.  your right about tidying, I find that I walk around for the majority of the day picking up toys, clothes, food etc.  And as fate would have it this morning I found out that I am pregnant.  We will have 3 under 4.  Its going to be a mission, but one I'm loving being a part of.  

Just a quick note to - Has anyone else got a side by side twin pram and not been able to get into baby change rooms?  I find that I dont fit through the door - I also dont fit though the security systems at the supermarket and other stores.   

 
April 11, 2006, 8:57 pm CDT

Dealing with the Added Stress

Quote From: tanyat117

In October 2004 I had my first baby; a little boy.  I was so happy to be pregnant, I had an easy time of it and taking care of our son came really easy to my husband and I.  3 months later I found myself pregnant again.  I wanted to start trying for number 2 when my son turned one.  I never dreamed I'd have the second one 6 days after my son's first birthday.  Now my son is 17 months and my daughter is 5 months.  I love what I do and I feel so guilty that I feel over whelmed sometimes.  I feel like if I complain about how hard it is, that I convey the message that I don't love my kids somehow.  I feel bad that I want to pull my hair our when my son is having a tantrum or break down in tears when both my children are screaming at the same time, both wanting my attention.  

  

When I envisioned being a stay at home mom, I didn't imagine how lonely it would be, or how isolated I would feel.  I thought I'd make lots of friends at the playground now that I had kids.  But the truth is, instead of feeling comradery, I feel disconnected from the world.  The same old routine day after day has made me feel like I'm stuck in a rut, instead of feeling like I'm contributing to the world. 

  

Because my kids are so young it's hard to try to get out of the house alone.  I have these 2 babies, a double stroller, a diaper bag overflowing with diapers, wipes, snacks, formula, bottles, sippy cups..etc, etc..by the time I try to get somewhere I have enough "survival" stuff to keep us going for a couple of weeks!  I tried to go to the mall alone one day with the kids.  What a disaster!  My daughter cried the whole time, and my son was so whiny from having to sit in the stroller that all I could do was clench my teeth together while I said to him "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?"  Then on top of being stressed out I had to use the bathroom and there were NO handicapped stalls...so I had to pee with door open so that I could keep an eye on my kids in the stroller.   By the time I left, I was sweating profusely, thinking to myself, I can never do this again!  So my days are then isolated to the house, looking at these same walls,  and in between making bottles, changing diapers, feedings, watching The Wiggles 10 times a day, all while trying to enjoy the babies that I have and secretly hoping I get through this part without going crazy! 

  

The bottom line is that I love my children more than I ever thought I could love anyone.  I feel so blessed to have these litle creatures in my life.  And they are so beautiful that my heart melts when I look at them. They are so innocent and precious and we're so lucky to have them.  But why does staying at home and taking care of them feel like an endless rerun of "Groundhog's Day"? 

i only have one child and it is hard. i could not emagine having two. my daughter is one month old. i'm a stay at home mom too. i don't get out much either. everyday i plan to go to the park for a walk and everyday i just dont make it. i'm lucky if i get a hot meal and a shower.  i feel isolated too sometimes. i don't have anyone around me with a young baby. i try to talk to friends and family about the struggles and the stress that i deal with, but they must have all forgotten what it is like to have a newborn. also, i'm breastfeeding, and i get alot of crap for it. some people act like if i would just bottle feed my baby all of the stresses and obsticals of motherhood would just magically disapear. i don't think that they realize that, breast or bottle, i still have to get up in the middle of the night to feed, still have to hold a crying baby while my food gets cold, and many other things that i have to deal with that have nothing to do with my method of feeding. or sometimes they just act like your over reacting. it makes me feel better to know that i'm not the only one that feels this way or sometimes gets overwelmed by it all too. 

  

  

 
April 13, 2006, 6:50 pm CDT

Hey!

Quote From: meaghert

i only have one child and it is hard. i could not emagine having two. my daughter is one month old. i'm a stay at home mom too. i don't get out much either. everyday i plan to go to the park for a walk and everyday i just dont make it. i'm lucky if i get a hot meal and a shower.  i feel isolated too sometimes. i don't have anyone around me with a young baby. i try to talk to friends and family about the struggles and the stress that i deal with, but they must have all forgotten what it is like to have a newborn. also, i'm breastfeeding, and i get alot of crap for it. some people act like if i would just bottle feed my baby all of the stresses and obsticals of motherhood would just magically disapear. i don't think that they realize that, breast or bottle, i still have to get up in the middle of the night to feed, still have to hold a crying baby while my food gets cold, and many other things that i have to deal with that have nothing to do with my method of feeding. or sometimes they just act like your over reacting. it makes me feel better to know that i'm not the only one that feels this way or sometimes gets overwelmed by it all too. 

  

  

Hi!

 

Thank you for replying to my message.  I understand all to well what it's like to have a newborn and be a first time mom.  It's the most amazing experience you will ever have, but it's down right scary too!  You need support right now, and I hope that you are getting it.  I think ANYONE who tries to make you feel guilty over breastfeeding your baby need not be a part of your support group.  I did not breastfeed but trust me, this did not make caring for my son any easier.  Because I stay at home with my kids and my husband works, caring for our baby in the middle of the night fell on my shoulders.  It's hard not getting any sleep--actually I think it was one of the most challenging things I ever did.  Being sleep deprived resonates through every other task you have to accomplish during the day.  The good news is, that this part is very short lived.  Before you know your baby will be sleeping through the night and then you'll worry about the next thing.  Being a parent means you'll always worry about something.  Is my baby still breathing (as you check on him a million times during the night)?, Is she eating enough?, Pooping enough?  Peeing enough?, Is that diaper rash serious?  And on and on the list will go.  Don't beat yourself up over how you feel, almost every new mother feels exactly the same way.  You can do this.  Before long, you'll ask yourself what you were so worried about.  Just be the best mom you can be, and don't blink...before long your baby will be a year old and you'll wonder where all the time went.  Good luck!

 

If you'd like to e-mail me, feel free.  tanyat@optonline.net

And my name is Tanya

 
April 19, 2006, 4:28 pm CDT

Help Please

 I am 4 1/2 months pregnant with my second baby and my 2 1/2 year old daughter is driving me nuts every night I put her to bed i spend 2 1/2 hours to 3 hours listening to her scream her lungs out and then she finally goes to sleep does anyone have and advice for me on how to get her to stop screaming so much before she goes to bed I really need some ideas... FAST....
 
April 19, 2006, 8:05 pm CDT

Maybe change schedule?

Quote From: ladydeman

 I am 4 1/2 months pregnant with my second baby and my 2 1/2 year old daughter is driving me nuts every night I put her to bed i spend 2 1/2 hours to 3 hours listening to her scream her lungs out and then she finally goes to sleep does anyone have and advice for me on how to get her to stop screaming so much before she goes to bed I really need some ideas... FAST....
Does she still nap and if so, maybe try deleting it, she may go to sleep with no hassle and will sleep through the night and still can get enough sleep. My girls are both night owls and with a nap, they are up very late but without a nap, they are in bed at a decent hour and they get plenty of sleep, happy and ready for the new day..........Also, what is her bedtime routine like? Is there anything that could change there? How much interaction during the day does she get with you, just her and you? Maybe a few extra moments with her might make a difference?................These are only suggestions as I do not know what your routine is like with her but I have noticed with my girls that they love to think they are in charge, shortly before they go to bed, they get to choose an activity, reading, coloring, whatever and we do it with them, but they know that after that particualar activity, it is time for bed. We don't do this every night for most nights, they pretty well put themselves to bed but it certainly does help on nights that they seem to be a little bit more awake..........I don't think bedtime should be stressful but fun, maybe she just isn't tired at that time or needs a little bit more time to wound down?
 
April 19, 2006, 10:37 pm CDT

FROM MOM OF 4YR, 2YR AND 3 MO. OLD

WITH MY 4 YR OLD WE FOUND THAT ABOUT 2 1/2 HE WOULD STAY UP TO LATE IF HE GOT A NAP. SEEMS TO ME IF YOUR LITTLE ONE HAS THE ENERGY TO SCREAM FOR OVER A HALF HOUR SHE IS NOT TIRED ENOUGH. I WOULD RECOMMEND CUTTING HER NAPTIMES OR NOT HAVING ONE AT ALL. ALSO YOU COULD TRY HAVING HER OUTSIDE RUNNING ETC OR DOING SOMETHING TO BURN SOME ENERGY BEFORE BED TIME. PERHAPS A BATH TO CALM HER TO. IF YOUR DESPERATE FOR SLEEP DURING THE DAY AND WANT HER TO NAP YOU COULD MOVE HER BEDTIME TO A BIT LATER TO.  ANOTHER SUGGESTION OF MINE IS TO GIVE HER LOTS OF ATTENTION BY READING BOOKS OR PLAYING WITH HER THE HALF HOUR BEFORE BED AND GIVE HER LOTS OF LOVE AND AFFECTION.  

HOPE THIS HELPS 

 
April 20, 2006, 12:04 am CDT

help

i have a 3 yr old  2 yr old and a 9 month old. i have an 8 yr old step son who is not here with us always. but i am trying to find a correct way of discipline when it comes to kiddos. and to maintain a schedule. my 2yr ols boy wakes near 7 in the morn and my daughetr whom is disabled gets up near 6:30 in the morn. my infant is making me crazy because i am breastfeeding her and now trying to get her to respond to a bottle cup anything. she wont take it at all. no sucess. this has put a real struggle on our marriage. he is gone alot because he works hard and supports us so much .so with what time we have we find that we're too tired. how can ifigure out a balance. tby the way the infant wakes in the middle of thie night and i find myself sleeping to the couch to let my husband rest when he can because his work schedule makes it hard for him to sleep. i am lacking sleep because my infant wants me at her side just about 24 hours a day to hold or sleep next. what advice can anyone give me??
 
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