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Topic : Having a Baby Has Changed My Life

Number of Replies: 78
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Created on : Thursday, June 30, 2005, 12:58:03 pm
Author : dataimport
From bliss to total chaos, having a baby can change your life in many ways. Share your personal experience of how a baby has changed your life.

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July 22, 2006, 12:43 am CDT

Having a Baby Has Changed My Life

I got married at the age of 16...yes i know, most of you think it is dumb and i agree, but at the time it wasnt, i was graduating early, plans of becomming a doctor, and he a cfo of a company, so we thought by taking this step we would just get one more thing accomplimed....we had been dating for years and everything was fine, but after the marriage things changed, i tried hard to keep things romantic but it didnt matter to him...we were living in anchorage and moved to salt lake city so he could start his freshman year at the university of utah, i went to finish my senior year and start cna classes, n e ways about 4 months into our marriage, i came home from work and he gave me a hug from behind and felt something in my pockets, it was my cigeretts, i had told him i quit but i was lying, n e ways that turned into a big fight and ended or marriage...my dad bought me a plane ticket home to alaska...a couple of weeks after returning i found out that i was pregnant, i cried for awhile, i always told myself that i would get an abortion if this happened before i was 28 years old, but for some reason it was different once it actually happened, so a couple of days later after finding out i called ray, and said that your going to be a dad, his response was 'when are you going to get rid of it'....i cried, and got off the phone...days later he called saying how i better not have the kid cause he get it taken away from me, i was scared of him, cause he was the best talker, and was so smart compared to me....but i watited it out...my duration of my pregnancy i stayed in a one bedroom apartment with 4 other of my family members, we had no running water, or anything, my dad was building a new house that wasnt finished until a month before the baby was going to be due...my mom was my only friend throughout the pregnancy...i finished my senior year and graduated really fat because something was wrong with the placenta, and i couldnt do anything but go to school and eat...lol...so i went from 120 pounds to 190 pounds by the end of my pregnancy, stretch marks and all, the last month before the baby was due my mom, my sister, and i stayed in a hotel waiting for little sean to be born, finally on july 6th, 2005, after 16 hours of labor, sean was born, and of course he just had to be a painful 9 pounds...lol...i hadnt heard from ray since 2 weeks before sean was born, on the 13th we had divorce court, he wasnt there and i got my divorce...i didnt put him on the birth certificate because he asked not to be and i guess i respected that, cause it was my choice to have him and not his...anyways, i moved back to my small town with my parents for a while and when sean was 3 months i found a former friend to let me stay with her in anchorage while i got a job and sorted through things...after a month or so, no job luck, and finally i found a job where sean could even come with me to work, it was a cna job, where i assisted two seniors...my friend that i was staying with stop talking to me one day, and told me to get out, so me and sean slept in the car for 2 days, until my boss let me move in with her until i could get my own place, i stayed there less than 2 weeks...sean slept with me every night, he made it less lonely, he was my best friend, when we finally moved into our apartment we didnt have one piece of furniture so i got all of our clothes and put it on the floor and put our sleeping bag on it...i never thought that i would be able to get a boyfriend, cause who wants someone with kids right? but through awesome myspace...lol, i met my first boyfriend, who cheated on me a month later, but i didnt mind because it was the first friend i had made since being in anchorage and it also made me see that their are good guys out there and hotter guys than my ex husband...lol...and it also made me get sean a crib...a little while later i dated this guy phil, which is a long story within it self but to make it short he moved in with me, was great to sean, and then one day got scared of commitment and i woke up on mothers day and he was gone...he wanted me back a couple of days later, and we kept seeing each other without a title though, and its just confusing, anyways by end of may i was starting to hate my life, i hated my job, and i hated being in alaska, and ray called me back in march just to say hey, and it was very weird and i resented him a lot for not being there for sean...n e ways we barely spoke maybe like once a month but i had a break down after phil did that and ray aked me to move down and i accepted...phi was sad...n e ways im in utah now and me and ray fight, i cant stand it, so phil is most likely moving down here soon and we are going to move a little ways from ray...because ray is attacted to sean now and doesnt know how he could of not of been there...i just got a job today...so i guess thats how sean has changed my life....  

 
July 22, 2006, 3:03 pm CDT

HI

Quote From: jessean

I got married at the age of 16...yes i know, most of you think it is dumb and i agree, but at the time it wasnt, i was graduating early, plans of becomming a doctor, and he a cfo of a company, so we thought by taking this step we would just get one more thing accomplimed....we had been dating for years and everything was fine, but after the marriage things changed, i tried hard to keep things romantic but it didnt matter to him...we were living in anchorage and moved to salt lake city so he could start his freshman year at the university of utah, i went to finish my senior year and start cna classes, n e ways about 4 months into our marriage, i came home from work and he gave me a hug from behind and felt something in my pockets, it was my cigeretts, i had told him i quit but i was lying, n e ways that turned into a big fight and ended or marriage...my dad bought me a plane ticket home to alaska...a couple of weeks after returning i found out that i was pregnant, i cried for awhile, i always told myself that i would get an abortion if this happened before i was 28 years old, but for some reason it was different once it actually happened, so a couple of days later after finding out i called ray, and said that your going to be a dad, his response was 'when are you going to get rid of it'....i cried, and got off the phone...days later he called saying how i better not have the kid cause he get it taken away from me, i was scared of him, cause he was the best talker, and was so smart compared to me....but i watited it out...my duration of my pregnancy i stayed in a one bedroom apartment with 4 other of my family members, we had no running water, or anything, my dad was building a new house that wasnt finished until a month before the baby was going to be due...my mom was my only friend throughout the pregnancy...i finished my senior year and graduated really fat because something was wrong with the placenta, and i couldnt do anything but go to school and eat...lol...so i went from 120 pounds to 190 pounds by the end of my pregnancy, stretch marks and all, the last month before the baby was due my mom, my sister, and i stayed in a hotel waiting for little sean to be born, finally on july 6th, 2005, after 16 hours of labor, sean was born, and of course he just had to be a painful 9 pounds...lol...i hadnt heard from ray since 2 weeks before sean was born, on the 13th we had divorce court, he wasnt there and i got my divorce...i didnt put him on the birth certificate because he asked not to be and i guess i respected that, cause it was my choice to have him and not his...anyways, i moved back to my small town with my parents for a while and when sean was 3 months i found a former friend to let me stay with her in anchorage while i got a job and sorted through things...after a month or so, no job luck, and finally i found a job where sean could even come with me to work, it was a cna job, where i assisted two seniors...my friend that i was staying with stop talking to me one day, and told me to get out, so me and sean slept in the car for 2 days, until my boss let me move in with her until i could get my own place, i stayed there less than 2 weeks...sean slept with me every night, he made it less lonely, he was my best friend, when we finally moved into our apartment we didnt have one piece of furniture so i got all of our clothes and put it on the floor and put our sleeping bag on it...i never thought that i would be able to get a boyfriend, cause who wants someone with kids right? but through awesome myspace...lol, i met my first boyfriend, who cheated on me a month later, but i didnt mind because it was the first friend i had made since being in anchorage and it also made me see that their are good guys out there and hotter guys than my ex husband...lol...and it also made me get sean a crib...a little while later i dated this guy phil, which is a long story within it self but to make it short he moved in with me, was great to sean, and then one day got scared of commitment and i woke up on mothers day and he was gone...he wanted me back a couple of days later, and we kept seeing each other without a title though, and its just confusing, anyways by end of may i was starting to hate my life, i hated my job, and i hated being in alaska, and ray called me back in march just to say hey, and it was very weird and i resented him a lot for not being there for sean...n e ways we barely spoke maybe like once a month but i had a break down after phil did that and ray aked me to move down and i accepted...phi was sad...n e ways im in utah now and me and ray fight, i cant stand it, so phil is most likely moving down here soon and we are going to move a little ways from ray...because ray is attacted to sean now and doesnt know how he could of not of been there...i just got a job today...so i guess thats how sean has changed my life....  

First, I just wanted to say that I am glad that you did not abort your baby,t hat would have been a cop out, murder and it would not have made things better. Children do not ask to be conceived therefore should not be blamed and thier life taken away for it, thanl you for saving a baby's life...............I personallyhave never been in your shoes but know people who have as well as a good friend of mine and of what I have onserved are those who think about their baby and put him/her as number one prioroty are usally the ones who come out on top. A guy is not goingt o fix things for you, I would encourage you to get your life together and make a good home for you and your son, Take care of you so you can be the best mother for your child, he deserves to have a parent who loves him unconditionally and one who takes care of herself............Concentrate on you and him and see where it takes you. I hope and pray that this job is the one to help you to be successful and to get to the point where you can believe in yourself and to walk this life proudly. Life has it's ups and downs as it is and we need to be the best that we can be therefore we must work hard to be what we so much desire. As far the father of the baby, he sounds like a real loser and Ipersonally wouldn't have a w whole lot to do with him, get on with your life and don't believe for one second that a guy can make things better for you, don't jump into a relationship thinking it will fullfill you, for chances are, it won't! not if you don't put you and the baby first..........
 
August 26, 2006, 11:15 am CDT

babies change everything

hi, i am 21 yrs old, i never planned on having a baby this young, but things happen, my b/f of 2 yrs i just broke up with 2 monthes ago because he wasn't being the father he should be. basicly he wasn't around much said he was busy working but he wasn't he was do what he wanted. even before the baby come i was working more than him trying put money together. i worked 40hrs a week and still made time to see my son and cook and clean. but i don;t have anytime to myself which everyone needs a little time so they don't go nuts. but i took care of the babysitters and the up all nights even when i had to work 5:30 am. if i need help i was to call his family to help me, not him. So i got tried of it and left, it was the hardest thing i did. having a baby is a two way street, it takes to make so it takes to raise it, but not everyone is lucky to have the father be there and help. but now i am in the bad place again the father of my son said he knows what it is like to be in my shoes and knew i was unhappy than, said he has changed, but it took 2 monthes???? My QUESTION IS SHOULD I LET HIM BACK IN??????? please give me feed back. i gave in a little chance he promised to come see me but yes we had storm come thought, but it don't last all night, but he said he would come see me the next day " the I promise 100% i ll be there" guess what he don;t show. i am i better of alone lookin for someone else of what?
 
August 26, 2006, 8:29 pm CDT

Having a Baby Has Changed My Life

Quote From: sdakota

hi, i am 21 yrs old, i never planned on having a baby this young, but things happen, my b/f of 2 yrs i just broke up with 2 monthes ago because he wasn't being the father he should be. basicly he wasn't around much said he was busy working but he wasn't he was do what he wanted. even before the baby come i was working more than him trying put money together. i worked 40hrs a week and still made time to see my son and cook and clean. but i don;t have anytime to myself which everyone needs a little time so they don't go nuts. but i took care of the babysitters and the up all nights even when i had to work 5:30 am. if i need help i was to call his family to help me, not him. So i got tried of it and left, it was the hardest thing i did. having a baby is a two way street, it takes to make so it takes to raise it, but not everyone is lucky to have the father be there and help. but now i am in the bad place again the father of my son said he knows what it is like to be in my shoes and knew i was unhappy than, said he has changed, but it took 2 monthes???? My QUESTION IS SHOULD I LET HIM BACK IN??????? please give me feed back. i gave in a little chance he promised to come see me but yes we had storm come thought, but it don't last all night, but he said he would come see me the next day " the I promise 100% i ll be there" guess what he don;t show. i am i better of alone lookin for someone else of what?
If it were me, I would not be so eager to let him back in other then to see his child if he wants to. You can't make a person do what they don't want to do.  I would expect him to prove himself before accepting him back. You can leave the doors open for him to see his son but you don't have to have to be in a relationship with this guy.

guys like this are only out to get what they can from the female and until the women start standing up for themselves and quit allowing these guys to come into their lives and messing with them, it will continue. Now, I do believe people can have a change of heart but they have to seek out the help that they need, and do the work to prove themselves, they have to want to change and then do it. it all comes down to choices and we all have them.

You are stil young and I think you need to concentrate on you and your child. The baby needs to be your number one priority. Take time for yourself when you can even if it means taking a hot bubble bath while your son is sleeping, put him in a stroller and take a walk, enjoy him and at the same time believe in yourself and know that you don't have to take this guy back if he isn't being what he needs to be for you and his baby.

I agree that it takes two to make a baby therefore it takes two to take care of one, too bad that not every one agrees with this, both men and women are guilty of not taking responsibiltiy for their actions and that is so sad, especially when they bring a child into the world and basically walk away, the little ones certainly does reap most of the consequences when it comes to irresponsible parents.
 
September 12, 2006, 4:57 am CDT

Needing time for me.. Is that wrong?

Hi there, I have a 9 month old baby boy who is the apple of my eye. I love him very much but I sometimes feel I have to take some time for me. I'm a 40 yr old and I like to get out and about with baby, but I need time for me. His father is working anywhere between 40-60 hrs a week and I know he is doing his end financially, but at the end of the day when I want some time to take that bubble bath or nap.. I don't nap all the time when he naps.. Laundry, cleaning and making meals and taking care of the baby is draining for me epescially if I don't sleep well at night.His father does help for the most part but it seems I have to guilt him into taking the baby so I can do what I need to do in order to recharge . Is this wrong? I had a another baby when I was really young and gave him up for adoption and I never got to enjoy being a mom then, I guess I'm making up for it now. I love being a MOM.... thanks for any input... fidgiesmom
 
September 12, 2006, 5:52 pm CDT

Having a Baby Has Changed My Life

Quote From: fidgiesmom

Hi there, I have a 9 month old baby boy who is the apple of my eye. I love him very much but I sometimes feel I have to take some time for me. I'm a 40 yr old and I like to get out and about with baby, but I need time for me. His father is working anywhere between 40-60 hrs a week and I know he is doing his end financially, but at the end of the day when I want some time to take that bubble bath or nap.. I don't nap all the time when he naps.. Laundry, cleaning and making meals and taking care of the baby is draining for me epescially if I don't sleep well at night.His father does help for the most part but it seems I have to guilt him into taking the baby so I can do what I need to do in order to recharge . Is this wrong? I had a another baby when I was really young and gave him up for adoption and I never got to enjoy being a mom then, I guess I'm making up for it now. I love being a MOM.... thanks for any input... fidgiesmom
You deserve some alone time and you need to take it as all  mothers need as well as fathers. I think there has to be a plan and you and your husband need to work together on that plan. Sit  down together and communicate and figure out a good time, once a week, whatever, that coiuld be your you time and he needs his time as well, so, discuss that. our planned night/day, might not always work out as schedules change, plans change but for the msot part with a plan, it can get easy and it does work if both spouses are working together.

You shouldn't have to guilt your husband into anything. One thing that I have learned is that when I need some me time, I take it. I make sure my husband has had some time to relax and I usually know what plans are, I will make sure the girls are taken care of and I just tell him,what I am gonna do, if I need to go to the store or go get in the shower, I tell  him and I go. I know this might seem easier said then done and for some I realize that some spouses are not very supportive and for those people I say, do what you have to get your down time, leave the dishes set and go for a walk or go get int eh shower, whatever. Don;t stress over household chores and stuff that can wait, it just isn't worth it. Right now, dinner dishes are still setting in my sink cause I am wounding down at this time, been a long day and the dishes will still be there in the morning when I get up and in teh meantime, I am relaxed.

Don't feel guilty for wanting some ME time, you need it and deserve it.  :)




 
September 13, 2006, 8:39 am CDT

Needing some down time

Quote From: jettav

You deserve some alone time and you need to take it as all  mothers need as well as fathers. I think there has to be a plan and you and your husband need to work together on that plan. Sit  down together and communicate and figure out a good time, once a week, whatever, that coiuld be your you time and he needs his time as well, so, discuss that. our planned night/day, might not always work out as schedules change, plans change but for the msot part with a plan, it can get easy and it does work if both spouses are working together.

You shouldn't have to guilt your husband into anything. One thing that I have learned is that when I need some me time, I take it. I make sure my husband has had some time to relax and I usually know what plans are, I will make sure the girls are taken care of and I just tell him,what I am gonna do, if I need to go to the store or go get in the shower, I tell  him and I go. I know this might seem easier said then done and for some I realize that some spouses are not very supportive and for those people I say, do what you have to get your down time, leave the dishes set and go for a walk or go get int eh shower, whatever. Don;t stress over household chores and stuff that can wait, it just isn't worth it. Right now, dinner dishes are still setting in my sink cause I am wounding down at this time, been a long day and the dishes will still be there in the morning when I get up and in teh meantime, I am relaxed.

Don't feel guilty for wanting some ME time, you need it and deserve it.  :)




Thank you for your input.. I  needed to get some insight as to how to deal with my situation.. I don't panic when the chores don't get done but seeing as how the little guy is motoring around alot more I have had to childproof my diningroom.. I have gotten rid of some furniture.. I didn't want it anyway and this was a good excuse to do so. I do get out from time to time but with the baby.. we do mom and baby stuff.. like go to storytime at my local library once a week and I'm thinking of joining another moms group so I can connect with other moms who feel frustrated or overwhelmed.. I felt like that in the beginning.. I had the Baby Blues for a couple of month's and I told my doctor it wasn't serious as I has suffered from depression a few yrs ago. I had taken pills for it for about 6 yrs and finally went off them.. Its been at least 6 yrs since I've been off the meds and I feel more like my self.I doing that.. Anyway I don't feel like that now and I wake up each day  a little tired.. but I look forward to the day with Graeme and what we might do together.. I have chosen to stay home for the time being and I hope in the future when he is older that I will go back to my old job..For now I won't get stressed out forthe little things and take each day as a new day so I thank you for your input and look forward to any other words of encouragement.... thank you.. fidigesmom
 
September 13, 2006, 10:54 am CDT

Having a Baby Has Changed My Life

Quote From: fidgiesmom

Thank you for your input.. I  needed to get some insight as to how to deal with my situation.. I don't panic when the chores don't get done but seeing as how the little guy is motoring around alot more I have had to childproof my diningroom.. I have gotten rid of some furniture.. I didn't want it anyway and this was a good excuse to do so. I do get out from time to time but with the baby.. we do mom and baby stuff.. like go to storytime at my local library once a week and I'm thinking of joining another moms group so I can connect with other moms who feel frustrated or overwhelmed.. I felt like that in the beginning.. I had the Baby Blues for a couple of month's and I told my doctor it wasn't serious as I has suffered from depression a few yrs ago. I had taken pills for it for about 6 yrs and finally went off them.. Its been at least 6 yrs since I've been off the meds and I feel more like my self.I doing that.. Anyway I don't feel like that now and I wake up each day  a little tired.. but I look forward to the day with Graeme and what we might do together.. I have chosen to stay home for the time being and I hope in the future when he is older that I will go back to my old job..For now I won't get stressed out forthe little things and take each day as a new day so I thank you for your input and look forward to any other words of encouragement.... thank you.. fidigesmom
I don't know if you would be interestd in something like this, but thee is a group called MOPS (motehrs of preschoolers) who have monthly, some times twice a month meetings, where you go and hang out with mom's doing crafts, chat, devotional type stuff........ and the kids go to their classes where they get to playwith their peers. it is Christian based program and it is wonderful. You can go to their website at www.MOPS.com and there is also a group called PAT(parents as teachers), you stay with your child in interact with him as wella s as other parents and kids. There is a leader there who has organized an activity and story time. It's a lot of fun as well. Sounds like you are doing ok, motherhood certainly has it's down times but it sure is a rewarding experience, enjoy your little one. :)
 
September 13, 2006, 11:25 am CDT

MOthers of preschoolers?

Quote From: jettav

I don't know if you would be interestd in something like this, but thee is a group called MOPS (motehrs of preschoolers) who have monthly, some times twice a month meetings, where you go and hang out with mom's doing crafts, chat, devotional type stuff........ and the kids go to their classes where they get to playwith their peers. it is Christian based program and it is wonderful. You can go to their website at www.MOPS.com and there is also a group called PAT(parents as teachers), you stay with your child in interact with him as wella s as other parents and kids. There is a leader there who has organized an activity and story time. It's a lot of fun as well. Sounds like you are doing ok, motherhood certainly has it's down times but it sure is a rewarding experience, enjoy your little one. :)

I live in Canada so it won't apply to me .. Im Living in Hamilton Ontario

thanks though for the idea...fidgiesmom

 
September 13, 2006, 12:04 pm CDT

My little "K-Man"

I had Kameron 6 months ago he is my first child. He has changed my life so much, in so many different ways. I never understood why it was that my mom was always so protective over me. I mean I knew because I am her daughter, but I never understood the bond. I am so close to my son. When I had him I spent the first month of his life in the hospital: 1st with an infected c-section and 2nd with blood clots. So Kameron and I didn't get those "first moments" together, after I got out I would not hardly let him out of my sight. All I wanted to do was bond with him. I was so afraid he was not going to know I was his mom because I could not take care of him that first month. But looking back on that now, I was so silly because he definatley knows his mommy. He his the best thing in this world to ever happen to me. I love him with all of my heart and soul and I would do absolutley anything for him. The only thing I am afraid of is that when I do go back to work (which will be soon) I do not know how I am going to deal with us being apart. I guess it's safe to say I have seperation anxiety. I don't know if that is normal or not.  
 
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