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Topic : *A Dr. Phil Prime Time Special: Escaping Danger

Number of Replies: 113
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Created on : Tuesday, May 16, 2006, 01:34:24 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The statistics are staggering. One in three women will become the victim of domestic violence. She could be your next door neighbor, your friend, your coworker.  To the outside world their lives seem normal but behind closed doors they live a nightmare full of intimidation and violence. For one woman, years of violence have brought her to a point of no return. Throughout her marriage, Kerry suffered physical and emotional torture at the hands of her husband. Like many women, she lived in fear, isolated from any help or support, until now.  In this important Dr. Phil Prime Time Special, Kerry will attempt to escape the abuse. She has only a narrow window in time to make her move.  And what she does in those few hours could be the difference between life and death. Kerry's dramatic story is an inspiration for the hundreds of thousands of women who wake terrified in their own homes. Airs at 8 p.m. (ET/PT) only on CBS.

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May 19, 2006, 7:27 pm CDT

financially feasible or not...get him out of there

Quote From: flirty53

What an excellent show. Was an eye opener. I have been married for 32 years, there have been several low points to my marriage and each one gets progressively worse. Early years it was a raised fist, threatening to hit me, several years later it was a raised fist, hitting the wall and breaking his bone instead of hitting me, few years later it was just a threat of killing someone in the house the only other person to him in the house at the time was me. Last time (March 2nd, 2006) it was being told to shut up, he had a knife in his hand and would kill me. Next thing I knew he was in my face with the knife. Did not touch me with it. I am an assault prevention instructor, I could have hurt him, part of what makes me passive. I did not call the police, because he is unemployed and figured it would not look good on his record when looking for a job. I know stupid. He has yet to apologize for pulling the knife. Over the 32 years he has been a verbally abusive person, played mental games (sulking when he does not get his way), and whether or not I wanted to have sex we were having it(up until a few years ago when he had an affair with his ex-fiancee from 26 years prior ). He is an only child and therefore very spoiled. He refuses to do any kind of work  or repairs around the house, taking care of his car, or outside work such as cutting the grass or in the winter removing the snow using the excuse that "He does not like doing it?" Needless to say rather than fight with him, myself or our kids do the work. My husband's idea of spending a day is playing computer games in the basement. I am realizing more and more that he has never really matured. He is still a child. Where or what does one do with someone like this, other than kick him to the curb, which may very well come sooner than I think. Unfortunately he has sunk us so far into dept, that financially it is not feasible right now.

financially feasible or not...get him out of there...you are living in a very dangerous environment with a dangerous man.  

   

You need to call the police, it should have happened when he pulled the knife, the police should have been called.  What were you thinking?  

   

Are you in denial that he will and can hurt you badly.   You could end up dead.  

   

I also hear from your post that you have been experiencing other forms of abuse, too.  

   

One of which is financial abuse.  

   

Does it occur to you that all this abuse and control is what he chooses in order to make your life hell.  

   

I don't give a damn what his resume looks like......WHAT I CARE ABOUT IS THAT YOU ARE LIVING IN PHYSICAL ABUSE AND DANGER.     

   

WHETHER HE APOLOGIZES OR NOT, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HIS APOLOGY....HE DID IT, AND HE WANTED TO DO IT....HE THREATENED YOU WITH A WEAPON....AND ITS AMAZING THAT YOU WERE NOT HORRIBLY HURT.   

   

What kind of example are your children witnessing and living with?  

   

You need to reach out and get the resources in your community to help you explore the way through this violence and abuse.  

   

What is your life worth?  

   

Whether you have financial debt or not...you have got to seek help.  

   

Starting with the POLICE.  

   

How much in denial do you think you are?  

   

I care.  

 
May 19, 2006, 7:51 pm CDT

This is not a disease...and the only thing that is

Quote From: annpar55

this show was very moving..I hope the 'happy ending' happens..but I've been this woman and I work with these women all the time...they get out of one abusive relationship, get their self confidence back, etc. and so on, but because they are basically seeking a 'strong' man, they find another abuser, or worse, go back to the same man.  If Dr Phil can really make a difference in this epidemic, my hat's off to him..I read a book years ago, called Women Who Love Too Much..it changed my life, along with a lot of counseling and many years in Alanon, I no longer am attacted to 'bad' boys..but the chances of women with this dependent personalities pulling out of the cycle, are very low.  We just had an high profile attorney in my city shoot his wife and then kill himself.  It's tragic, but becoming more common..dependent personality disorder is a true psychological problem and practically incurable. :(

This is not a disease... and the only thing that is doubtful here is that the abuser will change...or actually on going and consistently attend his counseling.  

   

Your comments and stereotypical remarks contribute to the problem.  

   

The women are the reachable ones.  

   

This abuse and violence is learned behavior and is a choice.  

   

These men are killing their wives and their children.  

   

This abuse and violence is a crime, and the criminals need to suffer the consequences of losing their families and jail time.   

 
May 19, 2006, 7:52 pm CDT

I can relate

Watching the show "Escaping Danger" took me back to the abusive marriage I was in over 10 years ago. Dr. Phil did an excellent job with this story. I found myself reliving my life and emotions that I thought were long buried. My heart was racing as she was gathering a few of her belongings and trying to escape before he caught her. I found myself agreeing with her, as with almost all of her self-esteem crushed, she only thought of her children, and how she did not want them to be exposed to this lifestyle and carry on this abusive cycle.   

I was nothing, but I had a 3 year old child who deserved a decent life and a decent chance. I immediately got involved with CODA (Council on Domestic Abuse) and through weekly group sessions, I was able to slowly regain the power and control that he had taken from me. I discovered the more he took from me, the more powerful he became. I heard the "feel sorry for me" routine, with the threats of suicide, kidnapping my child, destroying my possessions. The amazing thing to me was that all these women had men who were so typically the same. They could stereotype these guys. They told us what they would say, what they would do.   

Immediately after I left, he started stalking me. On the advice of the prosecutor's office, I kept a journal. I gathered my important papers. I left copies of my restraining order at work, at gas stations I frequented, grocery stores, etc.   

As I have read from other postings, my ex also did not work. He did not want to help around the house. He had no responsibility to the relationship whatsoever, yet, I felt obligated to give him everything I had and more. The most difficult day in my life was the day I had to face him in court at his bond reduction hearing. He had gotten caught outside my apartment by a neighbor who called the police, who knew the problems I was having.  I actually felt sorry for him when he came into court in the orange jumpsuit, shackled to 2 other inmates. Needless to say, by showing the judge my well kept journal, I was able to convince them not to reduce the bond, he spent several weeks in jail. The whole time he was in jail though, he was obsessing about me and who I was with. I even had to call the jail and have my phone number restricted, because he kept trying to call me from jail!  

It took me several years and many therapy sessions to regain my self-worth. He had me convinced that no one would ever want me, no one could love me the way he did. Well, I did find someone who loves me and cares for me. I no longer have the churning inside, and am at peace.   

I have my journals packed away, and one day I want to read them, so that I will never forget what he did.   

Now I  watch my ex go from woman to woman, untl they can't stand it any more. As with the show, my ex also had a very abusive childhood. His mother tried to murder his father, and he was the one who found his dad. His father lived, but I wonder if she just had had enough abuse and tried to escape the only way she felt she could. I have prayed that he would get help, for the sake of his children, but he is not at the point where he recognizes a problem.   

I thought I could change this guy. He was exciting. He conned me.  

I strongly advise anyone in an abusive relationship to get help. Every human life is valuable.   

 
May 19, 2006, 8:00 pm CDT

Ladies of abusive wake up

I was emotionally abused by my first husband for years - it turned into physical.  Not only for me but for my golden retriever as well.  I watched the show tonight and I made the same type of escape out of the house on a day that my ex-husband wans't  home for the day.  I had friends and my parents there with a medium moving  van along with some pick up trucks to move everything out of the house that belonged to me.  I took my my cat and my 1-1/2  year old golden retriever with me in the car along with a rental truck of futniture that was mine to a friend's condo across town about 25 miles fron where I lived. 

  

Anyone who is an abusive relationship can get out of it - I klnow, I've been  there, actually twice.........the first time I was in a hospital by a guy I was just engaged to. 

  

True love and affection can be found, not matter what your past may "dicate" your life's direction...... 

 
May 19, 2006, 8:13 pm CDT

Escaping Danger

This show was riveting and I thought portrayed the life of an abused woman very well. I was disappointed, however, that we were left at the end with no follow up. Did her husband seek help? Did she return to him? Is she doing OK now?  

   

While I understood Dr. Phil's advice not to cross state lines, I was terrified for her to go to a shelter so close to home. Couldn't she have moved to one within state boundaries but MUCH further away??? It seems that he could still have found her at any time. Do shelters have 24 hour security against raging husbands who come in search of their wives? Someone please educate me on this!  

 
May 19, 2006, 8:18 pm CDT

congratulations Kerry

Congratulations Kerry... your courage for coming forward to change your life...working with Dr. Phil is commendable.  

   

I know that you have saved lives this evening with your story and this show.  

   

Many of us recognize your story and that of the young lady who opened the show.  

   

Blessings on you and your children.  

   

May you find a new life full of happiness, calm and peace.  

   

Take care.  

   

   

   

   

 
May 19, 2006, 8:29 pm CDT

9 years and counting - I'm out

I watched the "Escaping Danger" episode and I'm very glad to see Kerry made it out safely with her children. As I watched it, I became agitated and nervous - it took me back to a day 9 years ago last week that I got out my two children out of the house, over to my father's and I went back with a police escort to get what I needed to start a new life. My ex was bi-polar/schizophrenic and had retired from his employment (he was also a former police officer) with his medical disability, and he was always home. He threatened me with a knife (the kids were in the next room) and his fists before I realized what I needed to do. The plan to get out took months of secret planning and I thank God every day for the support system I had backing me up (my parents, sister, friends, co-workers, and the assistance of the police department). It was a difficult decision to make, but I know if I had not taken my kids and left, none of us would be here now - he was really good at threatening "If I can't have you, no one can," and "If I'm going down, I'm taking you and the kids with me", and I know he would have eventually followed up on the threats (I found out about 6 months after I left that he had started sleeping with a small pistol under his pillow a couple months before I left).   

   

To Kerry and all the women in her situation that have gotten out, are in the process of getting out, or are just starting to think about it - Stay strong - for yourself and for your children. You do not deserve this type of treatment from someone that supposedly loves you. You have every right to protect your children and yourself . Become familiar with the community resources available to you. Each new day that you and your children are away from the negative, threatening environment becomes a day on your path to a different life and your opportunity to make a difference for yourself and your children. There will be difficult times ahead and not every day will be perfect, but it does get easier to take the steps you need to in order to move on and move forward. But there will be a day when you can look into your children's eyes with happiness and confidence and a sense of peace because you no longer have to live in fear, and it's the best feeling in the world.   

   

   

 
May 19, 2006, 9:01 pm CDT

The stepson and the dog

I can't imagine why the authorities did not also check on the welfare of the husband's son who has been seeing this abuse since he was 7.  I know he is 17 but now he is the only one to vent the rage to.  I hope he can leave soon.  Also for the emotional well being of those little ones, it would have been nice if she could have taken her dog (eventually) to give them some unconditional love.  Children get so very attached and they already had to have their life turned around. 
 
May 19, 2006, 9:03 pm CDT

Poor Baby

I have been a viewer of Dr. Phils since its inception even before on Oprah. I have always admired his up front attitude when giving advice. What I have learned is that he is a smart man who knows where the money is spent in our country.  Every show I hope that he will stand up for the men in this country whose only wish is for a happy home. When ever I hear "when momma ain't happy no one is happy" .When are women going to take responsibility for their own happiness and agree to what they promised in their wedding vows. In case they have forgotten a little reminder. LOVE HONOR and OBEY. If there was a more equal representation of reality then I would be more caring of what I see and hear. You Dr. Phil have yet to addressed that I have not seen my child for 19 years. Was there abuse on both our parts yes. When I realized that the home I had created was no longer there for my rest it made me angry. What would you have done if Robin treated you in this manner? Do not answer with "you teach people how to treat you". Another blame game solution.   

You are a more intelligent man then to think it is always the mans fault. Then why are we the ones more often than not the one to blame. The one to pay. The one that suffers because it is so easy to blame us. There is ten minutes to go and the man is still in the hot seat.   

The night I left my wife and child in my mind it had come to me leaving or killing her. I am not a killer yet what has she done to make me feel as if it was my only choice?  Am I to blame for her actions anymore than she is to blame for mine? Yet she has had total custody without any legal action. What do you think my chances would have been? Today I would have hard time retaining custody, then it was an impossibility. Well it has now been an hour of one mans assinine behavior that society will go to sleep thinking of. Thank you CBS and Dr. Phil  

 
May 19, 2006, 9:19 pm CDT

Please oh please tell me she is out of state

Okay I just watched the show escaping danger. One I am hell of mad. Her husdand show no emotion or remorse which I knew from my up being he wouldn't. I do still feel that there is not a ending here. I hoped Dr. Phil that you got her and her children out of the state, because they are still in danger by this man. Also bless you for getting her out of there too!
 
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