I'm a former victim advocate/hotline counselor, who worked with victims of abuse for a number of years. I am sorry to say I missed all but two minutes of this special.
In my experience, these are facts:
1. Once violence/abuse start, they will continue to get more severe in nature, unless some major crisis forces the abuser to change his or her ways.
2. Women are abusers too - - not just men.
3. If somebody hits you once, it MIGHT be an accident; but if that person hits you again, THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. Leave, as soon as you can safely do so.
4. Violence is most severe when a victim attempts to leave. If you have decided to leave, wait until you can safely enter the home to get your things, preferably with a police officer to protect you. You can have an officer go with you even if you don't press charges. Most jurisdictions will only let you remove what is CLEARLY yours, such as your prescriptions, your eye glasses, your clothes - -NOT furniture, electronics, and so forth. For those, you will be able to seek help though the local Court. In most local courts you won't need a lawyer, just pay a small fee to have the judge divide your belongings, or perhaps refer you to a mediation service that will. Be advised that whatever decision they come to may limit your rights if you later seek divorce. Many lawyers will talk to you and give you some advice without a fee first. It doesn't hurt to try to get one to help you.
5. Do you really love the person who is hurting you, or is it that you have fallen in love with a certain "type" or "Ideal" of person? Or, could you actually feel sorry for the person and think you can help or "fix" him or her. There is a fine love between love and what I call "nurturing run amok." Feeling sorry for someone is never a good reason to love them. You shouild love someone because they make you feel good about yourself, they take good care of you, and you admire them greatly. Those are healthy reasons for love.
6. If the abuser won't seek help, the victim can often find effective ways to deal with abusive people thorugh counseling. Do not seek such counseling through church groups, whose main agenda may be to follow a very paternalistic dogma. Instead, seek a licensed clinical counselor. Call your local Mental Health county office if you cannot afford to pay for counseling, and they will refer you. You may also seek help through your local or state domestic violence hotline. You do not have to be married to the abuser.
7. Some states have Family Courts, which are non-criminal and no arrest or punishment will result from seeking help there. Usually, their court proceedings are private and not published in newspapers. Criminal courts are another matter completely. A family court can order an abuser to stay away or to seek help from mental health professionals. It is easy to call and see if they can help you. It doesn't hurt to ask.
8. If you are dating someone, and they put you down or shove you around LEAVE NOW. It will only get worse if you marry them or become pregnant by them.
9. When I was still counseling victims, there was a statistic that 61% of all women seeking treatment for violence in our state were abused in their own homes. At that time, women were literally safer on the streets than in their own homes. I hope that statistic has improved.
10. If he says he didn't MEAN to hit you, he's wrong. He meant it. It will happen again, and next time it will be worse.
11. There may be a period of good behavior after a violent episode, which might lull you into thinking the abuser has changed, but trust me he hasn't. You still are not safe. The next attack could appear without the usual verbal abuse buildup first. Get out now, and seek help.
12. If you are not sure whether you want to leave yet, at least leave an "escape kit" with a friend or other relative. It should contain you driver's license or a copy of that, your birth certificate/passport or other legal ID, you vision prescription, your medications/dosages, in effect anything you need to spend a night or two away from home. Later on, a police officer can go to the house with you to pick up other things, or you can go to Court to get them. If possible, never go to stay anywhere alone. Never take up residence with a male friend, which could be construed as infidelity. Do not tell the abusesive person where you are staying, because it will put others at risk. If violence has been severe, or has involved the threat of weapons, never stay with family or friends. Instead, go to a secure shelter, where you will be safe.
13. If you are dating someone, and they are jealous of any time you spend with family or friends - - OR if they try to keep you away from your family or friends, RUN FAST and get away from them. It is one of the first danger signs.
14. If you are dating someone who criticizes your looks or your actions, this is also inappropriate and can be a danger sign. People who love us should build us up, not tear us down. They should love us and want what is best for us.
15. If you have already been a victim, seek help. It is out there and it works. Don't stay in a bad situation.
16. Every victim I ever helped later said said she or he was surprised to find someone else who really loved them and took care of them after being abused by someone else. They never thought they would ever find love again from someone they could love in return. No wonder so many people stay in danger and in bad situations. I have counseled lovely people, whose mates made them think they were uttlerly ugly, fat or unloveable - - none of which was true! After help, many things are possible.
17. If you date displays a nasty temper, look out. It could later be directed at you, after the newness of your relationship wears off. If it is two nights before the wedding, cancel the wedding. Your family will have a great party while everyone is already in town, and they will be glad you didn't marry a spouse "beater."
The statistics are staggering. One in three women will become the victim of domestic violence. She could be your next door neighbor, your friend, your coworker. To the outside world their lives seem normal but behind closed doors they live a nightmare full of intimidation and violence. For one woman, years of violence have brought her to a point of no return. Throughout her marriage, Kerry suffered physical and emotional torture at the hands of her husband. Like many women, she lived in fear, isolated from any help or support, until now. In this important Dr. Phil Prime Time Special, Kerry will attempt to escape the abuse. She has only a narrow window in time to make her move. And what she does in those few hours could be the difference between life and death. Kerry's dramatic story is an inspiration for the hundreds of thousands of women who wake terrified in their own homes. Airs at 8 p.m. (ET/PT) only on CBS. 
