Topic : 05/24 "Get My Groom to Grow Up!"

its hard to tell about someone by just a line on two on a post, but I like to tell little stories out of life that might just help you,( or make ya think I'm nuts, and thats OK too) I was married for 20yrs and have been divorced for 2, and maybe this analogy will help you, I'm big on sailing, I love it, and the one thing that I've learned from my  Divorce is that,  its like, I built a boat around everyone in my family, on this boat, everyone was to have they're own station, cabin, duty's and etc, and I was to be the captain, I was so rapped up in the crew that I forgot about my boat, and if I could handle it by myself, because now its like, I have a 3 cabin cruiser that I can't handle by myself, much less if I'm having to endure not only the expense of my boat, but, also take care food, fuel, maintenance and then when we're under way, the dock lines, trimming the sails and the jibbing, well, its not gonna be a very fun trip for me, everyone Else might be having a blast, but I'm working my butt off', well, take it from me, your gonna hate them for it,  it might be alright for a weekend or two, but you sure don't want to start a, "sail round the world" cruse with this crew anyway, OK,  your the captain!, of course you want everyone to pitch in on food and fuel, but, if they can't thats OK, are they helping with the upkeep and maintenance,(like a stay at home dad) and if not, are they helping with the lines, sails, and jib,(like good friends do) if not, are they just that much fun, and are they cool enough ( like that party friend, that everyone has, but never has anything to contribute to the party) because, if not, man, will you resonate them for it,, if your looking for a first mate or a co captain, you better know your crew, don't worry, you can always find someone up for a boat ride, now you might think I'm telling you to dump him, I'm not, if he has value other that financial, well, who knows, he might hit the lotto next week, and then he might be the one with the ocean linear, and your on it with him,  but  if all that went to his head, and he kicks you off his boat , well you always got your boat to go back to, a boat that you are comfortable on and you can handle by yourself, and you say he's a big mom's boy, well thats OK, at least when he's over there, he's on her boat,  but , don't you really want him to have his own boat, where you can jump on, and do the things he wants to do,  then from there jump on your boat and do the things you want to do, witch brings me to the flotilla, thats where a bunch of boats make trips together, my daughter, her boyfriend, and they're baby, stayed with me for awhile when they were in between places, my daughter was in school but the boyfriend wouldn't work and wouldn't help out , they just about trashed my place,  there ain't no way I'd be stuck in, or own a boat with them,  I want to see them have they're own boat,  and us go to all kinds of different places together,  and if they had trouble with they're boat along the way,  I'd be there to help.(a flotilla)  now, boat, boat, boat, boat,  I'll bet your thinking this guys crazy,  but I'll also bet that you already have a mental image of just how you and your man, boyfriend, whatever would look on this boat, is he scrubbing the decks and varnishing the wood work, doing the maintenance it takes to be able to go out and have a good time, or, are you embarrassed to invite your friends over for a weekend cruise because hes laying around. your boats a mess, and it would take to long to get everything together to go out and have a good time, there's your answer, boats are suppose to be fun, so is life, if you wouldn't share a boat with this guy , why would you share the rest of your life? or be in a committed relationship,  maybe you seen a whole different pitcher , maybe he is the guy working on your boat with you, it seems like we make life so complicated,  when maybe we should just try to keep it simple, go back to the top and start reading this post again and this time replace the word BOAT with LIFE , oh yea one last thing, you are working 2 jobs and going to school, people that don't have self confidence don't do that,  whats the use?  the people that don't have self confidence "stay at home and do nothing"  good luck, happy sailing  

Dear Horselady, 

It sounds like you certainly have your plate full.  I would suggest you quit doing so much for him and that will force him to do more for himself.  I will keep you in my prayers.  ~Tam 

When I met my husband, his Mother had just passed away!  He told me if his Mother had lived, He would have her move in with us!  I didn't say anything, because I knew it wasn't going to happen.  We went together for 2 1/2 years before we married.  I found out that the damage was already done, and he wasn't going to change!  He is afraid of everything, because of his upbringing!  He won't fly because the Airplane will crash, he won't go on a cruise, because the boat will sink, and etc!    

Well, I stayed in the marraige, and it has been 52 years now!  I feel like I have missed everything !    

And now I want to say something to Bill!  My husband is now 75 and our Son calls him to tell him about Him and his wifes problems!  ( I won't be a part of it,  I stay out of my children's marraiges! )  This takes a terrible toll on my husband, because of his age and health problems!   Bill, do your Mother a favor, and don't go to her with your marrital problems, because the older she gets, the more she can't take it, and she will most likely never hear when things go right!