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Topic : 05/24 "Get My Groom to Grow Up!"

Number of Replies: 147
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Created on : Friday, May 19, 2006, 10:14:02 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you feel like you're in a relationship with a man who's really a big baby? Angee says her fiancé, Bill, pouts, whines and stomps his feet whenever they get into an argument. He also calls "Mommy" five to 10 times a day and runs to her whenever there's a problem. Bill says he isn't a mama's boy, and that Angee just wants all of his attention for herself. Is Bill's mom meddling in their lives? And, why does Angee have her profile on a Web site? Are Angee and Bill grown up enough to tie the knot? Then, Rachel says it's time for her common–law husband, Tyler, to stop drinking and partying with his band mates, while she takes care of their baby and the bills. They've lived in his mother's basement for two years, and she says it's time Tyler gets a job so they can finally move out. Tyler says he enjoys being a kid, and when people tell him to grow up, it "harshes his mellow." Is Tyler's childish behavior affecting their 18-month-old son? What does Dr. Phil tell Rachel she must do? Share your thoughts here.

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May 30, 2006, 1:03 am CDT

I could relate to Angee problem.

I have been in a relationship for 4 years now. I am now working 2 jobs and going to school while he stays home and does nothing. I try to tell how I feel but he always gets mad or hurt. I just want him to grow up. He is just a big mom's boy. Dr Phil or anybody who reads this help me. I know I can't change him. This is my first serious relationship. I don't have self confinence in myself that I can find somebody that I deserves.
 
May 31, 2006, 12:47 pm CDT

haaa

Quote From: ollyoxen

I left after I'd spent 32 years with him and realized he would never truly be my husband if he refused to divorce his mother.  Cut your losses and get out before you've spent a lifetime and all your best years playing a game you will never win. 

  never win i dont believe it to me it is not a game to her it might be    the mother      but when the blank hits the fan it would be his family he would loose and no matter anyone says i feel a man knows that that is the most important thing to him to make a man even if it has to happen first.
 
May 31, 2006, 7:50 pm CDT

maybe this analogy will help you

Quote From: missy2710

I have been in a relationship for 4 years now. I am now working 2 jobs and going to school while he stays home and does nothing. I try to tell how I feel but he always gets mad or hurt. I just want him to grow up. He is just a big mom's boy. Dr Phil or anybody who reads this help me. I know I can't change him. This is my first serious relationship. I don't have self confinence in myself that I can find somebody that I deserves.

its hard to tell about someone by just a line on two on a post, but I like to tell little stories out of life that might just help you,( or make ya think I'm nuts, and thats OK too) I was married for 20yrs and have been divorced for 2, and maybe this analogy will help you, I'm big on sailing, I love it, and the one thing that I've learned from my  Divorce is that,  its like, I built a boat around everyone in my family, on this boat, everyone was to have they're own station, cabin, duty's and etc, and I was to be the captain, I was so rapped up in the crew that I forgot about my boat, and if I could handle it by myself, because now its like, I have a 3 cabin cruiser that I can't handle by myself, much less if I'm having to endure not only the expense of my boat, but, also take care food, fuel, maintenance and then when we're under way, the dock lines, trimming the sails and the jibbing, well, its not gonna be a very fun trip for me, everyone Else might be having a blast, but I'm working my butt off', well, take it from me, your gonna hate them for it,  it might be alright for a weekend or two, but you sure don't want to start a, "sail round the world" cruse with this crew anyway, OK,  your the captain!, of course you want everyone to pitch in on food and fuel, but, if they can't thats OK, are they helping with the upkeep and maintenance,(like a stay at home dad) and if not, are they helping with the lines, sails, and jib,(like good friends do) if not, are they just that much fun, and are they cool enough ( like that party friend, that everyone has, but never has anything to contribute to the party) because, if not, man, will you resonate them for it,, if your looking for a first mate or a co captain, you better know your crew, don't worry, you can always find someone up for a boat ride, now you might think I'm telling you to dump him, I'm not, if he has value other that financial, well, who knows, he might hit the lotto next week, and then he might be the one with the ocean linear, and your on it with him,  but  if all that went to his head, and he kicks you off his boat , well you always got your boat to go back to, a boat that you are comfortable on and you can handle by yourself, and you say he's a big mom's boy, well thats OK, at least when he's over there, he's on her boat,  but , don't you really want him to have his own boat, where you can jump on, and do the things he wants to do,  then from there jump on your boat and do the things you want to do, witch brings me to the flotilla, thats where a bunch of boats make trips together, my daughter, her boyfriend, and they're baby, stayed with me for awhile when they were in between places, my daughter was in school but the boyfriend wouldn't work and wouldn't help out , they just about trashed my place,  there ain't no way I'd be stuck in, or own a boat with them,  I want to see them have they're own boat,  and us go to all kinds of different places together,  and if they had trouble with they're boat along the way,  I'd be there to help.(a flotilla)  now, boat, boat, boat, boat,  I'll bet your thinking this guys crazy,  but I'll also bet that you already have a mental image of just how you and your man, boyfriend, whatever would look on this boat, is he scrubbing the decks and varnishing the wood work, doing the maintenance it takes to be able to go out and have a good time, or, are you embarrassed to invite your friends over for a weekend cruise because hes laying around. your boats a mess, and it would take to long to get everything together to go out and have a good time, there's your answer, boats are suppose to be fun, so is life, if you wouldn't share a boat with this guy , why would you share the rest of your life? or be in a committed relationship,  maybe you seen a whole different pitcher , maybe he is the guy working on your boat with you, it seems like we make life so complicated,  when maybe we should just try to keep it simple, go back to the top and start reading this post again and this time replace the word BOAT with LIFE , oh yea one last thing, you are working 2 jobs and going to school, people that don't have self confidence don't do that,  whats the use?  the people that don't have self confidence "stay at home and do nothing"  good luck, happy sailing  

 
June 7, 2006, 10:47 am CDT

05/24 "Get My Groom to Grow Up!"

Quote From: horselady7

     I have a husband who is 51 he whines all the time dose as little as he can get away with and expects pitty from everyone.  He can't make a decision without saying honey should I do this on little stuff that really dosen't matter.  He says I don't take care of him right!  I told him hell I am your wife not your mother!!!  I sometimes want to scream.  I am 13 years younger than him and he drives me nuts.  sometimes I just need me time, no I don't go out parting or anything like that.  I just like to do things for me once in a while.  Any time I starte a project of any kind he yells at me he needs me to do something make a decision or something of that nature and it can't wait it has to be "now".    

     Oh, by the way we have been married almost two years but dated on and off for three before that at 51 if he is not grown up the chances that he will are highly unlikely!!!  

Dear Horselady, 

  

It sounds like you certainly have your plate full.  I would suggest you quit doing so much for him and that will force him to do more for himself.  I will keep you in my prayers.  ~Tam 

 
June 9, 2006, 2:19 pm CDT

I Married A Mamma's Boy

When I met my husband, his Mother had just passed away!  He told me if his Mother had lived, He would have her move in with us!  I didn't say anything, because I knew it wasn't going to happen.  We went together for 2 1/2 years before we married.  I found out that the damage was already done, and he wasn't going to change!  He is afraid of everything, because of his upbringing!  He won't fly because the Airplane will crash, he won't go on a cruise, because the boat will sink, and etc!    

Well, I stayed in the marraige, and it has been 52 years now!  I feel like I have missed everything !    

And now I want to say something to Bill!  My husband is now 75 and our Son calls him to tell him about Him and his wifes problems!  ( I won't be a part of it,  I stay out of my children's marraiges! )  This takes a terrible toll on my husband, because of his age and health problems!   Bill, do your Mother a favor, and don't go to her with your marrital problems, because the older she gets, the more she can't take it, and she will most likely never hear when things go right!  

 
June 29, 2006, 1:27 pm CDT

get my groom to grow up

Quote From: ritch157

your husband sounds exactly like mine but my inlaws are right across the street so it's kind of hard to get away.  i truly love my husbands family but it would be nice to be able to do what we want before checking with them to see what they're doing.  i believe anyone can make it work as long as they know what they're getting into and have very clear boundaries. married to a momma's boy.
thanks ,sorry your in the same boat im in  but glad to know i,m not alone.that,s not all of whats the problem  it,s his ex-wife they been divorced for 27 years and hasn,t missed a gatering yet that is unless she,s not feeling well,ive told him time and time agane to cut the tiesto her or tie ours thats not a threat ,its just the way i feel i want a marrage to him but i cant live in her shadow,he told me that they were just civil because of their kids that are not kids any longer 33and 37 are their agesi know from time to time we will have to be in the same place like thrie kids homes,and althougt i,m uncomfrthble i can deal with it ,but my bor.-in law just has to keep her in the pic. like mother,s day i chose to go with my friend to see her grandkids and not go to his bro were i though she,d be,and i trused him,well she didnt come because their daugter had to work,that do you think happen well i wasnt where so my bro.-in law goes an gets her,well fine but what made me so mad was went it came time togo home he got my husband to take her home knowingi wouldnt like it,my husband knew that i wouldnt like it and he tried to hide it from me but i found out any way.dont know if its worth the trouble.
 
October 2, 2008, 6:08 am CDT

my husband's selfish behavior is hurting our marriage

My husband has always been a bit selfish.  We have been married for 15 years.  We have children.  he has always taken care of himself first and been a parent second.  Simple examples are; getting himself dinner while the children wait until he finishes eating, exercising while the children wait up to 2 hours for dinner, exercising/showering instead of putting kids to bed, being the kids playmate first and father second, making everyone wait until he finishes what he wants to do, never getting home to have dinner with the family, but leaving work early for beers with a friend, unable to be on time for anything family related, but if it is work related, it is not a problem, insisting on having sex with me two days after I had surgery while I was taking Vicodin and had drains coming out of my body - I could not even walk upright, but he got his sex.  My husband will lie to me about the stupidest things.  Anything he thinks would create an "issue" he lies about rather than telling me the truth.    He also lies to me about things that he knows I do not approve of; tobacco use, etc.  Now at mid-life he has made some very stupid decisions.  He is acting like a 17 year old.  He has at least three times in the last four years smoked pot.  I truly do not believe it was more than that, but I am still greatly distressed.  He knew that it was unacceptalbe for any drug use to occur.  I made this clear from the moment we dated and I realized he did this occassionally.  He agreed at that time that he was no longer a teenager and needed to grow up and give it up.  He has been arrested for smoking it while driving a car.  What an IDIOT!  We separated for 3 weeks.  He agreed to go for counseling and to "get it together".  Well, he went to one counseling appointment and has "interviewed" other counselors over the phone, but has not in the past 5 months found the time to make another appointment with a counselor.  I do not trust him.  This is really affecting our marriage.  He thinks I am being unreasonable.  He says he will get to it when he has the time.  I am filled with resentment and anger.  I don't want my children around even an occassional drug user.  He says being arrested was his wake up call and he has cut his beer consumption from a 5-6 a night to a few beers twice a month.  I feel that is not enough.  He has lied to me repeatedly.  He has made many decisions like he is a 17 year old.  If it feels good and he wants it at the moment, to hell with the consquences, he does it.  I don't know what to do.  If we separate again, he says he will go to counseling, but only because I gave him an ultimatum and he will resent it.  He insists he will get around to counseling.  (Are you kidding me?  It has been 5 months!)  I love him with all my  heart.  He is my soul-mate.  From the outside, he is an incredibly successful, wonderful, kind, loving man.  He is truly in love with me and lets me know it daily.  I know all my girlfriends are envious of our marriage, but they don't know.  I don't want to throw the baby out with the dishwater.  I have a gem of a man who needs to grow up.  Help.
 
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