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Topic : 05/24 "Get My Groom to Grow Up!"

Number of Replies: 147
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 19, 2006, 10:14:02 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you feel like you're in a relationship with a man who's really a big baby? Angee says her fiancé, Bill, pouts, whines and stomps his feet whenever they get into an argument. He also calls "Mommy" five to 10 times a day and runs to her whenever there's a problem. Bill says he isn't a mama's boy, and that Angee just wants all of his attention for herself. Is Bill's mom meddling in their lives? And, why does Angee have her profile on a Web site? Are Angee and Bill grown up enough to tie the knot? Then, Rachel says it's time for her common–law husband, Tyler, to stop drinking and partying with his band mates, while she takes care of their baby and the bills. They've lived in his mother's basement for two years, and she says it's time Tyler gets a job so they can finally move out. Tyler says he enjoys being a kid, and when people tell him to grow up, it "harshes his mellow." Is Tyler's childish behavior affecting their 18-month-old son? What does Dr. Phil tell Rachel she must do? Share your thoughts here.

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May 23, 2006, 4:03 am CDT

mamas boy ?

   My husband calls his mother a lot but it is because  she makes him feel sooo guilty after his fathers passing.He calls her because if he doesnt he feela like she will wither away she tells him I am sooo lonely and no one cares you dont have time for me anymore  wa wa wa she is so good at that but i think it has been all his life since his dad was alive When his parents would fight she would use his father to make him feel guilty. she is 75 so i try not to say anything but i do let him know when i feeel i am being thrown under the bus   life is so complicating  :(
 
May 23, 2006, 5:42 am CDT

RUN!!!

Once a mamas boy,  always a mamas boy!! DON'T Marry him!!
 
May 23, 2006, 6:16 am CDT

don't settle for second best

Quote From: watchinu

Angee should run while there is still room out there to get away.  

Rachel is taking care of the baby now plus paying all the bills. She can do it all herself, so she should get away from her situation as well.  

From what I have read it looks like the show will be about two irresponsible, not grown-up boys. They are still in their mother's pockets. By this time I doubt whether they will ever grow up.  

These young ladies have both made wrong decisions, from the sound of things.  

Ladies get some selfworth. Pick yourselves up and get going. If you don't, you will be dragged down right along with these men.  

You, and others like you, are in such situations because you allowed it.  

I do not want to be judgemental, but people have to want the best life for themselves.  

Well, let's wait and see what Dr Phil says.  

 Racheal,You give him an ultamatium.  Get a job and keep it with in a month or I'm out of here.  Set a time limit. You have taught him how to treat you.,without realizing it.  He is happy as long as he has a roof over his head and food to eat. He only cares about himself. Your baby needs a good role model ,not a sponge!  Take back control of your life.  You can't change someone else, but you can change youself. Angee,  don't  make  same mistakes I made.  I saw big red flags, but  focused on the good.  He  probably will never change.  You don't marry someone thinking you can change them.  " What you see and hear is what you get."  Please, There are more fish in the sea.  You can find someone else and in the meantime there are so many other  things you can do.  I felt so much peace when I left after an almost six year marriage.  I let my dreams go and realized I had given him control.  I got that control back when I left.  Sometimes talking is of no value. You are talking to a brick wall.  You deserve better and there is better out there.
 
May 23, 2006, 8:43 am CDT

I dunno

I'm engaged to a man who was never allowed to be an adult. His parents sheltered him from everything in the world. He's not perfect, but he's been making a consistent effort over the last four years we've been together. I've had to give him a push here and there, but I don't feel like I'm his mother. Maybe it's all a matter of patience. I knew my fiance's background when I started dating him, so I understand where he is coming from and have tried to help him "grow up".
 
May 23, 2006, 9:51 am CDT

Not a dad

Quote From: antjudy

The one who needs to be more mature is Angee.  Bill's just doing what he's programmed to do because the outcome is what he wants - no responsibility, no commitment.  How does a woman with a functioning brain end up with an immature, selfish, self-centered person like Bill.  And, having taken him on as a project, why allow him to father a child.  It takes a second to father a child, but a lifetime to parent one -- Bill was physically mature enough to father a child, but not emotionally and mentally mature enough to parent one.   It's up to you, Angee -- you can have it hard raising a child on your own, or your can have it much harder trying to parent a man who should be an adult at the same time you parent a child.  And, the child will be the one to suffer. 

  

Bill is not the father of her kids.  So he's not mature enough for husband or father material.  Angee is better of without him!
 
May 23, 2006, 1:34 pm CDT

I am trying...I NEED HELP

Hi ladies and gents.  Dr. Phil, I am so glad this show is for me.  Love the show by the way.  I don't drink nor smoke.  I have faith, hope, perseverence, care, trust, and patience.  I always played a supportive role with my better half.  I am 39 years old and I feel that I jump to conclusions when she gets angry at me.  I feel that I shut down when there is something terrible has happened.  I am trying every bit of the way to look for better solutions to save this beautiful relationship of four years.  She wants to break our relationship; but I do not.  How do you love somebody, without getting hurt? 

 
May 23, 2006, 1:57 pm CDT

The Other Side of the Rainbow..

  

   I was in that same boat...and I left a person who was "Mentally a child" .  I liken his antics to Robin Williams.  He's a very funny person.  The down side is he's very irresponsible also.  "Moron" or "idiot" jump to mind.. because he does things that defy logic, or explanation.  My child is paying the price for me not choosing a better father figure for him.  

  

 Since I left him in 2003 (I stayed long enough for my son to be able to tell me when (not if) his father did something to him...) I have since reported him to CPS for child abuse, and a typical weekend at "Dad's" gives my son nighmares for the "Rated M for Mature" videogames he has my son participate in the day time. Games like "Half Life 2 "  I suspect my ex husband does  does that, because he knows my son will have nightmares when he's here at my home, and that his way of harrassing  ME.  It's my child shaken, crying and terrorized...  I do call my ex to let him know it won't be tolerated, if he plays that game with my son again (crying child in the back ground)  I will have his visitaton supervised.  Other antics are, for the most part he does not call our son at bedtime like most "involved" dad's do, he only calls when it's going to be his weekenend-- if he's not cancelling ....and he rarely speaks to our son while confirming his visitation, drop off, etc with me.  It's an exercise in futility, because if he does call during his "off time" it's to pick a fight with our son, in an attempt to get my child angry with me. Otherwise he avoids "his boy" entirely.   

It's very, very good to get your child out of a full time situation with a jerk Rachel, but there is always "Visitation" hell.   Dont be afraid to prosecute him if he does something harmful to your child.  "Writting it down"  in my state, does not mean a thing.  

Protect your Kids.  One "Mother Bear" , to another.  

  

  

  

   

  

  

 
May 23, 2006, 3:12 pm CDT

I can totally relate to this one

I am in a relationship with a 36 year old man. He works his behind off....that is the adult in him. When he comes home you need to remind him that you are in a relationship with him. He will eat and go to sleep. I get frustrated with him when I get ignored. Its worse when you are cuddling with him and then all of a sudden he wipes "pretend bugers" on your arm...ewwwwwwwww gross feeling let me tell you. Then he does a wet willy after that. If I wanted more children I would have had them. Personally I think 4 kids is enough. How could I get him to act like a man......still trying to figure it out. I am running out of patience and time. This is the part of my life where my kids are starting to move out. I want to share my time with someone who actually wants to be an adult. Adults can have fun too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel sorry for Angee...she actually has it worse than I do. Girl, hang in there and tell his mother to but out or dont marry him....it can get worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had that problem with my last mother in law. Loved her dearly but she kept coming over....like the show Everybody loves raymond.  It really happens. Good luck Angee.
 
May 23, 2006, 7:04 pm CDT

His big Greek family

Okay, so all of this applies to me. Sort of. I've been with my boyfriend for two years. We had a big fight at the beginning where his mother called my work to tell me how great he was... should have been a red flag. (He is 34).  

The thing is, he treats me like a princess. I get what I need and what I want. I get awakened every morning with a back rub. He runs out in the middle of the night to get what I need whether it's medicine or something silly like ice cream. He takes care of me when I'm sick and gets things done.   

The problem is his mother and sister. They each call at least 2 times (each) after he gets home from work. I cannot finish a sentence or thought without the phone ringing. I have no idea how many times a day that he talks to them, but I do know that on some weekends his mom and sister will literally call about 20 times. They call to ask for favors... they call to gossip... or to ask "where are you and what are you doing". It has gotten to the point where I cannot stand phones or the thought of his mother - they both make me ill and angry.  At family get togethers his sister gets really touchy feely with everyone - sitting in the men's (her relatives) laps and pinching and smacking butts and hugging and doing "traditional" dances. It makes me uncomfortable, but he just says that she is affectionate and her behavior is completely normal in the Greek culture.   

She has also done things to make me uncomfortable on purpose. For example, one time she wrote him a card with a bunch of English phrases sprinkeled into the greek paragraphs that would make me worry. Another time she wrote a paper for school about how Greeks should only date Greeks and made sure that I read it. She is 23 and has never had a steady boyfriend. She has always been invited to everything that her big brother gets invited to, and his friends are so used to that that they still invite his entire family to gatherings. I want to be a couple, but I feel like his mother and sister are always there, one-upping me on everything. And he thinks it is completely normal! We get in huge fights about his family all of the time. That is almost the only thing we fight about. Am I wrong? What should I do? Does anyone else think this is normal?  

 
May 23, 2006, 10:55 pm CDT

PRE-SHOW THOUGHT

I don't know what will happen on the show...but here is my first thought ---DON'T MARRY HIM.  UGH.  

 
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