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Topic : 05/24 "Get My Groom to Grow Up!"

Number of Replies: 147
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Created on : Friday, May 19, 2006, 10:14:02 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you feel like you're in a relationship with a man who's really a big baby? Angee says her fiancé, Bill, pouts, whines and stomps his feet whenever they get into an argument. He also calls "Mommy" five to 10 times a day and runs to her whenever there's a problem. Bill says he isn't a mama's boy, and that Angee just wants all of his attention for herself. Is Bill's mom meddling in their lives? And, why does Angee have her profile on a Web site? Are Angee and Bill grown up enough to tie the knot? Then, Rachel says it's time for her common–law husband, Tyler, to stop drinking and partying with his band mates, while she takes care of their baby and the bills. They've lived in his mother's basement for two years, and she says it's time Tyler gets a job so they can finally move out. Tyler says he enjoys being a kid, and when people tell him to grow up, it "harshes his mellow." Is Tyler's childish behavior affecting their 18-month-old son? What does Dr. Phil tell Rachel she must do? Share your thoughts here.

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May 24, 2006, 5:22 am CDT

Good luck!

Quote From: mollyjotx

Okay, so all of this applies to me. Sort of. I've been with my boyfriend for two years. We had a big fight at the beginning where his mother called my work to tell me how great he was... should have been a red flag. (He is 34).  

The thing is, he treats me like a princess. I get what I need and what I want. I get awakened every morning with a back rub. He runs out in the middle of the night to get what I need whether it's medicine or something silly like ice cream. He takes care of me when I'm sick and gets things done.   

The problem is his mother and sister. They each call at least 2 times (each) after he gets home from work. I cannot finish a sentence or thought without the phone ringing. I have no idea how many times a day that he talks to them, but I do know that on some weekends his mom and sister will literally call about 20 times. They call to ask for favors... they call to gossip... or to ask "where are you and what are you doing". It has gotten to the point where I cannot stand phones or the thought of his mother - they both make me ill and angry.  At family get togethers his sister gets really touchy feely with everyone - sitting in the men's (her relatives) laps and pinching and smacking butts and hugging and doing "traditional" dances. It makes me uncomfortable, but he just says that she is affectionate and her behavior is completely normal in the Greek culture.   

She has also done things to make me uncomfortable on purpose. For example, one time she wrote him a card with a bunch of English phrases sprinkeled into the greek paragraphs that would make me worry. Another time she wrote a paper for school about how Greeks should only date Greeks and made sure that I read it. She is 23 and has never had a steady boyfriend. She has always been invited to everything that her big brother gets invited to, and his friends are so used to that that they still invite his entire family to gatherings. I want to be a couple, but I feel like his mother and sister are always there, one-upping me on everything. And he thinks it is completely normal! We get in huge fights about his family all of the time. That is almost the only thing we fight about. Am I wrong? What should I do? Does anyone else think this is normal?  

I hate to say it, but I think you are fighting a losing battle.  This is how he was raised and this is how he will be.  No it is not normal.  He has apparently never learned to separate himself from his family in a way adults must in order to live in a healthy adult relationship with a partner.  He lacks appropriate boundries.  His emotional growth was stunted in this area for whatever reason. 

  

As I see it you have two choices. 

1).  Search your soul and decide if you can live the rest of your life this way.  Be honest with yourself and break it off if you know you can't.  Don't live in the fantasy that you will change him. 

2.) Make a conscious decision to accept this abnormal behavior as the price you pay for being with an otherwise great guy. 

  

Either way - you must make a choice and commit yourself to whichever decision you make with no looking back or regret.  GOOD LUCK! 

 
May 24, 2006, 6:22 am CDT

05/24 "Get My Groom to Grow Up!"

 I  can relate to Angee, I don't  think she needs to grow up, but he sure does.I am married to a wonderful man, who had to grow up.It has taken some time, patience, and alot of support, but he is getting there. He is a wonderful man at heart and puts me and or son  first, just had to grow up a bit and take some responsibility. My advice is to look in her heart and see if she really loves this man and if he can change,if things won't change get out. Sometimes it takes a wake up call for the men to grow up. And remember actions always speaks louder than words.
 
May 24, 2006, 6:47 am CDT

05/24 Get My Groom to Grow Up!

You know, if the good doctor TRULY cared about women and children (and marriage results), he would start telling people to NOT LIVE TOGETHER before marriage, especially when children are present (and especially when have a different father). 

  

We all profess to be Christians (most of us even marry in a church), yet we don't bother to follow the teachings of God/Christ. Instead, we change men like we change clothing. We move men in and out and its often our children who pay the price.  

  

The first couple stands a chance with Dr. Phil's help and I wish them well (God bless them). However, this women has been married 3x already and is now living with this 4th (or more) guy. How about DATING and working on relationships before buying the house, investing together, getting the kids emotionally attached, etc???  

  

The second couple is ridiculous. She's his "common law" wife (no such thing morally) yet she puts up with him being a nice bum???? Please! And what's the deal with his enabling mother? Did she intend to harm her child by helping him be a leach on society? She was a neglectful mother who has to share some of the blame for her son's lousy leach-like attitude.  

  

We women need to smarten up! We don't have to have a man! And we shouldn't be living with all these men without the committment and without God. Very sad state that our society is in and we wonder why there's a 60% divorce rate and kids are so mixed up???? Come on, Dr. Phil, start pushing dating and THEN marriage and THEN children and perhaps we'll stand a chance! The statistic bear all of this out and you know it ! 

 
May 24, 2006, 6:52 am CDT

Loser Guy? Big deal about the band.

Quote From: rossica

Listen here doc, the antics are an amazing band. one of my personal favorites matter of fact and from going to numerous shows tyler (t.rexxx) is brilliant!! they are all high energy guys who like to have a good time and through their music and attitudes they make other people happy.. it's also clear to me that he loves his son and family very much and wouldnt do anything to harm them intentionally... so whatever you are going to say to him on wednesday it better not involve ditching the band... otherwise we'd have some serious beef!!  

   

LONG LIVE THE ANTICS!!!!  

If he can be responsible to a band, he CAN be responsible to a girlfriend and society. I wouldn't even WANT to listen to his music now that I know he's an irresponsible leach. He needs to grow up. Hopefully one day (it will probably be when he's alone and miserable), he'll realize that FAMILY and RESPONSIBLY are way off the scale when they compete against a mere band. The band won't keep him warm at night! Soon, his girlfriend won't either; she'll tire of him REALLY fast!  
 
May 24, 2006, 7:26 am CDT

I know about having a mammas boy

My fiance is a mammas boy too. We no longer live together because of it. We are still engaged, but I have two children to raise, I don't need another. He wanted everything to be done exactly ther way she did it or he wasn't happy, it drove me nuts. At first he use to complain that my cooking wasn't like his moms either until I stopped cooking for him all together. I told him that until he realized that I am not his mom, to quit expecting him to be, then we can't live together. Or until we had our own home to share. When he lived with me we lived with my mom, now hes back at his moms, and you know what the funniest part about him moving back is that his mom won't do half the stuff she use to for him. She tells him that he is a parent now he needs to start acting like one. Our son is 7months old. But in my opinion to Shelly is this, if you guys truely love each other than things will change for the better.
 
May 24, 2006, 7:29 am CDT

No such thing as love without hurt

Quote From: chas67

Hi ladies and gents.  Dr. Phil, I am so glad this show is for me.  Love the show by the way.  I don't drink nor smoke.  I have faith, hope, perseverence, care, trust, and patience.  I always played a supportive role with my better half.  I am 39 years old and I feel that I jump to conclusions when she gets angry at me.  I feel that I shut down when there is something terrible has happened.  I am trying every bit of the way to look for better solutions to save this beautiful relationship of four years.  She wants to break our relationship; but I do not.  How do you love somebody, without getting hurt? 

You can't love without being hurt.  It's an inevitable staple even in the best of relationships.  You just have to accept that and have enough faith in yourself and in your partner that you'll be there for each other to get through any and all hurt.  You're bound to inflict pain on each other.  It's how you deal with and resolve the pain that makes it successful or unsuccessful.  

   

You can't shut down, or jump to conclusions.  You have to be willing to open up with her, completely.  You say you have "hope, perserverence, care, trust, and patience" - well you need to put all those to work in your relationship.  Know that it might not work, know that you may be hurt, but also know that if it does work you'll find what life is all about.  After 9 years of the hardest work I've ever done, my husband and I are best friends and I couldn't imagine living a life without him.  He truly is my better half and I know he think I'm his.  It's worth all the tears, all the doubts, all the hurt.  I would do it all again in a heartbeat just for the chance of a little time of this happiness, let alone the rest of my life.  

 
May 24, 2006, 7:39 am CDT

dr phil is rite

ex means no longer togather, think long and hard bill, it is possible to make it work but a ex must remain a ex my last marrage involved, a ex on my now ex wifes side they had 3 kids togather, he would come to our house let himself in and wake us while we were in bed, well needless to say im single again and plan to remain that way after 3 merrages and all failing, i just gave it up and relly im happier now than ive ever been, if you let it happen a ex will spoil every thing you have worked so hard to have togather,what im tryin to say i guess is if you love her and relly want to make it work step up to the bat bill, put the ex in his place let him know that hes now the ex dont let him be no more that just the kids father,listen to dr phil he knows best, i learned every thing the hard way,your lucky you dont have too!!!  tempertamtemarns dont help eather, i tried all that too  lol, it just makes you look like a fool, 

 
May 24, 2006, 7:49 am CDT

TYLER, YOUR ATTITUDE IS HARSHING THE BABY'S FUTURE

How in the world did Tyler miss being on the Biggest Moochers show?  WHAT A MOOCH.  His sense of entitlement is astounding. 

  

Honestly, this guy is unbelievable.  WHY would Rachel have ever looked at him and thought for one second having a child with this guy was a good idea?  Live and learn I guess.  Too bad it's going to be at the baby's expense. 

  

Tyler has a bad case of arrested development.  Let's hope the help Dr. Phil will get him can turn this screwed up "kid" around. 

  

  

  

  

 
May 24, 2006, 7:59 am CDT

05/24 "Get My Groom to Grow Up!"

Quote From: kimiden

Maybe there were five cameras on you. 
 heh.
 
May 24, 2006, 8:19 am CDT

My life s like theirs

I agree with Angee, she feels she is getting attatcked every which way even when she is right. I beleive privacy should be between the couple who are argueing not getting mommy involved. I have been there myself and finally after all his mother did to me and said to me "It isn't going to work" "Give up girl, he doesn't love you" I am still in the relationship with him. I simply love him, I have for 13 years since I was 12 years old. I got away the first time because of his mother pushing the "Christion life'' onto me when I wasn't ready. Now that I am ready and I have confessed to God and I was dedicated to him she totally turned her thoughts and stopped getting in the way of our relationship. She is finally getting the point that I love her son no matter what she tries to say about me. I think her man can find other ways to deal with his anger and I WISH DR. PHILL COULD HAVE TOUCHED UP ON THAT. That is a big deal in life, they probley didn't mention him abusing her either mentally and physically, my man does the same thing! I thought I was on the show and my man also.  Men need to understand that they should tell their woman she is beautiful, she is like myself, I like to get opionions if i am still attractive or not.  That way I know if I am doing things right and I am still in style. Her man probley looks at other women as the result of her putting herself on the site. I am going on that site right now to find her and I am posting myself on there as well. If the man has to go to mommy about everything even to tell her i'm taking a crap in the bathroom, there is something wrong with both of them! They are gossip Queens and they always have to know people's buisness. I saw right thru his mother because she doesn't want people thinking she is the problem and making her look bad on tv.  Dr. Phill was also wrong about his mother not wanting to butt in, he is a mommy's boy, they stick together and leave Angee in the dust because she is yet to be a part of the family and i think once she is, his mother will see Angee is in for the long haul, wheather she likes her or not.  

 
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