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Topic : 05/24 "Get My Groom to Grow Up!"

Number of Replies: 147
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, May 19, 2006, 10:14:02 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Do you feel like you're in a relationship with a man who's really a big baby? Angee says her fiancé, Bill, pouts, whines and stomps his feet whenever they get into an argument. He also calls "Mommy" five to 10 times a day and runs to her whenever there's a problem. Bill says he isn't a mama's boy, and that Angee just wants all of his attention for herself. Is Bill's mom meddling in their lives? And, why does Angee have her profile on a Web site? Are Angee and Bill grown up enough to tie the knot? Then, Rachel says it's time for her common–law husband, Tyler, to stop drinking and partying with his band mates, while she takes care of their baby and the bills. They've lived in his mother's basement for two years, and she says it's time Tyler gets a job so they can finally move out. Tyler says he enjoys being a kid, and when people tell him to grow up, it "harshes his mellow." Is Tyler's childish behavior affecting their 18-month-old son? What does Dr. Phil tell Rachel she must do? Share your thoughts here.

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May 24, 2006, 8:28 am CDT

i dont think if band dad watches the shows tape 10 times hell get it

i think the only thing that will relly help party dad is to hit rock bottom give his life to jesus and go to rehab the child deserves a better chance than what he is willing to give personaly i think its a lost cause, but im not the doc, but i do know that partying and trying ao be a dad last dont mix, he needs to wake up and smell the coffee let the booze  go its a dead end street, and it only hurts the ones who dont deserve to be hurt, its never too late to change but sometimes a person needs to have that wake up kick in the butt, being a husband and father comes first, music well in my opinion comes last but every one has thear own opinion, but he relly dose need to think of what kind of message hes sending to the child, girl you need to pack yourself and your childs thingsup and go home and dont have nothing to do with this guy till he gets some real help!!!!!
 
May 24, 2006, 8:57 am CDT

Mamma boy

I have to disagree with Dr. Phil on his advice with Bill and his fiancee. This story is almost identical to my son's. My son married a woman, with 2 children from a previous marriage and believe me this marriage has been nothing but HELL for him.  I can see right through that Angee, she is going to be nothing but trouble for Bill and his life will be Hell , he deserves better!!  

  

Many people, including family told my son to run when he met his wife, he didn't listen and now he is living in HELL. My son won't divorce her because they now have a daughter together, and the wife knows how to maneuver my son to make him feel guilty. 

  

My advice to Bill: DON'T MARRY THAT WOMAN: RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!! 

 
May 24, 2006, 9:39 am CDT

the band dad

i just wanted to say that it is possible to be in a band and work full-time and take care of your family!my husband plays lead guitar in a band and works at least 50 hours a week ,he goes to band practice on his days off and if he has a gig then he works it out at his job ,i just wanted to let the band dad know that you can be responsibe and have fun ,my husband keeps a roof over our head clothes on our backs and food in our belly ,he balances his social life with his responsible life it can be done i just think this guy is being lazy and is not being a good role model for his son,i have 2 little girls and if my husband acted like this i would have given him a choice either grow up and start taking care of  your kids or i am out of here but as i have said luckly i have a man who acts like a man! 

 
May 24, 2006, 9:53 am CDT

Too close for comfort

Quote From: jambo1972

I have to disagree with Dr. Phil on his advice with Bill and his fiancee. This story is almost identical to my son's. My son married a woman, with 2 children from a previous marriage and believe me this marriage has been nothing but HELL for him.  I can see right through that Angee, she is going to be nothing but trouble for Bill and his life will be Hell , he deserves better!!  

  

Many people, including family told my son to run when he met his wife, he didn't listen and now he is living in HELL. My son won't divorce her because they now have a daughter together, and the wife knows how to maneuver my son to make him feel guilty. 

  

My advice to Bill: DON'T MARRY THAT WOMAN: RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!! 

Bill's story is similar to mine... I hate to admit it but I too was a Momma's boy. I wasn't as bad as Bill, but I really never became my own man. I never learned adult responsibilities. My mother was a very competent business woman; strong willed; knew the answer to everything; she juggled her business and persoanl life like a pro. But, she also ran my life; even choosing my career and what university I attended. (To this day, she still tries to override every decision I make. I'm having to learn how to push back.)

The problem with this is that I never really grew up. (I figured this out on my own.) I was treated like a child and never allowed to grow beyond that. I allowed it because it worked. I became very successful in my career. The problem is, I continued my professional career this way. Up until a year ago, I never made any major decisions on my own. Not one single one! I delgated everything to others. (I used to freeze when I have to make decisions on my own.)

The woman who I married was "perfect" for me because she was also a very controlling woman and needed to make all my decisions. She needed a man to control and I was exactly what she needed. It was a lliving hell, except I didn't see it that way. I thought she loved me for who I was. She ran everything. She chose my friends; where I worked; and even did all our financials (She even prevented me from getting a PIN to our joint bank accounts.) . After 20+ years of this, I began to realize what a fascade this was. I was controlled. I was like a robot. I actually feared this woman!

I finally grew the cajones to divorce her and claim my life back. I am now living single, and (slowly) learning to get comfortable making my own decisions. I'll admit, it's like I'm stuck in a time-warp. I feel like I'm 15 years old. I've started making my own decision, and believe me... it's scary at first, but nice to finally be able to make them.

It's better to make a decision - right or wrong - than to not make one at all, or worse, let others make them for you.

So, from my own experience:

  1. Bill needs to get a backbone. He needs to become his own person. He needs to take charge of his life.
  2. Momma most definately has to let Bill go. Let Bill sink or swim. It's his life and he has to not depend on others to save him all the time. Momma may love him dearly, as does mine, but she is doing Bill a major disservice.
  3. Bill needs counselling. I'm betting that there may be a whole set of other problems just below the surface.
  4. Bill must be ever vigilant with the women he dates from now on. There are lots of Control Freaks looking for men like him. They may seem loving, but their motives are purely selfish. They like Momma's Boys because we come pre-trained. We don't need breaking in. We're off-the-rack victims.
  5. Bill should know that the process, once started, doesn't take long. He has all the bits and pieces to run his own life. He just has to assemble the "kit" and "fire it up".
  6. Bill should also learn that it's OK to make a bad decision. Nobody is perfect. (I remember a VP once saying that you'll never be successful unless you learn to make  quick decisions, some of which which may prove later to be bad ones, than to wait until you have all the facts and try to make all good ones.)
 
May 24, 2006, 9:55 am CDT

Mamma's Boys

Quote From: jambo1972

I have to disagree with Dr. Phil on his advice with Bill and his fiancee. This story is almost identical to my son's. My son married a woman, with 2 children from a previous marriage and believe me this marriage has been nothing but HELL for him.  I can see right through that Angee, she is going to be nothing but trouble for Bill and his life will be Hell , he deserves better!!  

  

Many people, including family told my son to run when he met his wife, he didn't listen and now he is living in HELL. My son won't divorce her because they now have a daughter together, and the wife knows how to maneuver my son to make him feel guilty. 

  

My advice to Bill: DON'T MARRY THAT WOMAN: RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!! 

Bill's story is similar to mine... I hate to admit it but I too was a Momma's boy. I wasn't as bad as Bill, but I really never became my own man. I never learned adult responsibilities. My mother is a bit of a Control Freak. She was a competent business woman; strong; and ran my life, even choosing my career and what university I attended. (To this day, she still tries to override every decision I make.)

The problem with this is that I never really grew up. I was treated like a child and never allowed to grow beyond that. Although I became very successful in my career, I continued my professional career this way. Up until a year ago, I never made any major decisions on my own. Not one single one! I delgated everything to others. (I used to freeze when I have to make decisions on my own.)

The woman who I married was "perfect" for me because she was also a control freak and wanted to make all my decisions. She needed a man to control and Momma's Boy was exactly what she needed. It was a lliving hell, except I didn;t see it that way. I thought she loved me for who I was. After 20+ years of treating me as a child, I began to realize what a fascade this was. I was controlled. I was like a robot. I left my wife, now living single, and (slowly) learning to get comfortable making my own decisions. I'll admit, it's like I'm stuck in a time-warp. I feel like I'm 15 years old. I've started making my own decision, and believe me... it's scary at first, but nice to finally be able to make them.

It's better to make a decision - right or wrong - than to not make one at all, or worse, let others make them for you.

So, from my own experience:

  1. Bill needs to get a backbone. He needs to become his own person. He needs to take charge of his life.
  2. Momma most definately has to let Bill go. Let Bill sink or swim. It's his life and he has to not depend on others to save him all the time. Momma may love him dearly, as does mine, but she is doing Bill a major disservice.
  3. Bill needs counselling. I'm betting that there may be a whole set of other problems just below the surface.
  4. Bill must be ever vigilant with the women he dates from now on. There are lots of Control Freaks looking for men like him. They may seem loving, but their motives are purely selfish. They like Momma's Boys because we come pre-trained. We don't need breaking in. We're off-the-rack victims.
  5. Bill should know that the process, once started, doesn't take long. He has all the bits and pieces to run his own life. He just has to assemble the "kit" and "fire it up".
  6. Bill should also learn that it's OK to make a bad decision. Nobody is perfect. (I remember a VP once saying that you'll never be successful unless you learn to make  quick decisions, some of which which may prove later to be bad ones, than to wait until you have all the facts and try to make all good ones.)
 
 
May 24, 2006, 10:22 am CDT

Thank you very much

Quote From: dhcp1000

Bill's story is similar to mine... I hate to admit it but I too was a Momma's boy. I wasn't as bad as Bill, but I really never became my own man. I never learned adult responsibilities. My mother is a bit of a Control Freak. She was a competent business woman; strong; and ran my life, even choosing my career and what university I attended. (To this day, she still tries to override every decision I make.)

The problem with this is that I never really grew up. I was treated like a child and never allowed to grow beyond that. Although I became very successful in my career, I continued my professional career this way. Up until a year ago, I never made any major decisions on my own. Not one single one! I delgated everything to others. (I used to freeze when I have to make decisions on my own.)

The woman who I married was "perfect" for me because she was also a control freak and wanted to make all my decisions. She needed a man to control and Momma's Boy was exactly what she needed. It was a lliving hell, except I didn;t see it that way. I thought she loved me for who I was. After 20+ years of treating me as a child, I began to realize what a fascade this was. I was controlled. I was like a robot. I left my wife, now living single, and (slowly) learning to get comfortable making my own decisions. I'll admit, it's like I'm stuck in a time-warp. I feel like I'm 15 years old. I've started making my own decision, and believe me... it's scary at first, but nice to finally be able to make them.

It's better to make a decision - right or wrong - than to not make one at all, or worse, let others make them for you.

So, from my own experience:

  1. Bill needs to get a backbone. He needs to become his own person. He needs to take charge of his life.
  2. Momma most definately has to let Bill go. Let Bill sink or swim. It's his life and he has to not depend on others to save him all the time. Momma may love him dearly, as does mine, but she is doing Bill a major disservice.
  3. Bill needs counselling. I'm betting that there may be a whole set of other problems just below the surface.
  4. Bill must be ever vigilant with the women he dates from now on. There are lots of Control Freaks looking for men like him. They may seem loving, but their motives are purely selfish. They like Momma's Boys because we come pre-trained. We don't need breaking in. We're off-the-rack victims.
  5. Bill should know that the process, once started, doesn't take long. He has all the bits and pieces to run his own life. He just has to assemble the "kit" and "fire it up".
  6. Bill should also learn that it's OK to make a bad decision. Nobody is perfect. (I remember a VP once saying that you'll never be successful unless you learn to make  quick decisions, some of which which may prove later to be bad ones, than to wait until you have all the facts and try to make all good ones.)
 
As the mom of a 13 yr old boy - he is just at the age where I have to tell him to shower, brush his teeth, etc. I feel controlling and its not how I want to be. Your post made me recognize myself in many ways - I'm not too controlling but enough where I can see how I could go overboard. Thank you for taking the time to write this. 
 
May 24, 2006, 10:51 am CDT

dr phil do girls or young women know the danger of posting pics of them self on a web site?

i my self if i were a woman would never post a pic of me on the web thats dangerous, every sickoo in the country can stalk you that way, maybe dr phil needs to do a show on the dangers of  posting pics on the web, my god if you dont have safe search on  when you search a web site dont have the kids any whear near your computer, when searching immages its appaling to what you see, im scared to death now to ever do a immage search, its soo vulgar appaling and very nasty as to what comes in, my god ladies please have morrals dont post things like that on the web,
 
May 24, 2006, 11:31 am CDT

its a very sad thing to see people not even give dr phil a chance

in seeing that angee dumped bill on the plane trip home from the show relly made me sad i wish dr phil had this show when i was younger maybe i could have made my marriges work, he relly has alot of good advice for people willing to listen to him, dr phil i was a (bill ) but i learned the hard way, didnt take too long for me to see the error of my ways, i was also married to a girl like angee boy that was relly a mess and a true turning point in my life, just wish i would have had a chance to take advantage to all the wisdom you offer, (man i would have been a better person) it relly saddens my heart to see people happy to hurt anothers heart as i know it takes a long time for a broken heart to heal!!! but relly angee could have atleast waited till the plane landed and got bill to himself at a private moment to dump him, in my book that was dispicable on her part )after all bill has a heart too, just hope he dosent let that keep him from finding the wright girl for him,
 
May 24, 2006, 11:35 am CDT

same story- different day

Angee has issues and so does Bill. Angee has been plotting to leave for quite some time, seeing that she has been trying to find someone else and Bill don't know how else to handle her outbursts and isn't able to suggest anything to her without her trying to bite his head off. I think mom and Angee are a lot alike in many ways. However, Mom should re-direct Bill to confront Angee instead of meddling when its not her responsibility. Bill is also wrong saying he's going to Mom's and going elsewhere w/ his buddies or whoever. In the end, Angee said she's gone, good riddance and Bill will be co-dependent with Mama until he learns how to speak for himself without taking a tantrum and running away. Angee is wrong for letting her ex pressure her into anything. My ex is like Bill and her ex combined. He would only help if I was his girlfriend w/ the kids, he'd approach me for sexual gratification when we were not together and he was co-dependent with his Mama. I don't go looking for other men while in a relationship anymore because the last time I did I almost jeopardized my kids. My advice to Angee is to be careful and safe and know that Bill really don't seem too bad to me if he'd grow a backbone and if Bill really wants to be with Angee, he'll work on himself also. 

And as for Tyler, he needs to be kicked out on his own, let him live with his buddies and get what he deserves(you get what you give Tyler- remember that). Rachel needs to cut him off financially. His mom should help her instead and let Tyler fall where he may, so that he can decide when and if he'll ever become less than a burden...Tyler, nobody owes you jack in this world. You owe everyone else the respect to become a man... 

  

 
May 24, 2006, 11:58 am CDT

dr phil i wish you could take your cameras in to a rehab clinic

if you could just show people the outcome of people trying to overcome the long term affects of alachol and drug abuse and what the people go through thear 1st week in rehab words cant express what they go through, band dad might view his life style in a differnt light, hes heading for disaster, man ive been thear i know what im talking about, when i saw people withdrawing from alchol and herion it scared the holy crap out of me i got down on my knees and prayed god wouldnt let me end up like that, i was a heavy drinking pot smokin crack head and i can tell you the pain i caused not only my familey but my only child, thears no exacuse i can offer other than i didnt care at the time, party party party, all i thought of, well party band dad your not far from whear i was man go get help its never too late youll not only be saving your life but the lives of the people you love and care about, i only pray you care about your girl friend and child, if not do the wtight thing and set them free dont make them suffer, the child hasnt got a say so in this world wake up before you see what i saw, it relly wasnt a pretty sight, no human being should be in the shape i saw people in, it scared me when you told dr phil you could use a drink while you were on the show, man your sick  please go get help, you relly do need it
 
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