Quote From: jambo1972I have to disagree with Dr. Phil on his advice with Bill and his fiancee. This story is almost identical to my son's. My son married a woman, with 2 children from a previous marriage and believe me this marriage has been nothing but HELL for him. I can see right through that Angee, she is going to be nothing but trouble for Bill and his life will be Hell , he deserves better!!
Many people, including family told my son to run when he met his wife, he didn't listen and now he is living in HELL. My son won't divorce her because they now have a daughter together, and the wife knows how to maneuver my son to make him feel guilty.
My advice to Bill: DON'T MARRY THAT WOMAN: RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!
Bill's story is similar to mine... I hate to admit it but I too was a Momma's boy. I wasn't as bad as Bill, but I really never became my own man. I never learned adult responsibilities. My mother was a very competent business woman; strong willed; knew the answer to everything; she juggled her business and persoanl life like a pro. But, she also ran my life; even choosing my career and what university I attended. (To this day, she still tries to override every decision I make. I'm having to learn how to push back.)
The problem with this is that I never really grew up. (I figured this out on my own.) I was treated like a child and never allowed to grow beyond that. I allowed it because it worked. I became very successful in my career. The problem is, I continued my professional career this way. Up until a year ago, I never made any major decisions on my own. Not one single one! I delgated everything to others. (I used to freeze when I have to make decisions on my own.)
The woman who I married was "perfect" for me because she was also a very controlling woman and needed to make all my decisions. She needed a man to control and I was exactly what she needed. It was a lliving hell, except I didn't see it that way. I thought she loved me for who I was. She ran everything. She chose my friends; where I worked; and even did all our financials (She even prevented me from getting a PIN to our joint bank accounts.) . After 20+ years of this, I began to realize what a fascade this was. I was controlled. I was like a robot. I actually feared this woman!
I finally grew the
cajones to divorce her and claim my life back. I am now living single, and (slowly) learning to get comfortable making my own decisions. I'll admit, it's like I'm stuck in a time-warp. I feel like I'm 15 years old. I've started making my own decision, and believe me... it's scary at first, but nice to finally be able to make them.
It's better to make a decision - right or wrong - than to not make one at all, or worse, let others make them for you.
So, from my own experience:
- Bill needs to get a backbone. He needs to become his own person. He needs to take charge of his life.
- Momma most definately has to let Bill go. Let Bill sink or swim. It's his life and he has to not depend on others to save him all the time. Momma may love him dearly, as does mine, but she is doing Bill a major disservice.
- Bill needs counselling. I'm betting that there may be a whole set of other problems just below the surface.
- Bill must be ever vigilant with the women he dates from now on. There are lots of Control Freaks looking for men like him. They may seem loving, but their motives are purely selfish. They like Momma's Boys because we come pre-trained. We don't need breaking in. We're off-the-rack victims.
- Bill should know that the process, once started, doesn't take long. He has all the bits and pieces to run his own life. He just has to assemble the "kit" and "fire it up".
- Bill should also learn that it's OK to make a bad decision. Nobody is perfect. (I remember a VP once saying that you'll never be successful unless you learn to make quick decisions, some of which which may prove later to be bad ones, than to wait until you have all the facts and try to make all good ones.)
Do you feel like you're in a relationship with a man who's really a big baby? Angee says her fiancé, Bill, pouts, whines and stomps his feet whenever they get into an argument. He also calls "Mommy" five to 10 times a day and runs to her whenever there's a problem. Bill says he isn't a mama's boy, and that Angee just wants all of his attention for herself. Is Bill's mom meddling in their lives? And, why does Angee have her profile on a Web site? Are Angee and Bill grown up enough to tie the knot? Then, Rachel says it's time for her common–law husband, Tyler, to stop drinking and partying with his band mates, while she takes care of their baby and the bills. They've lived in his mother's basement for two years, and she says it's time Tyler gets a job so they can finally move out. Tyler says he enjoys being a kid, and when people tell him to grow up, it "harshes his mellow." Is Tyler's childish behavior affecting their 18-month-old son? What does Dr. Phil tell Rachel she must do? Share your thoughts here.
