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Topic : 09/07 Cheating Fiances?

Number of Replies: 379
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Created on : Friday, May 19, 2006, 10:24:15 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/25/06) An engagement ring symbolizes a commitment you make to one special person. But Dr. Phil’s guests are accused of the ultimate betrayal: cheating on their spouse-to-be right before walking down the aisle. Melanie says she’s obsessed with catching her fiancé, Mike, in the act. She constantly checks his e-mails and even flew to another town while he was on a business trip to see if he was being unfaithful. Mike maintains his innocence and says Melanie’s prying is putting a strain on their relationship. Will Melanie’s mission backfire on her? Then, Nicole recently called off her wedding because she discovered that her fiancé, John, had sex with another woman one month before their big day. John blames his affair on “hormones” and desperately wants to reconcile. Should Nicole take him back, or cut her losses and move on? Don’t miss Dr. Phil’s seven questions you must ask to see if your cheating partner deserves a second chance!  Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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May 24, 2006, 7:28 am CDT

05/25 Cheating Fiancés

Five years into our relationship my ex fiance cheated on me.  He came back apologizing and saying he would never do that again.  He also said he learned how much he loved me through all this.  Oh well, years later he did it again.  He not only cheated but he did it with a married woman who's husband was dyning of a brain disease.  He befriended the husband that could not move from his bed and in another part of their house he was bedding this poor man's wife.  So I say to anyone who has been cheated on , say NO.  Once a cheater always a cheater and the circumstances seem to get more complicated.  It took me four years to get myself back to being me so be careful.  This is not something to toss aside just because they say they are sorry!
 
May 24, 2006, 9:33 am CDT

Some thing to think about!

*If a man really loves you, nothing can keep him away! 

*If he dosn't want you than nothing can make him stay!!!!!!!! 

*Dont' stay because you think that "things will get better".You'll be mad at your self a year down the road when things aren't better. 

*The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU. 

*If he cheated with you he'll cheat on you! 

*A man will treat you the way you allow him to treat you! 

*If a relationship ends because the person was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends",a friend wouldn't mistreat a friend, so don't settle!!!!!! 

 
May 24, 2006, 9:35 am CDT

Some thing to think about!

*If a man really loves you, nothing can keep him away!  

*If he dosn't want you than nothing can make him stay!!!!!!!!  

*Dont' stay because you think that "things will get better".You'll be mad at your self a year down the road when things aren't better.  

*The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU.  

*If he cheated with you he'll cheat on you!  

*A man will treat you the way you allow him to treat you!  

*If a relationship ends because the person was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends",a friend wouldn't mistreat a friend, so don't settle!!!!!!  

 
May 24, 2006, 4:12 pm CDT

leave

Quote From: shahlaluv

*If a man really loves you, nothing can keep him away!  

*If he dosn't want you than nothing can make him stay!!!!!!!!  

*Dont' stay because you think that "things will get better".You'll be mad at your self a year down the road when things aren't better.  

*The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU.  

*If he cheated with you he'll cheat on you!  

*A man will treat you the way you allow him to treat you!  

*If a relationship ends because the person was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends",a friend wouldn't mistreat a friend, so don't settle!!!!!!  

you dont deserve to be second best...move on.  My ex left me for another and has not been faithful to her since the day he left me..food for thought
 
May 24, 2006, 9:03 pm CDT

Take it from me

This subject is one that always peaks my interest because I am (I'm now ashamed to say) among the women that a fiance has cheated with!  The relationship started shortly after he was engaged, and ended three and a half years after he was married.  I believe in that he cheated because he knew he could and would get away with it.  What's really sad is that I knew better and still allowed this fiasco of a realtionship to continue.  Bottom line.. DO NOT MARRY HIM! 

Forgive him, pray for him even... but see this as a blessing... finding out now that this kind of "mistake" can happen when things are usually at their best in a relationship, is a reasonable barometer for what the potential devastion can be when things are not so good.   

 
May 25, 2006, 12:06 am CDT

05/25 Cheating Fiancés

Quote From: lolliemc

The reason people cheat on their partners is usually because it's either not the right person for them, or not the right time to be in a committed relationship.    

Our society has the whole relationship thing screwed up--women are told to be "good girls" and look for a man to father their children, so they pressure men into monogamous relationships so they can have kids (and financial support). Men agree to this arrangement because they are more sexual than women, and live in a state of sexual deprivation unless they attach themselves to a woman (and frequently, even then they are sexually deprived), but these are the wrong reasons to get married! It's no wonder people screw around--if they took the opposite approach than what society dictates, we would all be happier people   

Let me explain (from the book Love is not a game--(But you should know the odds) by Randy Hurlbert): First of all women should be free to give sex freely, without being judged (using birth control, of course). This keeps men happy and allows them to get beyond the sexual deprivation, because it's really not about sex anyway in the long run, it's about finding your soul mate, your true love, the one you are so connected to you don't even question their loyalty and committment to you--it's just  so there. But to find this person can take a long time and a lot of relationships (which is why "you should know the odds"), and why no one should be monogamous, or even try to be until they think there is a chance that a person might be their soul mate.   

And even then, YOU COULD BE IN LOVE WITH THEM, but not their soulmate, and they aren't yours. Just enjoy loving them and move on. I say this from experience; I'm engaged for the fourth time, at age 48, and I believe I've finally found my soul mate. I still LOVE the other three previous fiances, and am best friends with all of them (as well as many of the hundreds of men I dated), but they weren't right and this one is. Read the book, and you will learn to know the difference. Sometimes the cheaters just need to grow up emotionally (soul mate at the wrong time), and sometimes they do, but you shouldn't stop your search while you wait for them to become ready for committment.   

You should be happy, single and free until you meet the one who is your perfect fit, and then who wants to cheat?  Everyone has a soul mate or two, or three out there in the world, but you have to love yourself and know yourself first, and be willing to learn and grow in order to be ready  to even begin a committed relationship.   

 Also, many people are very happy with someone who they love very much, but who may not be their soul mate; they could have children together or are just good companions, and so they are mature enough to not screw around because they value the relationship for what it is, and there's nothing wrong with that. But for me, I just couldn't settle down with the wrong person so I waited till I found him. Good luck to all in finding their soul mates!  

I'm sorry, but this is terrible advice!

People make this stuff much too complicated. Soul mates? Really? I thought people stopped believing in soul mates in Jr High.
 
May 25, 2006, 2:06 am CDT

Make sure you can live with this if it never changes...

Can you live with this because YOU will never change him! 

I have been married for 30 yrs and I found out after 14 yrs of marriage that my husband was having an affair with my cousins wife and since then that he has had several affairs, before and after our marriage. He said it was because I wouldn't let him be the man of the family and because I was too far ahead of him spiritually for him to be the spiritual head of the family, that he could never catch up with me. Obviously this is referring to after the marriage..he still hasn't told me any reasons for why he cheated before the marriage. He comes from a good family, or so we think, and I am the one from a disfunctional family... but I never cheated on him. We have lived in hell on earth for the past 16 yrs because it is too crushing, too devastating to EVER truly get over and have anything that even resembles a normal life after something like this. I try but in the back of my mind it will always be there. And I would NEVER have married him if I'd known then what I know now. He's not the man I thought I was marrying, he's someone else, someone I don't really even like. Our lives together were a lie from the start. I mourn the man I thought I fell in love with and married, because he died that awful day and my life hasn't been the same since.  I've been miserable..I wouldn't recommend it to anyone! 

What IS normal? What is REAL? You will be asking these questions, but will never again be sure of the answers if you don't get out now!   

You know its not just the guys that are at fault here! They aren't cheating with themselves, no, they are cheating with some bimbo, skank.... and one who might even be claiming to be your best friend and hanging around you, having intimate little talks so she can get info about his likes and dislikes, and at the same time have an inside track on your whereabouts and if you suspect anything. I'm tired of peoples excuses... they cheat because they are weak, have no morals, values or souls and they simply do not love you. Because they don't know how to love or what love really is or means. Believe me, sweetie, if hes cheatin on you now he WILL do it again and again...so turn around and walk away, no RUN!, as fast and as far as you can from this guy. His name is "heartbreak and heartache" to you and you want no part of him....you are better off without him!  

 
May 25, 2006, 2:52 am CDT

no way!

 if someone has to cheat then to me it was never meant to be anyway! plain and simple!
 
May 25, 2006, 3:00 am CDT

Good Point!

Quote From: sun12345

you dont deserve to be second best...move on.  My ex left me for another and has not been faithful to her since the day he left me..food for thought

My X son in law cheated on my daughter with the babysitter. (She was 20). He left my pregnant daughter to be with this little missy. While he was with her he moved up in the world. He cheated while with the babysitter, with another women in his company ! She gets better pay! I'm sure he will start up again. Once a cheater always a cheater in my book. But every case is different.  

Just my two cents.  

 
May 25, 2006, 4:01 am CDT

I take issue

Quote From: jazzlynn

This subject is one that always peaks my interest because I am (I'm now ashamed to say) among the women that a fiance has cheated with!  The relationship started shortly after he was engaged, and ended three and a half years after he was married.  I believe in that he cheated because he knew he could and would get away with it.  What's really sad is that I knew better and still allowed this fiasco of a realtionship to continue.  Bottom line.. DO NOT MARRY HIM! 

Forgive him, pray for him even... but see this as a blessing... finding out now that this kind of "mistake" can happen when things are usually at their best in a relationship, is a reasonable barometer for what the potential devastion can be when things are not so good.   

Nobody accidentally drops into bed with someone. Cheating is not a "kind of mistake." It's a contious act of betrayal. And if it happens before one is married, she (or he) must have pretty low self-esttem or be pretty naieve to even consider marriage with the cheater. Marriage makes everything tougher , so the finace (finacee) had better be WONDERFUL and LOYAL while dating if she/he is expected to be that way after marriage.  

  

By the way, I noticed you made no apology for your action. I hope you have asked yourself why you would betray another woman for any man. I also hope you have phoned and/or written the woman (the latter would probably be better and safer). You should let her know that you are truly sorry for your actions and that their is never any excuse for what you did. Can you imagine the pain you (and he) caused her. Nobody deserves that.  

  

You need to be forgiven and prayed for just as you requested for the man you were involved with; however, first you need to ask for forgiveness from both God and the woman the man was engaged to marry.  

 
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