Topic : 09/07 Cheating Fiances?

I married a woman I had known for 20 years.  The first sign that we were headed to trouble happened when we negotiated our respective bachelor and bachelorette parties.  She ensured that I didn't have strippers.  She on the other hand openly lied to me in conspiracy with her friends and had three.

6 years later, and 45 days away from a wonderful employment opportunity, my wife broke into my work email and openly accused me of cheating with an employee.  Despite several people affirming to the contrary, I was terminated based largely on that spoken accusation.

One week after the accusation my wife went out with a "friend" of whom she/they considered a romantic involvement.  Without notice, she was gone for 11-12hrs.  When she came home, she lied and claimed to be with her very good friends.  Realizing that her friends are my friends, she changed her story three times.  To date, she cannot account for 6hrs of time.  To make matters worse, she looked up an old flame and began sending emails to him forming a bond.  The flirtatious messages intensified until he actually asked her to recall illicit physical contact that they once shared.  All the while, unemployed, she leveled new and recurrent verbal and physical attacks against me.  Matters continued out of control with new phone calls 2-3 times a day, everyday all while supposedly out, not wanting to get a ticket driving and talking on the cell, you name it, I've heard it. 

Today, the stress has taken a major toll.  I now have chronic heart disease, am on medication for anxiety, will need surgical intervention to replace heart valves (due to stress) and really have no peace. 

Needless to say, our situation may be the worse of the worse.  I share it openly to warn both the victim/suspector and the offending party.  Don't play games with someone's heart.  Life is too short to do that. 

If you cannot love openly and honestly, just keep moving on.

Run.  Run fast.  Do not look back.   There cannot be love if there is no trust.  And how do you get someone to trust you when you haven't done anything to lose that trust.  He told me he loved me and I told him to his face he was a hypocrite.  I could never love someone who I didn't trust me; therefore, he couldn't possibly love me if he didn't trust me.  It's easy enough to prove infidelity.  It's very difficult to prove fidelity to someone who doesn't trust.

I was with someone for 19 years....never thinking that he was using my computer every night after I went to bed to go in these chat rooms..If I didn't pick up the phone one night and heard him talking to someone he met and seen a few times I would have never believe it.  I really believe this is a addicted ...He beg me to forgive him and he would never do it again...But I caught him twice more ater that and threw him out.He still wants to try again with us but there is no way  I can trust him again"I believe that trust and honesty is a big part of love" so once  its broken you will never believe that person again

chat rooms are breaking up alot of relationships

Dr Phil was to easy on your ex finacee.  I don't think he wanted to be harsh.  Nichole the best thing for you to do is not marry him. Open your eyes.  He excuses everything......Hormones are you kidding me?? your girlfriends already told you what he was doing behind your back.....and what had you not caught him, then what he would still be doing it and you would be married.  Don't be stupid.  YOur right once your married, it will be harder to get out of especially if you have kids and trust me he will saddle you with a child, so he can continue his cheating and have you right at home.  If you marry him you will be so sorry and is he the example you want for your son?..... If you marry him, do my a favor and email me when he cheats...he won't last 6 months married without cheating....

you can do better and you deserve better and so does your son.  Think of your son.

He confessed (years later) to what I used to suspect.

I finally started to believe him and was surprised when he admitted to his lies.

He says his conscious is clear and Jesus has forgiven him so I can't condemn him.

Now, it's on me.

I can't break up the family (kids) because I'm willng to sacrifice for love (unlike him).

I feel manipulated with his timing.

I dont' trust him.

His prior actions was a lifetime sentence for me of disapointment in my husband as an honorable and respectable man.

Thank you Dr. Phil for this informative program.  I wish you aired this episode years ago when I was deciding whether or not to stay in my relationship with a cheater.  Those 7 questions is all anyone needs to ask themselves.  I ultimately decided on my own to call it quits with a cheater, and it was the right thing to do.....

I spent 6 years with a cheater.  He lied and cheated, lied and cheated some more, and once even suggested we go to counselling (another lie!).  I put up with it because I thought love was about forgiving him, and I hoped he would stop the cheating.  It never stopped.  He never felt remorseful for his actions and felt it wasn't his responsibility to make me feel I could trust him again.  I eventually realized he never truly loved me and spent hours crying on the bathroom floor.  I kicked him to the curb, and the emotional pain was ulmost unbearable, but I got through.  He wanted to stay friends.  LOL.  Friends, can you imagine?  I told him he needed to look that big word up in the dictionary first.

Lesson learned:  LOVE IS A BEHAVIOUR.  If someone truly loves you, they will treat you with the respect you deserve.