Topic : 05/26 Summer Slim

Anna, it's been one long and productive review of my thinking ... Key 1 & 2 with SELF MATTERS mixed in has really helped me to understand the pain I was experiencing ....  It started with me returning to weighing myself again every week ...  I just can't do it.  I know, it sounds weak doesn't it.  However, it just brings on such negative self-talk!  I'm actually very on-track to losing weight, I'm just not at that point in my life where it's happening ... in fact, my weight gain is probably related to my monthly cycle -- I always gain then. 

I reviewed my goals and the upcoming tasks and they are all exactly where they needed to be.  In fact, in some cases, I'm actually further along.   So I did my IN 6 MONTH'S TIME, I WILL BE ..... question and saw that I will have mastered more of steps.

1. I will have mastered menu planning
2. I will have mastered exercising in my home
3. I will have mastered my mindless spending
4. I wil have mastered living a heatlhy life style
5. I will have mastered altering patterns
6. I will have maastered putting in zippers
7. I wil have overcame my TV addiciton
8. I will be working and interacting with people and handling myself!
9. I will have lost weight

Then I tackled my other fear:  IN MARCH 2007, I WILL ....

And found that I have all sorts of activities to turn my mind to and use the tools Dr. Phil has taught me while I've been working on losing weight.  Next year, I'll be re-habing my yard and designing and making the costumes for the dance recital in May.  I will just getting ready to adapt my walking the dogs from night time to early morning ...  and this is just what I know right now.

So, even though I'm still not losing weight like I wanted to, I've decided to just give up the scale again ... it causes me just too much stress ....  however, I do get weighed in every 6 weeks (next time is the week of the 18th) and I am going to continue to focus on menu planning now. It's the key to my weight loss now ... I've become so comfortable with it and when it's working, I actually heard myself say: IT'S NOT ON MY MENU SO I DON"T NEED IT when I was grocery shopping ... 

Hope you are doing okay ....

How's the school stuff coming along?

Today I did my fast blood work ...  I'm not sure I'm going to show any changes cause ysterday I sabotage my eating habits ... at least I didn't eat chocolate!  just ice cream and fast foods ... both are not good when you want to lower your cholesterol and insulin levels. 

However, I know that I'm eating better -- I just have to learn how to handle my self-sabotaging ... I find that I am my worse enemy!

Today, I once again ate fast food cause it's the first of the month and I was out for a long time ...  I'm not hungry right now, so I'm not sure exactly what's going on with me.

Take care

Today is my day ... a ME day!!  I've been to the gym, I've eaten a good healthy brunch ... I'm working on becoming comfortable with cutting back on foods ... I actually feel that I could do the QUICK START food plan for 2 weeks ...  hmmmm   scary isn't it.

Today, I weighed in at 187.5 .. yep, I'm still gaining weight ...  and the conversation I was having before I weighed in with myself ... wow!  it was terrible ... I'm going to give up on weighing myself every week.  I'm going to use the suggestion about coming up with a set of clothes that I put on to see how I'm doing ... I like that idea ... and, of course, I do have my 6 week weigh-ins.

I did the entire hour of gym class and it was funny ... she had us do these wall exercises that were so wild and I was able to do them ....

today, as my treat for me!  I'm going to index my freezer!  I'm going to re-arrange my foods and see if I can come up with some freezer space ... there are foods in my freezer that I need to re-surface so they are eaten first ... 

Yesterday's treat was purchasing 10 of Pillsbury little cooking booklets at the library .. I also picked up a Prevention exercise book & a heart cookbook dated 1982.  Paid $2 ... and it really made my day ...

So, I'm off to index my freezer and if I feel like it, I'll index my pantry as well.  Wow!  this will definitely help me in my endeavor to being my meal planning.

Anna, hope all is well ... I know you are really really busy right now ...

I indexed my freezer last night ... boy did it provide me a lot of insight.  Tomorrow, I want to tackle my pantry ... at least they do get cleaned out this way.

I'm already writing out my TO DOs for next week ... one is go thru my menu folder and start LISTENING to what my fears are ... yep, that means it's really stressful; however, knowing that in 6 months time, I'll not be here any more and that I'll be well on my way to being thin and healthy and exercising automatically ... well, it's scary ... however, I know where I've been.

Another goal for next week is to start walking my dogs in the evenings during school days.  It's just too hard to walk them with kids on the street ... on weekends, the kids sleep in so I got the streets to myself at 8-9 a.m.

I made it to the gym yesterday and it was so funny.  She had us do these weird stretches against the wall. Really, it was just so funny and I did them.  My body really enjoyed the exercises .. I was able to go furhter than before .... i find that happens when I take a break.

On Tuesday, I find out what my numbers are ... yep, I took my fast blood test on Wednesday.  I'm hoping I've done the hard work ... however, I sabotaged myself on Tuesday ... I do that less and less; however, I know I need to deal with it with a plan .. so I wrote me a question.

Well, I know I did good this week ... even though I'm still having a hard time moving thru my sluggishisness ... is that a word?

Take care.

Well, Anna, I reviewed this last week and even though I had some major accomplishments with WORK & FINANCES -- I'm at that place where I can now spend time & energy on moving forward to living my healthy life style 24/7.

I printed out my food log and my weekly menu form.  I wrote out a list of questions to ask myself every night when I sit down to write out the next day's menu.  AND,  I feel really good where I am right now.

I fell this morning ... and my wrists caught me before I really bashed my head against the cement ... my knee is the only thing that actually hurts me.  The neat thing is:  MY WRISTS CAUGHT ME AND HELD ME!!!  Man, I'm just so thankful I take those gym classes.

Hope you had a good week.  Take care  Anna

My count is 97 -- was 101 ... HOWEVER, Dr. Steve said I had METABOLIC SYNDROME --  I've been up on WEBMD & REALAGE looking for information ...yep, some of the articles are rather heavy and written for doctors ...  however, I know that it's my weight that's keeping me unhealthy and with this MS thing ...

I've lost 1.5 lbs since last week -- doctor's scale so I'm not sure how accurate that is .. however, next week is my 6-wek weigh-in AND I take my measurements.  I'll see what changes I'll be having.

I cut out trees out of my hedges for 1.5 hours yesterday and my knee was so sore!  Dr. Steve took a look at it this morning and said it looks nasty; however, it's healing rather nicely.  I knew that of course -- it's not as big as it was Saturday when I fell.

Hope everything is going good with you.  I've been working really hard on planning my daily meals.  Right now, I'm working on letting go of my need for more than 2 starchy carbs a day ...  Next week, I'll attempt to just do it.  Then I'm going to figure out what I'll work on next ... just taking it really slow and easy .. not going to scare myself silly and then run off screaming.  I figure it's going to take me months to lose my weight and this food plan will become my life style.

Earlier this year when I was working on losing weight, I got derailed and had to take an education break to learn about nutrition, diabetes, saturated fats, trans fat, cholesterol, etc.  Then I had to begin the slow process of getting myself out of the "pre-diabetes" stage.  I spent 5 months practicing and experimenting and most importantly, becoming comfortable with the fears these changes made in my life.

Well, today, I read the 4 articles I've printed from different sites and came up with a really valuable AHA - I am already on track and moving forward.  My goals remain the same!

I feel really proud of me right now.  I am planning my meals and I'm even logging in my food log what I'm eating. I have made a list of I do this first, then this, then this. It put everything into perspective and now I can step back and not push myself. 

Yesterday, I grieved once again for my lost life style ... I feel strange when I say it out loud; however, that's what I've experienced all along ... I give myself time to grieve the lost of here-n-now.  I'm doing so much better than I ever have.  It's a good place to be in my life.  And my grieving only takes a day - if that any more.  And knowing that I'm leaving a negative place for a much happier, calmer place is just what I like best!