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Topic : *Dr. Phil Prime Time Special: Escaping Addiction, Part 2

Number of Replies: 169
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 19, 2006, 04:00:50 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Wednesday, May 24 at 8 p.m. (ET/PT) only on CBS


It's an epidemic that is out of control. This year, Americans will spend more than $90,000,000,000 on beer, wine and spirits. Jake and Shellye know firsthand about alcohol addiction. This suburban couple seems to have it all, but they're hiding a dangerous secret. Their excessive drinking threatens to cause serious harm to them and their children. Jake is a heavy drinker who has abused Shellye both physically and emotionally. Dr. Phil stages an intervention with the couple, who confess to risky behavior while under the influence. Will they take his help before it's too late? This important prime time special airs at 8 p.m. (ET/ PT) on CBS.

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May 24, 2006, 9:28 am CDT

Drinking and Driving

I have seen one of the ads for this show and in it you tell the woman that she doesn't have the right to drink and drive with your family on the road. THANK YOU DR. PHIL!!! My husband has been a long haul truck driver for over 30 years and the one thing I have always said to him as he would get ready to leave is "Watch out for the idiots coming at you!" I know my husbands driving and he and I agreed when he first started driving was that he would do it legal, ie, no speeding, no running over his log book, no pills to keep him awake. He has 3 million logged miles with out any accidents charged to him. He was invlolved in one accident in California where a young woman crossed the center line and drove under the side of his truck. From witness statements we think she was trying to find something in the glove box or on the floor of the car. The woman following her told the CHP that she could not see the driver behind the wheel at all when she crossed the line. My Husband tried everything he could to avoid her but in the end was unsuccesful and her death was very defestating to him even though it was not his fault and there were plenty of witness to back him up plus the phisical evidence he is still bothered by it. Anyway the drunk driver make me so angry, I don't think it is right that my Husband should have to work in an enviroment where people have been drinking. We do not get drunk and go into someone else's place of work and put their lives on the line while they are trying to earn a liviing for their families. What gives them the right to do this to us. If I was ever called to serve jury duty on a drinking and driving charge the prosecution would love me and the defense would want me off real fast. This is my view, if you are old enough to drink then you KNOW it is against the law to drive. If you choose to do so then you have made a consience decision to risk yours and other lives. You get caught then you should be charged with ATTEMTED MURDER! If you cause an accident and someone dies then you should be charged with MURDER 1. I know that sounds harsh but when some one makes a concience decission to do something that will put innocent lives at risk then they should be held accountable. I just want to say one thing to drivers who drink, "STOP PUTTING MY HUSBAND'S LIFE AT RISK!"
 
May 24, 2006, 9:48 am CDT

Drinking and Driving

I have seen one of the ads for this show and in it you tell the woman that she doesn't have the right to drink and drive with your family on the road. THANK YOU DR. PHIL!!! My husband has been a long haul truck driver for over 30 years and the one thing I have always said to him as he would get ready to leave is "Watch out for the idiots coming at you!" I know my husbands driving and he and I agreed when he first started driving was that he would do it legal, ie, no speeding, no running over his log book, no pills to keep him awake. He has 3 million logged miles with out any accidents charged to him. He was involved in one accident in California where a young woman crossed the center line and drove under the side of his truck. From witness statements we think she was trying to find something in the glove box or on the floor of the car. The woman following her told the CHP that she could not see the driver behind the wheel at all when she crossed the line. My Husband tried everything he could to avoid her but in the end was unsuccessful and her death was very devastating to him even though it was not his fault and there were plenty of witness to back him up plus the physical evidence he is still bothered by it. Anyway the drunk driver make me so angry, I don't think it is right that my Husband should have to work in an environment where people have been drinking. We do not get drunk and go into someone else's place of work and put their lives on the line while they are trying to earn a living for their families. What gives them the right to do this to us. If I was ever called to serve jury duty on a drinking and driving charge the prosecution would love me and the defense would want me off real fast. This is my view, if you are old enough to drink then you KNOW it is against the law to drive. If you choose to do so then you have made a conscience decision to risk yours and other lives. You get caught then you should be charged with ATTEMPTED MURDER! If you cause an accident and someone dies then you should be charged with MURDER 1. I know that sounds harsh but when some one makes a conscience decision to do something that will put innocent lives at risk then they should be held accountable. I just want to say one thing to drivers who drink, "STOP PUTTING MY HUSBAND'S LIFE AT RISK!"
 
May 24, 2006, 9:56 am CDT

jack danks

Quote From: jackdanks

this lady who says no one comes before her beer.  wow, how sad.  since she is a threat to her-self and her children, the authorities need to step in here.  no intervenion is going to help her, in my opinion,  she will resist  rehab, maybe not on the surface if she choses to enter just to show  she does not want her children taken away for good, but the minute she is released she will head for the nearest beer.  Re-hab and AA are good tools but are not the means to an end for some people.  (I, remeber the ending to the movies  "THE DAYS OF WINE AND ROSES', this sounds like that kind of ending).  she is to be pitied.  she is weak.  in much need of coping skills.  needs to know where her priorities lie.  again my opinion, maybe she needs shock treatment.  redirect the braines thinking.  open channels that r alcohol clogged.   

  

it is so easy to get caught up in this mess of alcohol.  in my case was there without knowing it just by having those drinks.  not realizing i was dependent on alcohol til it was too late.  i, was a drunk.  am one lucky guy that re-hab and AA worked for me.  just past my 16th AA birthday. am now 73 years old, and would not be had i continued on as i was.  this lady is young.  whole life ahead of her.  Dr. Phil, my hat off to u if u pull this one off.  but  but but.     JACK DANKS      

Howdy!  And congrats on your sobriety! 

  

Your comments seemed a bit surprising, however, and I even wonder if you were truly an alcoholic.  For one thing, when the lady says that "no one comes before her beer" -- why does this strike you as unusual?  It's the textbook definition of a chemical dependency!  I have 15 years of sobriety, but during my drinking days, I was the exact same way.  It does not mean the situation is hopeless, as you seem to suggest.  It means she's definitely an alcoholic.   

  

Also, you seem to think that rehab doesn't work for people who aren't begging for it.  The truth is, most people in rehabs aren't there because they woke up one day and decided they needed a better life.  They're usually there because someone has "forced" them into it - either a spouse, other family member, an employer, the courts, etc.  In both of my rehabs, I was just about the only one there who had made the decision all on my own, and in both cases it was a medical issue. 

  

And when you call her weak and say she's to be pitied -- this doesn't sound like someone who has been to AA!  Since when does this make someone weak?  Of course, she is fully responsible for her bad choices, but when someone is in the grip of a chemical dependency, they lose their ability to think rationally.  And that's because their body is screaming for the chemical!  If loved ones get in the way, the love gets trampled every time - that's the whole horror of addiction.  The love may be genuine, but that's irrelevant. 

  

Finally, on your earlier post, you called rehab humiliating.  I had a totally different experience.  Both times, especially the second one, the experience was really awesome and, even in an odd way, fun.  I went through far worse hell before rehab than anything that happened in the facility, and I ended up making good friends.     

  

The first rehab didn't work for me and there's one easy reason for that:  I wasn't ready.  I hadn't hit that "bottom", where getting and staying sober was the most important thing in the world to me. 

 
May 24, 2006, 10:14 am CDT

sully

Quote From: sully5

I hope you two read this and I hope it helps any others struggling..... 

  

I was an alcoholic for over eight years. I only stopped drinking when pregnant, then would slip right back into it. I saw the promo for this show and had to post this...... 

  

First let me say that I haven't had a drink since March 10th of this year, and my husband quit with me. IT CAN BE DONE!!!!!!! I finally stopped because I was so tired of the guilt and so tired of feeling like crap both physically and emotionally. The worst was feeling like a bad mother, knowing I was setting terrible examples for my children. I was the "functioning" alcoholic, never been in trouble with the law, never drove around drunk. I chose to "responsibly" (ha ha) get drunk in the privacy of my home. I was an everyday drinker, cracking open the bud light while cooking dinner, then continuing to drink for the rest of the evening. Then wake up in the morning with a fabulous hangover, feeling my heart racing, feeling guilty, standing in the shower telling God "I know I need to stop this". Then go right back to it. 

  

My main reason at first to quit was my health. I would have episodes with my heart where it would beat like crazy and scare the mess out of me. I have since found out after going to a cardiologist and doing research that alcohol is an absolute poison to the heart. Even though it was scary at the time, I feel that the Lord gives you things to make you change. Call it incentive. I tried to quit last year, but made the mistake of trying to cut down, not totally quit. I was successful this time because I got honest and realized I was an alcoholic and had no control over it, therefore I could never drink again. The first week was hard, thank God I wasn't feeling any physical withdrawl except a headache now and then, but stopping the habit was difficult at first. You have to find things to replace the habit. Sounds crazy, I know, but doing word searches helped me, and I drank lots of fruit juices and green teas. Things I felt were good for me. 

  

After that, all I felt was better. I did it on my own with the help of prayer and basic willpower. I can't honestly say that I have no desire to drink anymore, I would be a liar if I said the thought doesn't cross my mind, but never wanting to be that person again keeps me straight. I really feel lucky to be rid of all the crap in my life that alcohol created, and I never see myself drinking again. I believe everyone will agree with me when I say  "alcohol is not your friend". My main strength comes from the Lord. If you go to Him, I promise He will answer you. It is so awesome to go before Him in prayer now and not feel like a fraud. Waking up in the morning guilt and hangover-free is also wonderful, I feel so clear-headed. My life is so much better now, and it's like I feel my body saying "thank you". And we are saving so much money! Until you stop buying it, you don't realize how much you spend on it.  

  

I just wanted to share with you and anyone else out there that it can be done. For me, it's now a matter of self love and integrity. The way I did it may not work for some, but I feel blessed that it worked for me. I hope maybe my story will help someone out there, you can quit while your ahead and not have to hit rock bottom to change.  

  

-Peace- 

  

  

Hi Sully!  A lot of your story is similar to mine.  I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents and ended up as a raging acloholic myself.  After 2 rehabs, I now have 15 years of sobriety. 

  

I do want to both congratulate you on your decision and also to offer a word of caution.   

  

You say you quit drinking before when you were pregnant, so you have put together months of clean time in the past.  And if you say it feels different this time, who am I to say otherwise? 

  

What concerns me, though, is that you seem to be putting your struggle with alcohol in the past tense.  You made a decision and you "did" it.  It "worked" for you.   

  

I note this only because I, too, went through similar thought processes, and even put together 3 years of clean time at one point!  But the problem was that I didn't realize that recovery is a process, not an event.  And I also didn't realize that I had to change certain things within myself, or I was going to keep using and drinking. 

  

Like a lot of people, I finally figured this out with the support and help of rehab and AA.  I'd never say that's the only way, but I also  have to admit that there were lots of people in those rooms, including myself, who had tried to get and stay sober using other methods and we finally realized we couldn't do it on our own. 

  

It might be something to think about if you find yourself craving alcohol or even drinking again.  Like they say, this disease is very cunning and baffling at times.    

  

  

 
May 24, 2006, 10:18 am CDT

board moderator TAKE NOTE, PLEASE

BOARD MODERATOR,  

   

I'm not sure what's happening when folks are posting to this board however, if you read the way that the post appears, it seems that the very last lines are being overlapped with the bottom of the form's instruction to REPLY, REPORT, or  READ ALL REPLIES.  

   

Therefore the last of the post is missing yet partially visible.     

   

Thought possibly that you might like to address this problem.  

   

Thank you.  

   

   

   

 
May 24, 2006, 11:03 am CDT

PERFECT TIME

This prime time special is coming out at a perfect time in my life. I have been in a relationship now for 4 yr with an abusive alcoholic. We have just gotten back together after being separated now for 2 months. I am a big fan of Dr. Phil and have been reading relationship rescue.  I have been so egger to see he's point of view on this subject. For me I think this special is met to be. 

  

After reading some of the messages on the message board, it amazes me how much I'm not alone.  

 
May 24, 2006, 12:02 pm CDT

Keeping the Faith

Quote From: lmconner

I've not been married to my alcoholic near as long, but I certainly know your feelings very well.  In the 6 yrs we've been together he's been in rehab 3 times, in jail (for short periods) 2 times, been arrested twice once with his 3rd DUI, we've had unbelieveable financial problems due to his drinking & the consequences thereof, he's generally made life very difficult. Like your husband, he says AA is "not for him" & he doesn't get anything out of sitting around listening to others' problems, etc.  All that to say I too still am praying, knowing that God is listening & is more than able to work a miracle in our lives.  Nothing, no disease, no "difficult" person, nothing is too big for God to handle....but...almost always, it's too big for us to handle...I just don't know how anyone gets through a single day with Him. I, too, am looking forward to seeing Dr. Phil's special intervention tomorrow night (I just wish it was with my husband!)  He does truly want to quit but his resolve is usually very short lived when the "craving" hits.  He's a binge drinker & is very ugly (for lack of a better word) when he drinks.  He's only 38 & is having lots of physical problems that he dismisses that I know are a direct result of his drinking.  I will pray for you (& all the others of us) who are suffering this terrible disease's effects.  Keep the faith....

I hope you have a good friend you can talk to -- I'm thankful that I do.  And I'm also very lucky my grown children are so supportive.  I know you (as I do) get tired of the "I really want to be sober" speech -- and my husband, like yours, is an absolute jerk when he's drunk (thankfully never physically abusive because that would be a deal breaker).  I'm encouraged that he actually asked me to tape the Dr. Phil special.  (We watch Dr. Phil together almost every night he's sober---and when he's not sober I tape it and we watch it later.)    

   

Please tell your husband that if he's having all of these problems at 38, wait until he gets to be 56.  If my husband hadn't stayed sober from age 40-53, I wouldn't be here.  I think my husband got worse when he hit his mid-50s.  He felt like he was "old enough" to control his drinking (the old once an alcoholic always an alcoholic didn't impress him).  Understand his father is an alcoholic, my father is an alcoholic, his brother is an alcoholic, my brother is an alcoholic, and so are other more remote family members.  He doesn't want me to use the term "alcoholic" in describing him.....HA.  A flower is still a flower regardless how you dress it up!  

   

My mother always said, "Let go, Let God."  But it's so, so hard to "let go" when you love this person.   But I don't want my marriage to fail--my biggest fear is my mom divorced my father after 36 years of marriage due to his alcoholism--and I don't want that to happen to me.  

   

Hang in there-----  

 
May 24, 2006, 12:47 pm CDT

Jake & Shellye,

Just in case you are reading the message boards...After tonight, whatever happens stay true to the family.  You guys need an escape or to vent you ALWAYS have us.    Even if you want to bad mouth Dr. Phil we'll be here for you (just a joke producers and others)  We are very proud of you, this takes a lot of guts and you will be able to help a lot of people with your story.  I am so sorry we haven't been a stronger support system in the last couple of years, but we are always here for you.  We truly think you can get through this, and hopefully people watching will know that you are human just like the rest of us.  We all make mistakes.  We LOVE YOU GUYS! 

  

Fondly, 

Jazzy's parents 

 
May 24, 2006, 1:00 pm CDT

It can get better

I want to thank my husband, David, for trying so very hard to resist the desire to drink.   

   

He isn't doing NA or AA these days, but he has been very active in the past. He has a serious mental illness and it is quite clear to me that the desire to drink is related to depression and anxiety. Getting good treatment has helped a lot.  

   

We have a LOT of family members who also have very serious addictions.   

   

He isn't perfect but he works so, so hard.   

   

With all the people writing in to complain, I just wanted to be the person who says something positive about someone else.   

   

   

 
May 24, 2006, 1:09 pm CDT

Rational Recovery

Quote From: dowgirl12

I want to thank my husband, David, for trying so very hard to resist the desire to drink.   

   

He isn't doing NA or AA these days, but he has been very active in the past. He has a serious mental illness and it is quite clear to me that the desire to drink is related to depression and anxiety. Getting good treatment has helped a lot.  

   

We have a LOT of family members who also have very serious addictions.   

   

He isn't perfect but he works so, so hard.   

   

With all the people writing in to complain, I just wanted to be the person who says something positive about someone else.   

   

   

Although the book Rational Recovery really disagrees with the AA approach to addiction, I found that book to be very helpful.  

  

Keep an open mind, but this is definitely a good resource. People who I have recommended this book to, who did not view themselves as having a problem, have said that it made them think twice about automatically reaching for that next drink.............. 

 
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