Quote From: the_indianHi Sully! A lot of your story is similar to mine. I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents and ended up as a raging acloholic myself. After 2 rehabs, I now have 15 years of sobriety.
I do want to both congratulate you on your decision and also to offer a word of caution.
You say you quit drinking before when you were pregnant, so you have put together months of clean time in the past. And if you say it feels different this time, who am I to say otherwise?
What concerns me, though, is that you seem to be putting your struggle with alcohol in the past tense. You made a decision and you "did" it. It "worked" for you.
I note this only because I, too, went through similar thought processes, and even put together 3 years of clean time at one point! But the problem was that I didn't realize that recovery is a process, not an event. And I also didn't realize that I had to change certain things within myself, or I was going to keep using and drinking.
Like a lot of people, I finally figured this out with the support and help of rehab and AA. I'd never say that's the only way, but I also have to admit that there were lots of people in those rooms, including myself, who had tried to get and stay sober using other methods and we finally realized we couldn't do it on our own.
It might be something to think about if you find yourself craving alcohol or even drinking again. Like they say, this disease is very cunning and baffling at times.
Hi! I appreciate your words, especially coming from someone with 15 years of sobriety, that's impressive.
I do realize that it is an ongoing process, the key for me is knowing I cannot ever drink again, ever, not even a sip. Like I said, I tried to cut down last year, and was completely unsuccessful because I didn't get the magnitude of my problem and or refused to. I guess I use the past tense because I see two souls, the one who was a drunk, and the one that is clean and the person the Lord wants her to be. My faith has been instrumental in staying away from alcohol. All those years of drinking, I always felt so guilty because I knew it wasn't right. I guess I have a conscience the size of Texas, because it feels so awesome to be rid of that guilt!
I also can't say why it's been so easy for me. I see people on boards, like MSN's Women for Sobriety, and so many of them are struggling terribly to stay away from it. I feel for them. I can honestly say I would no more pick up a beer than stick my hand in a pot of boiling water. It's just no longer an option. And I never blamed anyone but myself for my problem with alcohol, I am responsible for what I do, me and me alone. That's another key, not playing the "victim".
I agree that AA is a wonderful program for alcoholics, and would never say anything against it. It's there if you need it.
Although health problems are the main reason I decided to quit, I have reaped so many other benefits I just cannot see me going back to it. Incentive. And above all, faith in the Lord, I give Him the glory for my change, if you repent and ask for help, he gives you strength that is unmatched by anything of this world. You have to want it and you have to work for it, but He has proven that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
I guess some with more experience may think I'm a newbie and don't get it, but for me I think I do. I agree 100% that it is an ongoing road, but it's what you make of it. I can either spend my time saying, "oh, poor me, I can never drink again", or saying "oh, lucky me, I don't drink anymore".
Thank you for your words, I do agree with you. Congratulations on your sobriety, it is very impressive.
-Sully