Topic : *Dr. Phil Prime Time Special: Escaping Addiction, Part 2

Listen, stop covering up for the man. Tell someone like the judge who set the visitation that he is a serious alcoholic and drives drunk with the children. They can add something on perhaps like a breathalizer test to the visitation? or something.... If no one knows he's been drinking they can require a test or unannounced drug and alcohol testing which he would fail. Get off your butt lady and do something .... yOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO PULL THE PLUG ON THESE VISITS NOW...... 

  

I know it would seem comforting to resign from the debating society and just share experiences, strength & hope, but differences are real. Saying that alcoholism is a disease has a lot of repercussions. The fact that the show emphasized the importance of going to that rehab in Belize, makes a statement. I've experienced all those things, and I say that what worked for me was to forget about all the recovery talk and just make up my mind to quit once and for all. I believe everyone has that power somewhere within them. It doesn't hurt to get help anywhere you can. It would be nice if more people knew that there were more options available than what they are told about. But I still believe  that it is more important to believe in yourself and to trust your own ability to heal. That's the strength and hope I would like to impart to others who are struggling with addiction. It is amazing, but what I once thought was impossible, has turned out to be doable. Well, that's my message of hope. I still don't think that airing our disagreements is counterproductive, though., as long as we are all upfront about our true experiences and thoughts about recovery. It does pain me to see someone in the throws of addiction. Thanks for your feedback. 

Wow. I am so glad that Dr. Phil did this program.  I am not an alcoholic, but my ex-husband is.  We separated 3 years ago, and I finalized the divorce in March... We were married for 7 years. He was drunk, losing jobs etc, since we married, the day our daughter was born, and missed program she has had in 6 years of her life.  I was promised by him before the wedding, that he stopped drinking, and really I think he believed it. He has been hospitalized numerous times, in rehab once,and to AA meetings...  It was always his bottom, and he stayed sober for a couple of days, or weeks, but then he tried to control it again.  I believe that the world knows there are addicts out there. An alcohol is an addict, no different , no better than if you are on crack , meth, what ever.. The only different is it is legal....    

   

Alcoholism / addiction is a disease, why don't more doctors look for it, address it and stop adding to the problem , by prescribing sleeping pills, over medicating for depression, looking for all the other problems with the alcohol is pouring out of the patients skin, hair and mouth. (The odor an alcoholic gives after a few days of binging is a smell I will never forget .)   

   

My concern is the addicts family goes through. I am an enabler. That is for sure.  I will not and could not understand what an addict is going through.  I always say that the alcoholic has many times to not have that drink.. 1. you have to go purchase it. 2. pay for it.  3. take it to your car or home to drink it ( for us out there , I do feel blessed, when they take it home before they drink it)  4. open the bottle. 5. put it to your mouth and finally 6. Swallow.  ALL the time knowing that they have the problem. That drinking the bottle will make it worse tomorrow, but they are only worried about getting through today or now...  Whats amazing about it all it that AA, rehab, etc.  teaches one day at a time...    

   

My daughters ,age 6 and 16, could never invite friends to come over, we never knew what the "dad"was going to be like.. One day , my 6 year old daughter's teacher called and was concerned,  because she always was telling her friends that her Dad was "sick"..  Her teacher thought it was cancer, or a life threatening illness. It was, but that is not something your 6 year old understands, she only know that when her Dad drank his "medicine" , he got sicker... that her Dad slept alot, her Mom was anger all the time, then tried to make up for her not having 2 parents, only 1 , who allowed her to live in a home with an alcoholic, his angry mouth,  coming home with her Mom after a long day at school and work, not knowing if he was drunk, dead, passed out or gone.... possible in jail or worse killed someone, drunk driving and then in jail......   

   

I decided 3 years ago, I had enough. Unfortunately, it took three years for me to realize that he had th problem, but so did I... I kept giving him changes... I took him in, so he wouldn't have to live on the street, so instead he lived on my couch.. Me taking care of things just as before, only not having to have him next to me in bed... Why was I feeling guilt for his mistakes, why did i have to save him.. I didn't.. It just becomes a habit of itself...  He has all the Isms as they say at Alon and AA... Sober or drunk, he knows what to say, to get through that hour, so he can sober up to get to the store to buy another drink...   

   

Finally, 1 month ago, he moved out. He had a great job, I helped him get into an apartment..  He was drinking within a week.  He is just now coming out of a 16 day binge... I did not know anyone could drink that much.  I didn't call, I didn't check on him, I didn't , I didn't and then I did , 10 days into this... Why can't I let go...   

   

This long story is; You and you children come first... The alcoholic has the choice of drinking or getting help.. Its up to him, no you... Keep you and your children safe and sane.... It takes alot out of a person being married to an addict... You have to remember who you are and what you want in life... Don't let him take it from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

   

Moving forward !!!    

Me plus my 2 kids!   

I agree with a lot of that.  In fact, some of our differences may be more semantics than anything else!  For example, on Shelley, I would agree that she needs to accept complete responsibility for her actions, and the issue of kids means she doesn't have an unlimited amount of chances.  

   

I'll just comment on the one thing that really struck me:  My main disagreement with you, though, is your assertion that addiction makes a person lose their ability to think rationally. I say that addiction is where one loses their will to act responsibly. This is exactly where I part ways with the disease model.   

   

But you're not parting ways with the disease model there!  And this is because both of those statements are true.  Like I said earlier, I've been through withdrawal, and it's a difficult concept to explain to someone who hasn't.  But during the tail end of my drinking days, I was completely unable to think rationally about anything that interfered with my drinking -- and that was everything!  But it's also true that I had lost my will to act responsibly.  I spent that whole year feeling like I was on the verge of a seizure and the only thing that helped, obviously, was alcohol.  I literally couldn't see past that.  

Oh please!  Let the mods do their job, ok?  

  

First, if your comments are based on the fact that this thread is slowing down -- that always happens as they run their course.  It'll probably slow down even more once we're in the June shows.  In fact, one of the reasons I stopped by here today was to tell anyone who is interested that there's an ongoing addiction board here under the category of Mental Health (under main message boards).  

  

Secondly, please remember that for every person who posts here (and this is true of many forums) there are quite a few more who read and never say anything.  You seem to think everyone in this thread is newly struggling with addiction - I would disagree.  There are plenty of people here, for example, who have loved ones who are addicted.    

  

I've worked in this field and my biggest concern -- by far -- is the misinformation out there.  It's important (to me, anyway) that a parent understand that there was nothing they "did wrong" that caused their child to be an alcoholic.  They may have caused other problems, but not this one.  Same with a spouse.  

  

It's also important that individual experiences with AA be brought up.  If I think it's important to point out that AA saved my life, but I was never forced to do or believe anything (it was really more the fellowship), are you seriously suggesting that this might not help someone who is struggling with the decision whether or not to attend?    

  

Please remember that different people respond to different things. 

I stand corrected and appreciate your response.  Does me good to get kicked once in a while.  Boy, do I remember my earlier years.  I do feel sorry for Shellye and need to be more tolerant.  I can't imagine doing it on national TV.  It was hard enough to do it in 'private'.  Am speaing to a group on Monday night and will mention this.  Again, many thanks for your reply.  I am humbled. 

I am an old friend of Jake's. I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Last May I celebrated my second year of sobriety. I was tough at first but every day gets easier.  

  

I have a great woman in my life and my change was either to lose her or change myself. I was spiraling out of control and realty hit when she decided I needed to choose between her and my bad habits. 

  

It is not an easy task and i didn't do it by myself. I checked into a rehab program and worked hard.  

  

I still have a lot of anger which for whatever reason I can't seen to control, I am afraid that now that may hurt my relationship. My wife and I both have busy careers and schedules. I recently reached out to a counselor for guidance.  

  

Jake, You have known me for a long time, and I understand that we have not seen each other for a while, but if you had the courage to go that public, then you have the strength to beat this... 

  

Hang in there and wish me luck on the battle of fighting my anger...... 

  

Dante 

I am a mother of a 21 year old wonderful son. He was the last person anyone thought would end up as an addict. He was Sr. class president, class friendliest, varsity baseball player and had college scholorships for leadership. From this, in a matter of two years, he ended up with an addiction to Oxycontin and other pain pills as well as at the end shooting herion. We have spent over 100$ on rehabs., followed behavioral contracts, did all the begging, crying and heartache that goes with this illness. It was not until (based on the contract we had w/ him) that we had to ask him to leave our home. I never thought I could do this but I also have a 15 year old who was watching this all and experimenting himself with pot. It was the heardest thing I have ever don. I lost 20 pounds in 4 months, could not eat or sleep. At this point my son hit the bottom. This was a terrible feeling b/c I remember Dr. Phil once saying that when they hit the bottom , some bounce, some do not." I was horrified. On his 20th birthday, he tried to committ suicide but was found by my sister and brother (he was living in a town near them) . He entered a Christian Men's Center saying he would only stay the night. He went through some tough physical times and I was sure he would die. He is now about to celebrate one year sobrity and is doing an internship in Christian Drug Counsling. He is " A new creature in Christ." I had the opportunity to hear him speak a few months ago and it was both gut-wrenching and wonderful! He said that if we (his parents) had not "put him out" he would be dead.  He made the comment that he would go thru all the pain again to be able to serve God and help others. Obviously, he has never been a mother in this situation. :) I hope someone who is struggling w/ what to do can find some comfort in this. There are still days when I am scared sick b/c of the past. At these times must recite the Bible verses that got me through this. Jeremiah 29:11-For I know the plans I have for you sayith theLord, a plan for peace and not for pain, and Psalms 46:10-Be still and know that I am God. I pray for peace for all those suffering, especially those who are struggling with loved one. May you find peace.

Thanks for writing back, 

  

Iamstill struggling and pray to keep sober.  However,  I find respite in your correspondence.  Just when I think of the impossible, I think about your  honesty. I've got a meeting tonight and I hope to contribute to this somehow. 

  

oranay6 from S.D,CA,,,, 

Hi There, Thank you for the reply.  It has only been a week  I told him to buy his own wine.    

he has and last week for 5 whole days I could look in his eyes and he was there.  It was  

good until Friday night we were discussing money in the bank and I took some out and  

he doesn't like that,  I took more than he knows, and I know I shouldn't do that but we are  

not hurting financially it just seem the bank book is his prize possession.  Long story   

short > He got up sat. morning and packed his work clothes and said he was leaving  

he did for 5 hours and was back.  I am ashamed to say that I felt happier when he left  

than when he came back.   I don't believe he is going to stay half way sober for long.  And  

I guess I don't help matters by wasting money.  I told him it would not matter if he leaves  

or not because We both make each other unhappy and should just end it.  Now he is   

sweet and everything.  I know that won't last either.  Staying confused and tired.  Does  

anyone out there dream about how it would be divorced ?  Am I wrong to think like this?  

My life is not as bad as I have read on these posts.  Should I settle?   This is probably  

the worst time of my life and should be the best.